Garrus was in the middle of some calculations when he heard a knock at the door. Expecting Shepard, he was surprised when he turned his head and found Thane and Samara standing behind him. He blinked at them. "Hey. Something wrong?"
Thane held his arms comfortably behind his back. "No, nothing is wrong. There is only something we wished to discuss with you."
Intrigued, Garrus turned all the way around. "Oh?"
"You have known Commander Shepard the longest, aside from Mister Moreau and Doctor Chakwas," Samara intoned. "We had… concerns about her behavior."
Garrus grimaced. "Is this about the singing?"
"And the dancing," Thane added, "if that is what one would call such movements."
"I… I think it's just a human thing," Garrus replied, though now he wasn't so sure. He began pacing the small space in the Main Battery. "This can't be about her performance in the field. I mean, she's still getting the job done, right?"
Samara gave a slow nod of her head in assent. "Yes. Our concern is not with her battle prowess. She consistently slays any foe in her path."
"So?"
"So... her behavior within the Normandy is… disruptive," the asari said slowly, as if trying to be as tactful as possible. "It is difficult to concentrate on my meditations while she is so exuberantly singing."
"I told the Commander about a problem I am having with my son," Thane continued with a frown. "She proceeded to twirl about Life Support. She sang something about… the Circle of Life?"
Garrus pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead in exasperation. "I'll talk to her."
The assassin gave a short bow. "You have our thanks." He waited for Samara to exit then followed after her.
Garrus sighed before calling for EDI. "All right. Where's Shepard?"
o.O.o
Shepard was apparently on Deck 4, visiting Grunt. When Garrus exited the elevator, he found Tali and Zaeed already in the corridor, staring at the door to the Port Cargo Hold. A terrible sound like someone strangling a yahg permeated the air. When he reached Tali, she was doubled over with laughter while Zaeed scowled behind them.
"This has been going on all goddamned afternoon," Zaeed grumbled. Garrus could barely hear him over the strangled-yahg sound.
"What the hell is that?" Garrus shouted.
Tali put a hand on the turian's shoulder to support herself as she tried to speak. "It's… it's Grunt…" she gasped. "It's Grunt… singing!"
"What?" But sure enough, Garrus could now make out distinct words to the gruff yowling.
"Do, So, La, Fa, Mi, Do, Re!" the krogan's voice boomed. "So, Do, La, Ti, Do, Re, Do!"
"Good!" he heard Shepard say approvingly.
"Battlemaster," Grunt growled. "How exactly does this help me fight?"
"Don't interrupt, Grunt," Shepard admonished. "Now where was I? …Oh, right!" She picked up the melody. "When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything! Together!"
Shepard's singing and Grunt's yowling continued in tandem. Garrus saw a movement out from the corner of his eye, and turned in time to see Zaeed stalking away, muttering something about ear plugs as the Starboard Cargo Hold doors closed behind him.
The Engineering doors opened, and Jack stepped out, heading straight for the Port Cargo. "If they don't stop now, I'm gonna fucking blow this deck out of the sky! It'll be worth getting spaced!"
Garrus grabbed her arm and gave a nervous laugh. "It's okay, Jack. How 'bout you let me handle this?"
Jack glared at him but relented. "Fine, Bird-Brain. But if this happens again…"
He gently nudged her in the direction of Engineering. "I'll take care of it," he assured her as she went back down the stairs.
By now, Tali had managed to compose herself. "You're going to stop her?" she asked, a distinct tinge of laughter – and maybe disappointment? – still in her voice.
Garrus shrugged. "Unless you'd like Jack to blow us all up?"
"Not particularly," Tali replied. "But, Keelah, what's gotten into Shepard lately? She was never like this before."
"Not a clue," he grumbled, and opened the door to Grunt's room.
o.O.o
Shepard had flatly refused to leave when Garrus tried to call her away. In the end, he all but dragged her through Engineering so they could talk in relative privacy by the drive core. When he finally let her go, she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him, though he could tell the look was mostly for show. Laughter danced behind her eyes.
"Out with it, then," she said, still keeping up the pretense of annoyance. "It better be good. Grunt almost had it!"
"Oh yeah," Garrus replied drily. "He was this close to becoming a virtuoso, Shepard."
She smirked. "He was making progress."
"Your space hamster could sing better."
"Of course he could." Shepard's irritated façade broke and she gave a lopsided grin. "He's Erik, the Angel of Music."
Garrus buried his face in his hands. "Your hamster is what now?" he groaned.
"I'm kidding!" she laughed. "What's this all about, Garrus?"
He lowered his hands and leaned against the console. "Look, Shepard, I'm just gonna come out and ask. What the hell is with the singing?"
Her eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with it?"
"Oh, nothing," he answered. "Only that you've managed to piss off the two most murderous people on the ship."
"You mean Jack and Zaeed?" Shepard shrugged. "That's just because they're joyless, unhappy people. Haters, the both of them."
Garrus chuckled. "And what about Thane and Samara?"
She frowned. "They're mad too?"
"They have… concerns." He sighed. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't have them too. Since you've been back, you've been different. I thought maybe it was just a culture thing, but the human crew members have been giving you funny looks too." He placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring expression. "Hey, it's not that I think it's bad or anything. Just not sure what brought it on."
She returned his smile with one of her own. It was a few moments before she responded. "You know how people say that near-death experiences make you re-examine your priorities?" She waited for him to nod then went on. "Well, I guess the same is true of actually dying. Not that what I was doing before wasn't important. Of course, it was." Her eyes had a far-off look to them, as if looking through him rather than at him. "But at some point, I realized I'd been hiding away this huge part of me."
"The crazy, singing and dancing part," Garrus supplied with a laugh.
She grinned. "Right, that one. And I figured, I'm Commander fucking Shepard. I'm the hero of the Skyllian Blitz. I went toe-to-toe with Saren and Sovereign, and came out the victor. If I want to sing songs from old musicals and dance in the halls of my ship, then you bet your sorry ass that's what I'm gonna do."
He clapped her on the back and grinned back at her. "That sounds more like the Shepard I know."
"I thought you might think so."
"Just one thing?" he asked as they started to walk back towards the elevator.
Shepard raised her eyebrow expectantly.
"Tone it down a little?" He pointed furtively at Kenneth and Gabby, whose eyes had only just darted away from their staring. "You're freaking out the crew."
"I'll try," she promised. They entered the elevator, and her face took on a mischievous look. "Oh, and you're so gonna pay for breaking off my session with Grunt."
He crossed his arms in a nonchalant challenge. "That so?"
She nodded. "Oh, yes. Just you wait, Vakarian," she warned as he stepped off onto Deck 3. "Just you wait."
o.O.o
Shepard made good on her threat a few days later.
"Garrus, you have a minute?"
"Shepard," he greeted, barely turning to greet her. "Can it wait a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
A slow, wicked smile crept across her face. "I was hoping you'd say that."
Garrus eyed her suspiciously, but turned back to his console.
There was a long pause before it started, such that he almost forgot she was still behind him. "Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle…" she began in a low voice.
He groaned. "Oh, no."
"And I'm sick of grading papers that I know…" she hummed over his left arm.
"You don't grade papers, Shepard."
"And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle…"
"Great idea," Garrus sighed, trying to ignore her.
She appeared over his right arm. "All this misery pays no salary, so…"
"Shepard…"
"Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe!" her voice suddenly boomed, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. She was bounding all over the place with delighted abandon, her limbs flailing in all directions. She reminded Garrus of a drugged varren in heat. "Oh, sunny Santa Fe would be nice!"
"Please stop," he pleaded, though he couldn't help laughing in spite of himself.
"Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe!" she sang, spinning around his console.
"Stop, please."
"And leave this to the roaches and mice!"
Garrus bent, banging his forehead gently on the panel in front of him.
Shepard flung herself across his back, stretching her arms in a grand gesture. "Whoa, ohh! Ohh!"
She wouldn't leave until she had sung the song in its entirety. But even after she finally left, Garrus found he couldn't get the chorus out of his head. As he restarted the calibrations, he absently crooned under his breath, "We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe!"