A/N: Hey! So to be honest, I have like 6 chapters already typed up and am using them as a buffer between me frantically writing more and anyone who's waiting for more . . . so . . . it might be suckish 'cuz I wrote it all in one swoop? IDK, just a warning. Thanks for the reviews and favorites and follows, it made me super happy!
This chapter's a little . . . well, I'm not TOO too proud of it, but it gets the story going and the relationships building, so that's all that matters to me.
When I woke, I was curled up and laying on my side; labored breathing, each expansion of lungs greeting me with pain, woke me first. My nose sniffed, cautious of blood, but there was little (at least, not as much as I expected). I'd been moved somehow, to a little dip in the earth: one side was walled by an ancient tree trunk, moss running down its side into the dirt pit, the abundance of plants casting shadow over the rest. It was very . . . den-like.
The earth smelled fresh, and I made out long gouges along the upward slant lit with sun. Something had dug this recently. Probable it was meant to house me. Probable it was scratched into existence by the guys.
Speaking of which . . .
Bella! called Jared, his voice all cute childlike eagerness, You woke up!
A somewhat pathetic whimper accompanied my, I guess I did. How long was I out?
Jared whined. A week. You're still not even halfway better, though.
Oh God. A WEEK? Charlie is probably going nuts! Jared, I gotta get back! How do I turn back? My thoughts were chaotic, drowning out Jared's attempts at distraction, reassurance, and/or pleading.
I tried to get on my feet but it seemed I started bleeding again. The iron scent was strong all of a sudden, making me sway with dizziness; I was only half upright, my hindlegs numb and the rest of me trying to drag myself with my forelegs. Jared panicked, threw his head back to howl - summon the others from wherever they were right now - and starting running towards me. He was far away (Sam increased the patrolling range after you went under.)
The four other consciousnesses popped into my head, concerned at first. Upon realizing that I was trying to get on my feet and go back to Charlie, to Forks, they erupted into full-blown panic and were trying to tell me all at once the same message: STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LIE THE FUCK DOWN.
Can't . . . Charlie . . . worried sick . . . week . . . missing person . . . Lawrence . . . my cohesive thoughts managed as my imagination got away from me; images of a haggard Charlie calling my name in the forest, then him alone in the house staring at my room blankly, then my death being proclaimed and my friends - what was left of them - coming to my funeral and wondering why they were there; I certainly hadn't been, these past months.
I guess my little wolf recovery nest wasn't far from La Push because suddenly Jacob (the reddish one, second largest of the pack) was there, snarling his annoyance and pushing me back into my lying-down position. My ribs ached in protest to the force, but there was no sympathy - You're being stupid, Bells. Stop that. Jacob explained irritably.
General, murmured agreement. A casual insult thrown in, compliments of Paul.
Charlie's somewhere looking for me! I hissed at Jake, And I'm sitting here in the woods in doggie form, when I should be making sure he's not planning my funeral!
Jake's eyes turned cold. Maybe if you thought that before you went hiking alone, you wouldn't have been attacked by the bloodsucker and lying there like you are now.
I had no reply to that; I hung my head in shame. I could be dead right now, and Charlie would really be planning a funeral. But . . . that meadow was my last connection to him. I was desperate, and stupid, and heartbroken. I still am, I suppose, though recent events have taken precedent. I risked myself without thinking about Charlie then - wasn't it hypocritical to be risking myself again, for him?
Sorry, I thought, ashamed of my thoughtlessness towards my father, But . . . is he okay? What are we going to do?
Sam answered, ever the voice of reason:
We hadn't even been sure if you'd survive, pup. In the likelihood you didn't, you'd be presumed dead after a while and that would be that. However, as you've woken up . . . weak as you are, and injured and fighting the phasing fever, I think we can pass you off as having gotten attacked by "bears" and being found collapsed in the woods.
Phasing fever?
Sign of being wolf, Jacob explained, his gentleness returning; the russet wolf curled up next to me, warming me up and poking his nose at my wounds. Normally, we go through a mega growth spurt, lots of fever, and temper issues . . . then we phase.
You and me are the weird ones, pup. Paul said, amused. Phase first, fever later.
It's why you're healing slow, too. added Embry, Scares the living daylights out of your brothers, but hey - you do you, Bella.
I'm special, though. my snarky reply went, a smirk pulling my lips back into a wolfish grin. Jacob barked a laugh at my expression, amused that a wolf could smirk so perfectly. The others - Jared now having arrived from his patrol - were crowded outside the den, multicolored muzzles sticking through the foliage; seemed everyone but Sam was fighting to get a glimpse of me and make sure I was alright with their own eyes. I felt my chest warm up a little at reading those thoughts.
Sam said softly, No matter what you were before, Bella Swan, you are pack now. Our sister. The pack looks out for their own.
Oh . . .
I smiled. I always wanted an older brother; seems I had three! Along with Jake and Embry, of course, but they were technically younger than me. A fact that they scoffed at and replied with, But you're still a runty shrimp, Bells, so un-technically, we're ALL older than you.
Oh, go fetch a stick, you brats. I grumbled, amusing all my brothers.
Embry managed to crawl down the slope he'd dug (his memories of dirt in his paws haunted him - I had dirt in places I didn't know I had, thank you very much!) and he checked over me. I was bad off, he saw, but the super healing and stuff would hold me back from dying - my blood was being replenished too quickly for my wounds to bleed me out, luckily enough. The Forks doctors would be scratching their heads in wonder, but the cover story would hold up.
So . . . how do I change back, then? I'd like to get back to Charlie - and Forks - ASAP. i admitted; un-secretly, I wanted to show Charlie a better me, too. I'd been a zombie until I phased, and I regretted it. Maybe it was my close brush with death, maybe it was the remembrance of the elation of phasing for the first time and running, maybe it was the comfort that the pack was giving me . . . but I felt different. Better, maybe. Not complete, not yet, but . . . getting there.
Jake managed to interpret my mess of emotion perfectly; he gave me a proud smile, and so did Embry (though he admitted he didn't have Jacob's level of understanding). You're going to be fine, Bells. I've always said, right?
Yeah. Thanks, Jake. Now get out. I wanna get back to Forks and I can't stay a wolf and do it.
Sam was concerned. Are you well enough? I smell blood.
No pain. The blood is old, maybe? I feel . . . good.
Sure? If you're like Paul, you can't phase again until the fever passes.
Ooh, that would suck. I liked being a wolf. It was the best I'd felt for . . . for a long time. But I had to go through the fever to be able to be a wolf all the time, whenever I wanted. I couldn't get the first time I ran out of my head. It was too good to taint with memories of healing in a hole in the ground.
I'd like to heal as a human and live like a wolf. I answered, feeling happy and light. I think it will be good for me, honestly. And I need to see Charlie.
You do feel fine. All right - but we're going to be right here. Jake said cautiously.
Outside. That's near enough, don't you think?
Embry and Jake vacated the den, leaving me alone to attempt my first conscious phase. They joked that they could stay if I wanted, but Sam snarled and branded them as perverts and I got the picture. They warned me that it would feel like I got the wounds fresh all over again, and that I would start bleeding a lot, and that they weren't exactly sure if that's actually what would happen, and that I'd be very sick . . . but I took it in stride. They'd be there this time, they'd take care of me.
It had to be a pack thing, the trust. Paul said it wasn't, that I'd been so strung up all this time . . . and so their actual kindness and familial concern was prompting me to trust them. I tried not to think about that . . . made it sound like I was desperate.
Ready, Bells? Jacob asked.
Think human, yeah?
Exactly. We have clothes for you when you're ready. Sam assured me.
I took a deep, painful breath, and phased.
Oh.
Oh god.
This was more painful than I'd imagined.
A shrill and agonizing scream left my throat raw and tears pouring out of my eyes like blood out my wounds. I was vaguely aware of terrified, low voices approaching and cool arms wrapping around me, wrapping me in something soft and crinkly. Sam's jacket, I thought; it smelled like him, big enough for him; the thing was a quilt on me, and quickly soaked up my blood.
"Cold . . ." my voice rasped, my body shivering against whoever was carrying me like a child, cradled against their chest.
"Oh, fuck me." muttered a terrified Jacob (he was carrying me), "I'm bloody 111 degrees, how is Bella cold?"
"I thought she was fine!" Jared said in horror.
Paul gasped sharply. "When I phased . . . all those stupid fucking splinters healed, remember, Jared? But during the fever . . . everything seemed worse. A paper cut wouldn't stop bleeding, bruises stayed for weeks and weeks-"
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FORGET THAT LITTLE DETAIL, YOU SHITHEAD?"
"Can it, Black." ordered Sam's voice, the steady bass cutting through my whimpering and gasping breaths, and Jake's trembling, unsteady voice. "Paul, run to La Push: talk to the Elders, tell them what's going on. Jared, drive to Forks and give the search parties and hospital a head's up. Embry- no, don't phase yet- follow me and Jacob until the patrol border, then patrol in Jared's place."
An outraged whine sounded, I was jostled a bit and I realized Sam and Jacob were running in the woods with me.
"We should have moved her beforehand, dammit!" came a hiss from Jacob.
"Calm it. We didn't know. Everything about this is new to us. Focus on getting to my car."
"PAUL KNEW."
"You know why he didn't want to remember his phasing fever." Sam said coldly.
"So . . . rry . . ." I choked out between gulping breaths; I was cold again, and even prone in Jake's hold, I was getting dizzy. I tried to smile a little. "I'm . . . jus . . . t . . . a royal . . . pain . . ."
"Lay her down quickly- Excuse me, pup-" Sam mumbled, and tearing sounds predated more pain around my ribs, pressure from makeshift bandages to stop my bleeding. "That'll have to do. There's the car, put her in the back - I'll drive, you bind her up tight. She's even worse off human . . . we should've waited a few days."
"WHY DIDN'T WE?"
"I didn't feel any pain from her - did you? She must've been healing quickly as a wolf. Dammit, and she can't phase back! Fucking backwards phasers - both of you, giving me headaches."
Car door slamming. Shifting me onto my back. More painful bandaging, gentle hands and gentle whispers in Quilete. A revving engine, a rare curse from Sam. A howl in the distance, and the smell of blood. A harsh turn pushed Jacob's hands in my side hard, and the rib seemed to disagree with what it touched: I moaned, soft and tearfully, knowing that our sensitive ears wouldn't be able to handle it if I shrieked again.
Sam became liberal with the word "fuck" and its variations. Jacob was shaking.
I blacked out briefly, the next thing I know being the screeching brakes and the sound of a large group of people gathered. I smelled dogs - the search dogs that Charlie mentioned a few times. Jake slid me from the carseat, a sensation elicit of another painful cry, and I heard Jacob talking to my father; he and Sam switched places, with my Alpha carrying me now.
"Officer Swan! Bella needs an ambulance. Now!" Jacob said desperately; evidently he realized there was an ambulance waiting, probable compliments to Jared who'd driven ahead I suppose, and I was rushed straight there with only a grunt from Charlie.
Another black out. I was being wheeled around and the lights were white and bright. Scissors cut away at the clumsy bandages on my torso, gasps expressing terror at the wounds carved into my flesh.
Vampires, I thought to myself crossly, Can't get enough of me and my blood.
"How is this girl still alive?" gasped some stranger.
"She's burning up."
"Probable infection of the large laceration over her heart."
"Red and inflamed. Not as bad as it could be."
"Losing too much blood. Get her into surgery."
Black out again.
I woke up screaming, because of a vampire again. But not the internal, soul-crushing pain of losing Edward; it was all physical, these wounds from Laurent. The monitors around me were screaming in alarm, my heart rate soaring to probable unhealthy heights - people rushed in the previously empty room, shouting at each other and at me. I was injected with something harshly, then pricked on my hand, and-
Black out - nothingness.
"Why isn't her fever going down?" Charlie asked somewhere distantly; it sounded like I was listening through a tube. Did that happen often? At all? I'd have to ask Carslile sometime. No . . . wait, no, he had gone and taken all of them with him.
All of me, too.
I felt that familiar gaping hole in my chest, even as I realized there were drugs numbing the rest if me. It made me want to wrap my arms around my waist, cover up wounds that were not there, really. Or were they? I couldn't feel any pain - Thank God! - so there might've been.
I was just a bleeding mess, wasn't I?
"Bells, it's . . . it's Charlie. Dad. Listen . . . I don't care 'bout why you . . . why you went into a state after that . . . boy-" Charlie spat this word out vehemently. "-left. I just wanted you back, like before. And now . . . I don't care if you open your eyes and cry every night. I just need you to . . . to wake up, Bells." Charlie's voice broke. "This old man can't seem to remember how to live alone anymore."
I wanted to sit up right then and there and hug Charlie, apologizing for all the pain I'd put him through. I wanted to promise that everything would be better, that he didn't have to remember how to live alone anymore, because I was there. I was his daughter. I was going to BE his daughter, properly, now.
But when my eyes opened, a stranger's face was peering at me; their eyes widened and they ran out, and I blacked out again.
Wake up, Bella. came his angelic whispers, Live. That's all I ever wanted for you.
I loved him, I missed him, I hated him, I needed him. Damn him for hiding in my head. Damn him for leaving me like that. Damn him for dangling US in front of me, then taking it away. Damn him for coming into my life, storming me by force with his onyx and gold eyes and his perfect smiles and his bronze, tussled hair.
Come back, Bella. he pleaded. Come back, for me.
"I'm coming back." I answered him in that dream space, "Please don't leave."
Never.
False promises.
Nothingness.
"Hey, Bells. Dunno if you can hear me this time, but I'm back. Charlie's okay - visits you everyday. So do we - I mean, in shifts. Jared always plays you his crappy music, so Paul plays you his crappy music, which gets me and Embry playing you our superior music. Sam just reads to you. Emily's tagged along once - can't wait to meet you for real."
Wake up.
"I'm trying, I am."
Wake up. Please.
"It hurts."
Nothingness.
Nothing but floating in free space with a hole in my heart and wounds on my chest and sides and shoulders. Edward whispering, playing the part of my consciousness; myself trying to answer, trying to open my eyes.
"Back again." announced Paul from far away, "You should wake up soon, idiot puppy. Everyone's worried sick - if it's not gross images of Kim and Emily, it's even grosser shit about you. Like, I'll take a naked Emily over a gory Bella any day, yeah?"
Faint music. Holy crow . . . does Paul listen to K-pop?
Nothingness.
"Bells, Paul says you were smiling when he came yesterday. Says you like his shitty tunes. Please prove him wrong." Jared said, his own music playing. What? SCREAMO? Who ARE you people?
Nothingness.
"She SO grinned yesterday." argued Jared.
Paul harrumphed. "Probably laughing at your shit taste."
"Why are you two even here?" came Sam's annoyed voice, "Your shifts already passed. Bella needs a break from your music wars."
"Reading Charlotte Russe is NOT going to help." muttered Jared.
"What is with your obsession with English romance novels from the 1800's?"
SAM. WHAT. Oh my god. This isn't real. This is hilarious. See, Bella? You have a lot to live for. I told myself, feeling the smile on my face and the surprise of the three as they witnessed it; their excited shouting tapered off into that familiar nothingness.
Not them, Bella, please. Edward begged, I want you to be human, not a monster.
Don't call them that!
Nothingness . . .
Monsters. Beasts. As dangerous as the ones who gave you your scars. he argued.
"NO!"
Jacob's worried face swam into my vision, and I blinked to sharpen the sight. His hand was squeezing my own, and I figured that I'd shouted that last one aloud. Even in a coma, I seemed to have that habit of talking in my sleep. I smiled tentatively at Jacob; his relieved smile was sunnier than ever.
He buried me in a bear-hug that made sure he wasn't squeezing my wounds.
"Hi, Jake." I said finally, muffled by his bulk.
"You're back. You're finally back." he chanted, making me chuckle.
I smirked into his chest. Jacob was too high strung about me sometimes. I had to calm him down. "How have you and Embry not stopped making fun of Paul for liking K-pop?"
Jacob choked out a laugh, finally releasing me and sitting back, grinning madly. "Sam ordered us to stop after the first fight. Paul bit me and Embry so hard, we got scars on our necks."
"Wow, how impressive." I deadpanned, rolling my eyes, "A scar from a fight resulting from you making fun of Paul's music. Very macho. How aren't all the ladies falling down before you?"
"Watch it, Swan." Jacob replied playfully, "You've been out of it for weeks. How d'you know I haven't got a line waiting outside the door?"
"Puh-leez. I can smell the distinct lack of perfume and estrogen from here."
Jacob widened his eyes, his face melting from its easy smile to something more serious. "Your senses are enhanced?"
Nodding, I pointed out the earth and animal on his scent. Jacob sighed.
"Looks like you missed out on the temper tantrums in your coma, Bells. You grew a lot. Startled the doctors, but my dad managed to convince them it was a Quilete thing. Charlie confirmed that you're a quarter - Renee had the genotype, just not the phenotype."
"Er . . . she has the Quilete genes but doesn't look anything like a native." I translated, feeling a stab of pain when I realized who I shared that Biology class with. His warning to stay away from the wolves came to mind; I wrapped my arms around my middle, like I'd been dying to do in sleep.
Jacob narrowed his eyes, and pulled me into another hug. "Don't think about him, Bells. Think about . . . oh, I dunno, the fact that Quil phased while you were out?"
I pulled out of the hug sharply, my eyes widening. "Really?"
He grinned, though his eyes were a little hard. "He was ecstatic; it was honestly creepy as hell."
I smiled. Quil, Jake, and Embry were reunited after weeks of . . . well, separation. Wolves and men. Of course Quil was going to be happy. He lost his friends, one after the other, and had been scared for them. I was happy too - got myself another brother.
Another distraction, he said silkily, plaguing my mind again, from your true world. Leave, Bella. Leave Forks, and be happy.
I'm happy here. my own thoughts replied hotly, Stop telling me that.
Jacob looked confused as I had an internal argument. I ripped myself from hissing at my subconscious and raised my eyebrow at him. "Quil was lonely. Now he's got you guys back - duh, he's ecstatic."
Jacob looked thoughtful. "Didn't think of it that way. Ah, well, more to make fun of the idiot for."
The words sounded familiar. I blinked, then muttered, "Remind me to bite Paul."
A tick. "Not that I'm complaining, but why exactly is Paul getting a chunk torn out of him?"
"As if I'm going to be able to take a chunk out of Paul-" I remembered how huge his wolf was; him, Sam, and Jacob were pretty much behemoths- "and because I distinctly remember him calling me an 'idiot puppy'. Why am I a puppy? You're a puppy."
Jacob looked justly outraged. "What? Puppy? I'll have you know I am a very badass giant mutant wolf, thank you."
I gave him a sly grin. "I think you mispronounced 'puppy' there, Jake. Don't know how - it doesn't sound anything like 'wolf', but you've said stupider things, I guess."
"Amen to that!"
Looks like we had company. I could hear the entire pack crowding the hallway, complaining at Jared in the doorway.
Jacob twitched. "Shuddup, Jared."
Jared bounded over to my hospital bed, grinning ear to ear. Puppy, I thought with a smirk; from the identical one gracing Jake's face, he was thinking the same thing. "Hi, Bella. You look horrible."
"Thanks, Jared. Really boosts my ego."
"Idiot," muttered the newly arriving Quil from behind.
He grinned. "Anything for you, little sister." he chirped, then bouncing on the balls of his feet (shuffling out of the doorway to accommodate the rest of the pack), "I've got tons of KISS and MCR to give you!"
Paul took this as a cue to snarl, "Only three CDs. We agreed."
Embry barked out a laugh. "We got you all presents, Bella! CDs from the best of us-" He gestured to Jake, and Quil who I assumed shared their taste in music. "-and the worst-" Pointing to Paul and Jared, predictably. "-and weird books from Sam and good food from Emily."
Our Alpha scowled. "My books are not weird."
With the whole pack inside, the room was crowded and loud - How has a nurse not kicked them all out yet? - and after the presentations of numerous get-well gifts (exactly what Embry had indicated), Sam called us all to order. It seemed the pack needed to address me; everyone's joking and teasing faded into stern frowns, and in Paul's case, the ever-present scowl.
"You've been in a coma for a month, Bella." he started off, (Embry's, "Real cheerful, Sam." was met with a vicious elbow to the ribs.) "In this time, you've missed a lot. We've been trying to convince Charlie that it's in your best interest to move in with my fiancee, Emily; had to lie a bit, say you were friends through Jacob. It's . . . to keep you close to the pack."
Jacob volunteered, "Personally, Bells, I thought it might be . . . well, good to get away from Forks." From memories of him, he seemed to mean. "You'd go to the high school on the Rez, catch up in no time with brains like yours. The Elders know about you and the pack welcomes you."
Sam nodded, but Paul was determined to put in his two cents. "There's also the matter of the red-haired leech going after you."
I blinked. "What?"
Jacob growled, low in his throat. "Shut up, Paul. Dammit, Bella, go bite him."
My lips twitched and tried to smile, but I looked to Sam.
"Vampire. She showed up a little after we killed the other one - you remember - and we caught her snooping around your house, the spot you'd been healing in, and the hospital. Fast and tricky, otherwise she'd be dead for hunting one of my pack." The last part was snarled.
I would've been touched, again, by the protectiveness in his voice; but I felt frozen. My blood ran cold as I thought. Red hair? She? Vampire? Oh no no no no no . . . . I supposed a little of my horror showed; Jacob was instantly at my side, sitting on the edge of the bed and wrapping his bulky arms around me. I melted into him, taking comfort in my friend's gentle hug.
"Do you know her, Bella?"
"She's not a Cullen. Broke the treaty line too many times for that." muttered Paul darkly.
I shook my head. "No, she's not a Cullen." I raised my head, looking my Alpha in the eye. "Her name's Victoria."