A/N: a little longer chapter now... :) Logan seems to be crazy in this fic, and i don't know how you guys who read feel about this, but I promise that this won't last long, and everything will have sense sooner or later...
and also I promise that soon you guys are going to know more about the guys.. welcome Kendall now, and there is mention of Carlos, too :)
thanks for reading :) please review!
- Chapter 2 -
"Oh hello, Kendall." James shook hands with the young blonde that was Dr. Knight's son. "What are you doing here?"
"James," he smiled widely at the taller brunette, than gave a nod to Logan, too. He could sense that if they were at his dad's office there was a problem, so he was saying only a solid "hi" to the smaller boy. "Just want to catch dad before he heads to the other half of the town. I need some signatures from him, you know business things."
"Yeah sure. How have you been? Haven't seen you in a long time." James asked.
Kendall sighed, "good, everything's good, but still it's hard. You know. How about you guys?"
"We're fine. Just needed some of those talks with your dad." Logan said faking a smile. James knew him enough to be sure in that that Logan didn't feel as well as he acted.
"Good, yeah. Dad is … dad.. we all know how he works. It's hard with him but he can help a lot. I guess. You know, James, now that you are here, do you still do modeling?"
"Yeah, I do if an opportunity comes, but also I'm trying to break in to the music industry."
"Yeah, I remember you told me that you want to sing, but now I know a job that you would be perfect for." Kendall said and went through the bunch of papers in his hands. Then he pulled out one catalogue. "Would you be up to apply this job? They are looking for a face to their new product family, you know, a bunch of men-care thing. I think you have a great chance there."
"Woah, okay. Thank you, I'm gonna call them."
Kendall's face lit up every time a sweet smile took over James' face. "Good, just be quick. They are auditioning for two more days yet. The work will start next week the latest, if I know well."
"Oh okay. That's very soon though. But I will think about it." James said.
"Good. Well then, I gotta hurry now. Be good, guys, hope to see you both soon." Kendall smiled and after a handshake with James and with a nod to Logan again, he made it to his dad's office.
"This guy has got a huge crush on you." Logan said to James after Kendall left and James wanted to head toward the exit.
"And if he does?" James grabbed Logan's hand once again, but still gently and calm as ever. Logan was very jealous of a man but they had never had a problem because of it. Because James really loved Logan, and he wouldn't have even looked at other guys THAT way. "We most likely won't meet again anytime soon, so you shouldn't worry. Plus you know me well enough, do you not? I love you and only you and anyone can come and anything can happen I won't stop loving you, I won't start loving someone else rather than you."
"I'm sorry." Logan bent his head and let James take the lead; they were walking out of the building in a slow pace.
Logan was quiet during the way home, James only listened to rain dropping onto the top of the car.
When they arrived home they both fell onto the couch like they had been working hard all day. Truth be told, Logan's problems made their life very hard. They were worn out, didn't sleep regularly and it was starting to get to James, too. Even though he was used to working a lot and getting less sleep, it was different.
"You should try that job." Logan sighed.
"I don't really know, Logan. It sounds like something huge. That company is known all over the world. If I were their face I should be going round and round in the country for shows to advertise their shit. If not around the whole world. I'm not going to leave you, no matter what job it is."
"James." Logan squeezed his hands that he had been holding since they had been sitting there. "You've always wanted such fame. If you get this job, you'll get it. You know, too, that you were good in the last couple of years but never done something so huge. You gotta try this at least. If that Kendall guy tells you that you have a chance then you sure do. I bet he even makes a call or two for you." He looked deeply into James' hazel eyes. It hurt him to say all these things, because he didn't want James to go away, either. Plus he didn't want to lose sight of him, knowing that he was safe was the most important thing for Logan now. But on the other hand, he felt like he needed some time alone. Maybe if he wouldn't love him so much, he wouldn't be in danger? Logan didn't know. But he knew that he needed to do something.
"Logan Mitchell, I know you well enough to be fully aware of your intentions. You won't make me fall apart from you. It won't make anything better but worse. You'd break my heart. You want that?" he caressed his face. A little stubble was already growing on his smooth skin.
"No. Of course not. But if it means that you're alive then yes. I just need to be all alone in the world and then you are not in danger. Nobody will be till they are not too close to me."
"Logan, that's bullshit. Please stop it. It starts making me go crazy." James said but his voice was still as consistent as ever. He couldn't talk angrily, not even when fury ate him up inside.
"You're indeed crazy for being in love with me." Logan laughed. That was the first time in a long while that something made him laugh, or at least smile a bit.
"Crazy in love, baby. You won't get rid of my love, not ever." James pulled him in to his chest closely, and told him "I love you" as many times as he could before they both passed out.
It wasn't noon yet, but they were so exhausted that none of them could keep their eyes open.
"So, will you call them?" Logan poked his food with his fork. Soon after they woke up from their nap, they cooked a lunch together. Logan didn't wake once during that two hours that they slept, and it set up a good mood between them, a better, relaxed mood, where James could think more clearly, too.
James swallowed a mouthful of rice, "I might" he said then. "If you promise me nothing will change between us, and you're going to believe that wherever life takes me I love you, and I know that you love me, too. And nothing, and I mean NOTHING" he emphasized "will make me forget that how you feel, okay?"
"Yes. What would you say if I'm thinking about getting a job myself."
"I'd be happy!" James' face lit up even more. "What are you thinking about?"
"The hospital. They told me that they are waiting for me."
"Good." James reached over the top of the table to take his hand. "I'm proud of you for making that decision."
"Yeah you know. These past two years when I was a home nurse made me see a lot of things. I didn't feel like going as surgeon, but now I think I could make it. It would make me see the difference between real life and dreams and all that.. do you think I can make it? I mean.. will they see that something is not right?"
"Logan, everything is all right if you believe it. Look, I think just took this month yet to get over with this dream thing. We will spend a lot time together, if not, then you will come with me wherever I go, if I go. You will be perfectly okay, and then you won't need to think about such things. I know you're afraid of the huge responsibility, but you can make it. And I also know that you are scared of your mind not being clear enough. So that's why I tell you to wait a couple of weeks yet, okay?"
"Yeah. I wasn't thinking of going there straight away tomorrow." He laughed and leant closer to James to touch his lips. There was a soft, short kiss longing between them, but it was all perfect. Every touch between them, every look, and every word was perfect, always.
Logan had graduated from med school before his parents died. He had already worked as home male nurse helping people out who needed it but couldn't go to the hospital. When he lost his parents he quitted for a couple of months. Meanwhile he finished the therapy with Dr. Knight and when he felt healed again, and so the doctor recommended him going back to work, he did so and continued his job. Which he loved very much. He was glad that he didn't go straight away as surgeon, he wasn't fully sure of his abilities, even though everyone else knew that there was no reason to worry.
When a month ago his dreams had come back he stopped working again.
But on their way home from the doctor's office Logan had started to think about all the things that he'd been through with James, and all the things that they were planning to do together yet. He could see and feel that James loved him very much, and remembered well that after he lost his mother and father it was James who helped him through the hard times. If he believed him back then, why didn't he want to believe him, now, too? Logan asked himself that question many times that morning. If James said that everything will be all right, then things were going to be all right for sure. Logan came to this point after all.
And he needed to be stable to make James believe that everything was fine. So he got himself together and decided about going back to work, but also decided about somehow making sure that James won't get hurt. He wouldn't live that through.
It's all so confusing. Logan thought as he ate his meal while James was talking about something. About his ex boyfriend, Carlos. They were very good friends with James, nothing had changed, even though they weren't together and even though it was now Logan who James was in love with. Logan accepted their friendship, only because Carlos lived far away playing hockey on the other side of the country. But he didn't know what he would do if this Carlos boy would be back anytime.
As much as he wanted James to leave him now, he didn't want it, too. It was terrible to think about James kissing someone else than him, holding someone else and telling those sweet nothings that he told to him, to someone completely new, or old, or whoever.
But in Logan's head this seemed to be the perfect solution to his problems.
He didn't want James to die because of being with him.
James needed to go and be with someone new so he would be still alive.
And Logan would be alone.
Because that's what he was born for.
To be alone.
That's why he lost his parents.
And that's why he assumed that he was going to lose James, too.
Because his fate was being alone and helping others.
Or doing anything else, but alone, all alone.
"Hey?" James waved in front of Logan's eyes as he realized that his boyfriend wasn't listening to him. "Do you know what I am talking about?"
"Yeah." Logan lied. Then grinned, "sorry, no."
James sighed, "whatever."
"I was just thinking about all the things that we have to do. You with the modeling again, and me with the hospital. I got lost in thoughts, sorry." He linked their hands again and smiled.
"What's changed since we left Knight?" James asked suspecting that this sudden change hid something at the back of Logan's mind.
"It's nothing.. just that if I don't take my mind off then I will go crazy. I am not crazy yet but if I stuck where I am then sooner or later I am going to be that. And I don't want to be crazy. Because if I am, then I can't do all things that I wish to do. Helping all the people that need help and much much more."
"Okay. That was convincing enough." James rose and pulled Logan up. "Remember what I promised. You can do whatever you want, I'll love you forever. Even if it seems like I do not. We never know what life has in store for us, and I cannot imagine why I would need to pretend like I don't love you, but know that if it ever seems like I forgot about you, it's just acting. Because I will love you, always." He kissed Logan's forehead that closed his eyes and swallowed a sob.
James loved him with everything he had.
And he loved him, too.
That's why they weren't allowed to be together.
Logan thought it that way.
And if everything was going to happen the way they did when his parents died, he only had two weeks.
Two weeks till he was going to be torn apart from James forever.
Two weeks to save James.