Chapter 2

The pie was delicious, the best Dean had ever tasted that's for sure. Jokingly he thought that the pie was almost worth of shedding a tear or two and he nearly did. Not that he'd do it in front of Castiel, who was actually staring at him again. He didn't seem to get tired of it.

"Dude, what's with all the staring?" Dean finally asked, "There something on my face?"

"Only freckles", Castiel answered and when he continued staring Dean thought the man was counting them.

"It feels like you're objectifying me."

"Why would I do that?" Castiel frowned and looked Dean even more intensely which made the man move uncomfortably on his chair.

"I don't know. You're the one who has been watching me like I'm the only thing left on Earth! How long you've been even doing that?"

"Time goes differently, if at all, in Heaven. I don't know how much time has passed since I first laid my eyes on you."

Dean didn't mind to mention how objectified that had sounded, "Well… How old was I when you first 'laid your eyes on me'?"

Castiel frown deepened when he started to go through his memories.

"You were… I'd say you were almost thirty."

Almost thirty?

"That's over forty years!?" Dean almost stuttered with his words because that's just…! "You've been watching me all that time?"

"How long you've been dead?" he finally asked. Castiel doesn't look older than he and if he has been around more than forty years… He must be old as fuck.

Castiel's gaze lingered somewhere outside the windows.

"I don't remember the day I died anymore", Castiel said quietly. "I just remember the feeling of how how I was here and something was not."

Dean's uncomfortableness rose to a whole new level because he knew that Castiel was talking about him. If they really were soul mates or what so ever. Talking about objectifying…

"But how were you able to", Dean paused because saying it aloud still felt like he was accusing someone of peeking him at shower and, now that he thought about, Castiel probably had, "Watch me from here?"

Before Castiel could answer, Dean threw another question; "Could I see how Sam is doing from here?" He wanted to know how Sam was doing after his big brother had died. Was he fine? Did he mourn Dean? Of course he did, that's Sam we're talking about. He still wanted to know.

"…I think that's ill-advised. You just died and I'm not sure if you are even able to do it", Castiel said and Dean pointed out how Castiel didn't even need ask who Sam was. Dean spouted his lips and then clapped his hands together.

"Okay, so how do I do it?" Dean asked. Castiel sighed, because he had known Dean would ask that at some point. Maybe not this soon, but at some point. Always worrying more about others than yourself. Figures.

"You need to close your eyes."

After Dean had done everything Castiel had asked, closed his eyes, put his palms together and emptied his head (that was the hardest part, nothing surprising in that), he focused his thoughts to Sam.

"You need to think about the person, who you want to see. Imagine yourself next to him like you were really there."

Dean did and concentrating his thoughts to Sam was rather easy. His life had practically spun around Sam so that's no wonder. Slowly he started to feel how the reality around him began to melt and change to something else. The feeling was disturbing and Dean would've opened his eyes if he hadn't felt a comforting hand on his left shoulder.

"Keep on going, it's supposed to feel like that", he heard Castiel say and with that Dean didn't hear the sound of the house anymore.

He opened his eyes and was almost horrified to see he was in the very familiar house when he had just second ago been totally elsewhere. Sam's home looked still the same.

Shit, it actually worked, Dean thought and tried experimentally to touch the wall but his hand went straight through it.

You're not really there, Dean, that won't work, he heard a voice in his head say and he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Cas, is that you? What are you doing in my head?"

I'm not in your head. Your 'body' is still next to me and I'm talking to it. Your soul can hear me even though you theoretically are down there.

Yea, Cas had mentioned something about how in heaven their soul was their body and not actual material. It was a form of energy that could be modified within some lengths. The basic idea of this going-back-to-Earth-thingy was, according to him, that you take a part of your soul and imagine it near to the place you want it to be. Then you can control it from heaven and see everything through it.

"So it's like a clone", Dean had said.

"More like an extension of your consciousness." Cas had replied. He wondered how Cas new so much about these things, but then again he had had time.

Whatever it was, it was cool. Dean might not be able to do anything than watch but it was still cool. He started to look around and he felt odd warmth around his chest. It had been only one da- no wait, it had been actually a week down here according to an electric calendar on the wall - when Dean had last seen Sam's home and it was comforting to be there again again. For a long time it had been his home too. He went to the bookshelf where Sam kept their photos and just for kicks he walked through the sofa. Dean had seen the photos several times but now there was couple of new ones. Mostly of him, but also one of Mary's new baby. Dean didn't even have enough time to think how he could never be able to play with her, when he heard the front door open and saw who came in.

"Sammy", Dean whispered and he could almost hear his heart broke. Sam had never been so upset. He was dressed in a black suit, his long gray hair was tied up to back and his eyes were slightly red like he had been crying. Dean heard Sam's wife talk outside the door and Sam quietly turned to answer her, "It's fine I just… Want to be alone for a moment." He closed the door behind him and slowly took his shoes off. Sam looked pained and at first Dean hoped it was only because of his back. It had been aching for a several months now and Sam made sure to bitch about it every once in a while, but the sorrow in his eyes wasn't from back pains.

He's coming from my funeral, the realization hit Dean like a bag of rocks and he felt like something was tightening around his neck.

Sam sighed and turned his face to the bookshelf, where Dean's photos were. For a second he stared right at Dean but still watching completely through him.

"Sammy, I'm right here", Dean tried but Sam couldn't hear him. How could he? Dean didn't exist in this dimension anymore. He truly was dead to this world.

I shouldn't have come here, Dean thought and suddenly he's back at the heaven again feeling slightly more miserable than last night. Castiel's hand rested still on his shoulder and its warmth was comforting. It made him feel less emotionally skinned alive.

"I shouldn't have gone there…" Dean whispered and is almost happy to realize that there are no more tears to shed. He just feels horrible.

Castiel didn't say anything. He could. Something like: "I told you so, but you just had to go and do it", but he doesn't. Not even big fat lies of 'how Dean will eventually get over it and heaven is really nice place and all.' That's bullshit, because Dean will never forgive himself for leaving Sam alone on Earth.

"When I was a kid, I thought Heaven would be a nice and funny place without pain…" Dean huffed but he doesn't sound amused. That's pretty much all he has felt since arriving here. You might laugh, but you're broken dead from the inside.

"I thought so too…" Castiel answered quietly and Dean turned to look at him.

"Did you go to see your relatives after you died too?" he asked and too late realized he maybe shouldn't have.

"I didn't. They died years before me."

"Oh." Yep, he really shouldn't have asked, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I hope I don't need to remind you how we're both dead too."

"And I'm damn sorry for that too", Dean smiled, but it was far from reaching his eyes.

After that Dean said he wanted to be alone for a while and Castiel understood and showed him his room. Apparently the moment Dean had died, the room had appeared from a big steaming pile of nothing. Suddenly it had just started to exist and there was a new room at the second floor. It was simple and very similar to what his room had been like when he had been still alive. Apart from pictures of family and Dean's nonexistent friends, there wasn't much stuff on the walls. The huge bookshelf was full of classic rock, Kurt Vonnegut and Dean might have spotted a book or two about classic cars too. Dean had also spotted some of his favorite movies and all the seasons of Dr Sexy MD at the living room.

He took a hopeful peek to the closets and he found all his personal belongings there. Clothes, magazines (Even Busty Asian Beauties), every little thing he collected in his childhood, things he thought he had lost and please tell me, there is a relaxation system in that bed.

Dean went to try the bed and it's the second time that day he feels like shedding a tear of joy.

Memory foam mattress.

Yes, in some levels this must be heaven, Dean thought and went to lie on the bed and he almost beamed because the bed was the best he's ever fucking had.

"Heaven's all good food, good music and good bed…" he sighed and tried to sink deeper in the mattress.

Nope. No bed like this on Earth.

/Reviews would be appreciated :)