Chapter 2

Jane's POV

I was kind of bummed that there wasn't a party for me at the Robber. I didn't really want to be alone. Well, at least Maura would be coming by my place...Oh, God, Maura. Shit, what am I going to say to her. After what Hoyt said about me, she's going to be soooo uncomfortable. Crap. Okay, maybe she didn't read my expression right. Shit, she read it fine, I saw it in her eyes. Okay. Well. I'll just have to avoid the subject. Yes, that is exactly what I'll do. I mean, she won't want to bring it up. I can say I don't want to talk about the whole thing. Yes. That will work. I unlocked the door to my apartment and turned on the lights still hatching a plan.

"Surprise!" I hear everyone yell. My hand twitches toward my gun for a second, but I shake it off once I process what's going on. Good surprise, Janie-surprise party, not surprise axe murderer. I smile around the room at everyone who is here. I can't imagine a better way to end this day. I look over at my best friend and there is something more in her eyes, love? Come on, Rizzoli, dream on. I have to get this out of my mind, so I go over to hug my ma.

Maura is excited to give me her present. God, I love that childlike joy she has about things, it's like innocence wrapped up in sexy with an amazing brain. Okay, Rizzoli focus.

"That is a little small for Walter the thoroughbred," I gesture at the box.

She grins and hands it to me. I open it up and pull out, neoprene slippers. What the hell? I read the tag, driving shoes. "Oh, driving shoes, and I need these..."

Maura is grinning like a maniac and explaining how they're racing shoes and all the benefits. I can't help smiling at how adorable she is about this, and then she hands me an envelope and I open it.

"Racing School?! You're sending me to racing school?" I pull her into my arms and our bodies melt together. She was talking about the difference between the horse and the Ferrari I'd be driving, but, honestly, I stopped listening. Between the excitement about her present and the way my body was reacting to being so close to her, I had no idea what she was saying. I held on as long as I could before it got awkward, and my that I mean once I realized I was smelling her hair. Then I went to pull away, and Maura raked her nails along my sides as I pulled back. I sucked in a breath and looked at the smirk she wore, but Franke pulled me away before I could say anything.

I kept glancing over at Maura every few minutes during the party. More than once she caught me at it and gave me a shy smile, but she was always accross the room from me engrossed in conversation with someone else. When she was over talking to Tommy he kept touching her, and I almost lost it. I wanted to get closer to her to make sure everything was okay, but she was keeping her distance. She was avoiding me. Well, I had my answer. She was freaked out by what Hoyt said. Damnit, even from the grave that asshole is ruining my life.

The party ended, the only people left in my apartment are Ma and Maura. Ma, because she wants to get all the cleaning done, and Maura, because she promised to stay with me. Honestly, I thought she'd change her mind, but Maura Isles is a woman of her word. Maura wiped the last dish that Ma washed. They both shouted me down when I offered to help them. 'No, it's your birthday, Janie,' from Ma and 'Jane, let me do this for you, it's the least I can do,' from Maura. I guess she means it's the least she could do because I'm about to get the "It's not you it's me," speech from her once Ma leaves.

Ma wipes her hands on a dish towel and turns to face me, "Are you two girls sure you'll be okay? I can call Frankie to come sleep here."

"No," Maura says quickly then she takes a breath, "That won't be necessary, Angela. We'll be fine."

"Ma, relax, Hoyt is dead, he can't come back anymore." I answered before I thought. Being alone with Maura was the thing that I wanted both most and least. I was so...aware of her now.

"Okay, okay, just trying to take care of my girls. I'll see you tomorrow," and with that, Ma was out the door.

I looked over at Maura, I opened my mouth to speak but Maura beat me to it. "I love your mother, but I thought she'd never leave." She crossed the room in three quick steps, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me.

I was floored, it took me a minute to realize Maura was kissing me and the way she was kissing me, it was like she thought this would be her only chance and she wanted to make the most of it. Okay, this doesn't seem like the "let her down easy," thing. It's possible I might have misinterpreted Maura's thoughts on what Hoyt said. Once I got over my few seconds of shock, I went from, "Oh God, Maura is kissing me?" to "Hell yeah, Maura is kissing me, and I'm going to kiss her back." I wrap my arms around her resting my hands on her lower back, and slowly walk her backward until she's against the wall. She moans as I press her between my body and the wall. She pulls back for air, but grabs onto my shoulders, holding me in place.

"Wow," I murmured. "That was so much better than I imagined."

"Wow is right," Maura agreed. "I have been waiting to do that since we got out of that dreadful room, and I haven't had the chance until now. It was pure torture." She moved toward me to kiss me again.

"Maura, wait," I said putting my hands on her shoulders to stop her. She froze, her eyes clouding over with hurt and confusion. She ducked her head avoiding my gaze.

I curled my fingers under her chin with my thumb resting on the tip. I gently raised her head until her eyes were meeting mine. "Maur, I'm not saying wait because I don't want to, because, God, do I want to." I caressed her chin with the pad of my thumb when I stopped to take a breath, and a small shudder went through Maura. I smirked. "I just need to understand what's going on. I want to talk first, okay?"

Maura smiled that 1000 watt smile, the one I think only I get to see, and nodded. I took her hand and led her over to the couch. I sat down in the middle and Maura sat to my left but instead of just sitting next to me she turned with her back against the arm of the couch and her legs across my lap. She smiled up at me from this position and I grinned and rested my hands on her legs.

"So, about what he said," I started to say. I didn't want to say Hoyt's name right now, he would just me, him. "What he said about me, and my feelings for you. I guess...well...what do you think about it?"

Maura smiled at me gently. "Jane, I've wanted you since the second time I saw you. Maybe a little the first time, but that look was a little extreme for me."

I laughed, "You mean when I was dressed like a cheap hooker working in vice that wasn't attractive to you? Well, that's too bad, I was hoping to whip that look out again for you soon."

"Well, I've never offered to buy a hooker's coffee before, so I must have had some attraction then too, but I really wanted you when I met you afterward in your normal clothes. And, I've wanted you ever since. I'm not sure when the desire grew into love, but I guess it happened as our friendship progressed."

I was staring at her eyes wide. "Wow, Maur, you aren't holding anything back."

"Well," she said coyly running a hand along my arm, "I very much want to get back to what we were doing when you stopped to talk. So I'm doing my talking as frankly as possible to expedite things. When did this start for you?"

I link my fingers with hers because I'm afraid the answer won't make sense and I want to reassure her. "The thing is...I never realized it...not until he said it. Then once he said it, it was like I woke up. I looked into your eyes, and, because I thought I was going to die, I guess the part of my brain that talks me out of things turned off, and I decided not to lie to myself. I mean, I've always had thoughts about women, especially you, but I always talked myself out of them, convinced myself that it was normal and that I wasn't really...you know." I stopped because I was nowhere near ready to call myself a lesbian. "I would talk myself out of it, but when he said that, I knew it wasn't just about the physical with you. I am in love with you, and the other stuff...you know giving it a title or something...isn't as important as the love, ya know?"

Maura tucked some of my hair behind my ear as she formulated her response. "You've never been with another woman?"

I blushed furiously and now I was the one who couldn't meet her eyes. "No. Until just now I'd never even kissed another woman, besides that girl at Merch for the undercover assignment, and she only kissed my neck so..." Then I glanced at her, "Why? Have you?"

"Of course. Until I met you I was with men and women about equally," Maura replied as casually as if she'd been discussing what kind of wine she generally drank with dinner.

I coughed as I tried to wrap my head around that little nugget. "Oh...um...really?"

"Yes, in fact, my first time was with a girl at school."

My eyes bugged out at that little admission, and I wasn't sure if I was more jealous, or turned on. "First time with a girl?"

Maura shook her head, "No, first time in general."

"Oh...ah...okay...huh...I'm not sure where to go from that...Wait..."

"You're saying that a lot tonight," Maura muttered, but then she smiled to show she was teasing.

I laughed but then remembered what I wanted to say, "No, I mean, you said that you used to date men and women equally, but now you don't. What changed?"

Maura sighed and looked at me as she bit her lower lip. I knew that expression, it was the one she used when she was trying to decide how much of the truth she was going to tell and how much she was going to try to leave out. "Maura, please, just tell me the whole thing. I will be just as honest with you, okay?"

"I don't want to frighten you," Maura whispered.

"Well, after saying that, I think that ship has sailed, what is it?"

"After I met you, I didn't want to be with a woman if she wasn't you. Jane, you ruined me for other women, and we haven't even had sex yet. I mean, I probably wouldn't have gone out with men either but I have needs and I honestly believed you could never... Anyway, more than one man became very angry and stormed out of my house when I screamed your name in bed instead of his."

Hellllllo! That got my attention. Maura had screamed my name when she was in bed with her parade of pretty bachelors of Boston, nice! A spike of desire coursed through me and all the sudden I wanted to hear her scream my name myself. I moved over her on the couch, suspending myself above her body with all of my weight resting on my hands on the arm of the couch and my knee that was between her thighs. "Maur," I growled, "you were thinking of me when you were with those guys, the guys I hated for getting to touch you when I couldn't?"

She nodded, "Yes, often," she squeaked out.

I looked down into her Hazel eyes and saw the want in them. I moved close and nuzzled her ear. "Maura, there will be no one else, besides me, now that you have me, right?"

She moaned. "God, Jane, no one else. You're what I want."

"Good." I nipped the ear I was next to and Maura moaned again running her hands up and down my back.

Maura's POV

I was tired of waiting at the ER. I wish Jane had come with me, but IA said we had to stay separated until they'd concluded their investigation. She had to go give official statements at the station because she'd technically stabbed an inmate in the custody of the Commonwealth. An IA detective I didn't know had come to get a statement from me while a plastic surgeon sutured the wound on my neck.

"Detective Billings, how long until I can see Detective Rizzoli," I asked. "Today is her birthday, you see, and I'm supposed to be at her surprise party tonight."

"Dr. Isles, this is pretty open and shut. Your statement matches was Detectives Korsak and Frost told us and I'm sure it'll match Rizzoli's. This is just a formality. Once she leaves the station, you can see her."

"Thank you, Detective, is there anything further you need from me."

"Not at this time, Doctor. I'm glad you're okay."

I glanced over at the intern who was bandaging my wound. "Am I free to go, Doctor?"

She nodded. "Yes, Doctor Isles, just check out at the desk."

I checked out of the ER and then called Angela.

"Maura, how are you doing," Angela's voice raidiated concern, even over the phone.

"I'm fine Angela, Jane is at the station getting everything handled with internal affairs, can I help with the setup at all?"

"Yes, I'm headed over to Janie's now, can you meet me there? Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I'd like to keep busy, Angela. I'll go home and change then I'll be there."

After I gave Jane her present, I tried to convey my feelings in our hug, I'm not quite sure I succeeded. The past four hours have been torture for me. I haven't had a chance to talk to Jane about what Hoyt said. I haven't been able to tell her that I feel the same way, and I still won't be able to when she gets here until this party is over. All I want to do is kiss her senseless, let her know that I reciprocate her feelings. I mean, the longer this goes on the more she'll have put up walls. If I am near her again, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. I keep the entire room full of party guests between Jane and myself. I have no idea how this is effecting Jane, but she looks at me a lot, and I smile back at her so she knows I'm not avoiding her. I talk to Korsak about his boat, and I talk to Frankie about his detective's exam.

I wind up talking to Tommy for a long time about chess. He keeps touching my arm during the conversation and I keep trying to get him to stop. He is NOT the Rizzoli I want touching me. I know that my flirtation with him was wrong-okay very wrong. It was born out of two things: I honestly believed I could never have Jane, and Tommy and Jane resemble each other so much I thought he might be a good Jane substitute, and I thought if I had any chance of making Jane jealous, it would be with Tommy. Now, Maura, you have to untangle this mess, becasue you basically were planning to use the brother of your best friend, whom you are in love with, to try to get her. To be at least a little fair to me, the Jane substitute plan was the primary one, which is still not fair to Tommy, and that is why I didn't go through with it. Besides, the last thing I needed was for me to have another one of my verbal slips during sex with Tommy. He would tell someone if I said Jane's name instead of his. Plus it is probably even more demoralizing when the woman you're in bed with says your sister's name, and not just the name of some woman you don't know. I glance over at Jane while Tommy is, yet again, moving into my personal space. She grips the can of beer she is holding and her eyebrows narrow in anger. I move out of his space again and pat him on the arm, "I'm going to go see if your mother needs any help with the cake."

Angela is finally done with the dishes and heading toward the door. I'm not really listening to what she is saying but my brain tunes in when I hear her say, "Are you two girls sure you'll be okay? I can call Frankie to come sleep here."

"No!" I think I might have yelled it. I backpedal and explain that we're fine. If Frankie were to come back and stay here I think I would have to sedate him somehow.

Angela hugs me and then Jane. Once the door is closed behind her Jane turns to me, she looks like she's about to speak. I can't let her do that. If she talks, she'll try to talk herself out of this. I speak first, "I love your mother, but I thought she'd never leave."

I move in quickly and cross the room, giving Jane a moment to realize what I'm doing. I give her a gentle kiss, my hands threading through dark silk. My lips are working against her gently but insistently. I'm trying to show her how much we both need this-how much I need her. She doesn't react at first, I must have surprised her. I really hope this was the right thing to do. As I'm deciding that I probably should pull out of this kiss because Jane is not into it, I feel her strong arms wrap around my waist. She starts kissing me back with a desire that matches my own that I've been trying to hold back. I moan as I feel her fingers rubbing gentle circles at the top of my butt. Jane has taken control, this doesn't surprise me, and starts moving us back, one, two , three, four steps and I'm against the wall. She presses against me and I moan again, deepening the kiss. Her thigh has worked its way between mine, and, while I'm not sure she's aware she's doing it, she is pressing that thigh against my sex sending a tremor of pleasure through my body. I break away from her mouth and moan deeply. I look up into dark eyes filled with lust and I hold on to her shoulders to keep from sliding down the wall as my knees are weak.

Jane's husky voice, deeper because of our activities sends a pool of desire south, "Wow, that was so much better than I imagined."

I bit my lip trying to get the power of speech back, "Wow is right. have been waiting to do that since we got out of that dreadful room, and I haven't had the chance until now. It was pure torture." I move in to kiss her again. I can never have enough of her.

"Maura, wait!" The words fire through me like a gunshot and I jerk my head backward, hitting the wall behind me. I blew it, I moved too fast and I scared her off. I look down, because I know if I have to see pity in her deep brown eyes, I will start to cry.

I feel Jane's forefinger under my chin and her thumb resting on it. There is the gentlest of pressure as she moved my face up to meet hers. I sigh, and let her move my face so I meet her eyes. The tears are already starting to form and she'll know how hurt I am. Her low voice fills my head as she speaks, "Maur, I'm not saying wait because I don't want to, because, God, do I want to." My eyes widen at the admission. I'm overcome with the sound of her voice, the feel of her thumb gently rubbing my chin, and her thigh which is still entrenched between mine, and a tremor of need rocks my body. I look at Jane and she is wearing that damn sexy smirk she has and I know she is proud of herself for what she is doing to me. She starts talking again. "I just need to understand what's going on. I want to talk first, okay?"

I smile at her, thinking this might work out after all. Jane threaded our fingers together and led me to the couch. I wanted to keep as much physical contact as possible, so I just sprawled myself across her lap and smiled cheekily up at her. She rested her hands on my legs.

As comfortable as Jane seemed with me, something dark came across her eyes. I realized at once, it was Hoyt. We couldn't talk about us without at least mentioning him. I waited for Jane to talk, as I thought I'd made my feelings about her quite clear.

"So, about what he said...What he said about me, and my feelings for you. I guess...well...what do you think about it?"

I smiled, shouldn't that be obvious? Well, Jane needs to talk this out, and that is what I will do. I will lay all my cards on the table, I make a promise to myself right here to give her anything she needs. And right now, Jane needs information and honesty. "Jane, I've wanted you since the second time I saw you. Maybe a little the first time, but that look was a tad extreme for me."

I could see Jane's eyes crinkle at the memory and she laughed. Maura remembered the thigh high boots, the fishnets, the pleather skirt and the fuzzy white jacket. Combined with the extreme makeup and updo, it was a look so not Jane that she laughed out loud.

Jane grinned. "You mean when I was dressed like a cheap hooker working in vice that wasn't attractive to you? Well, that's too bad, I was hoping to whip that look out again for you soon."

"Well, I've never offered to buy a hooker's coffee before, so I must have had some attraction then too, but I really wanted you when I met you afterward in your normal clothes. And, I've wanted you ever since. I'm not sure when the desire grew into love, but I guess it happened as our friendship progressed."

Perhaps that was a bit too far, Maura. Jane stared at me,"Wow, Maur, you aren't holding anything back."

Time for a distraction from the emotional. Jane has always been physical, I'll try that. I ran my hand up her arm. "Well, I very much want to get back to what we were doing when you stopped to talk. So I'm doing my talking as frankly as possible to expedite things. When did this start for you?"

Jane stared down at our linked hands. "The thing is...I never realized it...not until he said it. Then once he said it, it was like I woke up. I looked into your eyes, and, because I thought I was going to die, I guess the part of my brain that talks me out of things turned off, and I decided not to lie to myself." I inhaled quietly. I'd been right about Jane, she'd been gay all along, just unable to let herself actually feel it. Jane kept going, unaware of my theories, "I mean, I've always had thoughts about women, especially you, but I always talked myself out of them, convinced myself that it was normal and that I wasn't really...you know. I would talk myself out of it, but when he said that, I knew it wasn't just about the physical with you. I am in love with you, and the other stuff...you know giving it a title or something...isn't as important as the love, ya know?"

Maura smiled at her tucked some stray hair behind her ear. I needed to tread carefully here. To reassure Jane while at the same time not letting her know that I had always suspected this. I decided to start small. "You've never been with another woman?"

Jane gurgled in surprise and looked away, blushing, "No. Until just now I'd never even kissed another woman, besides that girl at Merch for the undercover assignment, and she only kissed my neck so..." I tensed in jealousy at that reminder. But then I realized that this news was good, not bad, I could be her first everything with a woman, and I smiled, looking at our clasped hands. Jane continued on, "Why? Have you?"

Uh, oh, Maura, truth time. I decided the best thing to do would be calm and forthright, so that's what I did. "Of course. Until I met you I was with men and women about equally." Ooops, I probably shouldn't have been quite that forthright. The last thing I wanted was for her to ask about the change in my dating habits, but it was too late. Hopefully that detective's mind would focus on other parts of that little nugget of information.

Jane's eyes bugged in surprise. I guess she'd expected that I would say no. "Oh...um...really?"

Well, so far she hadn't focused on the information that I'd changed my dating habits when I met her. I decided to keep the distracting information going. "Yes, in fact, my first time was with a girl at school."

Jane was probably getting overwhelmed with information. "First time with a girl," she choked out

I decided that we would just do this immersion therapy style, get all the information out at once to help her get comfortable with it. "No, first time in general."

Jane's eyes widened and the microexpressions she had ran across her face quickly, excitement, arousal, confusion, shock. "Oh...ah...okay...huh...I'm not sure where to go from that...Wait..."

Her expression settled in the one she makes when she's chasing after a lead. Damn. She's caught on to the one thing I didn't want her to ask about because it would be too much for her. I decided to try to defuse with a joke. "You're saying that a lot tonight." I smiled so she knew I was teasing her.

Jane laughed but continued, "No, I mean, you said that you used to date men and women equally, but now you don't. What changed?"

I tried to think of a way out of this, I really did, but there was nothing I could say that wouldn't overwhelm here at this point. I was trying to figure out how exactly to put it when she asked for complete honesty and offered it in return. I took a deep breath.

"I don't want to frighten you."

"Well, after saying that, I think that ship has sailed, what is it?"

I nodded, she had asked for complete honesty, and that was something I needed from her so I began, "After I met you, I didn't want to be with a woman if she wasn't you. Jane, you ruined me for other women, and we haven't even had sex yet. I mean, I probably wouldn't have gone out with men either but I have needs and I honestly believed you could never... Anyway, more than one man became very angry and stormed out of my house when I screamed your name in bed instead of his." I looked down at my lap, embarrassed at what I'd said. Really, Maura? You had to be that honest? You told her about the verbal slips.

Jane shifted on the couch and I was sure she was going to get up and leave because I'd pushed her to far. Instead, she moved so she was hovering over me her knee back between my thighs. "Maur," she growled. That voice was almost my undoing in normal times, but right now, when it was filled with lust, I wondered if I could have an orgasm just from hearing her talk. She kept going, "you were thinking of me when you were with those guys, the guys I hated for getting to touch you when I couldn't?"

She had been jealous of them. I had wondered. I nodded quickly, "Yes, often.

I met Jane's eyes, my own desire reflected back at me and my hands tightened on the back of her neck. She moved down and nuzzled my ear. "Maura, there will be no one else, besides me, now that you have me, right?"

I let out a deep moan. "God, Jane, no one else. You're what I want."

I could feel Jane smirk against my neck. "Good." She nipped my ear I and my hips shot up against her thigh and my hands started to run up and down her back.