Chapter 2! It's December tomorrow and I am literally so excited I am going to buy paper chains and cover the ENTIRE HOUSE WITH THEM.

IT WILL BE MAGNIFICENT.

Anyway, here is your 'Thor as Santa' chapter and thank you everyone who reviewed and alerted and favourited you are literally the best people and I wish I could wrap you in paper chains and love you.

Please review!

2- Santa Claus is coming to town

'What would you get for a master assassin and the female equivalent of Chuck Norris?' Tony asked Pepper as they strode hand in hand through the streets of New York.

'Chuck Norris wishes,' Pepper remarked, adjusting her hat so the brim was pulled down further over her forehead, hiding her red hair. Tony was also wearing a hat, and had his scarf wrapped tightly around his chin so only the top part of his goatee was visible. 'And I thought you got her Men in Black III signed by Will Smith?'

'I did,' he replied. 'But Thor and Steve are still unsure. It doesn't matter though, they can't beat my present.'

'What about Clint?'

Tony scoffed. 'Oh please,' he said. 'Unless featherhead gets her Will Smith wrapped up in wrapping paper with only a bow covering his bits, or not thinking about it, he doesn't stand a chance. Plus I think he's getting her a handgun from Russia or something. He's going to stick a note on it saying From Russia With Love.'

Pepper laughed and Tony grinned, wrapping an arm around her waist. The sky was dark and it was snowing, the streets lit up with Christmas lights. Families were hurrying along clutching shopping bags and little children were throwing snow at each other and being dragged along by their parents. Then there were the couples like Tony and Pepper, striding along happily hand in hand, chatting and laughing and generally having a good time.

That is until Captain America ran in front of them and yelled 'IT WASN'T MY FAULT.'

There was a pause while Tony and Pepper looked at each other, eyebrows raised, then noticed the small crowd hurrying towards the mall, the children almost giddy with excitement.

'What did you do…?' Tony asked, feeling a sense of dread crawling into the base of his stomach.

Pepper squeezed his hand reassuringly as Steve told his tale.

'We were walking through the mall trying and failing to find a present for Natasha and Clint, and the Santa guy at Santa's Grotto had a heart attack or something. And all these little kids were crying cause they thought Santa was dead so Thor runs over, puts the spare outfit on and carries on where the other Santa left off!'

'Oh boy,' Tony said, grimacing. 'Thor barely understands what a Christmas Tree is I don't think he even knows who Santa is!'

'He's doing a surprisingly good job,' Steve admitted. 'He's got the "Ho, Ho, Ho" down pat.'

'Okay, let's go see what the damage is,' Pepper said, dragging her boyfriend off to the mall and following the (considerably larger than before) crowd going the same way. Obviously, word had got around.

On arrival at the mall, the queue for Santa's Grotto was going out the door and staff were lingering in doorways of their shops watching the show excitedly.

And what a show.

Thor, the Norse God of Thunder, the stuff of mythology, the heir to the Asgardian throne and the son of Odin, was currently having his hair plaited by three young girls while a little boy sat on his lap and told him what he wanted for Christmas, excitedly waving his arms around.

Tony couldn't help it; he burst out laughing, dislodging his scarf and causing Thor to look around, recognising his friend's voice and waving excitedly.

'Friend Stark! Lady Potts! I am Santa Claus!' he bellowed proudly, puffing his chest out.

The arrival of Iron Man and Captain America had caused many young children to jump up and down excitedly and call out to them, and Pepper buried her face in her hands.

'Plan of action?' Steve asked.

'I don't know about you two but I am going to go look at shoes,' Pepper said, smiling sweetly at Tony and heading off to the nearest shoe store.

'Should we go over there or stay on neutral ground?' Tony asked Steve. 'I'm not really in the mood to get mobbed.'

'Where's your Christmas spirit, Tony?' Steve asked.

'My Christmas spirit just left me to go look at shoes,' Tony deadpanned. 'Honestly I'm not sure I can handle Thor dressed as Santa, hilarious though it is.'

'Hey guys! Fancy seeing you oh HELL no.'

This came from Clint, who had just materialized out of nowhere, Natasha at his side, and had immediately spotted Thor and the large crowd, or audience, or both, that was making the mall seem considerably smaller.

'Screw this,' Natasha said. 'Where's Pepper?'

Tony pointed to the shoe store she'd walked into and Natasha thrust her shopping bags at Clint and strode off in that direction, leaving the three of them stood there unsure as to what the protocol was here.

Tony took his phone out and sent a picture of Thor to Bruce, whose reply consisted of a video clip of him laughing hysterically. Tony forwarded the message to Pepper who sent back an 'LOL' and a picture of red heels with gold straps with a question mark next to them.

Tony's reply ran as follows:

Buy them and I'll get you those Louboutin's you've been lusting after. And I will make you wear them in bed, and to board meetings, actually screw it throw out all your shoes you're wearing those all the time.

Seconds later, Pepper sent him a picture of the receipt.

'Mr Iron Man!'

'Cap!'

'Legolas!'

Tony grinned and Clint glowered at the tall lanky teenager who'd yelled that last one.

'AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.'

That came from a little girl, probably about 4 or 5 years old who was beaming at them from the queue while her mother went red with embarrassment. Tony and Clint burst out laughing while Steve looked at them amused.

'I'm gonna go talk to her,' Tony said. 'I have to know how someone that small can make a noise that loud.'

Tony sauntered off and Clint shrugged. 'Might as well go say hi,' he said. 'And I really want to know what Thor is actually saying to those kids.'

It took a few seconds for Steve to realise that he was left on his own, and then he yelled 'hey!' and ran after Clint.

When Pepper emerged a few minutes later carrying not one, not two, but three shoe boxes, she spotted Tony surrounded by small kids signing various things, Clint pretending to shoot arrows at an unsuspecting Thor and making the kids laugh, and Steve doing push ups with the kids sat on his back grinning broadly.

'Honestly, leave them alone for five minutes,' Natasha said, tutting and shaking her head, adjusting the four shoe boxes she was currently carrying.

'We should have known better,' Pepper agreed.

A little girl wandered over to them and tugged on Pepper's jeans.

'Miss Pepper?' she said.

Pepper knelt down and smiled at her. 'Yes, sweetheart?' she asked kindly.

'Are you and Iron Man married?'

XxXxXxX

Later, when Tony and Pepper were curled up in bed fast asleep and using each other as pillows, they were rudely awoken by Pepper's phone going off, a witch's cackle ringtone that she had assigned to her mother after watching What's My Number?

'Mom it's three in the morning over here,' Pepper said sleepily, running her fingers through Tony's hair to keep him asleep when he started to stir.

'WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ENGAGED?!' her mother shrieked down the phone at her, making Pepper hold it away from her ear due to the volume and causing Tony to wake up.

'Wassat wassappening?' he mumbled, blinking sleepy eyes at her.

'Mom, I'm not engaged,' Pepper said, rubbing her tired eyes. It was wayyy too early for this.

Tony frowned at her.

'Don't you dare lie to me, Virginia,' her mother replied. 'It's all over the news.'

'JARVIS turn CNN on,' Tony said, resting his head on Pepper's collarbone.

'Unconfirmed reports that Stark Industries' CEO's Tony Stark and Virginia 'Pepper' Potts are engaged…' the newsreader was saying.

Tony's eyebrows shot up and Pepper moaned.

'Oh hell I know what happened,' she said. 'That newsreader, she's that little girl's mother, I recognise her now.'

'What little girl?' Tony asked, confused.

'The girl at the mall who asked me if you and I were married,' Pepper said sighing. 'Which we're not by the way, mom.'

'What did you say?' Tony asked.

Pepper said nothing, but flushed a bright red to the tips of her hair.

'Pepppperrrr,' Tony drawled, poking her in the ribs. 'What did you say?'

'I said…' Pepper sighed and put a hand over the speaker on her phone so her mother couldn't hear what she said next. 'I said, "not yet".'

Tony grinned broadly and Pepper pulled a face at him then removed her hand from the speaker.

'Mom, I'll talk to the press in the morning, but Tony and I are not engaged,' she said.

'Yet,' Tony mumbled, kissing Pepper's collarbone then continuing to use it as a pillow.

Pepper said goodbye to her mother then hung up and ordered JARVIS to turn the TV off, burrowing back down under the duvet next to Tony who was playing with her hand.

'What are you doing?' Pepper asked.

'Trying to work out what ring size you are,' Tony responded, a smile in his voice.

Pepper elbowed him and removed his hand from hers, placing it on her hip instead. Tony didn't complain, cuddling her close and breathing onto her skin.

Just before she fell asleep, Pepper heard him mumble. 'I think you're a 6.'

She couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

If you review I'll make you my Nan's totally epically fantastically amazing Mince Pies! :D