Two weeks passed between this moment and the second time she met L. She had been thinking about the boy. How could not she be curious about him? But he was not showing up much, and she had started intensive studies in a lot of fields... She couldn't find a good excuse to go to his room alone, afraid to disturb him in whatever he may be doing (she had quickly discovered that some of the orphans were easily pissed off, especially the oldest ones).
It had been a mere coincidence. She had woken up in the middle of the night, thirsty, and had just walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
The light was on in the kitchen. At 2 o'clock in the morning. And L was there, rummaging through the cupboards.
He was looking exactly the same as the first time she had saw him. He was even wearing the same clothes.
- Ah...
He looked up as she had stopped in the doorway.
- Aah... Ffadow... Goof eefeninph.
She blinked. His mouth was full with candies, which made his speech unintelligible, and offered a somewhat disgusting sight.
- Good... evening? It's 2 in the morning... What are you doing here?
He swallowed loudly before answering.
- I was hungry. What about you?
- I wanted a drink...
He waved his hand while looking back at the cupboards.
- Go on... Don't pay attention to me...
- Do you suffer from eating disorder or something? It's not good to stuff yourself with sweets in the middle of the night, you know..." she said while taking a glass in the sink.
- I don't have any problem. I am just hungry. Don't worry anyway...
- You are making quite a mess... What are you searching for?
- I feel like having cake... or cookies... or...
He heard her open the fridge and a plate appeared in front of his eyes, with an entire chocolate cake on it.
- Here. I made it yesterday. You can eat it...
- Oh, thanks." he answered while taking the plate and the spoon she was handling. "It looks nice. You really made it?
- I wanted to use the chemistry lab, but A was there. He got mad at me for no reason and I left. I was upset so I ended up baking a cake.
- You cook when you are upset?
- No... But cooking is a little bit like chemistry. Anyway, the cake is not good. I put too much sugar...
He took a spoonful a quickly shoved it in his mouth.
- I think it's tasty...
- Whatever... At least it's not wasted...
She sat at the kitchen table. He sat in front of her, his bare feet on the chair and his knees against his chest.
- What's that way of sitting?
- I feel better sitting like this. You know, "feeling"...
She frowned.
- Don't tease me, L...
She paused, seemed to think for a while, then lowered her head, her eyes softening.
- Well, I should not have mentioned it at the first time... You can have fun of me if you want...
- It wasn't my purpose... I was just curious about what you were meaning last time...
- I told you I didn't know...
She bit her lip.
- In fact, I don't really know what is the meaning of "feeling" either... Somebody told me that was what "feeling" was... Like, when it's not coming from your brain... She said it was OK if I didn't like her even if she was loving me and taking care of me, because she was feeling this way...
- Your mother?
She startled, suddenly remembering what Watari had told her about saying anything concerning her past life.
- I am sorry...
- I don't bother about it... You can talk about your family if you want... It doesn't affect me...
- She wasn't my mother anyway... Just my stepmother...
She lowered her eyes.
- My foster parents were nice people... But... I couldn't think more about them... It was just like that... My stepmom used to say it was all right... Feelings were special and precious things, and it was not something you could decide about... She said that she hoped someday I would feel about her as she felt about me... But she died... And it bothers me not to be sadder about it...
- Don't get frustrated about it... You can't help being yourself...
She watched back at him. He had already eaten half of the big cake. There was chocolate cream on his nose. It looked like this boy was finding hard to eat properly...
- I am not very comfortable with emotions and feelings either... But it's not that bad... Your foster mother may be right... This kind of stuff can't be decided about...
- Thanks for your understanding...
- I just said what I thought... but...
He bent to look at her, his face very close to hers.
- You like me, then?
She blushed , and looked disturbed by her own reaction.
- That's... not it...
- You said you felt like your life would depend on mine... Then I must be important for you... which is strange, because you only saw me once...
His voice and face were still expressionless. She was still feeling very uneasy.
- I just felt this about my life here... I don't know about you...
Something was not convincing. She was annoyed about it, but couldn't say why.
- I said what I felt, that's all... I didn't think about it more than that... It was like testing you, maybe...
- I don't mind, you know..." he interrupted, chewing on his spoon.
- What?
- If you like me...
He stood up, holding his plate.
- You are a cute girl... I suppose that makes me lucky...
She jumped off her chair as he was going to leave, trying to ignore the flush on her cheeks.
- Wait!
- What?
- Can I come to your room sometimes? To talk...
- Yeah, why not?
He chewed another piece of cake.
- If you bring me some sweets, it will be more than welcome...