AN: Yeah, this one didn't do what I wanted it to. Bella just couldn't decided what she was doing. I'll try to make her straighten up for her next one.

Challenge Number/Title: #2 The Empty Glass

Date Posted: 01-28-13

Fandom: Twilight

Genre: Cannon AU

Content Descriptors: Angst

Character Pairing: Edward/Bella

My Adoring Edward,

Adoring? I'm sorry, that doesn't sound right. It's just not big enough. I'll try again next time.

You should have seen Esme's face when she handed me your letter. The paper was saturated with your scent, so there was no denying that it was from you. She is so proud of you. You've always been their favorite, you know? Oh, stop rolling your eyes. You know it's true.

As it was I sat in my room for almost ten hours sobbing after I read it. I just hadn't heard you talk so clearly with me since this whole mess started. I realized that I missed you—the real you, not the one that keeps everything close to his chest. Whatever you need, Edward, you've got it. I love you so, so much.

Things are far too quiet here. I'm used to you, Emmett, and Jasper terrorizing us all. Emmett's been moping around a lot these days. He keeps Esme and me happy, but you can tell that he misses Rose. You should call him. I'm sure he would like that.

Your description of the sea, and the area that you're in, sounds beautiful. Alice is going to go crazy with how remote it is. Good luck. At least you two are safe out there.

I miss you. You have no idea how much I wish it had been you and me who had run off together. I'm still not sure I've forgiven you and Alice for how you divided all of us. I know, I know, you two have your reasons and you only want us to be safe. I still think we would all have been safer together, but I'll trust you.

I really do miss you. I feel sort of empty without you. When you left after my eighteenth birthday it felt like there was a hole in my chest. This is different. I just feel empty—like a glass that has been filled and then suddenly emptied. I still know what you feel like. I know how it feels to curl up next to you and spend a lazy afternoon doing nothing. I know how it feels to have you sing in my ear even though I can't sleep anymore.

I think that's what I miss most—that feeling of completeness—of being full of life, and love, and happiness, and just you. I've kept your letter close just because it smelled like you and, even though I know I shouldn't, I've been wearing my engagement ring. I am the empty glass, Edward. I don't know what to do. My entire purpose is gone. I just don't know what to do. I tend to just wander around listless. I'm supposed to be with you. I can feel it in my bones.

I love you, Edward, so, so, much. I just don't know what to do with it. You were—are—my life, the same way that I'm yours. I just feel like, with everything that's gone on in the last several years, we haven't had enough time for just us. I missed us before, and now there's this, and I just, I don't know what to do.

And now I sound like I'm complaining. I'm so sorry, Edward. After everything that you've done for us and the rest of family, I sound like I'm ungrateful. I'm not. You and Alice have sacrificed so much, and we owe you, and now I'm rambling, and you're probably not surprised that I'm starting to cry.

Maybe I'm not the empty glass after all. Maybe I'm not as empty as just a little lost.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I guess I just haven't gotten used to this yet. There is a part of me that just wants to say "screw it" and to have you run here. I want you back in my arms where you belong. Surely we can take care of everything together?

I know it's the only way. I understand. I just, well, you know.

So, I'm glad to hear you're going to open up to me. I could tell you were lying to me on the phone. I was trying to think of a way to bring it up when I got your letter. I understand why you want to do this this way, but you should know that you don't have to be strong for Alice or me. We're all in this together, Edward, we have to be. I know that you're always protective; it's just part of your nature and one of the things I love about you, but really you can let us take care of you too. I love you, but you are not the most stable of people. I get worried about you. If you want to do this through letters then that's fine, but it's going to take days for these letters to get back and forth. If something were to happen, don't hesitate to call or even talk to Alice. That's my only stipulation.

Oh, and if you're going to do this then know that I'm doing the same thing. I can't promise to be as eloquent as you. Not for the first time I'm regretting being born eighty years after you. However, I promise, I won't lie to you on these pages. Not that I would have normally, but it is worth saying. I love you and whenever I really need to talk to you, or tell you something important, I'll do it here—just like you will with me.

Edward, please believe me when I say that I worry about you. I can't make that clear enough. You always take too much on your shoulders and you need to stop. Just breathe the sea air and relax. It's going to be okay. You don't have to know everything and the world will keep spinning if you're not in charge. Just breathe and imagine I'm up there on that rock with you. You'll have to take me there one day, when this is all over, so that I can see it with my own eyes.

You know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not an empty glass. Maybe you're not either. Perhaps this is just something we have to go through. I don't like it and neither do you, but there has to be another side to this. I mean there always has been. We probably wouldn't have Rensemee if you hadn't left that first time. You would never have given into our compromise otherwise.

I love you, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. There are times that I don't know why, and even more often I don't know why you love me. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you do, but I have to wonder why. I've been nothing but trouble to you and your family. If you had never met me, then Aro wouldn't have found out about you and Alice, and well, you know the rest.

I should probably go. I could fill another ten pages, but I'm not sure that it would make any sense. Besides, you'll be calling in about an hour, and I promised Esme I help her in her garden. I don't know how she'll get anything to grow this far north in Alaska, but I just can't bear to tell her otherwise. She misses Carlisle and she's trying to distract herself. If anyone can make something grow out here in the frozen tundra, it's Esme. I told her I would help. To be honest, it's a distraction for me as well—from you.

Tell Alice I said hello. Every time I get on the phone it's with you. I should probably at least try to talk to her. I guess I could try it while you're up on your rock. I might be able to focus on her and not you.

Esme and Emmett just sent their hellos. Try to call them later. They would like to hear from you.

I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to say goodbye. I'm not sure that I can handle that. Letting you out of our bed was difficult enough. I'm not saying goodbye again.

So, no goodbyes. I'm talking to you on the phone later, and I'll have your return letter in my hands soon, right? I can't wait!

Hopefully you can make some sense of this letter. I'm afraid I may have rambled a little too much. I should have been clearer. I'm sorry.

I love you, Edward. Whether you're here or there, I love you, trust you, and need you. You're my everything.

Come home to me soon.

Yours Eternally,

Bella

P.S. About that storage shed, climate controlled or no? I thought I would get a head start.

Bella