The Empirical Universe- Part One

Once more, master and servant reside in the vast grounds of fowl manor, a few days after their previous debate. The outcome has nearly faded in the mind of Artemis, yet Butler still retains embarrassment from having his arguments so easily overturned by a child many decades his junior. Night has fallen. Unfortunately, however, Fowl manor's close proximity to urban Dublin results in the majority of the heavens to remain a dark, dull purple, with only pinpricks of light emitted from particularly high-magnitude stars piercing the dull ethereal canvas.

Normally, Artemis Fowl Senior would not allow his son to stay up so late, but as he was currently en route to the Far East to hire a new tutor (a change of plans from his original intention, but he could hardly have his son without education, for Butler had recently reduced his previous tutor to a bumbling mess by parroting Artemis's arguments to him; as a way to reap some pleasure to bandage his bruised ego.), Butler had free reign enough to do nearly whatever he pleased. Having deposited his firearm in the weapon lockup (lest he get any 'urges' from arguing with the young master), all he carries now is a slightly weathered chemistry set- a parting 'gift' from Prof. Lee Ming.

Butler stares up at the sky, lost in a rare moment of introspective reflection. Almost without thinking, he mutters, "How is it that I am here?"

Artemis, who until now was distastefully looking over an article that his mother had presented him with that evening, looks up slowly to the manservant, replying "Indeed… one would think that my father would see the need for intellectual companionship, and employ a person who could see beyond the length of their gun."

Under different circumstances, Butler would have launched a repertoire of choice responses to this naked insult (many of which would be accented with physical violence); however his common sense and maturity prevailed. He grunted in response, "No… how did I GET here? Why is it that I exist?"
Artemis, without even glancing up from his article, replies "Well… one would presume that you were born…"

Butler throws his hands up in exasperation, nearly shouting, "NO! How did I, the very atoms that fabricate my being, come into existence? Actually… scratch that. How did EVERYTHING get here? All those stars, the trees, the grass… how?"

While posing these interrogatives, Butler throws his hands skyward… his frame forming a towering "Y", as if to accentuate his questions. Artemis finally looked up from his article, intrigued. "Interesting… if I may say so, that is an unusually philosophical question for you… what inspired it?"

Butler lowers his arms, now his frame forms a rough "I". He scratches his neck lightly, "Well, I was looking at the stars, and then at the small splotches of civilization that surround us… and just wondered how all of my reality could have come into existence."
Artemis smiles slightly, delighted to see that his bodyguard is at least developing the rudiments of a creative mind. However, before Artemis has a chance to deliver a reply, Butler peers curiously at Artemis's sagging article

"How the Universe began: an explanation for the young mind. By: Dr. Igor Peters" reads Butler, as he squints to read the text on the front cover of the article. His curiosity piqued, he snatches the article from the boy and begins to read, slowly mouthing the words as he does.
Artemis looks up sharply, "Butler… I would advise you not to read that… even I could not read the second half… it was too… too facile, too…"
But it is too late. Butler has a firm grasp upon the article, and his face contorts as he picks through the line. All of a sudden, the storm abates on Butler's face, and he looks down at Artemis, saying "I see… fascinating."

Butler suddenly smiles, realizing that he can use his new 'knowledge' to his advantage, so as to avenge his previous slight.

The sky slowly brightens… the extinguishing of city lights allows lower-magnitude stars to take a visible place on the celestial sphere.

Butler challenges Artemis, "So… how do you believe everything 'got' here?"

Artemis replies sadly, knowing that his bodyguard is once more slipping from the stage of logical thought, on which most time he is a stock character at best, "Well, simple inferences from the red-shift of stars suggests…"

Butler straightens, "I see! You would base your thoughts off of mere inferences! Well, my experiences, the number of which naturally dwarfs yours, suggest…"

Butler furtively glances down at the article for reference, and then resumes
"…Ah, yes… they suggest that inferences are by nature, unreliable. After all, someone who is as young as you would simply be unable to draw a wise conclusion from them. No, my boy, the only real evidence we can ever derive is that of the directly observational sort."

Artemis stifles a yawn during this discourse. Butler, feeling reasonably satisfied, glances as the chemistry set that he was heretofore grasping. He addresses Artemis, "In the absence of your tutor *ahem*, your father has instructed me to fill his role as best as possible. So, to add a bit of variety, and seeing as we *cough* covered projectile physics the last time we talked, I feel that it is a perfect time to study chemistry. Now, let us look over this interesting chemistry set that Prof. Ming gave me as a farewell gift…"