Disclaimer- I don't own Star Trek.

I'm totally messing with everything~ No, Jim is not going to have good relationship with his mother. I've read ST fanfics where he does but I don't want to do that. I know everyone's done it but I want to do it a little differently. Okay, the little -STSTSTSTSTSTST- is a line break. I wanted to make it stand out . . . I love all the reviews so keep reviewing! (Just please don't kill me for the way I've portrayed Bones!)

IMPORTANT NOTE- I called him James in the prologue to make it more serious (seriously, I giggled when he died because I called him Jim) and because in my mind, "James" is Jim the captain, JT the Tarsus IV survivor and Jimmy the abused kid all combined to make one, messed up person. Hope you understand!

Note 2- Italics are thoughts when used on sentences and emphasis on one or two words. Bold italics are letters (and songs if I include them later on . . . probably won't).

Note 3- I don't use cuss words in my fanfics so . . . yeah.

Chapter One

Crumbled paper littered the countertops, the floor and the desk that Dr. McCoy was currently passed out at. They bore black markings that resembled medical symbols and theories that came from the sleeping doctor. If you looked closely, the black markings were sometimes words that spoke of the doctor's doubt that Khan's blood would revive his fallen captain and friend.

Is Khan's blood compatible?

Will the blood have permanent effects?

. . . Will Jim's revival be temporary?

Those words were underlined several times and had several question marks. It was obvious that these questions were nagging the good doctor and was the main focus of his little project. Beside those sentences were math problems that only a doctor could understand and scribbled out formulas that were proven to be useless or incorrect.

But if you reached the bottom, you would see a certain formula that had been circled in black several times.

It would seem that the good doctor had figured it out.

He would be able to save his friend.

-STSTSTSTSTSTST-

Dr. Leonard McCoy was at war with himself.

One hand, his heart was sick with relief. After hours and hours of working out formulas and tweaking with Khan's miraculous blood, he had found a way to bring back Jim back. He had found a way to fix the bleeding wound that Jim's death had left in the heart of the crew, of Jim's crew. Their grief, their loss couldn't possibly be described with a few mere English words. Heck, Bones was sure that if Spock tried with his native tongue, he still wouldn't be able to form a sentence to convey just how much Jim's death took out of them. It was like Jim had taken their souls, their hearts with him on his way to the afterlife.

But that didn't matter anymore.

He had found a way to fix their suffering and to breathe life back into Jim.

That was just it though.

You see, on Bones' other hand, his mind was being ravaged by fear and doubt. Even though Bones had studied Khan's blood for hours, he didn't truly understand it. Sure, he understood how it could fix what was broken in a human (and other species) body but he didn't understand the blood itself. Khan's blood was cloaked in mystery and was unpredictable in ways, ways that scared Bones out of his wits. He didn't know how long it would take Jim's body to recover from the radioactive poisoning and . . .

. . . He didn't know just how long it would keep Jim alive and among the living.

So far the tribble was perfectly healthy and was very active but how long would that last? Would it live to see its lifespan to the end? Or would the tribble live for a few more months? Would Khan's blood lose its potency? Or was it everlasting in another body? Just how long could Bones and his friends expect to have Jim around?

Bones didn't want to consider the option that Khan's blood would only prologue Jim's death, making it inevitable.

But he had to.

He had to prepare his follow crewmembers for the worse scenario. They had to be mentally and emotionally prepared to once again say goodbye to their beloved captain. They couldn't afford to not to. Jim didn't need to see grief maul their hearts as he laid on his deathbed. No, Jim deserved a better sendoff than that. He deserved to be enveloped by death with the warmth of his friends beside him. He deserved to have a sweet goodbye wrapped up in smiles, to not know just how much his death will eat away at their minds-

It's all Jim's fault that I'm thinking this way, all his fricking fault. I'm going to kill him when he wakes up-

No, not when he wakes up. If he wakes up.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Bones turned his eyes to see Jim's sleeping form in the hospital bed and found himself on the brink of tears. Bones, even with his excellent medical skill, couldn't force Jim to wake up from his coma. Though Bones theorized that Jim would awaken once his body completely recovered, he knew that there was a chance that he wouldn't wake up. That chance, no matter how much Bones wanted to ignore it, was something that he had to take into account. Because if Jim didn't wake up, that would mean the blood hadn't done what it was supposed to do. It would mean that Bones' cure had failed.

Jim would die . . . again.

But this time Bones would know that he could have done something (even though he had no more of Khan's blood to make a different cure and he was dead) and that he had failed. He would know that it was indeed his fault and his alone. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if that happened. No, Bones would also die in his own way and so would the crew.

Everything would be broken then.

And this time . . . There wouldn't any fixing it.

Because the one person who could fix it would be forever beyond their reach, just slightly glazing their outstretched fingers.

And it would be torture, too much torture for them to bear.

That was why Bones had to prepare his friends. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he didn't at least try to prevent this possible scenario from playing out. But his friends weren't the only ones he had to prepare. There was Jim's mother and brother. Bones hadn't met either one of them though and was slightly reluctant to contact them. Jim hadn't spoken of his mother at all and had only a few rough words to say about his brother. Back then Bones hadn't asked about the situation concerning his family but now he wished he had the guts back then to ask. This way he'd know how to go about talking to his family. Should he bluntly tell them of the situation? Break it to them gently? Or merely bring them to see Jim's condition and work from there?

Why, oh, why hadn't Jim given Bones a set of instructions to deal with this matter?

Eyes flashing, Bones faintly remembered Jim saying something about a will, his will a few months ago. Jim had mumbled something about wanting to make sure that some things were taken care of if he died unexpectedly.

But where would it be? Surely he wouldn't hide it if he wanted someone to find it.

But it'd be like Jim if he hid it in a book or something. The kid was always sneaky and paranoid like that. If he did hide it, he probably put it where no one would look for it. But where would that be? In his dirty clothes? In a drink? Heck, just where would he hide his will-

A thought hit Bones just then.

A place where no one would look . . . He wouldn't . . . would he?

As Bones logged onto Jim's medical file and went to the personal section, his eyes moved from side to side, searching for the will that Jim had spoken of. A moment later, Bones' mouth opened slight and his eyes glistened just a little bit.

There, in Jim's personal section of his medical file, lied the will that Jim had mumbled about just months ago. But that wasn't what was making Bones' throat swell with emotion. It was the little digital note that Jim had left just for him.

So, Bones, if you're reading this note, then I'm dead. I guess my luck finally ran out on me, huh? You always told me that'd happen but I'm just too stubborn (or stupid) to listen. I don't really know what to say in this note other than that. I've never really be able to communicate when feelings are involved, you know? It's never been one of my strong points. Man, now I can't nag Spock about that, can I? Well, I can't anyway since I'm dead . . . Okay, what was it that I wanted to say? Oh yeah. I remember now.

Bones, whatever happened to me was not your fault. Get that through your thick skull right now. Whatever stupid thing I did or whatever stupid thing that managed to kill me is not your fault. I don't care if you were there or what. Just get rid of your guilt right now. Now I don't care if you try to bring me back (knowing you, you'll bring me back just to kill me yourself) but if you fail, don't blame yourself, okay? You can't save everyone, Bones. That's something both you and I need to learn.

You, we can't save everyone. Sometimes people, good people, are going to die. And sometimes we'll get the bad guys.

But we can't save everyone.

Remember that, Bones . . .

And remember that I'm part of that everyone . . . Obviously.

Just take care of yourself, okay? And watch out for the others. They need someone I trust to take care of them.

Your Captain,

Jim

Bones breathed deeply after he finished the note, forcing back his tears and curse words that his tongue yearned to lash out at Jim. How could Jim, the ever confident captain, consider the possibility of dying so calmly? Anyone else, Spock excluded, would have freaked out and not been able to write this kind of kind. So why had Jim been so calm, so freakishly calm during this note?

This new side of Jim was scaring Bones. To see that Jim could accept his death so easily was frightening and enlightening. What kind of man is okay with a scenario in which he dies? Seriously? Just what kind of man was Jim really?

After shaking those kinds of thoughts out of his head, Bones went on to read the will. He could always ask Jim once he had recovered and woken up. Yes, he would ask Jim when he had the chance.

Moments later, Bones frowned when he reached two unfamiliar names.

Kevin Riley and Thomas Leighton.

Who were these two men to Jim? Cousins? Childhood friends? And why hadn't Jim mentioned them?

Sighing to himself, Bones glanced at the two numbers that were by the two unfamiliar names. Jim had specifically written in his will that he wanted these two men notified first, not his mother and brother. Actually, once Bones turned his gaze towards the bottom of the page, there was no information about his mother and brother. It was like they didn't exist.

More like Jim purposely left them out.

So what was Bones to do about contacting Jim's mother and brother? Would he track them down after calling Kevin and Thomas? Or would he leave to them find out on their own? Bones shook his head. No person deserved to find out about a relative's death that way. He would wait to track them down after he did what Jim had instructed him to do first.

Dialing the first number that belonged to Kevin Riley, Bones sat down in the chair next to Jim's sleeping form.

These were going to be some very interesting phone calls.

A/N- Like? No, seriously, did you like it? Was it okay? Please review! This was published on 11-4-13 and with the length of 2,112 words.