Prompt: Bill tries to flirt and sucks at it.

Poor Flirting

Bill internally cursed his host body. Why did he have to be so young? If he was just a few years older, may be this 'flirting' thing would actually work for him. He had recently attained a book of 'pickup lines' that guaranteed him a date with Pine Tree or your money back, but it seemed to be failing him. Nearly every line either got him laughed at or reprimanded. Usually by Shooting Star. Pine Tree was more likely to ignore him.

Are those spacepants? Cause damn girl, that butt's out of this world! Laughed at. By everyone. Except for Pine Tree who just banged his head against the desk.

There's a party in my pants and you're invited! Reprimanded. Apparently, children his age had no parties in their pants according to Stanford who threatened to give him this 'talk'. Whatever talk this is, Bill had no wish for it after how much Shooting Star paled when it was mentioned.

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it next to mine? Laughed at. Even Pine Tree laughed.

Is that a pine tree in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Mixture of both. He got reprimanded after Shooting Star was done laughing. Pine Tree left the room so quickly that Bill didn't know if the pickup line worked or not.

You be the ice burg and I'll be the Titanic. I'll come crashing down on you. Reprimanded, though, he did hear Shooting Star use it on that rich blond girl the other day.

Hey, sweet thing, do you come here often? Laughed at.

There's too much space in-between us, let's get close and personal. Laughed at again.

And lastly, the one that is currently getting him reprimanded by Mabel was: Baby, I'm a rubix cube, the more you keep playing with me, the harder I get. Apparently, flirting with Pine Tree is fine, but not in a room full of adults that will somehow think Pine Tree is a pedophile. Which is ludicrous since he is vastly above the age required to enjoy sexual situations even if he body wasn't.

"Bill, just try to understand. Dipper can get in a lot of trouble if people hear you flirting with him like that," Mabel said calmly as she gave him a small smile. "I'm all for your cute flirting with my brother, but try to save it until there is no chance of someone trying to send him to jail, okay?"

Bill pouted up at the girl, hoping for her to relent in some way, but she was steady. "Fine."

A second later, Dipper comes walking through the door, sighing. "The shop is closed up. No one seemed all that bothered by Bill's…flirting," he grimaced at the last part. "We won't know until later if anyone is going to start something, but I think we're safe." Dipper sat down on the couch and Mabel walked over and sat at the other side.

If anyone dare tried to put Pine Tree in harm's way, Bill would be sure to remove the threat.

Bill came up the couch and crawled up in-between the twins, taking his normal seat. It was silent, painfully so. The air felt heavy, and it was even to the point it was bothering Bill. The boy looked up at Pine Tree's face to see how worn and tired he looked. He didn't like it. With a sigh, he stood up on the couch cushions and stood over Pine Tree. He leaned down and used the man's board shoulders to keep himself standing. Pine Tree looked up at him in confusion. He knew of an easy way to make him laugh, he's been doing it for the last few weeks.

"If I bite my lip, will you kiss it better?" Bill asked as sweetly as he normally would. Seconds pasted. Why wasn't he laughing?

Dipper's eyes slowly widened as a blush came to his cheeks. "Ah…"

Then came Mabel's laughter. She laughed hard enough that she bumped Bill into Dipper's lap. Bill's eye darted between Shooting Star laughing to the point of tears and Pine Tree trying to hide his face behind his hat, but his red ears could still be seen.

"THAT IS THE BEST!" Mabel laughed out, clutching her stomach as if she were in pain.

Bill laid there as he watched Pine Tree move the hat to glare at his sister.

"He so deserves a kiss," Mabel announced, still giggling.

Bill perked up.

"No," Dipper replied quickly.

Bill sighed and fell back into the warm lap.

"Aw, come on, bro-bro!"

"No!"

From that point, a small argument between the twins began, leaving Bill to play around with the buttons on Dipper's jacket. Pine Tree had such a nice smell about him. It was almost enough to lull him to…

"I think he's asleep," Mabel whispered.

Of course he wasn't, but he was too lazy to correct her. The comfort and warmth that Pine Tree gave off was too alluring for him to be bothered by her.

"I guess he's sleeping here," Mabel continued. "You put him to bed and I'll call his parents."

He listened as Shooting Star left the room. Pine Tree sighed and shifted until he was standing with Bill in his arms. The sway of the walking was something Bill wanted to never end. It was like flying again, but soon he was being tucked into a bed that was covered in Pine Tree's scent which was nearly just as good.

"You're really a hand full," Dipper sighed as he brushed back Bill's hair from his face. Another sigh. "Goodnight," he whispered.

Bill thought that Dipper was going to leave, but then he felt something softly press against his forehead. It took everything in him to keep pretending to sleep. As soon as the kiss ended, the wood creaked as Dipper left the room.

A painfully wide grin bloomed on his face as he curled up in the bed…Maybe he should give that pickup line book a second chance.