"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper. "
T.S. Eliot: the Hollow Men
'Amy, what are you doing?'
In the seven seconds that she had left to choose she thought about the stars
'That gravestone. Rory's.'
She thought about the way they had shown her so much and she had hoped that maybe they could reveal the right path now.
'There's room for one more name, isn't there?'
For the first second her head spun.
'What are you talking about?'
She imagined every single burst of light that she had witnessed, every happy moment she had ever experienced.
'Back away from the angel.'
All of time and all of space swam circles in her mind. All of the ties that she had smiled and laughed and cried. It was ll because of him. Not Rory. Something flipped in her stomach. She could hear him, the soft breeze in her vast and open mind. This is so wrong, all of this is wrong. She sobbed in agreement.
'Come back to the Tardis.'
She could spell out every single second where she had felt at home with him. All that time in that glorious blue box. All that time that he kept locked up safe in his box. That blue, blue box. You love him. And there he was again, whispering softly in her head. No, I don't. She wanted to scream those words out loud but she couldn't. There was no reply.
'We'll figure something out.'
I love Rory, she told herself, I do. She frowned as chaos erupted from deep within her. I do. She flinched because he could tell that she was lying. He was trying to make it all better.
'The angel, would it send me back to the same time, to him?'
She had spent so much time with Rory. But that could never compare to every time she realised that this was better than home. That she belonged here. With him. With her raggedy doctor.
'I don't know.'
She loved Rory, but he was so much different. He electrified her, and he terrified her.
'Nobody knows.'
He wasn't being honest, she could tell. He was sneakily trying to convince her to stay with him. And she wanted to. But she couldn't.
'But it's my best shot, yeah?'
Being torn from the inside out wasn't pleasant. She wanted to scream, to fall down in front of him and claw at her hair. She wanted him to comfort her and she wanted to forget. She wanted him to stay silent whilst she wept and when it was over she wanted to be held. She was hoping that it wasn't her best shot.
'No!'
It was the desperation in his voice that got her worked up. He knew that this was the only way, and yet he still wanted to fight it.
'Amy-'
No. No more fighting . He couldn't stop her from doing this. It will hurt but it will heal. She loves him, but she can't.
'Well then. I just have to blink right?'
It was quite funny how your life can be destroyed with a flutter of an eyelid. She didn't want to but she had to. She knew she would only double all his pain and misery. She would send him to permanent loneliness.
'No, Amy, please.'
I'm sorry, Amelia. And there he was again with a voice like honey, smooth and calm. A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
'It'll be fine. I know it will. I'll be with him like I should be.'
She could feel him hurt, as his hearts panged with her words. I'm sorry, my love.
'Me and Rory together.'
It was after all, her choice. Amy's choice. Choose between the two most important people in her entire life. She knew which one she loved, she knew that both of them loved her back. She knew which one of them would be with her forever. She had to make a choice. She had to leave the one she loved to stop from hurting.
'Stop it! Just, just, stop it!'
Amelia please listen to me. Please. She wants to be she knows that she can't. It will never ever work between them. She's no Time Lady. The earlier she leaves him the better. It will hurt, it will. She will ache for years later. She will never love Rory as she loves him. Rory will never be enough, but he will be sufficient.
'You are creating a fixed time.'
Amy. She chokes back on tears as she fights to keep her decision firm. It's all about him, the raggedy man, with the flying box in space. He is everything and he is nothing. But he is most definitely something. She could do anything just to be by his side forever. But she can't.
'I will never be able to see you again.'
And me you, she whispers back. I'm so sorry.
'I'll be fine, I'll be with him.'
She doesn't want to be, but she has to. She must. He understands, she knows, but he doesn't know why she doing it. If he ever found out, she wouldn't know what to do.
'Amy, please. Just come back into the Tardis.'
Oh that box. That blue, blue box. The one she saw so many times in her wild dreams. That same box that haunted the back of her mind all the way through her and Rory's wedding. She'd never really loved him after all, only ever loved the raggedy man.
'Come along, Pond. Please.'
Those words waver her firm decision. I can't, she whispers, I'm so sorry, but I just can't.
Her words carry through his head like a whirlwind of stardust. They pierce his hearts like a burning flame. She grimaces. Why? He whispers, and she cannot reply.
In those seven seconds she breaks her heart over and over and over. His hearts snap in two. She turns to face him and his hearts sink. And for one moment, just one shining moment she is the most beautiful thing in the whole of creation. The thought is mutual. They lay a chaotic mess on the floor of time and his universe cracks.
'Raggedy man, goodbye.'
But all of this is a secret
Buried six feet under
A smile of closed teeth-
It is with a whimper,
And not a bang,
That a heart breaks.