My Eyes Are Open
Chapter Two
Miss Honey stumbles into the teacher's bathroom feeling worse for wear, and locks the door behind her. She pushes off the door and drags herself to the sink and mirror. Jenny stares at herself in the reflection. Her strawberry blonde hair is damp and disheveled, and her gray-blue eyes red and swollen from crying. There's slight discolouration on her left cheekbone from where her face was shoved onto the desk, Jenny hopes it doesn't turn into a bruise.
After looking over her shoulder to make sure the door is locked, the teacher sighs as she sets her small duffle bag down beside the sink. She reaches behind her and unzips her dress, letting it fall to the floor around her feet. Jenny is careful to avoid looking at her body in the mirror. She does, however, force herself to discard her panties to inspect the damage on her bottom by the riding crop. There are several angry, red marks covering from her lower back to upper thighs. Some of them bleeding. Jenny rushes to wet some paper towels and press them delicately behind her. Though the cuts initially sting, they are eventually soothed enough so that she can dab away at the blood.
How did she find herself in such a terrible situation? Jenny feels like she asks herself this often. The teacher has nowhere to run to, nobody to help her. Her aunt made sure of this. Jenny desperately wishes she were brave enough to stand up to Aunt Trunchbull, but knows she never will be. As furious as her aunt makes her, the second she attempts to do something about it is the second she's crippled with fear. Jenny can prepare her words and a convincing argument to her heart's content, but she will cower away from her aunt every time.
But Matilda is different from her. Matilda is fearless. Matilda, a tiny girl of only five and a half, repeatedly outwits and openly revolts against the headmistress. Which makes her a target, in her aunt's eyes. Jenny sometimes wishes to pull Matilda back from her march to battle and whisper at her to obey the Trunchbull, but she's usually too afraid of being in the line of fire. Not that Matilda would listen to her anyway. The little girl evokes something in Miss Honey. She's everything the young woman wishes to be; brilliant, clever, strong. And, somewhere along the way, Miss Honey vowed to keep her that way. She would not let the little girl's fierceness and thirst for knowledge get stomped out or squandered at this school or by the girl's poor support at home. Jenny just hasn't figured out how to solve both their problems and protect the little girl. Not yet.
When her lashes have finally stopped bleeding, and after she's taken a wet paper towel to the insides of her legs, Jenny painfully bends over to pull fresh clothes out of her bag. Ever prepared for anything, the teacher has kept an extra set of clothes for herself in her desk-as well as an extra set for a boy and a girl that would fit an average child in her class-and in her three years of teaching, hasn't needed to use them. Before today, that is. She quickly pulls the light purple dress over her head and fits herself in some new underwear. The cotton rubs the angry cuts painfully, but there is not much else Jenny can do for herself right now. She imagines she'll have to stand for the rest of day, despite her exhaustion, and wants nothing more to crawl into her bed.
The teacher glances at her watch. She has a few more minutes before she must return to her classroom, face her students—who must know something happened—and pretend like she isn't crumbling inside. Jenny splashes cold water on face and is reaching for a paper towel when she hears three soft raps on the door. Jenny clears her throat and steadies her voice so she can call out an even and strong, "Just a moment."
"Miss Honey?" A high voice asks through the door, "Are you alright?" It's Matilda. Jenny recognizes it almost immediately.
She rushes to the door and opens it to give her student a confident reassuring. "Oh, yes, Matilda. I'll be out in a moment."
But Jenny watches as Matilda's eyes flicker behind her, towards the sink where there are still bloodied paper towels and her old clothes are heaped in a pile on the floor. Miss Honey watches as Matilda's curiosity turns to worry and her eyebrows furrow the way they do when the little girl sees something she doesn't understand, which isn't very often. Miss Honey prays that she's thinking about something else or that she missed the contents of the bathroom but she knows that's not a real possibility. Matilda doesn't miss anything.
However, Matilda presses her lips together and looks up to her teacher, who is holding steadfast to a warm smile, and nods. Miss Honey swiftly closes the door. She allows herself a beat, leaning against the wall with her shoulders, and collects herself with a single, deep inhale. Then she's off. The young woman gathers the bloody paper towels and throws them away, washes out the sink, and returns the dirty garments to her duffle bag before heading towards the door. Stopping with her hand on the knob, Jenny takes one final, fortifying breath and opens the door.
She had been hoping that Matilda would be gone when she came out so that she could have a couple more moments to prepare herself, but is surprisingly relieved to find the little girl sitting against the wall right outside the door. Miss Honey smiles down at the girl, trying to hide her sadness and nerves, and slings the duffle bag strap over her shoulder as they start down the hall together. Miss Honey knows that Matilda would definitely be the hardest to face. The girl's wise, knowing eyes seem to catch every single detail as if always surveying and cataloging the information around her, storing it for future reference. Miss Honey knows that the change of clothes was not unnoticed by her—though it likely will be to the rest of her students—and is grateful that Matilda picked up not to mention it.
As Jenny looks down at the girl walking beside her—so small, but so wise for her years—she realizes how selfish she's been. While she had been locked in the Chokey, her students were completely vulnerable to the headmistress' raw wrath all morning. She notices even her star pupil looks worn and weary, and realizes she doesn't know why.
"How was your lunch period?" Miss Honey opens the conversation. It was obvious that Matilda was attempting to give her teacher space, but is happy for the reopening of communication between them.
"I finished my book—" Matilda begins.
Miss Honey interrupts her, providing the title of the novel, "Slaughterhouse-Five." and reminding Matilda that she remembered the girl telling her about the first half of it this morning before class.
"Right," Matilda smiles, happy that her favorite teacher took note and remembered, then sobers again, "and then I started looking for you."
The teacher tenses at this and stops walking to face the child. "Matilda," She struggles to find the right words for an explanation, "I…"
"It's alright, Miss Honey." It's Matilda's turn to interrupt her teacher, "You don't have to."
'Make an excuse.' 'Tell me what happened.' Miss Honey supposes it doesn't make much difference what the girl meant, exactly, but she's grateful—yet again—for the girl's maturity and savoir faire. They walk in a mostly comfortable silence, though the hint of a tense undertone is still felt, before the teacher is compelled again into pursuing what she started and finding out what she needs to know.
"What did Miss Trunchbull do while I was gone?" Miss Honey blurts out. She prepares herself for the guilt and heartache the answer might bring. She must know the damage that had been done.
"She had us all do phys ed for a long time." Matilda rolls her left shoulder.
Though the teacher feels bad, she knows there are far worse things the older woman could do. "And how was that?"
"Not too terrible. Nigel had a minor asthma attack, but we got him to the nurse and he is alright." Matilda informs her teacher, nonchalant.
But Miss Honey knows better. Though she knows Matilda would never say it, Miss Honey knows that most of the children in her class can barely even pronounce 'asthma'. She imagines Nigel leaning over against the gym wall, wheezing, and Matilda stopping her run to check on him, before having someone—probably Nigel's best friend Tommy—escort him to the nurse.
"Was that all?" The teacher inquires further. Four hours is a long time for phys ed, even for the Trunchbull.
"When she finally let us rest, she gave us a spelling test." Matilda recounts, and her voice suddenly gains animation, "And, Miss Honey, you'd be so proud of Amanda! She spelled 'difficulty' correctly! Miss Trunchbull was so very surprised, and it's because you taught us that!"
A smile creeps onto the teacher's face, at Matilda's animation and her own pride for her students. Amanda had such an ironically difficult time spelling the word and Miss Honey made up a little song to help her and the rest of the class remember. It was effective. But she notices Matilda's face morph from lively and spirited to the girl's trademark outraged and impassioned frown.
"But she asked Lavender to spell 'newt'. Lavender didn't know it, and Miss Trunchbull threatened to throw her into Chokey. And that's not right, Miss Honey!" Matilda tells her teacher, not noticing the older woman's grimace at the threatened reprimand.
Obviously, Lavender didn't end up in the Chokey. "What happened to Lavender?"
"Nothing." Matilda shrugs.
Miss Honey furrows her eyebrows and looks down at the girl as they continue down the hallway. "'Nothing'?" There's no way the Trunchbull would just let a student off like that, she has to save face, at least.
"I spelled the word for her." Matilda admits. "Miss Trunchbull didn't put me in Chokey, though. She gave me another word—capitulate—and then another—obsequy—when I got the first right, which I also spelled correctly. I think she quizzed me with every word she knew. Finally, however, she tried to tell me I spelled 'supersede' incorrectly, which I didn't, and ended up storming off when Alice found a dictionary and proved me right."
Miss Honey smiles at Matilda's victory, but the happiness is short-lived as she remembers her aunt doesn't leave 'disrespect' unanswered, as well as what happened when the Trunchbull stormed away from her students to release Jenny from the Chokey. Miss Honey vows to be there when the headmistress inevitably comes for her student. "I'm very proud of you, Matilda. That was very brave to help your friends like you did." is all Miss Honey can manage. Matilda nods to her teacher, as if she was just doing what needed to be done—and while that is true, her teacher doesn't miss the small grin that graces the girl's features after the praise.
A beat of silence passes between the two before Matilda stops them outside of their classroom door. "I'm glad you're alright, Miss Honey. We were all very frightened for you."
The woman's stomach flips as the girl tells her this, as if releasing a burden the young woman's shoulders had been bearing. Though Jenny certainly does not feel alright, she's glad she's at least faking it well enough to convince her brightest student, even if not completely. She bends down and places a hand on the girl's shoulder, "Thank you, Matilda. That is very sweet of you." And guides the girl into the classroom before her.
Miss Honey smiles to her class, who looks as relieved by her return as she feels, and glances around the desks. She notes that Nigel is indeed back in his seat, and that Lavender's shirt has two large, muddy stains near the collar, undoubtedly from the headmistress. As she scans her students for more detail, she notices the expectant look on their faces and Miss Honey mentally kicks herself for not preparing how she would address her class in this situation. Carefully, she decides.
The teacher stands in the front of the class, one arm across her stomach and one hand subconsciously fiddling with her necklace. Jenny wishes she could sit on her desk or hide behind it in the chair, but reminds herself of the pain—currently masked by her nervousness—and stands exposed in front of her children. She clears her throat. "First of all, I want to apologize for my absence." Apparently the headmistress used the Chokey as the main threat of force, despite the fact that it was already in use, which lead Jenny to believe the children weren't informed where she was. Probably part of the Trunchbull's fear tactics and disorientation. Jenny doesn't say anything more about where she was. "I did hear that you were put through some rather rigorous phys ed, and I am very happy to see you all persevered through." Miss Honey directs a tight-lipped smile to Nigel. Jenny hates having to tiptoe around the events with carefully selected words; there's not a lot she can say about what happened. But it's over now, and Miss Honey rather preserve the sunshine and security she's built within her classroom. "And Amanda," She calls to the little girl with bright blonde hair, "Congratulations on spelling 'difficulty'! I know you worked so hard on that." The little girl smiles in triumph.
"Since we've all had a rough start to our day, I was hoping that we could just review the four times tables we started yesterday, and take it easy for the rest of the afternoon. How does that sound?" No one verbally answers, but the relief and exhaustion written across her students' faces are more than enough of an answer.
As Miss Honey begins to write a few of the times tables on the chalk board at the front of the room, "Now, children, just like yesterday. We have four times three. Remember our steps, first we—" The door creaks open, to reveal her aunt harshly scanning her over and briefly the classroom, and Miss Honey struggles not to lose her focus, "First we state what we are trying to find out; four thirds is four three times, or three four times." When she looks to the door again, it is fully shut.
After she passes out the review sheet for the four times tables several minutes later, she surveys her classroom once again. Bruce looks as though he might cry at any moment, and Hortensia looks like she's falling asleep. Lavender is drawing with a purple crayon on the back of her paper, Tommy might actually be doing the work, and Alice and Amanda are whispering to each other while Eric is trying to tie his shoe in the back of the room. Matilda finished the problems moments after it was placed on her desk and is now pages into a new book. Usually, the teacher would walk along the isle and assist her students on their work and keep them focused, but today is different. Today she lets them do as they please, and they don't take advantage of it. Jenny is too tired to focus, as she imagines they are, and tries not to move much in her chair at her desk.
Miss Honey eventually forces herself up again to stand in front of her class. "Children," She calls their attention from their various activities, "If you promise to behave, you may all choose a book and line against the wall, and we'll go outside and have an outdoor reading afternoon. How does that sound?" Little smiles eagerly nod at her, careful to be quiet as to demonstrate their willingness to be quiet and well-behaved. Nigel and Hortensia need help picking out books, but after every student has a book in hand and is obediently lined against the wall single-file, Miss Honey leads her students to the front courtyard where her and her small class sit on the steps and read away the rest of the afternoon in the sun.