"Bella...Bella wake up.."
Jacob was lying next to me, holding me in his arms. I could tell there was a bit of attitude in his voice, but not directly at me "Bella...you were dreaming about him again..."
I shifted from side to side next to Jacob, "How do you know?"
"You were saying his name and crying..." he said very directly. Oh, i thought to myself. "I'm sorry Jake."
"Bella, it's been over a year, why can't you come to terms with the fact that he isn't coming back this time."
"Because he came back last time..." I wanted to yell at him but I didn't. It always hurt him that he knew I was waiting for Edward. That he knew he was only second choice, but he said he'd take whatever he could get from me. He said with enough time, he knew I could love him more then Edward. Fat chance I always thought to myself.
"Jacob...I think i have to go home today. See Charlie, do you think we could hang out later though?"
"Sure Bells, where you wanna meet?"
I shrugged, "Just pick me up later." Jacob nodded, and kissed me softly on the lips, mine barely responding, but responding enough to merit a smile to his face. His lips were smooth, soft and warm. They had texture and gave a little when mine pressed against them.
At home, I laid on my bed. It had been well over a year since Edward said he had to leave me, than his hands were tied, and he couldn't get out of it. Where was he? What did he have to do? Why was it so important? But, mostly, why couldn't I get over him? I still hadn't told Jacob I loved him, though he was convinced that I did. We were happy enough together. I could see myself with him forever. Even all the werewolf stuff he pulled. I can think of a few times when he ran out of the house because he couldn't control his emotions around me any longer. Jacob was so much different from Edward, it was easy to fall in love with him. Edward will always be who I long to be with, and I will never understand fully the connection we have, but Jacob can make me happy too. I wouldn't mind spending my life with him, if it came down to that.
I always end up thinking about dangerous things, it's an adrenaline rush for me, I still hear Edward in my head, talking to me while I attempt to shorten my life potentially. Jacob doesn't know, he'd be really upset if he did. He just thinks i'm somewhat of a dare devil. We've jumped off the cliffs together before, hand in hand, but every time, I didn't feel Jacob, I felt Edward. He was screaming at me, telling me all the reasons why this was a bad idea. Telling me how much he loved me, and how he didn't want me to end up dead. Then it would all stop when I hit the water, and Jacob would wrap his big arms around me and hold me in the swirling water, and i'd be brought back to who I am now.
Who am i? I'm Isabella Swan, and i'm in love with two monsters. What more can I say, danger is ever present in my life. The man I love, the man I will always love, has left... again. The man I should learn to love, the man I should want to love... loves me more then anything else on this earth.