Let me first begin by saying how hard this is for me to do.
Let me add to that, that I want to know God. I want Him to know me. I want Him to love me. But I know that He won't, until I have repented and come clean on my evil actions of the past few years.
Nothing any of you can say will hurt me any more than I already hurt. I am crippled by emotional pain. I feel that this is my last chance. If I don't make my peace with God now, this time, at this moment, I never will. I cannot go on living the way I have been.
I have so much evil inside me. This evil manifests itself in hurtful, appalling abuse, mostly online, because it is easier to hurt when you can't see the face of the one you are hurting. Even if I were to change right now, and never say another mean, heartless word to anyone, it would not change the fact that I have a festering boil of evil inside me. I have to lance it. i have to let out the badness in order to heal.
That's why I am posting here. I had originally planned to send a personal message to each and every one that I have hurt, but I realize that will take too long, because I hurt so many. So I am instead posting here, and those of you who I owe apologies to will probably see it. I was, after all, something of a celebrity.
Please, please do contact me privately if you want to talk. Or if you want to yell, scream, gloat, rant, rave, curse... as I said, I deserve all you have to throw at me and more. But until I let this out of me, I will never be whole.
I offer my sincerest and most humble apologies. You don't have to accept. But that does not change the fact that I owe them.
Please try to forgive me, in time. I know I don't deserve it.