Chapter one: Lavi's lists1- the mall
The computer got invented and so did the internet. DGM is on crack. Who knows what will happen. XD
A/N: I got the idea of these lists from SHADOWoftheWOLF 's story:Observations and really couldn't resist. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: disclaimed
The exorcists had a day off and all went to the mall...and Lavi had printed out a list of things to do with the help of the 'KOMputer' and the internet.
1)Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.
Lavi got stuck and they had to get Kanda to chop him free with Mugen.
2)Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Apparently this was considered sexual harassment and Lavi had a restraining order placed on him. Allen had to bail him out.
3) Sneeze on the sample tray at confectionary/ candy shops and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
When Allen found out what Lavi was doing, he developed a sudden cold.
4)At the bottom of an escalator, scream, "My shoelaces! Augh!"
Allen walked past and rolled his eyes. "Lavi, your boots don't have shoelaces."
5) Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
Lavi didn't understand what this meant and asked for porn instead.
6) Teach pets store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
Allen freaked out 'cause whenever he walked past a parrot, it yelled 'moyashi'. Kanda almost laughed. Almost.
7) Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...
...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."
Allen ate up those that were in a packet so Lavi licked up the sauce on the floor and Kanda stepped on his head.
8) Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
He even constructed a mini model of the Eiffel Tower complete with an elevator.
9) Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
He learned that green really suited him and the girls were all convinced that the lingerie shop was haunted.
10) Test mattresses in your pajamas.
He ended up bouncing on them instead and it escalated into a competition to see who could jump the highest. Kanda won. (Lenalee's dark boots were banned when she punched a hole through one of the mattresses)
11) If you're patient, start intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
He lasted 10 minutes before dashing to the toilet.
12) Sprint up the down escalator.
Kanda won again because Allen fell and took Lavi with him.
13) Stare at the static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
Allen freaked out thinking he was blind and Kanda dismantled them with Mugen to find the 'hidden picture'. He threw Lavi into the fish tanks when he found none.
14) Ask an appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
Apparently they did so he asked for them in Latin.
15)Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
He never knew that the store sold so many condoms.
16)Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
He found a whole section which played Rebecca Black's 'Friday'
17) Try on bras over top of your clothes.
The girls still thought that the lingerie shop was haunted so he had the whole shop to himself. He managed to rope Allen in with promises of mitarashi dangos and Krory too (somehow) and they paraded around in apricot push-up bras. Sadly, Kanda proved to be more stubborn then he looked and sulked in the corner with Lenalee who was taking pictures as blackmail.
18)Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
Lavi used strawberry jam instead and people refused to even look in that direction.
19) While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible, "I smell sex and candy."
Allen joined in with a second verse of "I smell rape and waffles."
18) Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
The employee, who was new, looked at him blankly before calling security and Lavi had to run.
19) Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn then all off and turn the volumes to 10.
Krory turned them on, freaked, and bolted, leaving Allen and Lenalee to waltz and Lavi to ask Kanda for a dance. He got a whack from Mugen instead.
20) Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Kanda kicked all their asses.
21) Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
Lavi decided to generously provide the statues with dresses and under wear as well.
22) Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
He got Allen's pancake, a couple of hats, skimpy lingerie, books, and Kanda's hair. The last he did not manage to reel in.
23) Put M&Ms on layaway.
Allen ate them anyway.
24) Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
The sales of carpets in that mall went down by 90% that day.
25) Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Allen even brought blankets and they goaded Kanda into setting up the campfire.
26) Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Krory fainted.
27) Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
He even tried the mascara.
28) When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Kanda freaked in his own weird way and flung foundation at him before ditching him. It escalated into a cosmetics fight after he left. Purple eyeshadow made good blusher, on Allen anyway.
29) Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
He decided to go a step further and deposited the stuff on the reflective glass
30) Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battle field with G. I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Allen somehow cheated and won and it turned into something like strip-poker
31) While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
They confiscated the guns and threw him out. He snuck back in to test the Glock.
32) Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
He used this as an excuse to sneak into the girl's toilet and peek at them.
33) Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Link started stalking him too.
34) Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
After getting paid to try out Porches and Volvos, he seriously considered switching occupations.
35) In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
He even spray-painted his hair pink.
36) Hide in the clothing racks and when the people browse through, say things like "Pick me, pick me!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
Allen shrieked and nearly fainted when a frilly pink dress tried to convince him to buy it.
37) When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Kanda got a shock of his life when Lavi suddenly screamed in his ear and dissolved in hysterics.
38) Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
Lavi allowed only busty women in his line and checked them out while he checked their groceries out.
39) Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
He spiked it with Sake and got so drunk the other exorcists had to forcibly drag him back to the headquarters, thus ending their day-out
A/N: Enjoyed it? Well, you better review then. XD
also, i don't mind if you want to waste my time PMing me. Life gets boring easily.