Chapter two: Recruited for a Good(?) Cause*
*(...Or at least it WOULD have been.)
Dark was quickly settling over the Shepherd's small camp (well, small being a relative term - at present, they were still early in their war against Plegia, and the bulk of their future recruits had yet to show up) when Sully, Frederick, Maribelle and Lissa finally got back. Having grown tired of waiting, Chrom had reassigned Stahl to wood gathering duty, and a campfire was thankfully already lit. The mood was somewhat tense when the group laid eyes on the newcomer trio, evidently under arrest, because of the very, very recent failed parley with King Gangrel. In fact, Exalt Emmeryn was still among them, under the heaviest possible guard for her own safety.
The trip back behind Ylissean borders had been longer than expected due to fears of ambush slowing the group down; the day's earlier training was the group tactician, Robin's attempt to get some last-minute exercise into the group before they would inevitably find themselves planning for battle back in Ylisstol. It put Emmeryn at considerable risk, but the hope was that the results would be worth it.
Chrom was starting to wonder if he had supported a bad idea when he laid eyes on Specs, Contacts and Book Specs.
"Making new friends, are we?" Chrom asked, addressing Lissa.
"Well, I hope they're friends. I mean, they were certainly nice enough to us," Lissa replied.
"Don't lie, we were total assholes from the moment you met us," Contacts cut in.
"...Well, Specs was relatively nice, at least. Although, the number of times he supposedly lit himself on fire by accident has me worried for his health," Lissa remarked.
"What? I had an off-day with the flint and steel. It happens," Specs shrugged.
"Three times, in under ten minutes?" Contacts inquired.
"I really had an off-day," Specs replied.
"Frederick? Did these three hurt Lissa or Maribelle any?" Chrom asked.
"The one known as Specs reports a minor, disciplinary headache for Lady Maribelle, but otherwise no harm of note," Frederick reported.
"Actually, when we found them, they were all just kind of screwing around. Well, except for this guy, he ran up a tree like he thought he was gonna get eaten or something," Sully added, nudging Contacts with the butt of her spear.
"Yeah, and then fucking Specs went and yapped off about me being a thief because he's an asshole," Contacts grumbled.
"What was that? You say you're a thief?" Chrom asked, his tone suddenly becoming much more... "displeased," let's call it.
"Ah, gods damn it, here we go again," Contacts sighed.
"Can't blame it on me, because it wasn't my fault this time!" Specs teased.
"That's why this sucks," Contacts growled through grit teeth.
Booky jostled his head lightly, adjusting his glasses without his hands.
"Oh, and apparently Contacts swiped something from Sully out of spite when we were arrested," Specs translated.
"Is that right?" Sully asked, turning the blade of her spear on the thief.
"Motherfucking damn it, could you two not sell me out for like two seconds?!" Contacts yelled.
"In fairness, it was only like one gold coin, because his hands are tied up. Otherwise, it probably would've been the whole purse," Specs clarified.
"That helps my cause how?!" Contacts demanded.
"It helps my cause greatly," Sully snarled, pressing the spearhead into Contacts' throat in warning. "Now let's do this: you hand over what you stole, and maybe I'll let you keep your head long enough to plead whatever innocence you still have, hmm?"
Contacts muttered irritably as he opened his left hand, revealing the stolen coin in question.
"It was one coin. One flippin' coin. The size of your freaking coin purse tells me that you have plenty more than that. Are you really that strapped for funds that you get so anal over every scrap of pocket change?" Contacts wondered snidely.
"Well, so far, we haven't had the best of introductions. Maybe you'd like to see to changing that story before it gets any worse for you?" Chrom suggested.
"Well, then we should probably let Booky do the talking," Specs surmised.
Booky scoffed in disbelief at Specs.
"Oh right, the whole 'doesn't talk to anybody because he considers us all beneath him' thing... Okay, I guess I'm doing the talking, then!" Specs decided.
Chrom flashed a disapproving look at Booky, who grinned back unapologetically, before nodding at Specs to continue.
"So, I'm Specs, the quiet guy is Booky, and the confirmed thief is Contacts. We're part of this little group - there's about eight of us, total - and we call ourselves the Specs and Co. I didn't decide on that name, everybody else did. Anyhow, we came to Ylisse from... somewhere very far away, and we were just planning on going around investigating ruins for cool treasures and whatnot, maybe a fight with bandits here and there for variety," Specs explained.
"If we really wanted to change it up, we might even have run into some deep-rooted conspiracy involving old, dead societies, extremely complex traps and puzzles that have no reason to exist given the time period they must have been made in, and powerful, ancient, and massively unwieldy magic," Contacts added.
"And for a real good time, maybe we'd even clash with the local megalomaniacal warmonger looking to capitalize on said dead civilizations and ancient magic for his own nefarious benefit," Specs continued.
"And in the end, we would defeat the bastards and come away with sweet, sweet loot - or, what of it survived, given the inherent likelihood of it being cursed or destroyed or whatever," Contacts said. "We have these adventures a lot, you see."
"Sounds like it," Chrom said, barely making sense of the story so far.
The discussion had drawn Emmeryn's curiosity, and against the warnings of her guard, she quietly walked over to the scene.
"Oh! Well, hi there, miss!" Specs greeted cheerfully, then continued, "Anyhow, that was our game plan, but it didn't quite pan out because... well, we got arrested for Contacts being a thief and Booky and I being co-conspirators. In reality, that's more of a half-truth than anything else, but I can see where it might look bad for us."
"I don't think I've seen anybody of your type before. You said you aren't from around here?" Chrom asked.
"Yeah, no, we're from... well, the honest truth of the matter is that we're from an entirely different world, but you'll probably call me crazy for saying that, so 'a long ways away' is the only good answer I can give to that," Specs admitted.
"...Except you still said it," Contacts informed him flatly.
"I did? Oh, well. Since that's out in the open, then, don't bother asking how we got to this world, it's complicated and I'm not too sure how it works either," Specs informed the group.
"Another world. To say that you speak in jest is an understatement," Frederick commented.
"Yeah, we're really not. You wouldn't understand if we explained it to you, so we're not going to try," Contacts replied.
"What he said," Specs agreed.
Book Specs adjusted his glasses.
"Oh, and in spite of Contacts being a thief and stealing a single coin, we actually haven't done anything constituting a crime in this world, so Booky thinks that it would make more sense to just let us go about our crazy adventure rather than try and find a reason to persecute us," Specs translated.
"I think we'll be the ones to decide-" Chrom countered.
"I agree with them, Chrom," Emmeryn interjected suddenly.
"Huh?!" Chrom choked in shock.
"After all, you had no reason to trust Robin when you first met, but you were quite happy to have him in your ranks in spite of that," Emmeryn explained gently. "Doesn't it seem fair, then, that these people have that same chance?"
"...Wait, did a monarch just stick up for me? Shit, when's that ever happened before?" Contacts realized.
"I think she was sticking up for us as a collective being, but other than that, this is kind of your first time, isn't it?" Specs agreed.
"There is one condition that I would ask of you," Emmeryn said. "I would ask that you aid Chrom in the coming battle."
"Coming battle? Say what, now?" Contacts asked.
"The short term is that war has just been declared on Ylisse, and it's not going to be pretty," Chrom explained. "My sister's right; I could use all the help I can get for what's to follow."
"Well, I mean, you really won't find much use for us, I don't think," Contacts replied. "I mean, archery is my only strength outside of thievery, and close combat is just asking for me to get killed. And Specs is an idiot more than he is a real swordsman. Like, the only guy you could probably employ to any great effect is Booky."
Book Specs adjusted his glasses once more.
"Huh? Oh, right, I forgot! Dying has no consequence for us!" Contacts remembered.
"What do you mean?" Emmeryn inquired.
"Dark Spark!" Contacts called out, before closing his eyes.
In the very next second, an ominous purple glow emanated from his body, growing brighter quickly until he exploded into flaming, bloody chunks.
"What the-?!" Sully gasped, repulsed just as badly as everybody else was.
"D-did he just-?!" Chrom stammered.
"The maniac just blew himself up!" Frederick exclaimed.
"Well yeah, I can see that," Specs said calmly. "Just give it a second, you'll see what's going on here."
In confused and horrified silence, the group looked at the charred spot where Contacts had been standing, trying hard to ignore the bits of his remains that littered the ground. Then, add though Naga herself was manifesting in mortal form before their eyes, a brilliant light appeared before them, and shaped itself into Contacts' physical appearance.
With an anticlimactic *pop!*, Contacts was reborn, landing on his butt with a small bounce.
"Ow! Fucking shit! That fucking hurt, Gods damn it!" The thief swore painfully. Then he looked behind him and noticed that his arms were mysteriously still tied. "Aw, damn it, that didn't even free me-heee!" He wailed.
"Wait, you seriously thought that would work?" Specs asked.
"I was hoping, damn it all!" Contacts groaned.
"What... was that?" Robin, who had been quiet up until now, asked.
"Yeah, uh, we're kind of indestructible. Well, I mean, we're- y-you can kill us, sure, but it doesn't really do anything, you see," Contacts explained as best he could without outright saying 'immortality.'
"How is that even possible?" Chrom asked in awe.
"Fuck if I know. Apparently it is, though," Contacts shrugged. "So, uh, I guess if you guys need a distraction or a meat shield, we're good for that."
"You're gonna have to let us go back and get our tents and shit, though," Specs noted.
"Fair enough," Chrom replied without a second thought.
Of course, he would end up having many second thoughts in the days to come.
Emmeryn too, probably.