One particular Friday, all six of us went to a bowling alley, called Mick's Bowling.

I was never that good at bowling, but I always found it a rather interesting game to play, especially with my friends.

Plus, that would have probably meant getting close to Eric, as he was, on the contrary, amazing at it.

One thing that had characterized our friendship from day one was him teaching me how to do things, like playing a game and such.

It was something we both enjoyed about the other.

The list of turns was as followed,

HEIERKYSTABUKE (Our team name and the name of the group chat)

1. Eric

2. Heidi

3. Kenny

4. Butters

5. Stan

6. Kyle

So, I was the last one to throw the ball, which gave me the chance to observe the previous players.

As we arrived to our row, Eric was already holding the heaviest ball, for the showoff that he was.

He was very competitive, but not in a friendly way - he was a vicious player, no matter what game it was he played- and he was extremely obsessed with himself and the way he appeared to others, so of course he had to impress us.

"Wow, babe, be careful not to break your shoulder muscles with that ball!" Heidi giggled in a cheering way. I watched as she walked closer to him to give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, she happily touched the ball that her boyfriend was carrying with apparent ease.

They were unbelievably cute together, I had to admit. It was like they made me believe in love.

It wasn't something that healthy, given my attraction to one of them, but I can swear it on anything that it didn't really bother me to see them being cute with each other.

Weird, but it was true. I had accepted that Eric was her boyfriend and all, but still, I couldn't stop looking at his lips, the way he moved...

I snapped out of my contemplation because Stan slapped my shoulders quite hard.

"What are you doing, Kyle?" he asked, amused. "Don't stare at them, that's creepy."

"I'm not staring!" I said, defensively. I was blushing furiously, but no one could see that because I had already seen it coming.

Ever since being caught blushing because Eric had talked about shaving his balls (and not finding the words to justify that action) I had found a clever way to hide it.

I resorted to wearing my mom's foundation whenever I'd go out with them and Eric was around.

No one could tell I was wearing it, so my crimson red face was concealed at its finest, thankfully.

"I've just had enough with Eric acting all pompous and stuff." I almost shouted, making sure I got Eric's attention.

Oh, how good it felt whenever that desire was fulfilled.

I saw his mouth drop in a fake offended gasp, nothing was funnier than that.

"I'll throw you instead of the ball if you don't shut up, you stupid Jew!" He said in a playfully menacing tone, to which I replied to by blowing raspberry.

Those moments, I really loved.

It was really funny to cross Eric like that, sometimes, knowing that he would have never really done anything to hurt me.

Just like I had predicted, when it was my turn to roll the ball - the lightest one, of course, given I was very thin- he came to the rescue.

It's not like I sucked at it, I would exaggerate my inability to play just so that he would teach me something and I would get his attention.

I was desperate for it, I realized that, but it wasn't really an issue for me.

As long as I got him to wrap his arms around me to put me into the right position, I was happy.

A few minutes later, I threw the ball in the way he had instructed and managed to achieve a strike.

"That was only because I taught him how to do that!" Eric stated in his usual smug way, while everyone else clapped their hands and cheered for me.

The bastard, he always wanted to be praised for anything, even if he didn't do it. He was awful.

To no one's surprise, Eric won the match, with around 300 points and I came in last. Ironically, he, Heidi and Kenny were on the podium, following the team list.

"Ah-ha!" Eric said, looking at me, while walking out of the alley, abusing his bragging rights.

It wasn't that late at night, it was around 1 am, but Heidi had to go home, because her family was very strict when it came to curfews.

"I told you I would win. I'm the best at anything, while you suck at the simplest things! Face it, you will never get on my level."

Damn him, he was so insufferable when he acted like that, but I didn't want to spoil the fun.

"I couldn't be on your level, for I am very much shorter than you are."

Not my best come back, but it made everyone laugh about it.

Eric responded by slapping me across the head.

Since we were all together, we had to split in two cars, in order to get everyone home safely.

All of them except for me and Stan were drivers, but Butters wasn't feeling well on that night and Kenny hadn't brought his driver's license with him, so half of us had to go with Heidi, while the others went in Eric's car, a greyish Ford Fiesta, which I always found quite nice looking.

I chose to go with Eric, Stan tagged along.

I said goodnight to Heidi by hugging her, I always hugged her whenever we parted ways, it was just how cute we both were with the other.

I squeezed Butters and Kenny's cheeks at once while smiling, saying "Night, my lovely gays!" earning a kiss on the cheek by Butters.

Kenny acted jealous, but he was really fine with it, that prankster.

The drive back home was fun, just like every time it was only me, Stan and Eric.

I, of course, was sitting in the back seat, since Stan had an obsession with being in the front seat.

One good thing about my sitting position was that I could be in the middle seat, undisturbed, and the music was louder, since I had the speakers right behind me.

We blasted Queen music for the whole time it took for us to get to Stan's house, singing as loudly as we could, especially when Bohemian Rhapsody came about.

We had been obsessed with their music after watching the film regarding the band, and I had to admit that it was really fun.

When Stan left, I was the one to go sit next to Eric, which didn't fail to make me slightly nervous.

Being alone with him was, to say the least, scary, because I always feared I would kiss him or something.

As I sat, I closed the door behind me and asked, " Did I close it right?" like I always did, fearing I had left it open.

I must have used a suggestive tone, because Eric looked at me with widened eyes and turned off the music.

"Well, if you ask me like that, Kyle." He said, enhancing the word 'Kyle'.

An awkward silence followed. Damn, had I been so stupid to let my guard down?

"Kyle, are you flirting with me?" Eric asked, minutes later, finally bringing the silence to an end.

Oh crap, I've been found out, I thought, starting to panic inside. Eric knew I had a thing for him, of that I had always been certain, but he had never really expressed it verbally.

Except for that one time, years prior, when I'd confessed to having been attracted to him for the first day I knew him, before finding out he was with Heidi.

Other than that, the subject had been dropped for a while. I didn't know what to say or how to behave, had I been too obvious, I would have probably created a storm.

Especially with Heidi, who, had she known, wouldn't have hesitated to cut me out of her life so very quickly.

She had done it to people who had shown interest in her boyfriend and, although they weren't me, I was still anxious about it.

"No, I'm not, nor would I ever." I replied, trying to sound as natural as possible, despite being extremely nervous, at that point.

I wasn't looking at him, I could feel his stare on me, even if he was driving.

"Come on, I knew you liked me." He said in a way that, had he not been Heidi's boyfriend, could have driven me mad enough to plant a kiss on his lips. "You confessed it to me, years ago, remember? Man, you were so silly." He chortled, his eyes fixated on the road.

"I wasn't really into you, it was just that I found you... aesthetically pleasing." I stated, still very thankful for wearing all of that foundation on my face, as I could feel my cheeks burn.

"Heidi would be very upset about it, though. You know her, she's really jealous when it comes to me." He responded, occasionally moving his eyes to look at me.

Apparently, my answer to his "Are you flirting with me?" had not been convincing enough.

Shit, he thought I had a crush on him or something, not that he was too wrong about it.

Still, I would have denied any romantic involvement on my part, to the death.

"You mean, she was upset when I told her about the past crush on you?" I asked, trying not to bite my nails.
He shook his head.
"I mean, if you liked me now. She'd be really, really upset." He repeated. Well, I was fucked then. I said nothing about it, instead I said that he was good looking, just like everyone else in the group was good looking.

"That I agree with you." He said, smiling.
I had never met anyone who liked the way they looked that much before.
It was a shock that he hadn't looked into his mini mirror yet since I had seen him hours prior.

I wasn't sure what had just happened meant, honestly.
Was he trying to get me to tell him all about my feelings and my fatal attraction to him? Was he trying to tell me that he was OK with it?

He had not done anything provocative in that time, also.
Probably because he was tired.

When we got to my house, I was sad I had to leave him, but, at the same time, I couldn't look him in the eyes, at all.
Why did he always have to be so cryptic with things?
One day he pushes my head down with his foot, the day after he's all like, "My girl would be upset if you liked me." acting all innocent and stuff.
"Well, goodnight."I said, rushing to open the door and leave him in the car. I needed to go and sort out my thoughts about what we had just talked about.

He stopped me from leaving, though, as he wrapped me into a tight hug.
That surprised me, because it wasn't a common Eric Cartman thing to hug me, especially that warmly.
He was usually making fun of me or pushing me around, but honestly, that hug wasn't bad at all.
Trying not to tremble from the anxiety, I hugged him back.
I felt safe, protected... Like nothing could have broken that moment of bliss between us.
I was out of my mind, that was obvious.
How could I be thinking that about Heidi's boyfriend?
"Night, my Kyle." He said, caressing my back a little before pulling away.
I left a bit annoyed at the loss of body heat, but I couldn't really show it.
I greeted him with a hand wave, saying "I'll kick your ass next time we go bowling." Then I went into my house and went straight upstairs, to my room.
I was smiling uncontrollably.
That bastard didn't have a coherent effect on me.
First I wanted him to slap me or punish me, then I wanted him to cuddle me in that way.
A little voice in my head told me that I wasn't simply attracted to him, no.
I was madly in love with him and that was dangerous.
Also, he had basically told me that he was fine with it, so long as I kept my hands to myself and avoided telling Heidi about it.

But man, how hard it would have been to see Heidi on Saturday, after what I had just come to think regarding her lover.
I didn't know how I could have kept it hidden for years.
Probably because the feeling had grown with me.
Eric wasn't my constant thought at first, no.
I had been so silly not to leave the moment those feelings became rather serious.
But I didn't want to let go of our amazing friendship, at the same time I couldn't get enough of Eric...
I had to either find a way to get him out of my mind, to respect Heidi, or a way to resolve all that sexual tension he made me feel...
I didn't know what Eric was hoping to achieve, behaving like that with me.
He probably enjoyed the attention, it was fun to him to play me like that.
The worst part about my confusion for him was that I couldn't tell anyone.
Butters and Kenny? No way, they would have told Heidi right away.
They had always been more friends with her and Eric than with me, given they enjoyed going on double dates, sometimes.
Telling Stan could have been good, but I didn't know what to expect from him.
It probably would have come out of his mouth, even inadvertently.
So, no, I had to keep it a secret.
That night, I fell asleep thinking of myself lying in Eric's arms, and I dreamed of us snuggling under the covers, Heidi not being in sight.
Only sexual tendencies towards a person would have been much easier to tame rather than romantic ones.

Saturday nights could only mean one thing, an overdose of Eric.
And Heidi, of course.
She didn't have a curfew on Saturdays, so that meant we could all stay out till dawn.
That night, we all chose to go hang out at Stan's, to test out his new Assassin's Creed videogame.
We were all very excited about it, especially Kenny, who couldn't afford to buy his own.
Stan's house was really close to mine, so I walked there and I found Eric and Heidi there already.
I greeted Heidi with a wide smile.
She excused herself to go to the toilet, thus leaving me alone in the doorway with Eric, as Stan was in the living room, setting up the game.
The first thing Eric did, when he saw me, was wrap me into a half hug.
"Did you miss me?" He breathed into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
What the hell.
I was, once again, confused. Why had he done that?
He had not said anything dirty, but his tone sure was.
Had he been 100% innocent about it, he would have said it loudly.
But he had to whisper it in my ear just like that. I could feel his hot breath on my skin and that was enough to make my pants... Change size.
The power he had on me... It was just too much.
"Yeah." I said, matter of factly.
It was true.
When Heidi came back, he quickly pulled away from me and went to hold her hand.
"What did I miss?" asked a cheery Heidi.
Oh, nothing, just that your boyfriend just managed to turn me on.

After the talk of the night before, I was very anxious that she would notice something was going on.
Had they talked about it? After all, there should be no secrets in a couple, right?
Especially if they've been together for years.
"Nothing much." said Eric, interrupting my flow of paranoid thoughts. "We were just talking about how hyped we are for the game."
He continued, his eyes fixated on me, precisely on my crotch area.
He had obviously noticed what he had "created".
He was enjoying every littlest bit of my embarrassment and sexual frustration.
"Yeah so hyped that I need to pee!" I said, trying to mask the trembling of my voice.
I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and, once again, fixed my problem.

Upon leaving the bathroom, I almost got startled because Stan was standing right by the door, as if he had been waiting for me to come out.
The look he was giving me... Was extremely suspicious.
I had tried to muffle every sound I had produced, but if he had been there the whole time, he must have heard something.
"What did you do that took you about fifteen minutes?" he asked, his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised.
"I took a dump, and a big one I must say." I said nonchalantly, as it was the first thing that came to mind.
"Oh, gross, dude! No wonder you're all sweaty!" Stan exclaimed with a hint of laughter and disgust, pointing at a curl of my hair, which was, in fact, wet.
That was his usual reaction to TMI.
I took a mental sigh of relief, that had worked as an excuse.
Had I said something else, it probably wouldn't have.
How do you explain sweating randomly otherwise?
"Come on, we're all waiting for you to start the game." he said, gesturing for me to follow him to the living room.
Everyone else was there, even Butters and Kenny, who were sitting next to each other on the couch, Kenny holding a controller.
Heidi and Eric were also sitting on the couch, but Heidi was sitting on her boyfriend's lap and I could feel a hint of jealousy take over me.
I wanted to be sitting on his lap, too, but I had to go and sit on the floor.
"God what took you so long?" said Kenny in a slightly annoyed tone.
"I'd say what he took." Stan responded while picking up his joystick from the TV cupboard. "Which is a massive shit."
"Ew!" Butters and Heidi shouted in unison.
Eric wouldn't stop looking at me, knowing that Stan's words were nothing but lies.
I wondered what it felt like, to be aware of the fact that someone has just masturbated in a toilet while thinking of you.
For the whole duration of the gameplay, I was rather absent.
Everyone's eyes were glued to the screen, watching as Stan and Kenny destroyed murderous enemies, but I couldn't be less interested than that.
I was too busy looking at Eric.
His hair was perfect on that day and he looked utterly gorgeous.
His brown eyes were even more beautiful while reflecting the screen and I was mesmerised.
Plus, his shirt was slightly unbuttoned, revealing a bit of his chest... And his legs, which were so close to where I was sitting, I really wanted to lay on my head on them.
I normally wouldn't have looked at him so bluntly, but I took advantage of his girlfriend's distraction to do so.
After a while, his eyed shifted from the TV to me and I froze.
Without hesitation, he put one of his legs over my shoulder.

Heidi was no longer on his lap, she was cuddled up to him.
A bit shocked at the sudden contact, but nonetheless ecstatic, I put my head on his knee.

Hours later, when it was finally decided to stop playing the game, Eric
found an excuse for the presence of his leg on me by kicking me away from him lightly.
"Get off me, you stupid Jew!" he roared.
Funny, get off me when he was the one to be on me in the first place.
"Fuck you, you fatass!" I said wittily, while getting up from the floor.
"Hey, both of you, drop it!" Heidi instructed, pointing her finger at us like a mother would do to her two fussy children, but with a hint of a smile.
"Well, I'd say Assassin's Creed never fails to deliver expectations, right?" said Butters, smiling widely. He had played for a little while, too, against Heidi.
"And I'd say such expectations weren't delivered for Kyle here, because now his boyfriend will be too busy playing the game to give him attention!" Eric teased. The "boyfriend" was Stan, Eric was obsessed with the idea of the two of us together... Which was, to say the least, just as likely as me being heterosexual.
It never would have happened, given Stan and I had always had that relationship you have with your siblings.
We loved each other, yeah, but the idea of being a couple had never failed to disgust us both.
We repelled each other, in a way.
"Ew, no way!" Stan and I said in unison.
"I would totally run away from him if he ever confessed to being in love with me!" Stan expressed, pretending to gag.
"Aw, but why?" Eric replied, pouting a little. "I would totally keep the friendship going if, say, Kenny had a crush on me. I wouldn't care."
Something inside me told me that what Eric had said was an indirect to me and our talk in the car.
So, he would have been fine with me being in love with him... That was the confirmation.
Merging this talk with the one from the night before gave me the impression that I could be open about my feelings for him, since he would have totally accepted it.
That was a good thing, I could finally stop wearing that stupid foundation on my face. Well, at least when Heidi wasn't around.