Edited 9/26/18

"She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine"

I got in around 3pm so we spent the rest of the day wandering around the city, Matt, literally made me drag two suitcases around all day to avoid Kari at the apartment, he was ridiculous. For some reason he was convinced it would be better for us if we waited until tonight. Either way, we were blindsiding her. Either way, it was awkward for me.

Once we sat down for lunch I finally got some information out of him. She had studied theater, and music, at a school called HARTT, in Connecticut. I remembered the paper Tai held in his hand the day we realized she was gone, the name of the school photographed perfectly into my brain.

Apparently she had only been preforming at small clubs since she graduated. I was a little surprised that she choose to study musical theater, when we were in high school she had gotten involved in our productions and had been really good, but I didn't realize how serious she was about pursuing it.

I guess there was a lot I didn't know. I always wondered if that was part of why she left, had I been a bad listener, or had she just hidden everything really well. I thought we shared everything, but if that was true she wouldn't have gone.

Maybe, she was scared I would tell her to stay, but if she had a dream I never would have tried to stop her from accomplishing it, we had our whole lives, and I would have waited. At one point I had applied to a school in the U.S. and we said if it happened we would find a way to make it work, but I got more money to stay, so I did, and we never discussed it again.

The last photo I saw of her was from a red carpet event she attended with Michael about 8 months ago. In that photo she didn't look like the girl I remembered. Kari, was one of the most laid back girls I'd ever met. She wasn't a tomboy, but she wasn't overly girly, or fussy with what she wore, and she never needed, or wore, very much makeup.

The girl in the photo though was nothing short of glamorous. Her hair had been pulled back and she had dark green makeup around her eyes. She was wearing a short, form fitting white dress with long flowing sleeves, and green high heels. She was stunning but, in that photo, I couldn't picture her being anything like I remembered. Unreachable, was the word I would pick, like a movie star you could never dream of touching.

I was nervous to meet that girl. What if she was as different as she looked? Matt wouldn't really comment much about it, and I couldn't really ask if her personality had changed as much as her appearance.

She still had no idea I was here or that I would be coming tonight, and no one knew how she would react. Matt was just hoping she wouldn't run back here, grab her things, and disappear.

Again.

I shared the sentiment. Even though I was uneasy about seeing her I didn't want to send her running either. Matt, seemed to think Michael had burned her pretty bad in some way or another, enough that she hadn't called her parents, or Tai, to tell them she was staying with Matt. She had sworn him and Sora to secrecy. I'm surprised Sora hadn't said something yet, she wasn't good at keeping things from her friends, even if they weren't her things to share.

Matt finally let us go to the apartment to drop off my things, once he was sure Kari was gone. I changed into a pair of jeans, by order of Sora, who said my cargo shorts were unacceptable, and Matt gave me an unwrinkled black tee shirt to throw on. I felt a little sick when we left, I wasn't sure if it was from seeing her or the jetlag but either way it wasn't helping.

We made it to the club around 8:45pm and she was to go on at 9pm. The venue, was dimly lit, with soft jazz music playing in the background. A small blonde girl greeted us at the door and immediately showed us to our seats. She seemed to know Matt and Sora pretty well, I think her name was Jenny, I'm not really sure. I wasn't mentally there and I kept zoning in and out. I needed something to wake me up or I was going to fall asleep right at our table.

I looked around to get a feel for the place. The club had 12 half circle booths that lined the back of the room. Between them, and the stage, were about 15 circular high top tables. There was a long bar along the left. The bar and the table tops were made of a dark cherry wood, and the booth seats were a deep burgundy color. It had a good vibe, the decor was all very vintage like it was pulled out of the twenties or thirties.

"T.K.?" Matt was staring at me waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry what?" I replied, obliviously.

"What should I grab you to drink?" He cocked his brow while eyeing me skeptically.

"Whatever you're getting is fine, thanks." I felt bad, I had been doing that to him all day. I just couldn't stay focused.

Sora went with Matt to the bar and they started chatting with the bartender. They must come to see her preform often, this seemed like a regular place for them. A few others near the bar greeted them and they fell into conversation while waiting for our drinks. I looked up at the stage and saw a tall, curvy girl, with dark curly hair, talking to a skinny, bookish looking guy, who was seated at the piano.

I was surveying the room, trying to find Kari, when Matt and Sora walked back over with our drinks. I hadn't been able to find her and it was starting to fill up. I couldn't search without starting to look pretty obvious. Looking like a creep probably wasn't a good move for me at this point.

They scooted into the other side of the booth and handed me my beverage. I grabbed it and took a large drink, without looking at it, and ended up choking. Matt almost spit out his drink from laughing so hard, as Sora sympathetically patted me on the back.

Once I regained my composure I looked down and noticed the dark amber liquid I had just attempted to consume.

"Is this straight whiskey?" I asked weakly, still trying to recover from the fire burning down my throat.

"Welcome to New York." He said smiling while raising his glass.

Sora gave him a scolding look while offering me a sip of her drink. Whatever she was drinking looked much less intimidating but, also far too girly for me to drink. It was the color of a blue jolly rancher. I politely declined and shook my drink around before setting it back down. I was about to go over to the bar and grab a beer when the girl on stage headed over to the mic.

"Hey everyone! If you would take your seats we will get our show started." She gave a short introduction, of the show the music was from, and introduced the piano player before welcoming Kari onto the stage.

The crowd cheered, clapped for her, and there were a few whistles from the bar area. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a slight girl push her chair in at the bar, and finish up a drink, before making her way up to the stage. I was taken aback for a moment. Everything about her, was so similar, but so strikingly different at the same time.

Her hair was so much longer than I remembered, it was always pulled back in the photos I saw, so I never realized how much it had grown. It was past her shoulders and dyed a little darker brown. She was wearing it straight with her bangs clipped to the side.

She used to tell me, how much she hated the maintenance long hair needed and that was why she kept it short, so it was weird she had grown it out so long.

She looked so slim too. Not unhealthy really, but it was a noticeable difference, even from the last photo I saw. She was wearing a short, black, long sleeve dress that was tight until her hips where it flared out, and hit just above her knees. Her face looked clean of makeup except for her eyes which had dark, smokey, eyeshadow.

Don't get me wrong, she was still beautiful, but when I really saw her eyes, my stomach dropped. I looked into those dark brown eyes for 10 years. I knew something was off, the spark I remembered just wasn't there anymore. They seemed dull, and even though she was smiling, her eyes weren't.

She took a breath, closed her eyes, and when the music started she went somewhere else. I'd seen Matt like this before, all messed up about something right before a show, but the second the music started he became someone else. She was fierce now, powerful, and commanding. She sang with a confidence I didn't remember. In high school she was good, but shy, and timid, never really trying to stand out. Now, she didn't try to get attention, it was demanded, and you couldn't possibly have eyes on anyone else. The bar erupted in applause when she finished the first song, she smiled a sly smile that told me she knew she nailed it.

During the applause, after the second song, the bartender brought a drink to the stage for her. She drank a generous amount before the piano started playing again. It was exactly what I was holding in my hand, and she just drank it like it was water, so either she drank a lot, or I was one thousand percent lamer than I thought I was.

She set her drink down and nodded to the piano player to start the next song. This one was slower, her mask faded, and I saw those empty eyes again. She started softly, if there had been bar chatter you may have missed the first few lyrics. As the words spilled out of her mouth I felt the honesty she sang with, she felt this song in her bones.

The song was about an abusive relationship, I told myself she was playing a part up there, but her eyes told me she was telling her own story, her truth. Tears fell from her eyes as she belted out the words, the audience was feeling it with her, I saw girls around me getting choked up. Matt and Sora both stiffened up during the song, like they were seeing exactly what I was.

She could walk away from me, one hundred more times, and I would never in my life want her to feel an ounce of what she was expressing on that stage.

The crowd lost it when the song ended and people started to stand in the audience. Kari smiled, and wipe the side of her face.

"Thank you everyone, so much." The crowd hushed for her. "I was so excited to preform these songs for you tonight. This show, holds a special place in my heart and seeing it was one of the greatest experiences I've had in this city. I hope I've done it some justice for you tonight." She paused and some people cheered again.

"I have one more for you tonight, but for this one I'm going to need some help from one of my oldest friends. Some of you already know him, please welcome Matt Ishida!"

I was so focused on her that I didn't even noticed Matt was already making his way to the stage. He's such a ham I shouldn't have been surprised. Sora was smirking as she looked over at me and rolled her eyes, which lead me to the conclusion, that she was just as out of the loop as I was. The ladies in the crowd went wild for him, showing me that he had definitely developed a solid fan base here in the city.

When he reached Kari he enveloped her in a hug and I saw him whisper in her ear, her body stiffened for a moment before he let her go. She turned towards our table, squinted and made eye contact with me. She took a deep, and what appeared to be, shaky breath as the piano started to play. She didn't look angry just slightly uncomfortable, which was better than we had expected so I guess it was a victory.

Matt was looking at her when he started to sing but she was still looking directly at me.

She turned back to him, and after a moment, drifted back into the story. He looked out at Sora every little while but I could tell ladies in the audience thought those stares might be for them. Sora, seemed to take the attention the girls gave him pretty well. They had been together so long at this point she knew she had nothing to fear.

Kari, looked so comfortable with him on stage, and they had great chemistry. It sent a pang of jealously to my chest, but I buried it, they were practically siblings and their comfort on stage had to come from years of knowing each other.

From what I could see they also clearly had some practice singing together. I was actually surprised that they hadn't been doing more work together, but with the way I had taken to avoiding, anything, involving her they very well might have.

I thought about how I should have been angry with him for spending time with her. He was my brother and here he was hanging out, and living with, my ex. girlfriend. That wasn't really fair though, considering he had known her just as long as me, and he tended to make the right decision about things like this.

As the song ended people in the crowd stood up, and cheered for them. After they thanked the crowd, they started to make their way back over to the bar. They walked down from the stage, Matt looked over and waved us in their direction.

Sora gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," I put on the biggest fake smile I could muster in the moment. I probably looked terrified, or sick, probably both.

Sora walked ahead of me and gave Kari a big hug. She stiffened at first, but after a moment, she returned her hug with a smile.

"You were amazing tonight Kari that song, before Matt went up, was so, so, good." Sora beamed at her, like a mother would to a child.

"Thanks so much. It's my favorite from the show, I'm just glad I didn't butcher it tonight." An uneasy smile grew on her face, as she grabbed her drink off the bar, and finished it quickly. I looked down at my still untouched beverage, and grumbled to myself, about people in the States, and brown liquor.

When I looked up, I saw Kari had turned around and was looking right at me. Her eyes were apologetic and I could only assume I looked super awkward.

Matt and Sora were looking between the two of us, unsure if they should say anything. Neither of us seemed to be able to get up the nerve, but just as Kari looked like she was about talk, I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms.

I'm not sure why that was the first thing I decided to do in this situation, I like to think I blacked out and my body moved on it's own, but it was too late to turn back now.

She was completely caught off guard and I could feel her hesitation. I loosened my hold but didn't let go, resting my head on top of hers, thats when I felt her relax, put her arms around my waist and finally hug me back.

I pulled back and looked down at her, speaking softly, "Together again."

"Just like old times," she responded to me with a, less strained, smile.

It wasn't, not even a little, but for right now it was what we both needed and it was enough.