April 10, 2012. I walked onto the Titanic, taking a deep breath. It was exactly 100 years since the original Titanic had shipped out of England. But we were shipping out of San Diego, California. There were no icebergs for thousands of miles. But this was the largest cruise ship ever built, and we were sailing down to Australia. That's where Noel was from, my new fiancé was from. Fiancé. Yes, I was getting married. I'm twenty-two years old and I'm getting married. I was barely out of art school and here I was engaged to be married. I'd known him for more four years. He was still in school, studying to be a lawyer. I loved him. I knew I did, or at least I was sure I did, but when he asked me to marry him, I didn't want to say yes, but I couldn't say no either. I wasn't ready to get married. In fact, I wasn't sure what I wanted out of my life. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of anything anymore. I wasn't sure about anything. I didn't want him to believe that anything was wrong, though. I played the adoring fiancée, not letting him know that I wasn't feeling any of the happiness he was feeling at our pending nuptials. We'd been together for so long, I knew how to behave with him. It wasn't as though I couldn't pretend things were alright. I felt bad things weren't the way he wanted them between us, but I couldn't feel what I didn't. I did love spending time with him. I the way he made me feel, but it wasn't love. It wasn't what he wanted from me. He loved me though. He'd said it, and all I could come up with was me too, same here, or even a weaker... ahuh. I wished I could feel more for him, but I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't.

We were shown to our cabin and Noel paid the man who left us alone. He opened the doors to our private promenade, turning back to me. "Isn't this perfect, babe?" I smiled, walking out onto the promenade with him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, walking out toward the railing with me. "Isn't the water beautiful, Gabby?" I looked up at him, smiling into his eyes. They were the same color as the water below. They were a blue green mixture with a ring of hazel. I did enjoy looking into them. "Very beautiful." He leaned down pressing his lips against mine, but I didn't let it last long, turning my head back down to the water, looking out toward the horizon. "I can't wait till we get to Australia though," he said, thankfully not upset by my abrupt end of the kiss. "The water down there is far more beautiful. You're going to love it even more than these waters." I smiled back up at him. "I can't wait." I let my smile linger a little longer on my lips before stepping out of his arms. "What do you say we go explore the ship a little before dinner? This is my first cruise, remember? I'm really excited and I want to be able to do all we can!" I giggled taking his hand and heading back into the room. "I know we're going to be on the ship for days, but I want to know we've done everything we can!" He laughed at me, walking out of the cabin with me and toward the main part of the ship. "We can do anything you want. We'll have the most fun anyone ever had!" I smiled back at him, heading toward the elevator.

I walked along the top deck with Noel, my hand tucked in his as the soft ocean breeze blew my hair back behind me. "Isn't this perfect? And we've got days to look forward to this. Just you and me and nobody else!" And from behind us we heard a voice screaming out, "Gabrieeeeeeeellllllaaaaa!" I turned with him to see Taylor running toward me, wrapping her arms around me, rocking me from side to side. "I can't believe you're here!" We were supposed to go to Yale together, but when Mama had gotten sick and I decided to stay home and go to the local college, I had to stay in California instead. Not that I ever regretted the decision. I was glad I had gone to art school instead of going all the way across the country to study law at Yale. I would have been an amazing lawyer. I could have even gotten another scholarship if I would have applied to a school in California, but by the time I had to turn down my Yale scholarship it was too late to apply to other colleges for that year and I wasn't going to try for other years and Mama needed me to stay around, so I did. But seeing Taylor again was amazing. Not that I hadn't seen her a few times throughout the years. She had come home to see her parents, so it wasn't as though we were completely cut off from each other and there was email and instant messaging, texting when she had time away from her busy schedule. She pulled back, looking at me, instantly pulling my hand up to look at the ring on my finger. "I cannot believe you are engaged!" I laughed, shaking my head. She looked at the ring closer, looking up at Noel. "Nice to see you again, Noel!"

Noel nodded, proudly, taking a step back closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. "A pleasure as always, Taylor. Didn't know you'd be here on this trip." Taylor planted a hand on her hip. "Hold on just a moment there, Noel St. James!" She let go of my hand, planting her other hand on her other hip. "You're not marrying my best friend until you pass the Best Friend Test! Even if I know you, You have to be marriage worthy!" I tried not to laugh, biting my lip. "Taylor!" Noel did chuckle a little himself. "Oh really?" Taylor was completely serious though, or at least her demeanor was, but I knew my best friend better than that. "You think I'm joking, Mr. Platinum Band, Quarter Carat Diamond." Noel looked down at me, impressed with her jewelry. "Well, you'll find out, won't he, Gabs?" I swallowed, nodding slightly. "Oh, yes. Definitely." Taylor turned both of us, linking her arms through each of ours, walking with the two of us down the deck, leading the way. "Now. You will be my dates for a late lunch down in the dining room. I'm starving. I didn't have enough time for breakfast. I caught a red-eye from New Haven and I haven't even slept. They were playing The King's Speech. Yes, it's from last year, but can I say? Helena Bonham Carter should have won Best Actress!" She held up her hands, her fingers stressed in exclamation. "That's all I'm saying. I don't get the big deal about that Black Swan movie, and yes, I did see it. The King's Speech was a whole lot better. Acting was better too." That was one thing I really loved about my best friend. She was highly opinionated about things and she didn't care what anyone else had to think about it.

When we were finished eating, I laid my head against Noel's shoulder, smiling up at him. "Is it alright if I spend some time with Taylor, just the two of us?" Noel smiled down at me, running his fingers through my hair. "You don't have to ask for that, babe. Go ahead. Have fun. I'll go down to the casino. Play some blackjack or craps. Meet you back at the cabin later?" I smiled nodding. "Yeah," I nodded, turning my head up toward his more, offering my lips up to his. He pressed his lips to mine and I pulled back standing up, smiling down at him. Taylor stood with me and I took her hand, walking with her out of the dining room. I'd really much rather be alone, but I hadn't seen my best friend in a long time and I needed to spend time with her. We walked out of the diner, taking the stairs up toward the promenade, out into the open air. I needed to breathe. Noel kept talking about the future and where he saw us living, how many children he saw us having, all of that. I couldn't think let alone breathe. It was horrible. But Taylor was actually starting to like him more and more and I wanted to run away. Not because Taylor liked him, but because I needed to get away. But there wasn't anywhere I could go. By now we were out in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight. What was I supposed to do, jump ship and swim to shore? I was a pretty good swimmer, but I was sure I wasn't that good and I wasn't about to steal a life raft. I just needed some way to fly away. Taylor held my arm as we walked along the side of the boat, looking over the railing. "I think he's really nice, Gabs. Definitely husband material!" Taylor said, looking around a we walked. That was true, I thought to myself. "He is," I agreed, smiling softly. "What is it?" Tay asked, looking over at me. I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "It's all just happening so fast," I told her, not laying it on so thickly. It was the truth, just not all of it. Taylor wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. "I understand," she said, hugging me tightly. "I mean, I've never been in a relationship before, but school always just seems to feel like it's spiraling around me. I never know if I'm going to be able to hold on tightly enough. Before I know it, I'm going to be working in some law firm either out of Boston or New York, maybe out of L.A., but it's going to happen sooner before later and sometimes it scares me more than I'd ever admit to anyone." I smiled at her, looking out over the water.

But I wasn't looking at the water, more so over the horizon. It was bright out and I hadn't brought a hat or sunglasses out with me. But the sun was to our backs and I could deal with the brightness. "I understand, Tay. School's hard, and I only went to art school." I only knew how hard Lawyer school was from Noel. He was going to be just as an amazing of an actor as Taylor was. They should probably open a partnership together. But I wasn't going to even suggest that when I couldn't even think about my future with … not just with Noel, but my future as a whole. I didn't know where my future was taking me. I didn't know where my future was headed after I got off this ship. I was supposed to marry Noel, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do about anything. I had already committed myself to marrying him. I couldn't just tell him no now. I didn't know what to do though. If I could, I would just fly out over the ocean off the boat and as far away from here as possible. I loved Taylor and I was so happy to be here with here, I just wished that I could be away from here. Turning to her, I smiled. "Tay, do you think I could have a moment alone?" She looked at me, concerned, her hand giving mine a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, Gabs, are you alright?" I smiled, about to tell her yes, but I couldn't lie to her. "I just need to have a moment alone." She nodded, placing her hand on my cheek, giving me a soft nod. "Ok, Gabs. I'll be by the pool when you want to come find me." I nodded, taking her hand in mine and giving it a gentle squeeze, turning away from her and walking toward the stern of the ship.