Interlude: Luna Lovegood Reporting
Muggles kidnap New Guard
What was supposed to be a negotiation between the Free Magic League and the Ministry of Magic to end the researcher strike became a mass kidnapping facilitated by the Minister himself.
When the quorum of 13 wizards and witches gathered together, none of them anticipated anything but a good faith sit down with the Minister. But when the Portkey triggered they were not transported the ministry as they had expected. Instead, they arrived in a large non-descript room with no windows and a single sealed door. They found themselves facing the wands of an elite Auror battalion led by none other than Harry Potter.
Suspecting the worst, Hermione Granger, spokesperson for FML and onetime best friend of Major Potter confronted the Aurors about the ministerial duplicity. It quickly became apparent, however, that the Aurors were also confused as to their arrival and location.
This confusion was compounded by the arrival of several ministerial workers headed by Wizengamot member and rumored unspeakable Daphne Greengrass.
It was when Greengrass, Granger and Potter had come to a détente that the insidious mastermind behind the plot revealed himself, by way of an audio message, as a Muggle.
The mastermind then proceeded in a classic Bond villain manner, informing Major Potter that there was concern amongst a group of Muggles that they would be unable to control the assembled witches and wizards as easily as they had been controlling generations past. As bazaar as the situation and revelation were, the most surreal twist was yet to come.
Somehow, it seems, Muggles have gained the ability for interstellar travel and had stranded the 34 involved witches and wizards on board a space ship on a one way journey to the other side of the galaxy.
On a personal note, I am aware of the previous reputation that the Quibbler and I had for reporting stories that were not backed up by fact; however, in the past several years I like to think that my reputation as an investigative journalist would bear stringent scrutiny. Still had I not lived through the events as described I would not believe them myself. As I have no idea if we will ever return or even if this submission will reach the printing press, this is goodbye for now.
What follows is a list of the witches and wizards who have been jettisoned from planet Earth so their families may know what happened to them:
Aurors:
Major Harry Potter, Captain N. Tonks, Captain George Weasley, Lt. Susan Bones, Lt. Padma Patil, Lt. Greg Goyle, Lt. Neville Longbottom, 2Lt Angelina Johnson, 2Lt Astoria Greengrass, 2Lt Dennis Creevey, 2Lt Justin Finch-Fletchley, 2Lt Mandy Brocklehurst and 2Lt Lee Jordan
Free Magic League:
Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Terry Boot, Hannah Abbott, Marcus Belby, Charity Burbage, Aurora Sinistra, Seamus Finnegan, Parvati Patil, Anthony Goldstein, Samantha Hale, Orla Quirke, and Rolf Scamander.
Ministry Employees:
Millicent Bulstrode, Miles Bletchley, Percy Weasley, Penelope Clearwater, Michael Corner, Marietta Edgecombe and Daphne Greengrass
Merlin Help us all.