Much like I stated in the previous chapter, this story deals with dark themes. If you do not want to read such things because the idea offends you or because certain things trigger bad memories, then I won't be upset if you stop reading.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I Walk, I Breathe, I live…a Lie." -The Glass Elevator; Crown the Empire

Bella "Blue" Swan

I stood in front of the mirror staring at my reflection.

I looked like shit but there was nothing new about that.

With my newly dyed blue hair, my skin seemed to become even more pale-sickly than before. I touched the dark circles under my eyes and then dropped my hands to my side, tearing my eyes away from the mirror.

I hated looking in it but I do it all the time.

Maybe I like seeing the slow deterioration of myself.

That's my punishment.

Before the thoughts could break down the wall, I shut my mind down and went to get dressed for school. School…a place that I didn't want to be but I had no choice to go.

It was the equivalent of hell on earth for me.

I'm usually the best go to person when you want to test out a prank or you feel like you need to beat up someone, emotionally and I've even had it escalate to physically.

I don't fight back.

I don't tell anyone.

It's all part of my punishment.

Sighing, I grabbed the first things my hands touched and slipped them on before grabbing my school bag and heading out of my bedroom. I passed the always closed door, not even bothering to glance at it, and went to find my mother.

"Mom?" I called out.

I'd be late for school again if I found her like I usually do but one perk was that teachers didn't care, they didn't see me anymore. Plus, all the work that I turned in was top quality, I could miss as many classes as I liked.

"Mom?" I called out again.

I heard a muffled whine.

This was normal whenever my stepfather Phil was out of town for a couple days, or even just gone for the night. When he was home, she was all about being classy and…rich.

For a moment, I debated on not checking on her…just leaving but I couldn't. She's known to pass out face first in vomit.

I opened up the door to her room and was smacked in the face with the smell of vomit, booze, and piss. The smell made me gag but I held it back and went over to my mother who was indeed bathing her face in a pool of vomit.

I wish I could say this was a new sight but this…this has been going on for years now.

"Bella?" she asked through squinted eyes.

"Yeah, it's me." Unfortunately.

I grunted as I forced her to her feet. She swayed a bit but I managed to keep her upright. "You need a shower, badly."

"I'm tired," she whined.

"Phil won't be pleased if he finds you like this." I warned her.

She grumbled something under her breathe and allowed me to guide her into the bathroom. I turned on the water and made sure it was okay while she disrobed.

"Will you be okay?" I asked

"Mhm," she grunted as she stood under the hot spray.

"Don't fall," I sighed. "Hold on to the bar if you start getting dizzy, alright?"

"M'kay."

I headed back into the bedroom and ran straight for the windows. After prying both of them open as far as they could go, I headed downstairs to get a bucket and a mop to clean up the floor.

Isn't my life just wonderful?

I do this at the very least three times a week. Sometimes it's more and sometimes it's less. It all depends on Phil's hours. She was a 'closet drunk' and I used the term very lightly considering anyone with eyes could see right through her façade.

I'll admit, sometimes she puts on a good show when she hasn't guzzle down an entire bottle within seconds. She plays a good little homemaker and hostess but it's all an act.

But who isn't acting?

"Bellaaaa, I'm done."

I sighed, placing the bucket in the hall. The floor was clean and the smell wasn't as terrible in here as it was when I walked in. If she left the windows open, it should be gone by this afternoon.

After helping my mom get dressed and get some juice and advil down, I got her in bed and went to collect her dirty clothing.

"Bella."

"Yeah?" I asked as I gathered her disgusting clothing.

"I…I could've saved her." She burped. "I…" and suddenly she was out.

I swallowed thickly, feeling that knife start to tear me apart from the inside. I started to go through my trig homework in my head as I headed downstairs toward the washer.

I dropped them in the washer and empty out the bucket before heading back upstairs to take another shower. The last thing I wanted was to smell vomit on me all fucking day.

My thoughts were banging on that wall that I built but I focused on everything else.

Dr. Cullen tried to teach me different techniques to 'ground myself'. So far, the body scanning worked the best. I just have to focus on every little feeling and every little sound.

After climbing out of the shower, and putting on fresh clothing, it was time to head to school. I was two hours late but again, it wasn't a big deal. No one cares about Swan.

Well, besides the principle who seems to like feeding me to the wolves. He, without fail, calls my parents if he noticed that my attendance sheet isn't to his standards.

Of course, the one-time my parents decide to be parents is when this happens. They flip out, yell at me, ground me. It was almost funny to me, most days they acted as if they didn't have a seventeen-year-old daughter.

It's been that way for a while.

It didn't help that I started showing up with tattoos and dying my hair different shades of the rainbow. Phil hated it the most because as a CEO he's expected to have this perfect little family…and he doesn't.

But I try not to let it bother me.

I try to tune it out, just like I tune everything else out. I listen but at the same time, I don't. I only talk to my family (and I'm forced to talk to Dr. Cullen though those are usually just stare down sessions) and that's only occasionally, I try not to talk to them as often as I can.

However, I couldn't do it all the time because if they thought I was catatonic, they would send me back to that place and I hated that place so much.

I was pumped full of meds, barely able to feel human, barely able to function. There so called 'therapy' was just methods that I'm sure had been banned for being too cruel and…and…

…

I played the part of being a functioning human but on the inside, it wasn't good. There are so many occasions when all I want to do is shut down and just give up and God knows how many times that I have tried.

Death is peaceful, easy, but life…life was so much harder.

I've been there, I've been on the edge of death. It feels nice until you resurface and realize just how fucked everything is.

I barked out a fake laugh.

I was doing so well up until now. I hadn't thought about any sort of self-harming or death for three days. Dr. Cullen would be proud of me. It's not as if I truly cared but I knew that she's the one my parents run to when they're thinking of sending me away again. If Dr. Cullen has my back, then I would be safe.

As I pulled into school, I noticed the new silver truck. It stood out by miles compared to all the other generation old cars here. The new kids had finally arrived, Lovely.

The Masen's? I think that was their last name. Carlisle and Esme Cullen (Yes the very same Dr. Cullen whom I see) recently welcomed two foster children into their home. It's not the first time and it probably wouldn't be the last.

Now don't take that as something bad.

They have taken in four children and all of them have stayed with them for years, graduated at the top of their class and Forks High and are in college. They come by for all holidays and what not.

But many in this town think they do it just to say they're holier than thou

But they care, I could see it.

I've known that since I've started seeing Dr. Cullen, Esme, for therapy. She makes it hard for me to be mad at her because all I can see when I look in her eyes is motherly affection…the same affection that my mother once had.

After parking, as far away from Jessica and her little posse, I grabbed my bag and headed toward the library for my next class. Mr. Kemp looked up briefly from his papers, marked me present and then went back to grading.

I weaved my way through the tables and found one in the back. I pulled out my sketch book and started working on a design for a new tattoo. I had a lot of ink on my body, probably far more than I needed, but I was also far from done. I had so many ideas…not enough space.

From time to time, I found myself in Jake's shop helping him make designs for his costumers. I even got to tattoo one myself and it turned out pretty good!

If anything, that's an easy career for me.

"Don't you think it'd be wise to finish your homework from last night, Ms. Swan?" I stared up at Mr. Kemp. He shifted. "I presume you're finished then?"

Once again, I just stared at him. Eventually, he got uncomfortable enough to walk away and check on the next table.

I remember during my first few months of silence. After the first month, my teachers stopped being accepting. They would call on me all the time in class and I wouldn't say a word, I'd just stare off into space. I received so many detentions. Eventually, teachers gave up and so did the students.

Even my parents did, back when I was giving them the silent treatment as well. The only one who mildly cared was Phil and I wasn't sure if that was because of truly caring for me or if he just wanted to make sure his appearance wasn't tarnished.

He set me up with counseling at Volturi Hospital. At first it was an outpatient thing, I went twice a week and was supposed to talk to someone but after several sessions of me not saying a word, they decided that I needed inpatient.

And my parents agreed, most likely because I would be out of their hair for a while.

I hated that place.

My hand tightened around my pencil as I started to sketch harder, willing away the thoughts.

My morning went as well as could be expected. I went to my classes, sat quietly in the back but listening to what was being taught. Again, I maintained flawless grades because it was the best distraction that there ever was.

I didn't chatter away about this guy or this breakup, I didn't pass notes to my boyfriend and giggle happily.

I just listened, learned.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss human affection, someone to talk to and not about pain but just everyday stupid stuff. Yet, I felt like I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to have someone hug me, or cuddle me. I didn't deserve to have someone look happy to see me.

And I didn't deserve someone telling me that they loved me.

The last time I heard that…the last time I was told I was loved was exactly four years ago. I remember the exact day, hour, and even the minute that it last happened. I could even tell you what I was wearing and what the other person was wearing at the time.

When lunch rolled around, I found myself in the library checking out some books so that I could avoid Lauren and Jessica. After grabbing the correct books for my essay, I headed to grab an apple and a water that I most likely wouldn't eat or drink.

I saw Mrs. Johnson, the school's counselor, nod her approval. She's been watching me like a hawk recently and I had a feeling Esme had something to do with it.

I just…I never felt hungry.

It wasn't new.

Esme had a theory about it, she thinks it's a way to punish myself. I won't let myself eat until I'm so weak that I can barely move. And even then, after I eat, I just throw it back up because my stomach can't take it. Last I checked, I weighed almost 98 pounds. It wasn't healthy, I knew that, but what can I do about it?

Since it was decent outside, aka not raining, I decided to sit outside away from all prying eyes. Normally, I would eat in my car but today I just felt like eating on one of the benches. I don't know why.

It was almost empty at the picnic benches, the only other soul there was the new kid. For the longest time, I could feel him just staring at me. He wouldn't stop and for some reason it made me uncomfortable, which wasn't normal since I had long gotten used to it.

And then…I did something that shocked me.

I talked to him.

I didn't think about it, it just came out of my mouth, and then I couldn't stop.

I learned that his name was E, or Masen as he liked to be called. He was full of tattoos and knew Jake just as well as I did. I…I touched him and he didn't seem to mind at all, meanwhile inside I was screaming and red flags were popping up all over.

Yet…I forced them away.

Something about him…I couldn't put my finger on just yet. There was just something that compelled me to talk to him. Perhaps it was his eyes, they were a dark green and so…so pretty. And his smile, was crooked but so adorable.

I felt…safe staring into them. That's the word I was looking for before. Something about him just made me feel safe. I hated it, I had just met the guy. But his eyes, though the most gorgeous shade of green held the same look that mine did, the same look I saw in the mirror this morning.

And suddenly, I wanted to know HIS story.

Talking to him scared me more and more as the weird thoughts started flooding my mind. I had to get out of there. I left and ran to the bathroom which resulted in me throwing up.

After I was sure that I was done, I pulled my toothbrush out of my bag and quickly brushed my teeth before splashing water on my face to cool down.

Looking in the mirror, I saw an unfamiliar pink hue to my cheeks. I splashed more cold water on my face but it didn't go away.

I blamed the drugs.

If they were that good, Dem should definitely jack the prices up.

Gathering all the courage that I could, I started to head toward BIO. It was just my luck that I would run into Jessica and Lauren. Jessica decided to body check me until I went sailing toward the cement. I just closed my eyes and braced for the impact but it never came.

Masen had caught me and now there was this odd electrical current flowing between the two of us.

I stared in his eyes and he stared back.

That feeling was back.

I felt safe.

Stupid Bella, I chided myself as I scrambled to get my things. I took off like a bat out of hell after I was sure that I had everything. I debated heading back to the bathroom to splash more water but it didn't help so what was the point?

I found my seat in the back of class and pulled out my sketchbook. This always helped me calm down.

"Ah, Edward. Welcome, Welcome." The tip of my colored pencil snapped. I stiffened as I heard Masen's soft voice.

I could feel him, I thought in panic.

How?

Why?

I don't understand.

The stool beside me scrapped against the ground as it was pulled out. It was just my luck that the only available spot was next to me.

"Hey." Masen whispered softly.

"Save your breath, Edward." Jessica snickered. "I told you, she's a mute."

"Probably lost her voice after she was s-"

"Ms. Mallory, detention."

"But."

"That's not fair."

"Ms. Stanley, detention as well."

I finally looked up but regretted it instantly as I was met with a death glare from Lauren.

Yet I was angry for once.

She almost brought it up, in front of everyone. I had known that it was a possibility. It was the biggest scandal that this town had ever seen and had been hung up one for years so was it a surprise that they were filling him in on EVERYTHING?

Maybe I could skip the next few days, or weeks, until it was old news.

"Are you okay?"

I hadn't realized that my arms were wrapped tightly around myself. I used to do it because it felt as if I was holding myself together but it doesn't feel the same anymore.

My hands dropped limply to my side.

"Bella?"

And then he did something that I hadn't expected, I couldn't have even guessed it if I tried. He grabbed my hand and he held it, squeezing it slightly. I looked up at him, panicked, but it melted away.

Safe

Was my only thought before I yanked my hand away.

Chapter 2: Complete.

That current...Hmmm. I wanted them to have their vampire/human zappy thing. Just to make them that much aware of each other. :P