Qyburn walked up to Queen Cersei with a somber face. "Your Grace, I'm afraid I have terrible news. The wall has been breached."
"The fuck you talking about? That's great," Cersei said pleased.
In the bay was the Iron Island fleet commanded by Euron Greyjoy. He went down below deck to check up on the captured Yara, his niece. "Why don't you get it over with and kill me?" Yara asked him.
"We're family. The last of the Greyjoys in the world. The last ones with balls, anyway," Euron chuckled as he drank. "You see what I did just there? I implied you're a shemale."
"I got it," Yara said rolling her eyes.
"If I kill you, who can I talk to?" Euron asked.
"Obviously not Cersei. She's just using you," Yara replied.
"And I'm okay with that," Euron sighed.
"You've picked the losing side," Yara said defiantly.
"Then I'll sail somewhere else. But first, I'm going to fuck the queen," Euron said wide-eyed.
"Those dragons of hers will destroy your fleet. She has no jurisdiction. She will find you and roast you alive," Yara predicted.
"No shit?" Euron wondered and then walked off.
That night, Cersei addressed Euron and Captain Strickland. "How many men?"
"Twenty-thousand. Some died in transit," Cpt. Strickland said.
"Cuz I killed'em. They cheated at dice or maybe I cheated. Someone cheated," Euron said immaturely.
Cersei ignored him. "Horses?"
"Two thousand," Cpt. Strickland continued.
"And elephants?" Cersei asked.
"No elephants, Your Grace," Cpt. Strickland said flatly.
"I specifically ordered elephants. What...the...fuck?" Cersei asked pissed-off.
"We couldn't budget them in and there are some animal rights regulations we had to follow and...," Cpt. Strickland said.
"This is an outrage. I want my elephants," Cersei glared.
"It ain't happening, Your Grace," Cpt. Strickland replied.
"Fuck," Cersei said disappointed.
"We look forward to fighting on your behalf," Cpt. Strickland said diplomatically.
"Just...get the fuck out," Cersei sent him away.
"Am I welcome here?" Euron asked rhetorically.
"Is that a trick question?" Cersei glared impatiently.
"I was hoping we could talk in private," Euron said boldly.
"You want...to fuck me, is that right?" Cersei asked wide-eyed.
"Well...," Euron said awkwardly.
"You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen, earn her," Cersei replied.
"How about I just take the Iron Fleet out of your harbors as well as all my men," Euron threatened.
"You're insolent. I've executed men for far less," Cersei replied.
"They were lesser men, and I am referring to my cock size," Euron
"Oh really?" Cersei doubted. "You look like a fat slob."
"And you're an over-the-hill, on-the-verge of menopause, colossal bitch," Euron shot back.
"I hear your people talk to fish...and fuck them," Cersei fired back.
"Only some of us do that," Euron admitted.
"You better impress me beyond anything I have ever experienced before," Cersei said.
"Jaime may be the Kingslayer, but I'm the Pussyslayer," Euron said confidently.
"Come on, then," Cersei allowed leaving the hall with the door open.
Bronn was in the whore house as the women discussed death and destruction around him. "I heard the dragon fire killed a thousand Lannister men. Burned up some of my favorite boys," they said.
"Yeah, I was there," Bronn said annoyed. "I'm the only man you've ever met that has shot a dragon."
"Really?" they doubted.
"Nearly killed it," Bronn bragged.
"That's so brave," they said as all three climbed on top of him.
"That ginger boy has his face burned right off," one of them said.
"Can we stop talking about the dragons, alright? You're killing my boner," Bronn protested.
"Ser Bronn of Blackwater?" Qyburn interrupted. "Sorry for the interruption but Queen Cersei requires your services."
"You cock-blocker," Bronn said annoyed and got up.
"You ever get lonely, I'm partial to older men," one of the whores said to Qyburn.
"Poor girl, the pox will get here within the year," Qyburn remarked.
"What the fuck?" Bronn spat out his wine.
"Queen Cersei is willing to pay in advance with chests of gold outside," Qyburn said.
"What? The dragon girl? Fuck that," Bronn rejected.
"Queen Cersei has other plans for the dragon girl," Qyburn replied.
"Yeah, bullshit," Bronn doubted.
"Queen Cersei wants Jaime and Tyrion killed should they survive their Northern adventure. Here's a crossbow," Qyburn said taking one from a random soldier.
"Let me get this straight. You want me to kill Jaime, my best friend and client for many years, for a crossbow?" Bronn asked incredulously.
"And...lot's of money," Qyburn added.
"Alright, I'll do it," Bronn agreed.
Cersei was fully dressed as Euron got his pants back up. "I wanted those elephants," Cersei muttered.
"I just gave you the best fuck of your entire life and that's what you're thinking about?" Euron asked incredulously.
"Could you...maybe...send a ship over there and get one," Cersei wondered.
"No, fuck no, absolutely not," Euron rejected.
"Damn it," Cersei said defeated.
"So, how do I compare to the fat-king?" Euron asked.
"You're insulting my late husband. I should kill you for that," Cersei said.
"Did I offend you, little snowflake?" Euron mocked.
"Robert had a whore every night and yet he still couldn't find his way around a woman's body," Cersei said reflectively.
"And the Kingslayer?" Euron asked curiously.
"You're boring me. You bore me, Euron," Cersei said annoyed.
"Do I displease the queen?" Euron asked.
"You're the most arrogant man I have ever met. It borders on cliche. Fix it," Cersei ordered. "Now, I want to be left alone," Cersei told him off.
"I'm going to put a prince in your belly," Euron said confidently as he walked off.
The wheels in Cersei's brain began to turn. "I think you will."
Late at night, on the capital ship, Theon and his men killed off all the guards and rescued Yara. As soon as Theon untied her, she head-butted him to the ground. "Okay, I deserved that," Theon allowed.
Yara then took three ships back towards the Iron Islands. That morning, Theon and Yara had a chat. "With Euron in Kings Landing with all his ships and men, we can retake the Iron Islands," Yara said thoughtfully.
"Sounds super-easy, barely an inconvenience," Theon agreed.
"You want to go back to Winterfell and slay some zombies, right?" Yara asked knowingly.
"Yeah," Theon admitted.
"Just don't be a bitch out there. You represent us," Yara told him.
"I will restore my honor and redeem myself," Theon said confidently.
"Then go. I hate you anyway," Yara permitted.