A.N.: Well, this is a long chapter… I was going to cut it off earlier, but nowhere else seemed a suitable place to stop.

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club.

The pain had started about a month ago. Just aches in his stomach that crept their way towards his back, nothing but a little discomfort. The pain only became a problem at night, and sometimes when he ate, but even then it was bearable and besides- it wasn't a constant companion. Sometimes he'd gone days without feeling so much as a twinge, and he'd learned to ignore it. If things got worse he would go to a doctor- after his exams.

But then he fainted on the goddamn roof.

The fainting was not the problem-though he certainly wasn't glad for it- so much as the fact that he had acted like he had in front of his friends. It wasn't his fault of course, nobody could keep up a mask like his when they could barely move from pain. But he hadn't needed to behave like that to Tamaki-not only was it rude (which wasn't such a problem) but it had been… primal. No member of the Otori household should act like an animal, regardless of circumstance.

Which was precisely why he didn't want to open his eyes and really wake up. His friends would have taken him to the hospital and either they or the staff would have contacted his father, though he doubted Yoshio would be there now. Perhaps late that night, or if his son was still here next Sunday, but if it were working hours… no, Kyoya would have to wait for business, no doubt.

Another twinge in his stomach. Kyoya gasped from the pain, shooting up to a sitting position involuntarily, wrapping his arms around his stomach and waiting for it to fade. When it did he became conscious of his friends-whom he'd no doubt just terrified by waking in the way he had- swarming to his bedside. Tamaki's hand was on his shoulder again, and somehow that only irritated him more.

"I'm fine. Let go." Somehow he managed to speak in almost his usual tone, doing his best to mend his behavior.

Tamaki seemed like he wanted to refuse, but something in Kyoya's expression must have told him that would be a bad idea. "You're not fine. You're… why didn't you tell us you were sick?" There it was again, that choking tone, like he was about to cry over something this stupid. The blond boy was always so over-dramatic.

"I didn't know I was." Kyoya retorted honestly, seeing his glasses on the bedside table and putting them on, feeling a little more confident now that he could see properly. A quick glance around the room revealed the entire host club plus his sister, who was dozing in a plastic chair, all in wrinkled clothing. "How long have you been here?"

"Well, you've been out for about twelve hours." Hunny, still clutching that toy rabbit of his, but with a solemn expression that prevented him from looking like a child. "You scared us, Kyo-chan!"

"We called your father." Kaoru now, shooting an anxious glance at his twin, who was looking absolutely murderous for some reason. "He told us to call Fuyumi instead."

"What did you say to him?"

Neither of the twins seemed at all abashed that Kyoya had caught on so quickly- apparently they had no problems with him knowing they'd been rude to his father. "That he was a selfish, greedy old jerk who should give a bigger damn about his son than about some paperwork." Hikaru quoted.

"He didn't like that."

Kyoya sighed and shook his head at the twins' stupidity, lying down once more-he told himself he wasn't tired already, this was just more comfortable, that's all- and waiting to see if anybody else had a comment to make. Unfortunately they were all as solemn as he'd ever seen them, which wasn't exactly reassuring.

"What did the doctors say then?" He wondered at last in a forcefully casual tone.

"They said they're getting the results of a scan they took of your stomach, a kitten scan or something…" Tamaki trailed off, frowning as he struggled to remember.

"A CAT scan."

"Ah, right! One of those."

Kyoya shook his head, the atmosphere of the room too heavy for him to laugh at his friend's typical idiocy. Good Lord, this was depressing even for him. "…What happened after I fainted?"

This time Haruhi spoke up, cutting off Tamaki before he could begin an over-emotional rant. "The ambulance came and took you to the hospital. Tamaki and I rode with you, but everybody else took one of Tamaki's cars. On the way here the paramedics asked us questions about you, and as soon as we got here you were rushed off to the emergency ward. We weren't allowed to see you for an hour, and Hikaru tried calling your father while we waited. As soon as we could we all came in here, and we've taken turns going to get food from the hospital cafeteria. Your sister showed up two hours ago, she traveled all day to get here."

Something about the way Haruhi spoke, always as if she were reciting from a textbook, made the situation seem far less personal than it was. "You" may as well have been anybody, and Kyoya was glad Tamaki hadn't attempted the same tale. He probably wouldn't have been able to stomach the melodrama.

Before any of them could say anything else the door swung open, revealing a young doctor Kyoya recognized from his frequent tours of the family's hospital. She glanced in his direction and brightened considerably upon realizing he was conscious.

"Master Otori, you're awake! How are you feeling?" A stupid question, in Kyoya's opinion, but the woman didn't appear to want an answer anyway. "I'd like to ask you some questions before I go over the results of the CAT scan. Are you all the young master's friends?"

They replied that yes, they were, Haruhi clamping a hand over Tamaki's mouth before he could begin one of his "host club family" speeches. The doctor nodded to herself and adapted a condescending look of apologetic reprimand. "Right, well, visiting hours ended a long time ago… I'm afraid now that Master Otori is awake I have to ask you to leave."

"Ah, that's unfortunate. I would much rather they stay. Of course I can't demand that you allow that…" Kyoya cut in, smiling falsely. "But I'm sure my family could always find another doctor who will be more lenient."

The woman merely stared at him for a moment, clearly taken aback. "O-oh… Well, if you want them to stay, I suppose they may as long as they don't cause you any stress- if I think they're a danger to your health they'll have to leave."

"That's fine, thank you." For some reason his smile now reassured the doctor, though a moment earlier it had unsettled her. Such an idiot, to interpret his behavior whichever way suited her.

The doctor took a seat by his bedside and began to dive into her interrogation without a word of preamble. Had he experienced any pain in his stomach prior to that morning? Yes, but not often and nothing so sharp. Did he feel frequent aches in his lower back? Not constantly, but often. Any nausea? Not until this morning. Was he having trouble sleeping? He always did. Was he constantly tired or low on energy? Well of course, but if he was having trouble sleeping why should that be a surprise? Loss of appetite? Only when his stomach hurt. Was he feeling depressed? No more than usual.

This went on for nearly five minutes, with the doctor stopping every now and then to jot something down on her clipboard. And with each question answered in the affirmative Kyoya could see his friends becoming more and more anxious, and Tamaki's damn puppy-dog eyes were fixed on him as if to say "Why didn't you get help earlier?" Even the doctor seemed to find it odd that he hadn't been at all concerned, but why should he have been? The only unusual thing he'd experienced was the pain in his stomach, and he'd already told them that that was too infrequent to bother him.

At last the doctor stood up, her expression much more sober than it had been when she began. "I'd like to do a few more tests, and in the mean time… You should call your father, just in case."

Yoshio Otori arrived at his son's hospital room just after 3 in the morning.

Whereas Hunny seemed constantly on the verge of falling asleep, Fuyumi was now wide awake and currently joining forces with Tamaki to pamper Kyoya in the most infuriating ways possible. The twins seemed to find this funny, and were continually offering their "advice", with the result that by the time Kyoya's father came into the room things were borderline chaotic.

"Stop feeding them such idiotic ideas, you two."

"Waah! Kyoya-senpai's scary~"

"Fuyumi, help me organize Kyo-kun's notes!"

"Don't touch my books, Tamaki."

"All right Tama, I'll help!"

"I told you no! I can manage that on my ow-"

Kyoya froze mid-sentence as his father appeared in the doorway, trim and proper in a freshly ironed business suit, his hair combed back as neatly as ever. In contrast the entire host club was disheveled and in obvious need of sleep. Kyoya saw his father scrutinizing his appearance with obvious distaste and quickly adjusted his glasses back into place, taking on his usual mask almost instinctively.

"Good evening, father."

"Kyoya, even though you are ill I still expect you to behave in a manner befitting a child of the Otori household. Especially in front of our staff." Yoshio demanded coldly, forgoing a welcome entirely.

"Of course, father. My apologies." Kyoya bowed his head apologetically and attempted to meet the twins' eyes, knowing they were bound to say something hostile if he didn't warn them otherwise.

Unfortunately they didn't notice, as both were too busy glaring unreservedly at Yoshio. Even Haruhi was frowning at his behavior, and Tamaki alone had the sense (Tamaki? Sense? That was unusual) to bow and greet the older businessman politely, receiving only a curt nod in response.

"The doctors informed me that you collapsed on the roof of the Suoh family household. I hope, Kyoya, that you were not in the company of the chairman at the time." Yoshio scolded as he crossed the room to stand nearer his son's bedside.

"Only the host club was present at the time, father. Not even a servant." The dark haired boy assured calmly, wondering as he did so why he wasn't angrier at his father's indifference.

"Good. I hope you won't let this affect your studies, Kyoya. You'll already be missing school tomorrow, I don't want to risk you falling behind." The older man added, looking at Kyoya as if annoyed that he had caused such a fuss.

"Of course it won't."

"Kyoya's been studying hard for a month. He's been so stressed he didn't notice that he was sick because of it. Don't you think he needs to rest?" Haruhi-it had to have been Haruhi to speak up. The only one in the room Yoshio could offend without risking any harm to his business.

No doubt similar thoughts were flitting through the man's mind as he looked Haruhi up and down, taking in her ratty shorts and too-big T-shirt with obvious disdain. "Kyoya is a part of the Otori family, he can't afford to fall short academically."

"He can't afford to exhaust himself either."

"This is business, young lady, something I daresay you know nothing about."

"No, this is family, and something tells me I know more about that than you do."

"Haruhi, that's enough." Kyoya cut in quickly, waiting for the inevitable explosion. Before his father could retort, however, a knock on the door distracted his attention, which served the double purpose of preventing him from seeing Hikaru and Kaoru giving Haruhi the thumbs up.

The doctor had returned, no doubt after being informed of Yoshio's arrival. She gave them all a hasty greeting and flipped through a few pages on her clipboard.

"We have the results of your tests, Master Otori." She began in a tone that invoked no confidence.

Tamaki blanched when he caught sight of her expression, but Kyoya himself merely sat up straighter and nodded. "Go on."

The doctor glanced at the host club, all of whom had converged around his bedside protectively. Ironically, his father was the only one who seemed uninterested in being beside him. "Perhaps just the family…"

"They're staying." Kyoya said firmly.

Another quick look, this time for his father. "That may be best. The first CAT scan revealed-"

"I have no desire to hear how you figured out what was wrong. Just tell me." He cut in, wondering why he was so calm when his friends were all pale with dread. No doubt one of them would have a panic attack if they had to sit through a list of medical terms before the doctor got to her point.

The doctor nodded, thankfully not arguing the point. "Of course. You have… a case of metastasized pancreatic cancer."

Kyoya froze, staring with surprise rather than disbelief at the doctor, one thought alone running through his head as she went on to describe the finer points of the disease. I shouldn't have let them stay.

The woman was rattling off various statistics and facts, apparently unaware that her patient was numb to her words. He wished she would stop- the others would be unbearable enough, and only more so the more they heard. Already they looked petrified, Tamaki's hand squeezing his shoulder so tightly it hurt, Hunny no doubt either on the verge of tears or past that point- Kyoya couldn't turn his head to look. He could only stare at this woman-wondering if an ounce of emotion showed in his expression- as she detailed his chances for survival.

"This type of cancer is very rare for children your age, which may mean you have a better chance of fighting it. In general, however, 98% percent of cases that have reached this stage of the disease without treatment don't survive for five years. The average… is between six and ten months. With treatment some patients live for up to another five weeks, but there is no cure, just-"

"Stop." Kyoya snapped with a sudden harshness. "I don't want to hear it. Leave, now."

He was sure his father was looking at him now, annoyed that he would act so crassly to one of their employees, but Kyoya was well beyond caring. He continued to glare at the doctor -who thankfully didn't seem the least bit offended- until she nodded and left the room, stopping first to request Yoshio accompany her. He agreed without so much as a glance for his son and followed her out the door.

"K-Kyoya…" One of them (Kyoya didn't turn to check) began, choking on the word and falling silent, at an apparent loss for words.

"Don't. All of you, leave. You too, Fuyumi, go." He demanded bluntly, still refusing to look at any of his friends.

"Kyoya, we should-"

"Just go!"

Nobody moved. Kyoya counted to five before turning to face his friends, fighting hard to keep himself in control. They were all looking at him, none of them with pity-thank God they knew him better than to do that- but with worry and determination. He'd been right in assuming Hunny was crying, but he wasn't alone. All of them was at least teary-eyed, and he hated them for it. There was no use in crying, or trying to comfort him- dammit, why had he let them stay? Things would have been bad enough without them knowing, and now…

"Go, all of you. It's late anyway, go home and sleep." Kyoya ordered in a controlled but nonetheless sharp voice.

"No." Tamaki, who looked so upset it may as well have been him diagnosed with cancer, retorted. "I-I'm not leaving you alone, Kyo-kun."

The young Otori clenched his teeth and took a deep breath. It was hard not to lose his temper with his friends at the best of times, and nearly impossible when he was already so… what? Angry? Frustrated? Depressed? He had no idea. "Well, I want to be alone, so go."

None of them seemed to have the slightest intention of doing so, but what did they think they could do by staying? Kyoya hated it when people tried to comfort him or were on their toes around him, as if he were some fragile child-something that usually happened out of pity for being the third son, not…. Dammit, they all were looking more upset by this than he was, and he was the one who'd just been told he would probably be dead in under a year!

He opened his mouth once more, but he was cut off by Takashi of all people. "You shouldn't be alone right now." He said simply, his expression seemingly unchanged yet somehow conveying as much worry as the other's tears did.

"And what good could any of you do by staying?" Kyoya snapped in return. "Trying to comfort me won't change the fact that I'm dying!"

He realized his hands were shaking uncontrollably, and took a deep breath in an effort to calm down. He shouldn't have said anything, he'd only succeeded in making things worse, in frightening himself, goddamn it.

"M-maybe she made a mistake, what if-" Tamaki, ever the optimist, began with a poor attempt at a cheerful attitude.

"My family wouldn't hire a doctor who was too stupid to make sure of a diagnosis, Tamaki." Kyoya growled. "Go talk to her to make sure, so long as you leave! I want to be left alone, I want…"

His voice broke, and he was suddenly conscious of tears in his eyes. He drew his knees towards his chest and hid his face in his hands, almost as if he could hide this sign of weakness from his friends. Somebody, he didn't look to find out who, came over and hugged him tightly, but he didn't move. Just leave, all of you. There's no reason to stay-leave me alone.

The only sounds for the next few minutes were the muffled crying of whoever was holding him and Kyoya's deep breathing, which was doing nothing to relax his mood or stop his body from trembling. Then footsteps, the creaking of a door, a prolonged pause, and a slam. Kyoya counted to ten before raising his head to find the room empty of all save his sister. She was holding him with surprising strength for such a graceful girl, her face buried in his shoulder- which was already wet with her tears.

Now that the others had left, Kyoya found he was glad for Fuyumi's presence. Fuyumi, who had known him all his life. Fuyumi, who never cared about appearances. Fuyumi, who had always given a damn about him and never let him push her away.

At last she lifted her head, though her arms remained wrapped around him. "Father isn't here. You don't have to be so strong all the time, Kyo-kun." She whispered.

"I don't have to be weak either. I shouldn't have acted like that in front of them." God, she looked miserable. He smiled at her, the fake smile that won him countless false friendships and customers at the club. It never worked with Fuyumi though, and he knew when she returned the gesture that hers was just as false.

She studied his face for a moment before her head drooped. "You're so stubborn, Kyoya. You won't take treatment, will you?"

"I'm not spending all my time in a hospital just for another few weeks, Fuyumi. There's nothing to gain from it."

"This isn't business, you know, Kyo-kun. You can try acting based on what you feel for once." She scolded, looking so much like Tamaki when he was pouting that Kyoya had a bizarre urge to laugh. "How are you feeling?"

How was he feeling? Not scared, which was how he was supposed to feel, and not relaxed, which was how he would have liked to feel. "I don't know."

"Father is so cruel!" Fuyumi exclaimed suddenly, releasing the younger boy and standing up straight with a look of hatred unbecoming of her kind face. "To worry about your schooling, then not even stay… I can't believe he would do something like that."

Kyoya sighed and got to his feet, gripping his sister's shoulders sternly. "He can't act any differently around the sons of such important families, you know that. Besides, father has never been compassionate." Why did nobody understand this? He didn't like certain aspects of his father's behavior, but he didn't blame him for them either.

"You're more important than business, Kyo-kun."

Before he could respond-whether to agree or not he didn't know- there was a knock on the door, followed by the doctor's re-entrance. "Miss Otori? Your father says he would like you to speak with him." Her tone was apologetic, either she regretted interrupting them or she thought Kyoya might resent his father's obvious efforts to avoid him.

"Go. Tell the others to go home, I'm going to get some sleep and they should too." The dark haired boy released Fuyumi's shoulders and smiled at her, this time genuinely. "Thank you for staying, sister."

"I'll come back in the morning, Kyo-kun." She promised, hugging him once more before exiting with the doctor.

And then he was alone. Kyoya glanced once at the bed and decided against lying down. He had no intention of sleeping, and began to pace the room slowly and deliberately. There was one simple fact at the root of his thoughts: he was dying. Six months, ten, maybe a year… or even less. As soon as a month from now he might collapse from a pain in his stomach, or go to sleep and simply not wake up.

That was a terrifying thought, even for Kyoya. To die without any warning in the middle of the night, possibly without even knowing anything had happened, might sound preferable to a drawn out death. But damn it he wanted to know. If he could tell when he was about to die he could use that time, even if it was just to… to what, say goodbye? He wasn't so sentimental: there was nothing to gain, even emotionally, from dramatic farewells. Tamaki, no doubt, would disagree. He'd insist they spend every moment of time available taking any number of eccentric trips or shopping for "commoner goods". He wouldn't see that Kyoya would have to spend his time in the most profitable way possible, to get everything he could out of the next few months. Topping his class wasn't good enough, he would have to procure a few investments with his classmates….

But there was no point. Kyoya froze, feeling as if he'd been struck. There was no point. He was dying, would be dead long before his father retired and probably before he graduated high school. No matter what he did, how hard he worked, there was no point. Everything he had been struggling for since he was a toddler meant nothing. This didn't depress him, nor was he even sad.

He was angry.

Without thinking Kyoya snatched a glass of water off the bedside table and chucked it at the far wall. It shattered, sending shards of glass and water flying through the air. His hand and cheek stung, there was a thin line of red appearing on both, but he hardly noticed. Everything he'd done, useless. He was breathing hard, and couldn't decide whether he wanted to throw something else or cry.

I don't want to die.

He leaned against the wall to keep on his feet, suddenly shaking so badly his legs nearly gave out. He was mortified that he'd lost his temper like that, but he was so furious. Befriending all those idiots at school, losing to Tamaki in everything, and sleeping only a few hours so he could study as much as possible would all lead to nothing.

I don't want to die!

There was no longer any possibility of his achieving a position in his family's company, not even a minor one. Perhaps his older brothers would come down soon to offer some rehearsed condolence, no doubt hiding relief that their youngest brother was no longer a threat.

I don't want to just disappear.

His stomach chose that moment to flare with pain again, and he gasped but forced himself to stay upright, grimacing not only from the agony but the irony as well. No, his body was going to wear out long before the Otori household was in need of its heir. He would never marry or have a family nor watch his friends do so, never see if that idiot Tamaki ever found a wife or if Haruhi ever became a lawyer. If Hikaru and Kaoru would ever branch out, if Hunny ever matured or if Mori did the opposite…

Stop. His emotions were running away with him again, and Kyoya was never the person to be at the beck and call of such things. This was, after all, a drastic form of time management. He was dying, not dead, and he had a number of things to accomplish before that happened.

A.N.: Okay, now I have a bit of babbling to do… The entire reason I wrote this story was because of what I described in those last few paragraphs. I wanted to write about what Kyoya would do if he was forced to think about all his efforts to outshine his brothers becoming useless- and what he would do with his life after that. I think the most important line for that is "I don't want to just disappear". This isn't him feeling sorry for himself-more like a goal. I think Kyoya would want to leave something behind. And I'll show what he does with that in the next chapter.:)

Ps-I love Fuyumi, so I put her in here. I'm glad I did, even if she seems a bit out of place at first.