Rey pulled the scarf from around her head and undid her jacket, her exploration finally taking her deep enough to where the heat from the underground lava pits wafted through rocky vents. The call was coming louder now, that woken thing deep inside her starting to stir and stretch its limbs. The texts had said there were other planets throughout the galaxy with kyber crystals but she had known to come here, to the place of the ancient Jedi that had been ravaged by the Empire... a place of Light carved up by the Dark...
She thought it was fitting. She never could seem to find one without the other.
The solid thuds of her foot falls started to echo and she slowed her pace, keeping her eyes on the edge of her light as she approached a faintly glowing pit in the widening cavern. She peered over the edge, the walls uniform and forming a perfect circle, the end of which was almost not visible. Far, far below, molten rock bubbled and churned.
An Empire mining drill did this.
The Force within her reached down pulling her to the abyss.
"Of course it would be down there," she grumbled, looking mournfully at the perfectly twinkling crystals around her as she started to unwind her fiber cord. Peeling off her outerwear, she secured one end of the line and she slid herself over the side onto the first toe hold. Down and down she moved, letting the Force guide her reach and direction. Heat from the core of the planet made her skin tingle and sweat beaded at the nape of her neck, coursing down her spine. She had to pause several times to wipe her damp palms on her tunic to preserve her grip while her breath came in deep pulls, in and out until the sulfur burn made her wish she had kept her scarf tied around her face.
A break in the wall appeared just as she could feel her skin start to burn like when she'd not been careful to cover herself from the blistering sun on Jakku, and she swung into the space, unhooking her cord and securing it to the wall. On hands and knees she crawled through the passage, ignoring the sense of claustrophobia she felt as her shoulders and hips scraped against the rock. The Force pulsed around her like a heartbeat.
So close. It has got to be close.
Her knees were starting to bruise despite the protection of her pant legs and the skin of her fingers, already ravaged by her climb down, were not finding any reprieve on the crystal pocked floor. The opening became narrower and she had to lower to her stomach, pulling herself along with her forearms. Her breath came out in rough pants, the sweat from her brow obscuring her already compromised view in the dark, as her clothes caught and tore until she could go no further without fear of getting stuck.
It was right there, she could hear it calling just beyond her reach and she laid completely flat, her fingers stretching out to her crystal.
No, please, please...
She shimmied forward, the sides of the cave pressing tightly against her chest and restricting her breathing, and an anguished cry escaped her lips as she stretched out again, her muscles protesting the effort. The Force inside her flared bright and fierce in a whip-like lash, snapping the crystal from the wall to fall into her palm where it warmed like a hot stone. Her jaw trembled and she cried out in relief, her forehead dropping to rest against the floor.
Finally, the crystal was hers... something to call her own, something meant for her and her alone.
Her chest rattled with the sobs that followed before she collected herself, knowing she needed to ascend before her energy gave out. Inch by agonizing inch she shifted her weight backwards, gritting her teeth against the pain of gravel against abraded and heat tenderized skin.
But she could endure it.
That was what she had done her entire life, after all.
Abandoned. Endure.
Starved. Endure.
Beaten. Endure.
Hunted. Endure.
Disappointed. Endure.
Heartbroken. Endure.
The words rolled through her head like a drumbeat, each one resonating in time with the movement of her body. And so, hand over hand, step over step she climbed until she reached the top, collapsing in a heap on to her previously discarded clothes where she fell unconscious, her hand resting protectively over the crystal in the pouch slung round her neck.
She dreamed a memory, a conglomerate of moments boiled down to the essence of her existence on Jakku. Loneliness and cold assaulted her as she huddled in her AT-AT husk against a sand storm, so hungry she could hear the keening of her stomach over the raging winds. She understood why some of the scavengers had been reduced to eating sand... anything to stop the gnawing pain that made her knees draw up so tight she could tuck her face in them. They are knobby and thin and she guesses she must be about eleven in this moment, trembling from fear, hunger, and the cold. She is not crying though. Crying is a luxury in the desert and luxuries are something Rey knows nothing of. The walls of the AT-AT started to rattle and shift, parts being sheared off as a sacrifice to the brutal God-like gales of Jakku.
There is something else here with her, large and watchful as it observes from the just the edge of her dream. She pulls tighter into herself as the weather roars around her, hands clapping over her ears as her meager possessions start to sink into the sand.
Not for the first time, she wishes for her mother, her father, someone, anyone to hold her and provide the comfort she is not able to give herself.
The watchful thing moved, great and dark, enveloping her just as the AT-AT disintegrated, blocking out the wind and the cold, leaving just a warm hum deep in her bones.
Content, Rey sinks further into sleep.
She startled awake hours later, wincing as the motion pulled at her tender skin and made her sore muscles spasm.
Kriff, this is bad.
Slowly she pulled herself into a seated position, her hand squeezing around the crystal to reassure her of her success. Light was pouring into the shaft from the sky above, and she could see it was well into mid day with wafts of snow trickling down with the rays. Excited to finally see her crystal in detail, she tipped the pouch into her hand, shaking it gently.
Her face fell as it rolled out and heated in her palm.
"I thought... I thought it would change color," she said to herself, running her finger over the clear faceted surface. She held it up, peering through into the sky when she saw it, a fine hairline crack splintering to the center of it and branching like the snowflakes she had seen against her ship's windshield.
Hot tears pooled in her eyes and she closed her fist around the crystal, concentrating on its soothing warmth.
It's broken but it's mine.
"Mine," she repeated, loud and fierce.
Securing the crystal back into its pouch, she pushed herself to her feet and dressed, taking a moment to eat a protein ration to keep up her strength for the return trip.
Though easier than her outset, the return trek took the better part of the day in her weakened state, and the sun was disappearing behind the mountains as she opened the hatch to board.
The droids had kept the vital systems on while utilizing minimal fuel, and Rey was grateful the interior of the ship was significantly warmer than the environment just outside.
"TwoBee," she said to the medical droid as she pulled the crystal over her head and set it down on her bunk. "I need your assistance."
It whirled around her as she stripped down to her small clothes, the process slow and tedious to try to limit her pain.
TwoBee screeched in angry twitterings as it scanned her, distressed over her blistered skin and the swaths of lacerations and abrasions that littered her body.
Fresher, it tweets at her in binary. Then bacta. Use the water. We have melted enough for replacement.
She nodded her agreement while undressing and stepped into the refresher, hissing as the water sluiced over her wounds. She rested her head against the wall, jaw clenching until the washing cycle was complete. TwoBee was waiting with a fresh underthings, which she gratefully put on and stepped out, settling herself on the bunk as the droid started to mend the worse of her cuts. Her shoulders slumped as she finally let herself relax, her eyes drifting closed as she stretched her neck.
A sharp intake of breath had her freezing in place and she took a moment to steady herself before slowly opening her eyes.
In their meetings, he always looks at her face, usually unwaveringly locking his gaze to hers. But now his eyes roamed all over, traveling from one arm, across her chest, down her abdomen to her thighs and knees before traveling up the path again, his face becoming stormier and stormier with each passing second. Though his cheeks carried a telling pink tinge, it was not lust that she saw in his expression but something far gentler and yet more fierce, bordering on devestation. He looked away, clearly trying to give her privacy, his fist clenching at his side.
It upsets him to see me like this, she realized looking down at her bruised body.
"Do you need help?" he asked, still looking away.
"I'm not telling you where I am."
"I already know where you are."
A cold bead of fear pricked at the base of her neck and she thought she saw him flinch. She knows he is telling the truth. They do not lie to each other here.
We do not lie to each other at all.
"There was no one else with you after you fell. You're on a mission alone on a frigid planet and you are in need of a kyber crystal. There are only so many places that you could be, with Ilum being the most likely." He paused, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm not going to try to stop you, if that's your concern."
"Why not?" she asked a bit more harshly than intended but it had been a really trying last couple of days and seeing him always filled her with complicated emotions that she had no clue how to vent.
He turned to her fully, his eyes careful to stay focused on hers. "Why did you not kill me in the throne room when you woke first? Why did you clip my light saber to my belt before you left?"
She dropped her eyes, folding her arms over her chest, suddenly very conscious of her state of undress. Neither of them spoke and he looked away again, glaring a hole in the wall until he faded from her view several long moments later.
She rubbed her face in exhaustion before waving TwoBee off. Healing could wait. If he knew where she was, she needed to get out of the star system. Wearily, she drug herself to the cockpit, punching in her new destination, and jumped into hyperspace.