Pink Ribbon
2
--
It was late at night when Scully woke up and sat on the end of the bed in the hotel room she was staying at. She held a photo of Mulder in her hands. She sighed, it had been just over 3 weeks since she had given birth to Mulders child. Scully remembered the birthing like it was yesterday, she still felt the pain run through her every time she thought of it.
'Hold on Scully, it's going to be ok, I'm here."
"Mulder!...Argh!"
"Dana I need you to push"
"I can't! It hurts too much!"
"It hurts because you are tearing serverly, but we need to get the baby out now because it's too late for a C-section, now push..."
"Argh!..."
It had been a long and tiresome labour one that lasted just over 35 hours. She had had complications… very serious complications. After it was all over Scully remembered she felt strong feelings of guilt, regret and resentment for the baby and just refused to see her or even feed her. Scully looked at the photo of her husband and remembered hearing him and a doctor talking outside quietly when they thought she was asleep.
"Is she going to be ok Doctor?"
"Yes but since we couldn't get the baby out quicker and with the severity of pain she felt she may feel resentment towards your daughter for some time, but with a lot of love and understanding she will be able to work through it and then hopefully get to know and love the child. You also have to take note of the signs of Post Natal Depression…"
Scully remembered after the conversation had ended Mulder had walked to the side of her bed and while he thought she was asleep he had kissed her on the cheek and told her it would be alright and that he loved her. Scully smiled at the thought of his kiss, leaning back she laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She thought she could get over it, to see and love her newborn the way she knew Mulder did, but when he had brought her for a feed, Scully had just curled up and refused.
Scully rolled over dropping the photo on the floor. She laid there for a long moment before standing up and grabbing her coat. She decided to go for a walk to clear her head as the depression started to set in again. Scully walked out the door and placed her hands in her pockets as the wind picked up. She felt like crying but held the tears back. She never thought that starting a family would be as painful as this, but she knew that Mulder would do a better job at raising their daughter than she would. She didn't even know her daughters name. Scully walked and just stared at the foot path. She felt worthless... useless. She often walked until late in the night to try and get tired enough to sleep but in effect she was over tired making it hard to concentrate. Her body was aching with tiredness. She hadn't eaten much since the labour. She had lost her appetite. Her eyes were bloodshot and red from crying most of the time. She walked along the wet footpath when a car drove past through a puddle. The spray went all over her
"God Damn it!" She cursed shaking the water off her hands. "Thanks a lot!" she yelled after the driver but they couldn't hear her as they drove around a corner. Scully pulled at her wet clothes and looked back as it started to rain again. She felt irritated and annoyed at everything
'Why can't people just leave me alone' she thought as she started to walk back to the hotel.
After a short time she made it through the door and went to have a shower. Standing under the running water, her thoughts drifted back to Mulder and wondered what he was doing right now. She wondered if she should ring him to see whether he was ok or not. But she knew she would just be a nuisance, a pain in his side. Scully felt a sudden surge of sadness hit her all at once thinking about Mulder and their wedding day and how happy they were.
"Mulder" she whispered as water ran down her face. Then she broke down and started crying lowering to her knees letting the warm water try and heal her cold and broken heart. "I'm so sorry Mulder" she cried but no-one could hear her through the running water
'I' m so sorry…'
--
A/N
Hey sorry if it's short
I'm still building it up...
I promise it'll get better, hopefully lol
Let me know what you thought
Thanks for reading!