Harry Potter and the Slippery Chicken Leg
By: Joyce, Bridget, and Europa
J: Harry Potter looked around the Great Hall furtively as he stuffed another chicken leg into his pants.
B: Ron and Hermione took no notice as Harry did his strange stuffing. They were much too busy eating, glancing at each other without the other's knowledge, and worrying about the upcoming exams. Harry glanced about nervously, trying to withhold grimacing as he felt one of the legs slide down his leg to his shoe.
E: He was all slippery and he wanted a bagul. He looked around. Damn! No bagels today. He must have not been surprised seeing as how it was dinnertime. As he came to the furious truith he stormed off feeling the chicken slip around swimmingly in his pants.
J: He waddled down the corridor towards the Griffindor Common Room with purpose in his stride when who did he meet while turning the corner next to the statue of Gilbert The Glittery but FILCH!
"What do you think you're doing? Why are you walking all funny?" growled Filch.
"Er…" said Harry "I tripped…and…bumped my ankle…on…a suit of armor…" he looked around, "That one!" he pointed at a random suit of armor who looked offended.
Filch regarded him and then slouched away.
Harry waddled at top speed so avoid meeting anyone else. But as he passed the painting of Bolshoi the Badass, out of nowhere popped Peeves…
B: Ron glanced about Hermione. Then he suddenly noticed the absence of Harry. "Oi, Hermione, where'd Harry go?"
She snapped her attention to the empty chair beside her…eyes oddly drawn to a lonely chicken leg lying desolately on the floor. "I don't know!" they sat for many seconds wondering if they should look for him or if wasn't a big deal and they should stay. She weighed the pattern of past events, and stood up.
"Let's go," she groaned, followed by a sigh.
E: "Ok" said Ron brightly. He followed her out of the Graight Hall clutching his Bagul. It had been saved from breakfast and he particularly fancied one for dinner. He bit into it joyfully.
J: Hermione walked purposefully toward the common room, if Harry wasn't there, at least she could pick up some fucking elf hats to lie around the castle. Ron skipped along behind her singing softly to
himself:
"la la hats hats
Shoes coats la la
Chicken la la la"
B: "Hello Peeves…" Harry started half-heartedly, hoping that Peeves would leave him alone.
"What's that dripping out your pants, Potter?" a bit of grease had indeed accumulated around the soles of his left shoe. Peeves grinned mischievously, most likely thinking about something quite inappropriate.
E: "Oi, what's that look for!" Harry yelled cluelessly. He heard singing and turned around to see Ron and Hermione walking towards him. Harry saw the Bagul in Ron's Mouth and felt his insides scream
with fury. He mindlessly sprinted twords him and tackled him down, beating him until he forfeited the Bagul. Harry bit into it and slowly remembered he diddent like baguls that much. "Harry! What the bloody hell is wrong with you!" Hermione screamed running over to them.
J: Harry looked up innocently, bagel crumbs clinging to his chin. "Nothing."
Ron whimpered and rolled around on the floor, "Owie."
"Explain yourself!" said Hermione sounding very McGonagall-ish.
B: Peeves decided that this situation was messed up enough to leave. Trouble wasn't as much fun if he weren't the cause. He floated harmlessly away.
Harry nervously flicked a few crumbs off his chin, eyes darting to and fro, looking for escape "Wrong?" Harry tensed and his crummy fingers drummed against his chicken filled legs. "You want to know what's bloody wrong?" He began to shout, "I'm trying to peaceably smuggle some chicken down my pants and Ron won't give me his bloody bagel!" He obviously didn't see the gap in logic there.
E: They all stood in scilence for a very long time, Hermione glaring.
"I don't feel so good." Ron said clutching his stomach. "I'm going to the Hospital Wing." He said limping away, expecting his friends to follow. Harry missribly trailed after him feeling chicken juice drip down his leg.
J:
"Someone's coming!" Madame Pomfrey whispered.
"But I'm not finished," squeaked Professor Flitwick from somewhere below her.
"Oh well!" she jumped up and pushed him into the closet as Ron hobbled into the hospital wing followed by Harry and Hermione
B: "My stomach bloody hurts!" He blurted out. Hermione noted the rumpled state of Madam Pomfrey but said nothing of it. Madame P. ahem-ed and torted "Specifically How it hurts."
" A bloody lot! I think that bagel was poisoned!"
Poisoned with evil…
Harry glanced at the closet, it was shaking mysteriously. The bagel loomed in his brain, an ominous beacon of cyclopsy horror…
E: He ripped his eyes away from the mysterious closet. Madam Pomfrey sat Ron onto a bed and handed him a goblit with red liquid in it. Hermione sat next to him muttering cuss words under her breath and pulling out a note pad this was Ron's 3rd visit to Madam Pomfrey this week. Harry scratched his chin and thought something was fishy.
J: Harry looked from Madame Pomfrey to the closet to Hermione who was now cooing comforting words to Ron, MOST of her swear words abandoned. Harry looked from Madam P to the closet. He looked from Ron to Hermione. He looked from Ron to Hermione to the closet. Harry Looked from Madame Pomfrey to the closet. From the closet to Madame Pomfrey. Maybe there was something….in….the closet?
Maybe?
Something inside the closet went THUD.
B: Meanwhile, Malfoy wrote in his Superbly secret Diary:
Dear Diary,
Today I woke up and went to the Great Hall, yearning for something to fill my rumbly-tumbly. There were some bagels lying conveniently on a tray. So I grabbed some and stuffed them up my sleeve for later,
munching on one for now. I knew that Harry liked them so I wanted to save some for him. I'm feeling ill now though. I think I'll---
Malfoy quickly stood up and Ran to M. Pomfrey's. His tummy hurt.
"Oh, Potter, fancy seeing a loser like you here." He scowled menacingly, hiding his urge to hand Harry a bagel and rip his shirt off…Harry would definitely look good like that.
But then Malfoy's eyes were drawn to Harry's lumpy pants. WTF.
E: "Potter!" Malfoy yelled. Harry looked at him agitatedly. "What have you got in your bloddy pants!" He asked eyeing him.
"I—it was—it was…" Harry jittered but was interrupted by another loud thump in the closet. Malfoy looked at it with a nasty, smelly look on his face. They glanced at eachother and bolth walked over to the closet and pulled open the door. Ron's Eyes fell upon what was inside, "OI!"
J: Hermione shrieked, "P-Professor Flitwick! Why are you dressed like that?"
They all gaped at little Professor Flitwick all decked out in all black with a red sash-belt. Ninja stars nestled in his pockets, an eye patch obscuring his left eye and a cutlass at his tiny hip.
"TRAITOR!" yelled Harry and Draco simultaneously thrusting accusatory fingers at Flitwick.
"A NINJA?" shrieked Harry, his chicken quivering with rage.
"A PIRATE?" screamed Malfoy, His bagels rattling unpleasantly.
Harry blinked and turned to Malfoy… "…Ninjas?" he asked in a tiny voice.
Draco looked Horrified, but gave a small nod… "…Pirates?" he ventured tentatively.
Harry bit his lip.
With anguished gasps they turned from each other, unable to hide their hearts, breaking for the love that could now never be…. /3
Flitwick stood frozen, wondering what he should do.
B: He figured he should cover himself "down there" seeing as how Hermione's eyes seemed to be popping from her very head.
"It's okay…" Ron patted her shoulder, hoping to gain her attention towards him. She jumped at his touch, blushing furiously, "What! What's Okay!"
"I'm…here…" he tried to sound charming, but was failing miserably.
Meanwhile, Harry stormed out of the room and up to his dormitory. Dread filled his heart. He couldn't understand why. Draco WAS his rival, it only made sense that he would be a bloody fucking
ninja…chicken juice was making his legs sticky gross. Maybe those bath salts from the prefects' bathroom would clear his head? He hadn't been there since last year, yet…he hadn't faced such an ordeal.
E: He skimped up the steps, the chicken gushing. The legs had been in his pants for quite sometime and it had been a hot day. He said the password and entered the bathroom. The faint smell of bread
and bluebareys drifted towards him. He looked up and saw Malfoy unbuttoning his pants. Malfoy looked up, responding to the sudden chickiny smell in the air. Malfoy shrugged and slipped off his clothes. They were both boys, after all…
He jumped in the bath which he had scented to his liking.
Harry didn't want to seem weird around him so he walked over to the edge of the bath and a chicken leg slipped out of his pants on the way. Malfoy looked confused. "Is that a bloody chicken leg?"
J: Harry nodded.
Draco's eyes filled with tears, "…Y-you remembered," he said softly.
"Yep," said Harry smiling stepping into the bath.
B: Draco turned away, hiding his tears. His slick naked back gleamed under the lights and his shoulders shook.
"You can cry in front of me, it's alright," Harry was transfixed by Malfoy's sleek, wet, white-blond hair. He wanted to pet it; it looked so soft and fluffy.
Malfoy slowly looked over at Harry, tears streaking down his face to mix with the bath water. "Oh, Harry, it's so difficult to act so mean to you all the time. What if my face gets wrinkles from all
the sneering I do?"
"There's always spells to prevent that, Draco," he stepped toward Malfoy, longing for hair-touchy, "besides…some wrinkles are sexy."
"What's that supposed to mean?" his hands flew to his face worriedly.
"It means," he took a step towards Draco, "that I," another step, "love--!" He slipped on a chicken leg that happened to drift under his foot and toppled forward…onto Malfoy.
E: Harry's face hit Malfoy's squishy chest and he felt his nose crack. He stood up again and Malfoy rubbed the hurt spot on his chest. "Sorry," said Harry weakly holding his nose.
"Are you ok!" asked Malfoy worriedly holding Harry by the shoulders. Harry looked up into Malfoy's steely gray eyes Harry was perfectly fine. His nose just hurt. But he whimpered and buried his face into Malfoy's soft chest bawling uncontrollably.
J: "W-w-why does everything have to be so Har-har-HAR—AAAAAAAARRRRRRRR -DUH?"
Bewildered, Malfoy patted him on the back.
"There, there," he cooed soothingly.
"My nose hurts," whimpered Harry
"Here," Malfoy pulled out his wand and did his wandy thing and made Harry's nose feel all better.
"Thank you," Harry sniffed.
Draco continued to hold Harry, both standing in the bath.
Suddenly the door opened. Harsh light poured in from the outside corridor. Harry and Draco looked around.
A tall silhouette stood in the doorway.
B: "Quick! Hide behind me!" Harry whispered harshly.
"No!" Draco wrapped his thin arms around Harry's chest, "I can't keep hiding this! I can't!"
"Malfoy, please!" Harry pulled at Draco's arms desperately.
"Did you just call me Malfoy? MALFOY?" He looked at Harry, hurt. "Fine, Potter," he spat, "I can hurt you too!" His hands grabbed Harry's head and vigorously pulled it down, capturing it in an enthusiastic kiss tasting of chicken. Harry broke free, but too late, for a wide-eyed Ron stood, stuttering before them. "H-h-h-har-rr-r-y?"
Malfoy shoved Potter away. "So, you care more about him than me, do you! Fine!" He ran out of the room, snatching up his clothes only at the last moment, before Harry could protest. Harry blushed, that had only been their third kiss.
"H-harry? Wha…?" Ron stood stock still.
"Ron…" Harry looked at his best mate. He couldn't help feeling a little angry at the interruption that had been caused. "I didn't mean for you to find out this way…"
E: "But-but-but you're not…you can't b—huh?"
"I'm sorry, Ron." Harry said pulling on his clothes and leaving the bathroom leaving Ron there, Awe-struck.
On his way back he heard Snape's voice and followed it to his office. He peered through the crack of the door. "I've had enough of you…..Mr. Tito." He heard his squacky voice say. Harry saw Snape playing with what seemed like…….dolls?
A figure of himself, Snape, and a bull? Harry was very confused as the enthralled Snape hobbled around his plastic figures and askew was a silk red blanket thing on his desk. Harry was confused. Surely this was a joke. But as Harry continued watching he slowly came to realize it was---not. oo
J: Harry didn't know if he should say something or just run. But while he was pondering, Snape'smagnificent head snapped up. "What are you doing!"
B: "N-nothing!" Harry stared.
"Nothing sir," retorted Snape, glaring at Harry.
"Nothing, sir!" This seemed to bring him out of his stupor and he scuttled away.
When Snape was sure he was quite gone, He spun back around to his miniature dolls. His fingers caressed the tiny James doll.
"You're the best bullfighter ever Severus!" he voiced for the doll.
"You really think so?" he voiced for the doll of himself.
"Absolutely! You can do it! You know I love watching you bull-fight!"
And he continued to play as such, proceeding to a breathtaking, action-packed, bull-fighting scene, and then to a love scene with lots of 'oh, no!'s' and 'James, wait!'s'.
Meanwhile, as Harry vowed to find out what kind of voodoo Snape was up to later, he went to go find Malfoy.
Malfoy was crumpled on the floor of the kitchen, stuffing blueberry bagels in his face, offered by kind house elves. He was sobbing about Harry's betrayal, but whimpered through the bagel crumbs, "I'm gonna
get so fat…"
E: "And look, I've already started." He continued pinching his stomach. Harry was still searching but had decided to give up. He had an exhausting day. He felt sick and angry so he dragged himself up the last set of stairs and the fat lady asked for the password.
"Snickerdootles" ((No, I'm Serious, I've actually read a fanfic where that was the password))
The portrait opened and he walked into the common room and Hermione was toiling away at her homework. She looked happy to see him.
"Listen Hermione….Ron's going to tell you some….stuff…"
J: "Oh he's already told me a lot of… stuff." She said with a grin. Harry looked horrorstruck.
"Don't be silly, Harry. I mean, it's not as if it wasn't obvious." Harry gaped at her. "You are always stealing chicken and everyone knows it's his favorite. And then chicken would slide out of your pant-leg whenever you would see him. Honestly, I've known for years."
Harry stared at her. "It seems to have come as a shock to Ronald though." She indicated a squashy armchair in the shadows where Ron sat, pale-faced and staring into space. Harry moved towards him.
"Um, Ron?" He asked tentatively.
B: "What?" Ron asked harshly.
"You knew?" Harry's voice came out as a squeak.
"No!" Ron stood and glared at Hermione. "She's just rubbing it in. I'm so sorry that I'm just sooo stupid!"((Sarcastic)) He stomped up to the dorms.
Ron flung himself across the bed, simmering. Hermione's smug face floating in his mind. I'll show her! He thought. I'll get my revenge!
Harry looked inquisitively at Hermione. She shrugged and said, "Ron was being a perv so that's what he gets!" She turned her attention toward her homework, pointedly ignoring Harry and anything
else he might want to say.
E: After a while of bed lying, Ron sat up feeling adventurous. He decided to sneak around the grounds. He grabbed the invisibility cloak on Harry's bed and pulled it on over his head and strolled out of the common room. How he hated to be wrong, he thought. Then something caught on his foot. He stood up cursing his big shoose that made him fall all the time. He was thrilled to be on such an adventure. Now, where to go? What places to sneek?
J:
Harry stewed in his torment with no sound for company but the scratching of Hermione's quill.
Scratch Scratch Scratch.
Ron tiptoed hither and thither.
He found himself around the dungeons. Hey! He thought. Maybe I could sneak into Slytherin common room and see what those gits are up to.
This pleased him. As he made his way down the dungeon corridor, He quietly snuck passed Snape's office and froze
He heard small crashes coming from Snape's chambers.
"Oh Mr. Tito!"
Ron distinctly heard this. He HAD to investigate.
B: Snape held a whip in his right hand and a black hat graced his oily Snapey head. A black cape blew in the magically-there wind. Harry stood beside him, wizards' robes falling off one shoulder. "You can do
it my Snape! You're the best bullfighter ever!"
Ron gasped and ran out of the room. "How dare Harry! First Malfoy then--!" he gasped again and grinned, then proceeded to Slytherin dorms. As one random boy opened the entrance, Ron followed
him in. By this time, Malfoy was sitting in a cushy armchair, Chewing bagel. Ron threw off the invisibility cloak. "Oi, Malfoy! I hope you know that Harry is cheating on you with Snape!" That'll teach Harry to lie to Ron. Ginny would be crushed. Ron almost cloaked himself and left, but was grabbed from behind by Slughorn.
E: Ron turned to see Slughorn and fear jutted through him "GO TO THE YOUR HEAD OF HOUSE WEASLEY!" he shouted and not really thinking, Ron ran all the way to Dumbledore's office as if... something was calling him
J: Ron stood in front of the stone gargoyles vaguely aware that he was not where he was supposed to be.
He heard a voice, not sure if it was coming from inside his head or from somewhere...else. The voice said "Chocoballs!"
"Chocoballs?" Ron repeated wonderingly. The stone gargoyles nodded and stepped aside.
Ron wandered up the staircase all the way to the Headmaster's office. He wondered why he didn't just go to bed. He pushed open the door, wondering what he would say when asked what the hell he was doing here, and there! He saw it! The most beautiful thing his big pretty eyes had ever seen.
It looked so stately and wise. Venerable and knowledgeable. And Sexy. From now on, he knew he could never love another.
B: Malfoy stood stock still as Ron disappeared. Ron's words echoed in his head over and over and over. After several minutes he finally squeaked out, "Cheating? On me?" A choked sob escaped him and tears streamed down his face. "NO! I WILL NOT CRY FOR HIM! I WI-," and another thought occurred to him, "…with SNAPE!" He made an incredulous expression and found himself walking out of the dorm towards Snape's office.
When he arrived, he opened the unlocked door and peeked in. He gasped and tried to back away quickly. But he tripped over his own robes and fell forward, slamming the door open and tumbling into the room. Snape and Harry stopped their inappropriate actions and looked at Draco. He hastily stood up. "HARRY! HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME! HOW DAAARRRRE YOU! AND WITH SNAPE!" He squealed.
E: "Oh, it's you," said the ancient hat.
"I've been expecting you."
"You have?" said Ron sounding horrified.
"Yes, since the day you put me on, I knew you would be one of the ones... always coming back asking questions. So, what will it be today" the hat asked tiredly.
"Well, no, I was actually here by mistake... I-i didn't mean to come in here at all" said Ron nervously. And the hat raised an eyebrow.
J:
Snape stood wide-eyed, his expression one of absolute deer-in-the-headlights guilt.
"Draco! ...HI!" he said over-enthusiastically. "I...okay...it's not what it looks like."
Draco raised an eyebrow.
Ron raised both eyebrows innocently. "I-really I just felt compelled to ...come up here...and seeeee...something..."
The Hat twisted the rip in his brim into a smug smile.
"Well then," said the Sorting Hat, "What do you want to ask me?"
B: "Stop yelling at my sexy bullfighter, you Son of a Ferret! I'll teach you a thing or two abo--" 'Harry' was cut off by a flailing Snape.
Snape ahem-ed nervously before whispering, "Quiet, Jamesy," he stood up tall and boldly walked up to Draco... as boldly as a man in a skin-tight sequin bull-fighting outfit and a cape and hat can. "Malfoy, this is not Harry(-I-Wish-He-Had-Never-Been-Born-So-That-James-Would've-Stayed-With-Me-And-Not-That-Tramp-Lily-)Potter. This is a d-doll!"
Draco gaped at Snape. Then, he pointed an Accusatory Finger at Snape and yelled, "THEN WHY DOES HE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE HARRY!"
Snape blushed deeply and looked away in an extremely uncharacteristic way and squeaked, "This is Jaaa..." He glanced at Draco's expectant, shiny, moisturized face, and assumed his huffy Snapiness once again. Must look good for the people at home. He proudly announced, "This, Malfoy, is my one-of-a-kind James Potter action figure! I won him in a cereal box and magicked him to be life sized."
Malfoy stuttered, "C-cereal bo-box? What the hell kind of cereal-"
"Snapey O's!" he related joyously. His eyes seemed to fog over and glisten, as he apparently got lost in his memories of made-up cereal and the prizes it contained.
"Weeeeeell... as much as I'd love to hear all about your action-figure fetish--"
"WAIT! I told you something personal! You are not to tell anyone of this. Hear me? Or I'll tell your FATHER about you and Harry!"
E:
"I-i didn't want to ask you anything, really" Ron stuttered.
The hat looked offended for a brief moment, "Well than, away with you," it said turning away.
"But I don't want to, I'm bored," Ron pouted.
J:
Snape regarded the pointy faced blondie standing before him contemptuously. It was time he remembered who the authority figure was in this room.
Draco paled slightly (more than usual) and Snape thought he saw his chin get a little more pointy, (but that might have been his imagination) "Alright, Professor." he said, pretending to be calm. "All right, let's not be hasty there's no need to be telling anyone anything at all. I know a secret about you, and you know a secret about...me. We're even." he glanced down at Snape's shiny black zapatillas (shoes!) and said "I'll just let myself out, shall I?"
"That would be most agreeable." said Snape with all the dignity he could muster (which was quite a lot).
"Right then."
"You look to me like someone who's ...searching...for something," said the Sorting Hat to Ronald, prompting.
"Searching...? Yes. I am as a matter of fact," said Ron dreamily.
"Yes?" asked the Hat.
"Well, it's like this, see. Everyone thinks I'm just a tall lanky oaf. No one understands me. Harry's keeping secrets. Hermione loves to make me look like a fool." Ron looked up bravely. "Harry's not the only one who can be angsty!" He thrust his chin down to his chest. "I'm just so lonely!"
The hat raised his other eyebrow. "There, there. You're a strapping young thing." said the Hat, gesturing with its tip. "And you are, of course a true Gryffindor."
Ron looked up suspiciously, "What do you mean?"
"Why else have you been drawn mysteriously here?" The hat hopped closer to the edge of his shelf. "You're not the only one who's lonely..."
B: Draco felt so horribly guilty at falling so naively for Ron's "tricks" that he felt he had to immediately go and apologize to Harry. "H-harry…?" he whispered several minutes later in front of the oversized picture of the fat lady.
"I am NOT Harry!" she corrected jeeringly, "And no Slytherins in the Gryffindor common room! Go away, no one wants you here!"
Draco's eyes grew to incredible proportions and his chin wobbled and it was all the fat lady could do to try and apologize, "Oh, there, there, I-i didn't mean it. I didn't mean it darling. Oh, please stop that crying, please don't--" but Draco sobbed and wailed, "oh, just… Just go in already!" and she huffily swung open.
Draco suddenly lifted his head, a smirk plastered on his face and ran into the dorm, and without looking around, straight into Harry's room. Harry wasn't there. So, he sat on his bed, and for good measure, closed the curtains.
Meanwhile, Draco had darted right past Harry without even noticing him. And Harry was curled up comfortably on a cushy chair in front of the warm fire, the sound of Hermione's quill his only company, until… Crackle, crackle, snap, pop… Harry looked at the fire, intently. Snap, snap… crackle, pop… Hermione ceased writing at looked to the fire as well. Sizzzz…. SNAP! CRACKLE! POP! And suddenly, Sirius's face appeared in the fire. "Oh, finally! I thought it was going to explode or something!" sighed Hermione, actually setting down her pen.
Harry got up and squatted in front of the fireplace, "So, what's up Sirius?"
Sirius's face looked grave, "It's about You-Know-Who…"
E: "It is?" said Hermione, surprised, and thinking agitatedly, "What else could he possibly do?" Meanwhile Draco was in Harry's room going through his trunk and digging through tons of Quidditch stuff and Draco thought, "Oh, how Harry loves Quidditch!" and about how beautiful Harry looked when he rode a broomstick with his soft fluffy hair dancing on hisangelic face, when Harry burst into the room with Hermione.
"C'mon we need to get something from my trunk," Draco snapped the lid shut and dove under the bed nanoseconds before Harry knelt down to open the messy trunk.
"Where is Ron, anyways?" asked Harry.
Hermione shrugged. Malfoy had quietly crawled out of the room and pretended to re-enter. "Harry, may I have a word?"
J:
Ronald's eyes shimmered with a thin veil of tears he refused to let fall. "Are you lonely too, Hat?"
The hat scooted to the very edge of his shelf. "Not anymore, now that you're here."
Ron looked deep into the spot on the front of the Hat where he imagined his eyes would be if hats had eyes. "I'll never leave you, sweet Hat."
The Sorting Hat hopped from his shelf and into Ron's arms, never to leave again.
"Not now, Malfoy," said Hermione, stressed, "We've got loads to do, and anyway, how did you get in here?"
Draco skirted the question by getting indignant, "EXCUSE ME, Granger, but you're standing in the way of Harry's and my Love. AGAIN! As ALWAYS!" He turned to Harry, who looked torn and angsty, "Harry, my dear, I need to speak to you away from prying eyes and ears."
Harry's resolved wavered. But only for a moment. Harry was Harry, after all. "I'm sorry Draco. I would love nothing more than to hash out our many relationship problems right here and now, but I am needed elsewhere. Please, will you wait for me? "
Draco pouted like a little girl. "What could be more important than USSSSS?"
"Voldemort," said Hermione impatiently, as Harry rummaged distractedly through his trunk.
Draco's eyes widened ever-so slightly. "Well, I don't want to be a bother," he said moving for the door. "Gotta Go!"
"Not so fast, Malfoy!" Once again a tall figure stood in the door, blocking Draco's exit.
"Oh, Ron, good, you're here," said Hermione, "We've got a---. What have you got in your arms?"
B: "Oh, hello, HERMIONE... Nice to see YOU again," Ron sauntered past her, nose thrust in the air, "And how are YOU?"
Hermione raised her eyebrow at Ron's petulance, "Fine, but I asked you a question."
"Hmm? Oh, I couldn't hear you over the happy hum of my heart..."
"Happy hum of your... What the fuck are you on about?" Hermione accidentally (?) cursed.
"Oh, nothing, nothing... I've just found the LOVE OF MY LIFE... And! It's NOT YOU!" Ron grinned insanely and shoved the hat in her face before bringing it back to his chest and embracing it lovingly.
And the whole room was still. Quiet. It stayed that way for a good three minutes until Harry heard Malfoy mutter, "I wish Harry would treat ME like that..."
E: "What?" Harry inquired sounding annoyed.
"Yep, that's right," Ron said joyfully while the hat snuggled his cheek.
"You've gone mad !" Harry said for Hermione, who was speechless. Draco was watching Harry, dreamy eyed. Watching him in all his fury. Hermione stood up and left the room abruptly and Harry did the same, grabbing Malfoy's wrist on the way out, leaving Ron and the mischievous hat alone. Harry walked in the opposite direction than Hermione had and at the sight of a passing narc-y looking 1st year, Draco found himself shoved into a closet with his beloved Harry.
"Now, what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked .
J: Draco looked into Harry's virile, manly green eyes, and lost his voice for just a moment. Greeeniness. Then he said, "I wanted to talk to you about Snape."
He felt Harry's body tense.
Ron stood in the dormitory, cradling his darling Hat. "Where did everybody go, dear Hat?"
"That is unimportant, my sweet," said the Hat, "for now we are alone...in your bedchamber."
Ron had not considered this.
Now, he did consider it.
And he realized that he had no Idea where the Hat's lips were.
Snape sat in his chair, spent from his evening of wrangling Mr. Tito. "Oh James, we have had a day, haven't we?"
Then he heard some jostling and clanging from above him. He stood up, listening intently.
He moved to the center of the room, crimson-lined toreador cape swinging behind him, trying to pin down from where above him the sound was coming. He heard it loudest in the far corner. He knew what was up there. He smirked, it was a closet.
"Hmm," he murmured, "What would be the odds?"
He swept from the room.
He swept back into the room. With a wave of his wand his bullfighter outfit flew from his body and into the trunk on the far wall. He quickly dressed in his usual garb.
He swept from the room.
B: Had Draco seen Snape with that Harry-voodoo doll? He had forgotten about it, but it all came rushing back to him. Harry tensed before whispering conspiratorially to Draco, "Do you know what's going on?"
Draco blinked in surprise, "You KNEW?"
"About the doll, yes." he nearly seethed, anger for the potions' master blossoming in his heart.
Draco let that sink in. So, Harry already knew that Snape had a weird fetish with dolls, bulls, and his father… No WONDER he hated Snape!
"What do you think he's planning to do with it?" Harry wondered. What kind of voodoo would he put Harry through?
Of course, Draco took this another way… And gasped, blushing furiously, "Wh-why would you even want to know THAT?"
And then it was Harry's turn to blush. "Y-you think he would… to the doll!"
Draco clamped his hands over his bright pink face, embarrassed beyond all hope at the mental pictures swarming his fragile teenage mind.
"No!" his eyes bugged out, "No!" his brain locked, "No, no, no, no, no, no…" he shook his head rigorously. And a bewildered, yet ferocious tear slid down his cheek as he suddenly embraced Draco tightly and whispered harshly, "No! I'm saving myself for YOU!" He nuzzled his face in Draco's feathery hair.
And then Draco, being as clever as he was, came to the realization that something didn't quite add up. Maybe Harry… DIDN'T quite know the truth…? And… and had only… maybe… just SEEN the doll…? But even as he parted his lips to inquire as to how much Harry REALLY knew, they were seized by Harry's own lips, and Draco decided he could wait a bit longer to find out the truth…
As much as Snape had a sick fetish with dolls, bulls, and Harry's father, he also had one with giving Gryffindors detentions. It made him inexplicably, exceedingly jubilant. Which manifested itself only in a small smirk. But it was there. Oh, how it was there…
His heels tapped smartly on the stone floor as he made his way to his upper broom closet. Perhaps he would find Weasley and that insufferable muggle girl in the closet together? 10- no, 20 points each… yes. That seemed excellent.
What he found were of course, not a red-eared boy and a frizzy, frazzled girl, but a pale, shirtless Malfoy with hickeys down his chest and a tanned, open-shirted Potter, enthusiastically gracing Malfoy with those hickeys. ((I say!)) Neither seemed to have noticed him, though. And he stood there for a good twenty seconds in shock, before he closed the door and turned away. He couldn't understand why he couldn't simply have reprimanded the boys and been done with it… but he just walked away, telling himself that he would reprimand the boys next potions class. Yes. That seemed excellent.
Hermione simmered. She seethed. She stamped her feet. She'd show him! STUPID RON! "NOT ME, HUH! I'LL SHOW HIM! I'LL SHOW HIM UP SO BAD, HE'LL COME CRYING BACK TO ME!" It was time for some good ol' pranking. Only this time… Hermione style.
E: Hermione walked, cussing loudly, through the halls. Heads turned as she passed, but nobody seemed to do or say anything. She crashed into somebody a lot taller than her who smelled a lot like Ron… but different. She looked up at George, who was standing next to Fred, who was laughingand pointing at her.
"OH, BLOODY HELL! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW!" she screamed and walked away in a fury, which was rather to Fred and George's liking. The boys both looked at each other and smiled mischievously.
"Hermione wait up!" Fred yelled and Hermione stopped abruptly, quickly spinning around.
"Yes?" she hissed. George grimaced.
"How would you like to--" Fred's voice said and the twins were suddenly on either side of her,
"--take a walk with us?" George whispered in her ear. Hermione couldn't help but smirk as they led her out of the hallways.
Malfoy and Harry burst into the room that they had left Ron in to find him shirtless with the Hat.
"OI! I just remembered! We need to find Hermione, now!" Harry said, angry that teenage hormones had managed to distract both him and Ron from their important task. Surely Hermione would have a solution by the time they found her…
J: Hermione had no such solution. Hermione had not thought about their important task since she left the dormitory. Hermione was quite busy.
Snape sat in his office. His dolls away. His expression grim.
Harry, Ron, Draco and the Sorting Hat went racing through the halls toward the library (where else would Hermione be?) A few of the paintings reprimanded them for their blatant disregard for proper traveling speeds, but they were running too fast to hear them.
They rounded the corner.
They were determined.
They were focused.
They were purposeful.
They were speedy.
They were interrupted.
"Potter! Weasley! Malfoy!" Severus Snape stood before them, arms folded, almost as if he had been waiting there for something. Or someone.
Malfoy paled. Harry glared. Ron tucked the Sorting Hat behind his back.
Snape, once again, had found himself in the uncomfortable situation of expecting to have the pleasure of detaining misbehaving students, only to be faced, quite unpleasurably by these particular misbehaving students. It was a pain he knew all too well. But he couldn't back down now.
"In a hurry, are we?" he said softly, "Where could you possibly need to get to so quickly?"
"We're going to the library."
"Are you? It-- Mr. Weasley!"
Ron looked up "Y-yes professor?"
"What are you hiding behind your back?"
B: "So, my dear, what's this that's gotten you in such a tiff?" George suavely inquired.
"Is it our baby brother again? 'Cause if it is…" Fred's grin was a little too fearsome and wicked to be good…
"Actually… It is," said Hermione, and noting their shocked looks at her frankness, continued, "And I need your help."
The twins responded in unison, "Our help?" They leaned closer to her, conspiratorially.
Hermione nodded, "Yes. Ron thinks that just because I dated Viktor he can go off and date anyone! I told him we were just pen pals now and everything! I even waited for him through Lavender! But NO MORE! I'M SICK OF IT! IF HE WANTS TO GO AND MAKE A FOOL OF ME EVERYTIME I TRY TO GET CLOSE TO HIM THEN--"
Ron gulped nervously, and he was about to reply, "Nothing, Sir!" but the Hat poked him in the back with its tip and he could feel something slide into his hand. He pulled it out and looked at it. "Wha…?"
Snape gasped. He gasped. And he snatched it away, hissing through his teeth, "And just WHERE did you get THIS?"
Ron blinked, "Wha…?" Why had the Hat given him a doll of a bullfighter? "I found it."
Malfoy barely stifled his giggles, but his voice was steady when he rushed to help Ron find an excuse, "It's true, Professor! He just picked it up off the ground a few minutes back over there! I tried to take it from him, but you know how Weasleys are: they're so poor they can't let go of anything they find-"
Ron glared at Malfoy, "-And anyway, I couldn't very well explain it to him, could I, Sir? After all, Malfoys KEEP their promises." Draco finished, quite proud of his perfect explanation.
Harry glanced nervously between Draco and Snape. He glanced between Snape and Draco. And he prayed to Godric that Snape would buy it. They seriously needed to find Hermione! Now! He bit his lip.
And then, Snape stood up huffily, gripping the doll of the bullfighter tightly, and glaring at them with a glare to match all glares. So glary was this glare that even DRACO winced. Ron nearly fell over. Harry was afraid of spontaneously combusting. "Well," he said in a clipped voice, "carry on, then." And he strode away, clicking heels fading down the hallway as he made his path away. The group collectively sighed in relief and continued on their way, at top speed.
E: Fred shut her up by taking her lips in a annoyed angry kiss that Hermione was half expecting. She knew what she was getting herself into by going somewhere, anywhere with Fred and George, she knew the instant they were alone they would try something like this, and she knew that that was why she came. When she felt George's hands slip around her waste to unbutton her shirt she broke from the long kiss and laughed, "George!"
"What?" he asked indigently. She continued to laugh but calmed down a bit and kissed him as he continued with her blouse. Then, there was a loud thumping noise; they both looked towards the door and there was Ron, standing in front of everyone with the damned hat on and with a horrified look on his face, and Harry and Draco were looking at each other with goo-goo eyes. He didn't even notice Hermione with her shirt half unbuttoned, with even messier hair, and Fred and George pointing at each other. Ohh… but Ron noticed. and they all stood there for a while, frozen. Hermione's face slowly turned from surprised to pleased; Ron still looked horrified and the twins were still pointing, but now, not trying hard to be convincing, but trying hard not to laugh.
Fred was first to break the silence.
"Alright then, off with you all, I'm sure you all have some sort of very serious business to attend to. Like always,"everybody looked at each other in agreement as Hermione re-buttoned her shirt they all walked out. When Hermione stood up, George grabbed onto her sleeve.
"No love, you're staying here," Hermione smirked. Ron spun around and in a very high pitched voice squeaked many incoherent words. Hermione smiled brightly and waved as Fred shooed them out and shut the door. They were walking down the hallways and then remembered why they were there and turned around to go get Hermione again.
"Knew we were forgetting something," Harry said smiling. Ron had not said a word in a very long time and continued to do so as they walked back. Then the heard a familiar voice.
"Potter." It was Professor McGonagall.
"Yes, professor?"
"I need to speak with you in my office," Harry followed her away and alas, they were separated again.
J: Ron and Draco stood awkwardly in the corridor. Ron clutched the hat, who swooned in his firm, manly grip.
Draco looked at the two love...birds in discomfort. "So, you...two are an...item?"
Ron straightened his spine and looked down at Draco. "What's it to you, Malfoy?"
Draco shrugged, "Just making small talk, Weasley. But I needn't have asked. You two are perfect for each other."
Ron cocked his head to the side, "Yeah, I guess we are. Aren't we Hatty?" The hat nuzzled him.
Draco smirked, "Of course you are. Shabby and Shabby. Anything else would be too fancy for a Weasley. Your head might explode when you put it on."
With a strangled cry of rage, Ron leapt at Draco.
After his punishment patrol went awry (again! Will he ever win?), Snape went tearing back to his office, The bullfighter doll clutched, much tighter than it cared to be, in Snape's fist.
How had Weasley come by his Little Severus? Had he really just found it on the floor?
Snape stopped the door to his office, peering through the gloom.
Someone must be spying on him...
Harry sat in Professor McGonagall's office.
"Well, Potter," she said sternly, "I trust you know why you are here?"
Harry looked at the ground. "Yes, Professor..."
B: "Ronnie, NO!" exclaimed the Hat, surprising Ron so much that he stopped. "I have a plan, put me on him!" when Ron hesitated, the Hat continued, "Quickly, before he gets away!"
Draco squealed at Weasley's sudden violence and flung his arms before his beautiful face when-- nothing happened. His arms dropped an inch or two and his eyebrow quirked in confusion, but before he had time for the slightest of scowls, everything went dark. Then he heard the Hat. In his head. He had never known that the Hat could do THAT! "Well, well, Malfoy is it? Perhaps I was much too quick in my judgment of you…" Draco whimpered, "Yeeees… I see now.. I was absolutely wrong. You're not a Slytherin at all. Oh no, certainly not, you are a… HUFFLEPUFF!" Hat sang out.
Draco's breath hitched. No. No. No no no no no no noooooo. NO! "A-a-a H-hufflepuff!" He stumbled back a few steps and tripped over his robes, flying backward, Hat flying off his head. It was his worst nightmare come true. And now he had to leave. Leave Hogwarts. Leave Harry. Because Malfoys always keep to their word. He remembered, long ago, in the robe shop, next to Harry- but he hadn't known it was Harry then- "Imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
Draco stood up and ran away. To leave Hogwarts. Forever.
"…you think I went too far?" questioned the Hat, guiltily.
Ron stared gapingly at Draco's disappearing form, "Yeah… is he really a… a…"
"Heavens no. That boy doesn't have a bone that isn't Slytherin in his body."
"Good," snapped McGonagall, "I trust you'll take care of it in due time?"
Harry groaned, "Professor, I'm SURE Gryffindor will win the Quidditch match next week. Okay?"
"NO! THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! SLYTHERIN WON LAST MATCH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"
"That Snape pwned you?"
McGonagall sighed and flopped most un-McGonagally into the chair, "You will NOT allow it to happen again, Potter. If you loose again, you WILL be receiving a month-long detention."
Harry stared at her, shocked, "H-how exactly did Snape pwn you, Professor?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, "We made a BET, Potter. I LOST… he made me drink an Eccentric Essence.
"OH! Well that explains a lot."
"IT BLOODY WELL DOES!" and she hiccupped and turned into a cat. A cat who growled.
"Y-yes, Professor!" And Harry ran out of the room, not even trying to bring up that he wasn't captain of the team yet (it was still Oliver) and straight for the Common Room, to check if there was posted a meeting for the following week on the bulletin board. He sighed in relief and hoped to never, EVER see McGonagall like that again.
"Oi, Harry, excited about Quidditch next week?" A broadly grinning Oliver Wood strode up to him and clapped him hard on the shoulder. "Good on you. Where you headed for?"
Harry shook his head and grinned feebly. Then, he shuffled off to his room to get his cloak and map- which he had forgotten to get earlier to use against Voldemort. But before he could make it, he bumped right into none other than Percy Weasley, who, with the long tower of books in his arms, toppled over.
"Ah, I- I'm so sorry! Here, let me help y--"
"No need, ACCIO." The books flew back into his arms and he walked away without another word.
Harry scratched his head quizzically, wondering what was up Percy's arse today. He shook his head and headed up the stairs to his room again, when a door slammed him right on his scarred little forehead.
"Oooh, sorry!" said Lee Jordan, suavely, but the effect was completely lost in his bright grin, and he skipped down the stairs after Percy.
By now, Harry had decided that fate was indeed against him getting those needed objects in his trunk to fight Voldemort. And he was scared of what would happen if he kept trying. Maybe he should just go for a fly to clear his dreadfully aching head? That sounded good. He made his way to the Quidditch field to get his broom.
UPDATE 3-20-08
E: As Harry soared through the sky, he spotted a familiar figure. Malfoy?He flew up next to him.
"Draco?" he asked the blond boy. Draco turned his tear streaked face to him.
"Oh, Harry!" he said, happily throwing his arms around him.
"I just cant do it," he murmured into his shoulder.
"Can't do what?" he asked confused.
"Oh, never mind!" Draco exclaimed happily as they flew back towards Hogwarts. And Harry had now thought of a better way to relive stress as he was walking back into the Gryffindor common room with the invisible Malfoy. On the way down they passed by Hermione holding hands with Fred and George.
"Going to get a bite to eat." Fred said
"But we just had breakfast" Harry said, confused.
"Oh, have we?" George asked, and still walking, Fred gave a loud curt laugh that echoed of the walls as they turned the corner out of sight.
Once Harry had gotten in his room, he pulled the cloak off Draco and kissed him aggravatedly. Draco pulled away.
"H-Harry, I have to t-tell y-you something," he said nervously.
"What is it?" Harry said, sweetly cupping his cheek with his hand.
"I'm a-" Draco took a deep breath.
"A H-Hu-Huf-"
Just then Neville burst through the door surrounded by a crowd of girls (as usual) and Oliver Wood.
"Malfoy? What are you doin' here?" Neville said in a threatening tone and the girls around him swooned at his manliness. Neville blushed.
"Anyway, never mind, you mind getting out of here for a while?" he asked motioning to the crowd behind him with a notch of his head.
"Oh, yeah, sure" Harry said, happy to help Neville in any way. Draco and Harry walked out into the hall.
J: "Where are you taking us, Longbottom?" Malfoy snapped.
"No one asked you to come, Malfoy." retorted Neville.
"You're not the only one who has to talk to Potter." Draco whined. "I'm having a very difficult day, as if you cared."
"As if I did." replied Neville.
"Okay guys, be nice. There's enough Harry to go around!" said Harry smoothly.
"What?" wondered Neville.
"No there most certainly is NOT!" crowed Draco. "Harry Potter is a serving for ONE!"
"What?" asked Neville again.
"Nothing. Never mind. Where are we going?" said Harry quickly. He noticed they were walking back towards the entrance hall.
"Well, I saw some suspicious characters making their way to the Quidditch showers."
"...so?"
"So? They might be Evil-Doers!"
"Or they might be having some kind of kinky shower orgy and we should leave them alone." Observed Harry, contemplating inviting Draco there later on.
"No way," said Neville. "Percy Weasley was definitely one of them."
"Really? Well that IS mysterious..."
"Hello, Boys!"
With a swish of dreadlocks, Lee Jordan stood in the doorway of the Gryffindor showers. Percy Weasley, Oliver Wood, and Cedric Diggory were delighted to see him. Really.
"Lee!" said Percy, "Pleased to see you."
They shook hands, "Although I must protest at your disregard for the Dress Code, which as you know is quite strict."
"Yeah, Lee, we're really not feeling this whole 'clothes thing' you've got going on," assented Oliver
Cedric nodded silently.
"Yes, I know, I know," said Lee, his grin never faltering, "but I've prepared a bit of a show for you." With a flick of his wand, raunchy music came from somewhere, and Lee began to dance and slowly unbuckle his belt.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" howled Percy, and various other whoops and catcalls were heard from the others.
Lee Worked his strip-tease splendidly, gyrating and thrusting and such business. When he was left only in his socks, The four young men heard a thud from outside the door.
"Blast!" bellowed Oliver
But Cedric said, "New plan, Gents! We meet up in the Prefects bathroom in fifteen minutes (or less). It's Password Protected, so no one will accidentally stumble upon our little party. The Password right now is 'Cream Rinse'."
"Excellent!" cooed Oliver.
"But the Prefects bathroom is a hallowed place!" said Percy uncertainly," for Prefects only..."
"Oh, it is not," said Cedric. "you know you'll be there sweet cheeks."
"Of course I will. I should like to try out some of those more obscure bubble taps..." said Percy with a roguish wink.
They heard another thud and a bout of swearing.
"Lets go!" said Lee.
"Come on, Longbottom, stop hogging Harry! I have to talk to him!"
They were nearing the showers. They could hear strange music issuing from it. Harry and Neville, caught up in the mystery, paid Draco no attention.
Draco was not having this, oh no he wasn't.
He picked up a rock from the ground and hurled it between Harry and Neville. A warning shot. The rock landed with a thud near the Quidditch shower door.
"Malfoy! You'll give us away!" cried Neville.
"Yeah! Shh!" whispered Harry, tiptoeing closer up to the door and putting his ear to it. He could hear nothing but the music, and maybe some howling?
"Oooh, maybe they're breeding werewolves!"
Draco sighed loudly and kicked the wall. It made a loud thudding sound. And it hurt. "OW! Damn it! Merlin's Nutsack!"
"SSSHHHHH!" Sssh'd Harry and Neville.
"Alright," said Harry "lets bust in...NOW!" They slammed open the door. They found the shower room steamy, but quite empty. The music still blared.
"Silencio," said Neville and quiet ensued, "Oh, yeah. They were here alright. They must have heard us coming." He shot a look at Draco.
"Don't worry," said Harry, his eyes moving up towards the castle. "They're up to something. And we're going to find out what it is. Lets go!"
"When I said we should try out more "obscure" shower taps, I didn't mean to just turn any old one!" whined Percy pompously. For indeed, there were many hidden taps that the prefects had found hidden in the bathroom that an unobservant person like Harry would never have guessed at.
"Well, what did you mean then, PerCY?" Lee retorted, placing his hands on his hips.
Percy drew himself up with dignity, "We must test the contents first to make sure there are no unfortunate effects of use!"
Oliver snorted, "Where's your sense of adventure?" He suddenly strode forward and turned on a tap. Percy gasped, as if highly offended.
Cedric, the only one in the bath, glared at Oliver, "So, I'm the test gerbil, am I?" As the water reached his toes, he took in a sharp breath, "I think it's Fuji water!"
Lee grinned in delight, "See, the best water ever! Try another tap, Ollie!"
Oliver did.
"Well?" Lee inquired to Ceddy.
"I… Oh, weird! I think it's… banana juice!"
Lee apple-slapped Percy, "See? Banana juice, NOT poison! All worked up over nothing! Silly prefect! Completely harmless, look." He strode over and turned a tap.
"…uhg… Smells like a locker ro--" Cedric was interrupted by Oliver, who squealed with delight and hopped out of all of his clothes and right into the bath, in one delightful movement that can only be perfected by a man of Ollie's caliber.
"Smells like QUIDDITCH!"
…
"Looks like we've found Ollie's favorite tap," chuckled Lee, "Well, Perce? Gonna try one? Or are you too much of a pansy?
"Prat?" suggested Oliver.
"Prefect?" suggested Cedric.
Percy grimaced, but nodded, "Fine. But if we all walk out of here covered in spots… or dead, I am not to blame." He carefully looked over all the taps before choosing a fancy copper one. He took a deep breath and turned it…
A bright silvery liquid issued forth, dissipating into steam as it reached the tub and filling the chamber with a shining, glimmering fog.
Percy gasped, which turned out to be one of the worst things he could have done, as he inhaled a whole lungful of the steam. He blinked a couple of times and then sagged to the floor.
"Perce!" Cedric was the first to his side. "Percy! Are you okay!"
Percy looked up at him, a lazy smile drawn on his face, and he answered, "I feel so relaxed and… happy…"
Incomplete/ LAST UPDATE was 3-20-08