no such thing as time.
Chapter two.
a/n: first off I want to take a moment to thank mediocrebadguy for your sweet words of encouragement. Also, your username is absolutely fantastic. (I'm a little bit in love with jack Johnson.)
Alright, so this chapter is pretty sad and short. I promise the next will be much, much longer. it starts after the plane lands in LAX after the show ends. But I'm sure you could've figured that out on your own. So smart.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. (Pretty please don't sue me.)
Claire knew fear all to well. It had been her constant companion after everything she cared about was brutally taken from her. Fear had slowly become her one last solid emotion and it had made her mind sick. So, of course, it wasn't the fear that was unusual, it was the timing. How could she be so afraid of the very day she had been waiting for ever since crashing on that godforsaken island. She had just landed back in LA, there was a big wide world out there waiting for her. People she once loved with new lives formed without her, new technology and new knowledge. The entire world had moved on and progressed yet here she was barefoot in the airport bathroom desperately sobbing into her hands.
Maybe it was because she hadn't seen civilization in so long and maybe it overwhelmed her. Maybe she realized how much time was stolen from her life or maybe she cried because she had always pictured returning to the "real world" with the rest of the survivors who were now long gone. Maybe it was more specific, she had always imagined returning with a baby in her arms hand in hand with a certain man walking beside her. It was probably all of the above but mostly just the fact that she really wasn't sure who she was anymore.
She sat in her own filth on the ground in a corner in the bathroom. She could take the nasty, confused stares of woman walking by, what she couldn't take was all those bloody cameras in her face and selfish, greedy reporters pointing and yelling at her and calling her "savage girl" all to get her attention and make some quick money. They didn't even care that she had been on an island for three years filled with pure evil. She deserved better and she needed help. No, she was not just some barbarian, she was a human being who had been through more hell then they could ever imagine and had endured more loss then she was capable of handling. What she needed was support not a bunch of cameras in her face.
She closed her eyes and rested her throbbing head against the cold, marble wall. She let all the noise fade to the background until a woman's American accent yelled her name. "Oh my God! Claire, honey, what happened? I've been looking for you for the last hour. Claire slowly opened up her eyes and saw Kate's frantic, freckled, wide -eyed face in her space. "I'm fine, Kate. Really. I just needed to get away from the crowds for a minute." "I understand that it's a lot to handle but I need you to stay with me, okay?" Kate still felt the need to baby her, it annoyed Claire but she had been the one acting like a baby in the first place. She guessed she must deserve it. "Okay," Claire answered with a nod. "Now, let's go find a taxi and get away from here." Kate reached for her hand and lifted her off the ground. It was incredibly difficult to hide from reporters with Claire in rags but the twosome managed to escape without any serious problems.
They made it out of the airport, found a taxi, and headed to Kate's apartment. There wasn't much conversing that night and each felt a little awkward, like there was so much to say but neither wanted to say it. Kate showed Claire to the guest bedroom and told her to get a goodnight sleep, tomorrow was a big day.
Claire thought she would've been excited to sleep on a real bed, it was something she had missed about civilization. But much to her disappointment, she found herself lying wide-awake, unable to get comfortable on the fluffy bed. She wasn't used to the mattress, it was too soft, much too soft. So with a long sigh she grabbed the thin blanket off the bed and settled herself on the hard, wood floor. She curled up into a pathetic looking ball and drifted to sleep.
The next morning it took Claire a while to fully process her current, domestic surroundings. It shocked her and she took a while to force herself to get up off the ground. Today was the day she would finally she her son again. It was still very early when she made her way towards the kitchen to see Kate making pancakes. "Good morning." Said Kate without turning away from her cooking. "How was your first night back on the main land?" "Strange." Claire answered honestly. Kate laughed, "It doesn't get any easier. Every morning I wake up expecting to be in my little makeshift tent, it never goes away." "that's not very encouraging." "Sorry, let's change the subject. How about Aaron, you excited to see him again?" "Excited? Yes. But mostly scared to death." She said it with a bit of humor in her voice but Kate could see behind the façade. She was terrified and she would probably have a breakdown at some point today.
Kate decided to keep the conversation light hoping to avoid the truth. She spent breakfast describing how big Aaron had gotten and gushing about what a great little boy he had become. Then she explained how she and Claire could tell Aaron about his mother. During all of Kate's conversations Claire just smiled and nodded, the fear becoming almost unbearable. She tried to hold it in like a decent human being but despite her desperate attempt at retaining sanity tears began pouring out of her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she began to rant. Kate walked over to her and rubbed her back in comfort, "It's okay to be scared Claire. This is a really big deal, I'm scared too." "It's just … I don't know how to be a mother anymore. I was never really good at it anyway and now after everything … I don't know if I can do it Kate." "You were scared the first time too but you did it anyway. You were a great mother." "I was a different person back then. Besides I had everyone helping me. I had Charlie." "You still miss him. Don't you?" "It never goes away, time doesn't help at all. I never really knew how much I cared about him until he died, time was so meaningless then. I think that maybe if I could've had closure I wouldn't have done what I did afterward. Maybe things would've been different." Claire was crying harder now, pent up emotions finally coming out into the open. "You still have me, you're not alone. We'll raise Aaron together with your mom and we can talk about anything. We're both grieving, Claire. I didn't get closure with Jack either." Claire nodded in agreement. "But what if I traumatize him, Kate? I mean, look at me, I'm a bleeding savage now." "No your not. Maybe you will never be who you were before the crash but I refuse to believe that that…. That thing has stolen you forever. Your friendship means more to me than anything else, I know that you're still in there and I won't believe that you're nothing but a savage." Claire gave Kate a friendly hug and smiled through her tears. "Okay?" "...Okay."
After a long moment of silence with both women processing their new rekindled friendship, Kate brought Claire to her closet and picked out the smallest articles of clothing she could find. Claire went to the bathroom and tried on the clothes, despite her efforts they wouldn't stay on her sickly thin body. In three years her already small frame had become dangerously thin. Kate brought her a belt and Claire tied it as tight as she could. She was basically drowning in the clothes but they were better then the filthy rags she had worn before. After taking a long, much needed shower, Kate chopped Claire's dread locks off leaving short, curly locks. Claire stood facing the mirror, staring at herself as if it was the first time.
Kate quickly got herself ready and then dialed Carole Littleton's number on to her phone. After a long sigh she placed the phone up to her ear. Carole took the news with a gasp, scream, and then began to sob, "thank you … thank you so much." She said through her tears, her accent becoming thicker with her frenzy.
Kate went to see Claire and told her it was time to go. She hadn't wanted to be in the same room during the call afraid that it would make her change her mind. She was terrified of seeing her mom after what she had been responsible for her mother's coma. Then there was the fact that she had a baby, was lost on an island, and was now a bit on the insane side. What would her mother say? She would never understand. Once they reached Carole's hotel room Claire's heart stopped. Kate saw the fear in her eyes and flashed her an encouraging smile. Claire took a deep breath, "I'm ready." She knocked on the door hesitantly.
Before she could even prepare herself her mother had swung open the door and was now embracing her with the passion that only a mother could give. "Claire!" she yelled, "I missed you so much, I love you." "I love you too" she whispered, relief evident in her voice. After a long moment in each other's arms, Carole let them in. she finally got a good look at her daughter. "I'm sorry Claire, for everything. I hope we can start fresh." "Your sorry? No, I'm sorry. I took years of your life away. I was so horrible and you were just trying to do was be a good mother. I understand that now, after Aaron." Carlole gave her another quick, teary-eyed hug. "Do you want me to wake Aaron up?" "No," Claire answered quickly, "I've decided to make this really casual. I want to make it as easy as possible for him." "I understand. This will give us time to talk anyways." "Where to begin?" questioned Kate. "I guess I should start at the beginning, you deserve the truth." Said Claire. And with that Claire started to explain the entire story in great detail and even more emotion. By the end all three of them were sobbing bitter tears of sadness and anger.
"It wasn't all torture." Said Claire reaching over to hold her mother who was now shaking in sobs. "My feelings are mixed about the island. Of course if I could change it I would, I hate it, absolutely loath it and what it did to me. Part of me wants it to go crumbling into the ocean rotting and eroding for all eternity. But then there is this very small, buried side of me that wouldn't trade the wonderful feelings I had there for the world. I have so many confusing, conflicting feelings. They're hard to sort out, impossible to separate really. I won't ever forget nights spent under the stars where I first opened up, where I fell in love. I remember when Charlie would look into my eyes like he cared and we would talk for hours. Sometimes we wouldn't talk at all, we would just sit next to each other in the quiet and everything was okay. And then there was Aaron, to think that I didn't want him! He wasn't a mistake at all, he taught me love. If it wasn't for the island I wouldn't have met Charlie or kept Aaron. I wouldn't have known what it means to really love."
Carole leaned over to hold her daughter and Kate joined as well. Before they knew it all three women were holding on to each other for dear life as they cried. They stayed this way for a while until they heard the pitter patter of little feet entering the room. Claire looked up and saw the little blond boy with light skin and big blue eyes. He was beautiful, he was perfect, he was hers.
They all stared at each other for a minute unsure of what to do or say next. Then slowly and cautiously they Aaron walked over to Kate and hid behind her, his eyes glued on Claire. "Who is she mommy?" he whispered in her ear. Going against evey fiber in her being Kate put on her brave face. "Sweetie, this is going to be hard for you to understand. I need you to be brave for me, okay? This is Claire, she's your … she's your mommy." "No she's not!" Claire's heart broke. "I know it's confusing, this is hard for all of us. I'm not really your mom, I was just taking care of you while she was gone. But she's back now and she loves you Aaron, she loves you so much." He held tighter to Kate and began to cry. Claire wanted to garb him and hold him tight, kiss and hug him senseless but she knew better than that. She stayed calm on the outside "I know your frightened." She whispered, "I am too. This really is no way to meet your mother, but you'll always have me. From now on, no matter what happened before or what happens next, alright? All three of us, always and forever." Aaron poked his little back out. "Promise?" "Promise." Although she smiled Aaron could see through her façade. Babies really did know these things. Slowly he let go of Kate and very carefully made his way over to Claire. He didn't say a word. He just wiped the tears from her eyes and gave her a hesitant hug. The tears she was holding back now ran freely down her face. "I love you Aaron."