Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - What Was

by D M Harper

The private lives of two career driven women clash and the memory of what was once between them is re-examined. A/U. If you take the time to read, please be kind and review. It's what feeds the MUSE! Pairing: Olivia Benson & Alex Cabot

2. Chapter 2

TITLE: Law & Order: SVU – "What Was"

AUTHOR: D M Harper.

SUMMARY: The private lives of two career driven women clash and the memory of what was once between them is re-examined. A/U

PAIRING: Olivia Benson & Alex Cabot

RATING: M for Mature readers.

DISCLAIMER: This story comes from the imagination and tells the story of how two central characters could have been more than friends. I, along with other Fanfic writers, do so for fun and not for profit. We like to assume the role of a network writer with enough fortitude to write what we would have liked to have seen on television without the restraints of network bosses and sponsors of a homophobic nature. There is no intent to infringe on the copyright of creator Dick Wolf, Wolf Films Studio or USA Television.

Author's Note: If you enjoy this tale, please take the time to review. Please note that this takes place in an alternative universe and some liberty has been taken with a deceased TV character.

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Chapter 2

Forty minutes and two drinks later, Olivia's drunken haze was interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. The touch was firm and strangely familiar. Diverting her eyes from the video of Pink live on stage, she struggled to hold onto her sanity as her heart tightened in her chest, threatening to explode. Dismissing the touch as a drunken remembrance, she took another gulp of scotch, emptying the short glass.

The memory became reality when the digits moved down along the length of her right arm and came to a halt over her wrist. Olivia looked down and gasped at the recognisable long lean fingers curling around her wrist. The pain hit hard and combined with all that was happening in her life, she started to cry. The hand travelled down to hers and Olivia sobbed heavier as she watched the fingers slip in between her own.

"Come on Liv, you have had enough for the night. Let me take you home," suggested the husky tone that had the ability to bring Olivia to her knees and break her heart.

Olivia slumped forward onto the counter with her head resting on her forearm and whispered, "I ... can't ... just leave me alone."

"Yes you can. Don't make me whip your ass in front of all these people," taunted the voice.

In spite of her emotional state, Olivia giggled, "I would have to arrest you ... if I still ... could."

Another hand found its way to Olivia's right shoulder and she was turned around on the stool. She kept her eyes downcast and refused to look up at her rescuer.

"You can arrest me tomorrow and I will even let you cuff me, but for now you need to let me take you to your apartment," teased the other person merrily.

The dulcet timbre cut through Olivia's brain like a scalpel and she wept harder. She blindly allowed herself to be led out of the bar and across the street. Stumbling closely behind, Olivia still refused to look at her liberator.

When the pair reached her apartment building, Olivia fumbled in the pocket of her jeans before finally withdrawing her keys. She fell ungraciously through the entrance door as it fly open, landing on her knees and was eventually helped to her feet by two strong arms.

The voice chuckled and jested, "You are a hopeless drunk Olivia Benson."

Olivia adjusted her denims and retorted, "Yeah ... I'm fucking ... hopeless at ... a lot of things these days."

"And I've never known you to wallow in self-pity like this before."

"Well ... it goes ... with the ... self-contempt and loathing," replied Olivia harshly. She was escorted into the elevator and stepped inside when the doors opened. Swaying badly, she lent up against the wall to steady herself. Keeping her eyes downcast and looking at her boots, the ride to the fourth floor seemed to take forever.

Once the duo approached Olivia's apartment, she turned her attention to lining up the key with the lock.

"Here," came the offer. "Let me do that."

Olivia handed over the keys without protest, "All yours."

The door swung in and Olivia staggered inside, flicking on the light switch as she sailed by, "You can go now ... thanks for seeing me home." She started off down the short hallway and commenced to undress as she made for the bathroom. The door closed behind her as the line of clothing continued to fall along the polished floor boards.

-o-

Turning on the faucets, Olivia stepped inside the welcomed hot stream of water while holding herself up against the wall then ducked her head under the torrent.

"Fuck!' she said aloud when she suddenly remembered how she got home and banged her head on the wall in fright when the uninvited guest spoke.

"Is that a statement, question or a request?"

"It ... sums up ... my life," answered Olivia caustically.

"Is it so bad Liv?"

"If you ... haven't heard ... I'm suspended ... probably lost my ... career ... could end up in prison ... so yeah ... it is bad," Olivia angrily answered. "Oh ... I have no ... love life either."

The forthcoming soft giggle only incensed Olivia more.

"I'm glad ... my situation ... is a source of amusement for you," she said with a hint of contempt.

The screen door opened partially and a bottle of water came into view, "How about we remedy your problems?"

Olivia drank a generous amount of liquid before saying, "What? Did you bring your magic ... wand with you?" She drank the remainder.

"You want some more water?"

"Yes please."

The door opened again and the empty bottle was exchanged for a full one. Olivia drank in silence, wishing the intruder would leave her alone to wallow.

"You still there?" she asked cautiously after several moments.

"Yes I am."

"Can you please pass me my toothbrush?"

In reply, the door opened slightly and her toothbrush, complete with a strip of paste appeared.

"You need anything else?"

"Yes, for you to go away," answered Olivia abruptly.

"Is that how you treat all your saviours?"

Olivia couldn't help it, she laughed, "No, only the special ones."

"Oh, so you admit I'm special then?" teased the voice light-heartily.

Olivia ignored the question and brushed her teeth. When she was done, she passed the brush and empty water bottle over.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes thanks, so you can leave now."

"I'm not finished yet."

"Finished doing what?"

"I still have to make your self-pity disappear, along with your self-loathing."

"Oh," was all Olivia said in reply. Finishing in the shower, she turned off the water, "You want to give me some privacy here?"

"I've seen it all before Liv."

"Well, you don't have the right to see it anymore."

"What if I told you I wanted to see you naked in all your splendour?" teased the voice mischievously.

Olivia actually growled gutturally, "Don't ... you have no right to say that."

"Liv, for goodness sakes, stop mucking about and get out here before you freeze your ass off."

Olivia reluctantly stepped out of the shower, keeping her eyes low. She reached for a towel and noted the uninvited guest was perched on top of the counter, with shoes swaying from side to side.

A soft moan preceded the next question, "Have you been working out Liv?"

"Yes, not that it's any of your business."

"Oh, I asked for that one I guess," replied the intruder acrimoniously.

"Stick around. I have three years' worth of insults to throw at you."

"You hate me that much?"

"Yes I do," snapped Olivia as she continued to dry herself.

"Ouch."

Olivia peeked at the black boots and black denim jeans swinging sideways across her bathroom counter and her heart started to race. Thirty six months of anger and hurt were stabbing at her viciously and her resolve was fading fast.

"Liv, it is okay to look at me."

"I can't," whispered Olivia dejectedly.

The tone became smoother, "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"You did more than hurt me, you broke me. It took me two years to get you out of my head."

"Oh Liv, I'm sorry for treating you so badly. You deserved so much better from me."

Olivia hung up the bath sheet and made to leave the room, but a wonderfully strong hand reached for her, pulling her in and between denim clad legs.

"Why can't you look at me?"

The reply was simple, "I am afraid."

"What are you afraid of Liv?" coaxed the voice, keen for an answer.

"The truth," replied Olivia. Unbidden tears fell from her eyes and onto the dark blue sweater of her captor. "How did you know I was at the bar?"

"A friend called me and told me to wake the hell up and go to you."

Olivia guessed who the friend was, "Casey?"

"Yes it was Casey."

"I didn't know you were friends," replied Olivia suddenly feeling more sober.

"We are and Serena is a friend too."

"So, tell me how you are planning on fixing my problems." The tears stopped and Olivia wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"First of all, if you had bothered to read any of your text messages you would know Don Cragen has been trying to reach you since early this evening."

Olivia enquired surprisingly, "How do you know that?"

"He finally called me in desperation and asked for some help."

Olivia was flabbergasted by the comment, "What?"

"Your good Captain and I are still friends."

"Fuck, who isn't your friend?"

"Oh honey, we need to clean up that dirty mouth of yours."

"My mouth is none of your fucking concern," snarled Olivia spitefully.

"Ouch again."

"So what did the Captain have to tell you?"

"He told me you were on the road to self-destruction and he was worried about you."

"Trust me, I'm okay."

"No you're not honey."

"Stop that," demanded Olivia sternly.

"Stop what?"

"Calling me honey, you can't call me that anymore."

"Okay, I'm sorry." The tormentor reached over and picked up a fresh towel and placed it over Olivia's shoulders and pulled her into an embrace.

Olivia's face rested against the soft fabric of the sweater, "What are you doing?"

"Keeping you warm so you don't catch a cold and Don asked me for a favour."

For some reason Olivia couldn't move away from the comfort of the arms around her, "What kind of favour?"

"I wasn't aware of your suspension and investigation until Don explained it to me. I've been out of the state the past two weeks and only got back this morning."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, "So you know I'm pretty much fucked then?"

"Yes, but only in the eyes of the IAB. The law doesn't see a problem with what you did. Internal Affairs are just playing hard ball and looking to extract a little revenge."

"Can I ask what the favour was?" enquired an inquisitive Olivia.

"Don asked for my assistance and I made a couple of phone calls. Sergeant Tucker has had his ass handed to him along with the Chief of Detectives by the Police Commissioner for pursuing a case against a decorated and respected detective. It seems they still had their noses out of joint from all that unfortunate business with your brother and New Jersey Captain Julia Millfield. Fortunately, the Crime Lab and Medical Examiner's Office released their finding two hours ago and all evidence supports Andrea Talbot's version of events. Her fingerprints on the knife were over the top of her husband's and the stab wound itself indicated it occurred during a struggle. You have officially been cleared of any misconduct and the case is closed. Last but not least, there is no entry on your jacket."

Olivia exhaled deeply with relief, "Fuck!" The tears started to flow again and she sobbed into the blue pullover.

"So, Detective Sergeant Benson, you are expected back on duty next Monday."

"Next Monday?" queried Olivia between snuffles.

"Yes, you are on vacation until then. Don wants you to get yourself together before you return to work."

Olivia dried her eyes, but kept her face hidden, "I guess I owe you big time for saving my butt?"

"Let's just say we are now even, you saved my life once remember?"

Olivia's body trembled at the memory, "How did Cragen know you would help me?"

"Olivia, he knows my uncle Bill plays poker with the Commissioner and Don knew about our relationship years ago"

"Say what?"

The unwelcomed visitor giggled for a split second, "He figured it out just like Elliot did."

Olivia was quite shaken to learn that snippet of information, "He never said anything."

"He didn't need to Liv, it was up to you to make the disclosure if you wanted to and just so you know, he kicked my ass too."

Hands danced across Olivia's back and softly caressed firm muscles. Despite her anger, Olivia pressed closer into the blue pullover and sighed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm just trying to take all this information onboard. It's a little difficult with all this alcohol swimming around my brain."

Fingertips played against the hollow of Olivia's back then came to rest of her hips.

"Don't you have a partner at home waiting for you?" Olivia asked hesitatingly.

"No."

"But I read you got engaged some time ago."

"I did, it was a moment of utter stupidity. We hardly had time for one another and the relationship was doomed from the start. We were pushed together by our mothers and it ended two months after it began."

Surprisingly, Olivia's response sounded apologetic, "Oh, I didn't know that."

"Why would you? We stopped travelling in the same circles nearly three years ago."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you," mumbled Olivia honestly.

"I'm not. I was fooling myself in thinking I was doing the right thing. You know me, always concerned about what would be good for my career and family."

To her own amazement, Olivia was feeling relaxed, "Yeah, I seem to remember that about you."

"I've stopped thinking that way; the price has been too high to pay."

Olivia moved and pulled away, "It cost me everything." She walked away and swore she heard sobs coming from the bathroom as she entered her bedroom to don an oversized NYPD tee shirt and a pair of navy blue cotton briefs. As she picked the towel up off the bed, arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back against a heaving chest.

"I am so sorry Liv."

Olivia's knees buckled and she gripped onto the arms holding her for support, "Oh god, please don't."

The voice lowered and asked, "Don't what?"

Olivia pleaded in a whisper, "Don't make me remember how good we used to be together. I can't take it ... not now."

The reply was delivered in a broken and quivering tone, "I haven't come here to hurt you, I have already done that and I hate myself for what I did to you."

Olivia was almost too afraid to ask, "Why did you come here then?"

"To stop you from throwing away your career after your friends got it back for you. Everyone at the Squad has pulled together and bombarded IAB relentlessly."

"Is that all?" enquired Olivia, needing answers to inner questions. "Is that the only reason you are here?"

"No." Arms fell from around Olivia's slim waist as the unexpected caller dropped to their knees and wept, "I'm begging for your forgiveness Liv."

Olivia's chest was so tight, she couldn't breathe. Turning around, she looked down at the bowed head and before she realised it, knelt and hugged the head to her chest. "You are asking a lot of me," she whispered, "Especially after all this time."

Shoulders shook with the weight of tears and guilt, "I know Liv. I come to you exposed and pleading. I learnt the hard way that I have nothing, if I don't have you."

"But you did have me and you tossed me aside."

"I walked away because I wasn't ready to be the real person I should have been. I see that now Liv. I have stopped running towards what everyone expects me to be and now, I'm finally where I want to be."

Olivia's hands had a mind of their own and were gently caressing the other's crown, "And where is that?"

"Here with you. You spoke before about the truth, my truth is you and I am in love with you. I have never stopped loving you and I ran away from that, but not anymore."

Olivia's tears ran down her cheeks, "My truth is this." She cupped her hands under an angular jaw, lifted up the chin and locked her brown eyes onto glistening blue orbs and smiled, "I couldn't look at you because I knew the truth would shine from my eyes. I still love you and I didn't want to feel that again, I couldn't, not without the pain."

"Oh god Liv, I have been such a fool."

Olivia leaned in and seized the trembling lips she had loved for eight years, the ones she thought were lost to her forever. She moaned as softness met hers and parted to receive a probing tongue. There was a deep groan from both as hands pulled bodies closer together.

With her physique on fire, Olivia was overcome with a need to quell the flames. Regrettably, she pulled from the lips. Standing, she held out her hand, "Come on, I don't intend on making love with you on the floor. I haven't swept it for a week; my housework has been a little remiss."

A gentle chuckle filled the room, "I wouldn't have noticed honey and I have missed you so much."

Pulling her soon-to-be lover up and into her arms, Olivia uttered, "I missed you terribly."

"Are you sure you have forgiven me?"

Olivia smiled crookedly, "Let's not rush that part, I just know I still love you and want to be with you right now."

"Oh Liv, I have dreamed of you so many times."

"Stop dreaming, this is reality and you need to make it up to me before I can even contemplate forgiving you," taunted Olivia light-heartedly.

Olivia's lips were captured and kissed ardently. She yielded three years of pain and longing in an instant and only remembered how much the person in her arms meant to her.

As the intensity of the kisses grew, so did the touches. Olivia's hands moved steadily until the guest stood naked before them. She stepped back and took inventory, "Oh god, how I have missed looking at you and touching you."

Reaching for Olivia, the vision before her had her undressed in seconds, "You are as beautiful as I remember."

"Oh god Alex," pleaded Olivia impatiently. "Stop talking and take me to bed already."

Alex Cabot giggled and pushed Olivia back onto the mattress. Easing on top of her, the long legged blonde lowered her mouth to Olivia's and kissed her tenderly before inching her lips along the strong jaw line and down the soft flesh of Olivia's neck.

In response Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders and whimpered, "Oh Alex, I missed you so much."

Alex's trail of kisses passed down Olivia's broad shoulders and onto her chest. Taking her time to savour each delectable inch of skin, Alex finally lowered her mouth onto an erect right nipple.

Olivia's reaction was swift, her back arched up and she cried, "Yes baby."

Alex smiled against the flesh of Olivia's breast and suckled the pliant node harder. She had played the memory of their past love making in her mind so many times over the last few years and now, those images paled in comparison to the emotion coursing through her body and mind. Alex groaned loudly as she felt Olivia's hands running through the strands of her hair and the pebbled texture of areola pressed against her cheek.

Flicking her tongue back and forth over the hard bud, Alex shifted position smoothly and brought her right hand down and slipped it between their bodies. She sought out Olivia's smooth mound and gently inched her index and middle fingers into the wet velvety folds that awaited her.

"Oh dear god," muttered Olivia as her hands gripped the sides of Alex's head. "I have ached for your touch for so long."

Alex had been standing of the edge since she first saw Olivia at the bar counter and hearing her vocal expressions pushed her over into the vortex of an orgasm. She groaned and her body shook with small tremors of delight.

Olivia grinned as she felt Alex's tremble; she had sorely missed the woman's ability to climax without being physically touched. It was something that she had used to her advantage on more than one occasion at work while talking to Alex on the phone. Her memory was quickly stymied when Alex gently ran strong fingers over her hardened clitoris.

"Oh god," she whispered blissfully.

Alex took Olivia's nipple between her teeth and lightly grazed the taut protrusion. Her action was rewarded with Olivia arching her back again and meeting the gentle bites.

Olivia made Alex swoon when she quietly declared, "Nearly there Alex."

Alex had longed to hear those words from the woman she had loved for so long. She increased her tempo and pressed harder against the swollen nubbin. Her lips took hold of Olivia's teat and tenderly pulled.

Olivia's body tensed and she mumbled, "Yes baby ... oh fuck." She suddenly relaxed and Alex removed her saturated fingers before returning her lips to Olivia's.

The couple made love until both women were exhausted and placated. Olivia finally collapsed onto Alex's chest and they cuddled, enjoying the tranquillity of their reunion. Their breathing was laboured and their bodies gleamed with a thin layer of perspiration. Olivia lazily licked the sweat from between Alex's firm compact breasts, "Hmm, I had almost forgotten how good you taste."

Alex whimpered, "Let's hope you never have to forget honey."

Olivia rose up on her elbow and looked at Alex, "Do you want to share the shower with me before we end up with a cold?"

Alex ran her hands over Olivia's taut buttocks, "God, you feel so good beneath my hands."

"Come on, you go first while I change the sheets," suggested Olivia ignoring Alex's comment, knowing what the other woman's intentions were.

Alex giggled and replied, "If we had a blue UV torch in here, the place would light up like a Christmas tree."

"Hence the reason I want to change the linen," joked Olivia playfully.

Climbing out of bed, Alex was quickly followed by Olivia.

-o-

Olivia stepped into the shower and immediately pressed Alex up against the tiled wall. Taking hold of Alex's wrists, Olivia raised her arms up over her head, pinned them to the wall and pressed into her body. Their lips met in a fiery kiss and Olivia took Alex again.

"Jesus Liv," Alex uttered breathlessly sometime later.

Grinning Olivia reached for the shower gel while Alex regained her senses. When the brunette was finished, she left the cubicle and reached for a towel.

Alex joined her seconds later and planted a kiss on her shoulder, "Thank you for the interesting shower."

With a smirk, Olivia replied, "You are welcome and Happy New Year."

Alex hugged Olivia and kissed her amorously, "Happy New Year honey."

Running fingers through Alex's damp hair, Olivia remarked, "Thank you for sobering me up."

Alex chuckled, "Feel free to get drunk any time Liv, especially if it leads to brilliant sex again."

"Hurry up and dry, we need to talk."

Alex quickly complied and Olivia took her by the hand and led her down the corridor. She turned and asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Famished, but please don't offer to cook," teased Alex good-heartedly.

"I will have you know I have taken lessons and am quite a good cook now."

"Phew, thank goodness for that. It was the only thing you couldn't do," joked the tall blonde.

The couple entered the bedroom and Olivia collected their discarded clothes, "You up for pizza?"

"That sounds good to me."

Olivia picked up the bedside phone and placed an order with a nearby Italian restaurant. "Be here in fifteen," she declared while going over to the chest of drawers. Selecting two tee shirts and two pairs of boxers, she handed a set to Alex and asked, "You want to eat in the living room?"

"Sure."

"I'll go start a fire," offered Olivia as she dressed.

Alex took the opportunity to take a look around the apartment, "Nice place Liv. It's much roomier than your last one." She took a seat on the black leather couch and her eyes scanned the bookshelves. Noting the picture frame to the rear, she stood and went to the photo that had caught her attention. Picking it up, she was overcome with emotion.

Olivia closed the grate and moved to Alex's side. She saw the tears falling from Alex's eyes as she traced her fingertip along the outline of the two of them on a beach in Malibu.

Turning to face Olivia, Alex said forlornly, "We were perfect together, weren't we?"

"Yes we were, in fact we kicked ass baby."

Alex smiled, "I want to make it right again Liv."

"I think we are off to a good start," admitted Olivia. "I tried so hard to let go of you, but I couldn't."

"I'm sorry I put you through all that."

"Shush, we start afresh from now, okay?" recommended Olivia encouragingly.

"All right and I appreciate the second chance."

Olivia pecked Alex on the lips, "Good. Now when are you due back at work?"

"Monday, so you and I have six days to reacquaint ourselves."

"Not entirely," replied Olivia, grabbing Alex's hand and taking her to the couch. She sat down and pulled Alex onto her lap. "I'm invited to dinner at Elliot and Kathy's tonight. Would you like to come with me as my date?"

"Date?" jested Alex.

Gently, Olivia caressed Alex's chin, "Okay, how about you make a surprise entrance as my girlfriend?"

"That sounds much better honey," answered Alex joyfully.

"I have to say, I'm going to enjoy this open side of you."

"I meant what I said earlier about being the real me. I'm going to have fun watching people's reactions when they find out we are together."

"Speaking of that sweetie," began Olivia between soft kisses on Alex's right ear lobe. "What are your intentions with me?"

Alex giggled, "You putting me on the spot Detective?"

"I am. I'm not getting any younger Alex and I need to know what your plans are?"

"I have a simple plan."

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"You get the door honey, I'll grab the money," suggested Alex as she stood and raced down the hall.

Olivia got up and answered the door to the delivery guy.

"How you doing?" he said. "I got a delivery for Benson."

"Thanks and I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm good."

He handed over the cupboard box and paper bag to Olivia as Alex joined them at the door.

She wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist and handed over some money, "Here you go, keep the change."

The man looked at Alex then the fifty dollar bill and gushed, "Thanks and Happy New Year."

"So far it is," replied Alex.

Olivia closed the door, "You do know the bill was only ten dollars?"

"I'm just sharing the joy honey."

Olivia smiled as her face lit up, "I'm glad you are back in my life."

"You are my life and I love you so much."

-o-

Chapter 3 awaits