Chapter 2: Bittersweet Realization

Tōshirō's POV

I have to do my daily routine again after I finished my last mission. I'm currently working in my office as usual and Matsumoto is reading her useless magazine on the couch. She doesn't seem affected with this morning incident, I can't believe it! Early this morning, Yamamoto Sōtaichō found the Jūbantai Taichō and Fukutaichō (snoring and drooling) lying unconscious on the street when he took his usual morning walk around Seiretei. I still remember how humiliating it was.

"Taichō, just forget about it! That wasn't so bad!" That's Matsumoto. She doesn't know the definition of shame. How can I be taken seriously as a captain with her as a lieutenant?

"What do you mean? Ask Kuchiki Taichō his opinion about this morning incident! So, you will know how pathetic we were." I remember Kuchiki Byakuya's expression this morning. I really wanted to freeze his face, so he would be stuck with that ridiculous expression forever.

"C'mon, I've experienced worse." Of course she has, why am I not surprised? "Look at this photo, so cute!" She shows me the incident photo. There was even someone who dared to take a photo! "Hisagi said he's going to write an article about it." Is she serious this time?

"What? I will make sure he can't write anything again without having to tie the pen to his hand if he does that." That stupid journalist wannabe often annoys me with his retarded articles.

"Relax Taichō, I was just kidding! He is my drinking buddy, he wouldn't dare!" Yes, sometimes Matsumoto can be really scary if she wants to. She can give you a nightmare that you couldn't imagine.

"Just destroy that dreadful photo!" I don't need a reminder of that shameful incident.

"Nah, I want to keep it for my collection." Before I can retort, she continues talking."I will show this photo to the others at Rukia's birthday next Friday! I'm sure Rukia-chan will think the same as me. You look really cute in this photo Taichō, trust me!" Matsumoto, you evil succubus!

"You wouldn't dare. You look much more stupid than me in that photo." That foolish witch! She forgets about her disgusting pose in that photo.

"Taichō… Taichō... there's a thing called scissor. I just need to..." Somehow she manages to get a scissor from her large cleavage. "...cut it." Now there's just my picture in the photo. It always ends like this. I could never win against her.

"Sigh… Please Matsumoto, I'm already tired with all of the recent events and paperwork" I beg to her for the first time ever. I guess I'm really tired, or maybe I've changed?

"Okay!" Wow it works, I can't believe it! Maybe she has changed too. "But... You have to come to Rukia's birthday party!" Never mind, this is Matsumoto. Matsumoto will always be Matsumoto.

"Fine, but I will just come, nothing more. And don't ask me to join your stupid plan!" Matsumoto always has disastrous plans. I remember what she did at Kyōraku's birthday a few years ago. Even though he deserved it, that was still terrible. Kyōraku didn't dare to show his face for three weeks! He was really humiliated, one of many Matsumoto's poor victims.

"Aww you're not fun Taichō! Okay, you can be free this time, but you must enjoy the party! Oh, remember to bring a present for Rukia too!" Here it is another trouble for me. "You usually just come to a party, say something, and then leave. Don't shame me again Taichō!" Is she serious?

"Hn." I don't want to talk anymore it anymore. Matsumoto looks pleased and then she returns to her lazy 'activity'. She never realizes that she has shamed me countless time, but maybe she's right this time, I've been very rude. Hey, what's wrong with me? I just admitted my fault! Wow, maybe I'm really changing. Perhaps this is really the time for me to grow.

Now that I think about it, I do need to change. I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want to be stuck in the system of this society, I want to be free! I've been always doing my duty in Gotei 13 for the honour of my deceased friend. I have promised to keep Kusaka's pledge and dream for Soul Society. Now that he has rest in peace with his honor, I think it is time for me to follow my own will. I need to find my true life path and my purpose in this world. What is my true purpose? I doubt I can find it if I stay here. I'm not sure anymore about my current life. What will I do then?

Rukia's POV

Ichigo and Orihime have talked to each other but not for long. Orihime seemed uneasy, so we didn't want to push her any further. Maybe it wouldn't be that easy for her to remember, but we will always try to help her. Ichigo stays at Renji's lieutenant quarter temporarily until he gets his own room at the academy dorm. I come to visit him because I'm a bit worried. He looks rather depressed, maybe he's still thinking about his conversation with Orihime last night.

"Hey Ichigo, You would be more stupid if you're just sulking there all day. Should I call Zaraki Taichō to give you some exercises?" He stands up instantly with fear on his face. He really doesn't want to deal with the Jūichibantai Taichō at the moment.

"No! Not Kenpachi! I just started a new life. I don't need him to end it in a second!" I think he too overreacts. Actually he doesn't have to worry. Zaraki Taichō is not interested with him anymore.

"Relax! You would be safe until you graduate. He knows you've lost your power, so maybe he would wait until you 're be able to fight again." He still looks bad... I'll ask him to take a walk.

"Ichigo, have you say thank you to Hitsugaya Taichō?" He's surprised, so he hasn't?

"Uh no... I forgot. I've been so confused lately" Oh I think that's why Hitsugaya Taichō seemed grumpy last night. I will drag him to the Tenth Division.

"Let's go! You wouldn't be here without him." We can only walk there, because Ichigo cannot use shunpo anymore. But it's okay, at least I can spend some times alone with him.

"Heh, I know Tōshirō cares about me. He's actually a good boy who wants to help his friends!" Is he seriously thinking that he can be Tōshirō Hitsugaya's friend that easily?

"I think he has his own reason. He said it was the right thing to do." He wasn't lying, was he?

"And you believe him?" I nod. "C'mon Rukia! He's not that heartless. He always looks serious and cold just to cover his true self. He's in denial that he's a kid." Finally, Ichigo can laugh again.

"Don't make fun of him!" But I can't help it, I begin to laugh too. I disagree with his opinion about Hitsugaya Taichō though. "We don't know what he has been through. I think it's his true nature acting cold and serious. Sadly, people see him negatively because of his true self... We can't blame him for that, I mean, it's not his fault! He couldn't change his true self, could he? I think he's actually trying to be a good person in his own way." I can't believe what I was saying, I wasn't even thinking!

"Wow Rukia, I've never thought you know Tōshirō that much." He looks amused by my remark.

"Actually, I don't know who he really is. Maybe I don't know anything about him at all. It's just… sometimes I saw him alone, lost in his own world. He looked so lonely and sad… When I looked at him I felt like I could understand his feelings." It's true. Somehow I can feel his dark emotions since the first time we met, even though I don't understand how.

Tōshirō's POV

I need to stop thinking about my future for a moment. There's still a lot of paperwork to be done. Matsumoto is sleeping on the couch, but fortunately she's not snoring this time. I won't wake her up. She may looks carefree as usual, but I know what she truly feels inside. Even though I don't like her laziness, but a good sleep can help her condition. I couldn't do anything to help her, so I'll just let her find her own way to help herself. Now it's time for a battle with this irritating paperwork.

"Yo Tōshirō!" No, I don't deserve this! I don't need to deal with this retarded hero. But I have to stay cool if I really want to be a better person.

"What are you doing here Kurosaki?" It's not my fault if I sound rude. I've been through bad days.

"Hey! That's not a nice way to greet your friends! You need to open your heart Tōshirō and let your friendly self free!" What the hell was he talking about? If he is really my friend as he proclaimed before, he shouldn't disturb me. Just leave me alone! Okay, I need to be patient dealing with people with a primitive mind like him.

"Hello Hitsugaya Taichō." Of course she is also here. She smiles nicely, but I'd be a fool if I believe that fake smile. She would never give her sincere smile to someone like me… never again.

"Kuchiki. Is there something I can help you with?" Kurosaki looks annoyed because I ignore him.

"No, thank you Sir. We just come to visit. I hope we don't disturb you, but I'm sorry if we do... And there's an idiot who wants to say something to you." Suddenly she stomps at Kurosaki's foot to give him some kind of sign, I think. He jumps instantly while holding his hurt foot. Unfortunately, the idiot doesn't understand her message and glares at her instead.

"What was that Rukia? That was so childish. Look at Tōshirō! He's younger than you, but acts much more mature than you! Even though he's too mature for his own good." Kuchiki could only facepalm during his impossible lecture. I close my eyes and try to relax my nerves. How could someone be that stupid? Perhaps I can give Kuchiki an assistant with what she tried to do.

"Don't waste my time Kurosaki! Just tell me if there's something you want to say to me." Kuchiki looks at me gratefully. The moron seems to remember something. I can picture his ancient brain working slowly and finally...

"Oh yeah, I want to say thank you Tōshirō! I forgot to thank you before, sorry... I really appreciate your help. I'm really glad to be your friend." So, that's what he was trying to say. I don't really care, but he seems really honest. I'm trying to change, so I will try to be rather nice.

"You're welcome. Please take a seat." They notice Matsumoto's sleeping form for the first time since they're here when they want to sit on the couch. Matsumoto with her unbelievable instinct reacts on time. She wakes up immediately and gives Kurosaki her famous fatal hug. Kurosaki who's caught off guard can't do anything, he just accepts his fate.

"ICHIGO! It's been a long time! Do you miss my hug hm? Here, I give you one for free!" He deserves it. Thank you Matsumoto, I can always count on you to punish people. I know I have made the right decision by letting her slept before.

"Don't you want to help him?" Maybe Kuchiki gets jealous seeing her crush being hugged by Matsumoto 'passionately'. That guy is an ungrateful fool for not noticing her feelings.

"Nope, I think he needs some 'massage' from Rangiku-san. He's been too serious lately." She has good senses of humor and a bit sadistic side. Sigh… Even though it's quite entertaining to watch this torture, it's time to end it. Matsumoto has to continue her work.

"Matsumoto, you can continue your intimate moment with Kurosaki later. Do your work now!" Her body stiffened instantly. I know she's thinking a filthy trick.

"Ah Rukia-chan! We need to prepare your birthday party, let's go! Bye Taichō, we have urgent things to do! See ya Ichigo!" That imbecile, how dare she! But I won't let my anger get the better of me again. Okay, now I must take care of Kurosaki first. He's lying on the floor like a pathetic corpse.

"Are you still alive, Kurosaki?" No response, I'll just leave him there. This way, he wouldn't disturb me, so I can continue my work in peace.

"Tō…shi…rō… help me… Tō-shirō…" He's still alive unfortunately. But as a 'nice' person, I must help my self-proclaimed friend. Then I help him get up from the floor and bring him a glass of water. I've been nice enough today. Now it's time to continue my work.

"I don't know what I can do anymore… I feel useless, pathetic! I'm so scared everyone would see me differently now that I can't do anything for them anymore… Tōshirō? Please say something Tōshirō, anything..." I pause doing my work to look at the supposed hero. He smiles bitterly, he is in his worst condition I've ever seen. I could hear despair, sadness, and also sincerity in his voice. So, for the first time ever, I deem Kurosaki Ichigo is worth my attention.

"You have to be grateful, because unlike me, you just need to be yourself and people will easily like you. You also need to realize that you are a hero Kurosaki, a true hero. It doesn't matter what your condition is. It doesn't matter what your situation is. You will always be a hero in there." I point my pen to his chest. I'm sure his mind can work well enough to process this simple message.

"Thank you Tōshirō. That means a lot to me, really. I think I'm not that great, but maybe it's a good idea to be a hero." There he is. The annoying hero is back with his stupid grin. I admit I can bear with him better now than before. "Hey Tōshirō, I think you're a hero too!" Was that a joke? "Seriously!" He is so naive. I consider what he said for a moment. And now, it's my turn to smile bitterly.

"No Kurosaki, I'm not a hero. I would never be a hero. You're seriously wrong if you think I'm a good person like you." He looks surprised and then focuses his attention at me.

"What do you mean?" Yes, what do I mean? "You are a good person Tōshirō!" He's really serious.

"True heroes are good persons who only have two main intentions in their minds, to protect and to save. My mind and intention are too complicated. You don't know how bad I can be Kurosaki… no one knows. That's why I would never be a hero or even a good person." He is trying hard to process my answer. He doesn't seem to understand, but he's not dumb enough to question me any further.

"It's time for you to leave. I don't need you to disturb me. I still have a long night to finish my work." He stops his slow train of thought and returns his attention at me.

"Nah, I think I'll stay with you here. I won't disturb you, I promise! You don't have to be alone you know. I'm your friend, so I will always be there for you when you need me no matter you like it or not!" Please, not that stupid grin again. I've had enough troubles for today.

"I don't need you Kurosaki." I told him coldly and he gasps?

"Ouch, don't be so mean my friend!" And now he's pouting? He starts acting like Kyōraku.

"You'd better shut up, if you want to stay here." Now I'm absolutely serious. This paperwork has to be done.

"Okay okay, relax Tōshirō!" And now continue my work. "But Tōshirō you must-"I use my new glaring technique and it works flawlessly. He sits quietly on the couch and reads Matsumoto's adult magazine. He's actually not as bad as I thought. On rare occasions he can act like a great man. Maybe, just maybe I can consider him as a frie- "Tōshirō, where is the toilet?" –nd? Never mind.