Sannin Manor

Chapter Two

A Great View

Naruto was having a hard taking in the juxtaposition between the three story mansion he would now call home, and the small dilapidated suitcase that contained his sole possessions. He had known that Jiraiya had been well off in his particular profession, but not this well off. This was just unbelievable. He didn't even think his entire apartment block had been as big as this house.

He broke his focus on the house long enough to take another gander at the neighbourhood. Crystal fountains, topiaries and pebbled paths as far as the eye could see. And was that a peacock?! He shook his head wondering if he's ever fit in, in a place like this. That rude neighbour he met certainly didn't think so. What was his name again?

Oh yes.

Sasuke

He murmured the name under his breath like he was uttering a curse. He scrunched the paper bag he had been holding with his fist. His endeavour to greet the locals on his street wasn't as successful as he had hoped. Most often he would be greeted by an indifferent butler who would look his nose down at Naruto and say "sorry suh, the master of the house is not present" at which he would take the candle and say "veddy good suh, I am certain they shall be most grateful for your gift" and promptly shut the door.

Naruto sighed. He had been so worked up about being in such a new place he hadn't even given his own house a proper inspection. The key in his hand felt like a foreign object as he made his way down the cobbled path. He took a moment to admire the garden. Jiraiya had some very unusual landscaping. It appeared he had a particular penchant for frogs, as there were several enormous stones carvings of them scattered between the lily ponds and hedges. The largest one squirted water from its mouth into the central pond that lay in the middle of the path.

As he walked past it, he ground to a halt in shock. Was that? Yes. Yes, it was exactly what it looked like. Sculptures of buxom and very naked women were positioned beneath the bubbling water, standing in poses that were, well… provocative would be the politest way of saying it.

Naruto boggled, but didn't really know why he was so surprised. This was the pervert hermit's house after all. How could expect any less? He looked up with some trepidation at the house ahead of him. He had a good feeling that this was just a sample of what he was going to witness inside that house. He squeezed his eyes shut.

His poor virgin eyes.

When he had first seen the house he immediately knew this was the one belonging to the notorious man. It was a startling contrast from the other pristine and polished white buildings that stood meticulously in order. The garden itself was of an extravagant display of eccentric wealth. The large frogs stood defiantly different from the trimmed lines of rose bushes that nestled in the gardens of the other mansions. But most eye-catching was the psychedelic choice colours the house itself was painted in. Florescent orange lined the gutters and railings to lead to a wash of purple across the walls. It was topped with lime green roof tiles that, strangely, were just crazy enough to work with the rest of the house.

Naruto chuckled to himself. From his brief encounter with the locals he was sure they held a degree of contempt for this eyesore in their otherwise upstanding neighbourhood. They probably hoped it would be sold and restored to a more acceptable appearance. Well, Naruto was happy to disappoint them. He didn't want the pervert Hermit's legacy to disappear.

Even the key to the front door was obscene. The key itself was an old fashioned bronze design, but the head of the key splayed out in two bulges that disturbingly resembled a very private area of a mans body.

He thought it was odd when he first saw it. Not because of its explicit nature, but rather he thought anything Jiraiya owned would exclusively resemble a woman, or at least a part of a woman.

However, when he saw the keyhole he understood.

In the same bronze colour as the key, there was a silhouette of a woman with her legs splayed open.

He had to look away as he put the key in and turned.

The large oak door creaked open and he was almost too afraid to look inside.

When he had peeked past Sasuke's doors he had seen an immense foyer with an elaborate marble staircase they drew the focus of the eye to the crystal chandelier. In other words, exactly what you would expect to see in a multi million dollar mansion. Therefore his eyes were not prepared to confront this spectacle before him. Although he wasn't completely assaulted with the sexual imagery he was expecting to see, what he did find was probably a lot worse.

Hanging on the back wall, at least six meters in diameter was the most revolting portrait Naruto had ever seen in his life. It was Jiraiya, lying across a polar skin rug, completely naked. The only thought for modesty was a conveniently positioned lock of his white mane covering his crotch. The knowing leer was painted on his face with unsettling accuracy. Naruto dropped his bag with the new revelation that his late godfather was a massive narcissist.

Naruto wiped the moisture from his eyes away with the back of his hand. He was going to miss that pervert so much.

Although Naruto didn't have many personal belongings, he was fortunately provided with everything he could possibly need (and things he didn't think he would ever need) inside this house. For any adolescent male it would have been a dream come true. But, as he stood in the doorway and listened to the silence echoing from the large rooms, he couldn't help but feel a little empty inside. The house was great, but from Naruto's perspective it was only the vestiges of an even greater man. He looked back outside past the trees and saw the white building where that Sasuke jerk-face lived.

Why anyone would actively choose to isolate themselves like that was beyond him.

He turned away and made his way into the extravagant house. His feet sank into the plush red shagpile carpet as he looked from the polished wooden stairway to the two adorning archways that most likely led to the kitchen and dining area. The set of lounges beneath the unmentionable portrait looked too comfortable to pass up, so he kicked off his shoes and climbed on to feel the velvety purple material that covered them.

He sprawled across them in relief. It was a day of adjustment and the futile effort of trying to greet the neighbours had drained him. He rolled his head and studied the furnishings of the house. It was certainly an interesting choice of décor. The dim lighting and the cloying colours made it look more like a bordello than a residence. He raised an eyebrow at the coat rack standing in the corner. It was another sculpture of a naked woman giving a 'come hither' pose. She certainly put the 'rack' in coat rack.

He closed his eyes and let his fingers trail across the fabric. At least he could give his Godfather credit for knowing what was comfortable. Sinking deeper into the couch he cracked and eye open when his fingers grazed a panel of buttons imbedded in the arm rest.

Strange. He pushed his body forward to get a closer look. There wasn't a television nearby, or otherwise he would have assumed it was an inbuilt remote. The buttons themselves looked innocuous enough. There were no clear labels or instructions so Naruto decided it was probably for something trivial like the lights.

Curiosity got the better of him, and he pressed the first shiny black button.

"Whawhawhawha!" His voice jittered. It was as though the couch had taken a life of its own. It began to violently vibrate as Naruto clung to the cushions in utter shock. The vibrations were pushing him to the farthest end of the couch. Bones were rattling in his skin and even the surrounding room was blurring. It took all his effort to pull himself back towards the buttons and figure out which one stopped these incessant vibrations.

He mentally cursed as he desperately mashed his fingers across the buttons. How many settings did this thing have? No, he didn't want it to pulse. Oh great, now it was even worse!

Finally, he hit victory when the vibrations lulled to a stop. He backed away from the panel drawing his legs to his chest, his body still trembling from the after effects. He'd probably have to tape that down lest it ensnare another unwary victim. His eyes darted to look warily at the rest of the furniture.

Now he was afraid to touch anything else.

"No fucking way!"

Kiba nearly tripped over himself as he took in sight before him. Even Chouji momentarily stopped his snacking, the chips in his hand hovering half-way between the bag and his shock-opened mouth.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, sighed and rested his hands behind his head. "This is troublesome…"

"I told you guys!" Said a smug Naruto as he held the door open to let his friends file into the room. Kiba rushed past to frantically scour the shelves, occasionally letting out whimper or two.

"Well, yeah man but c'mon. That was coming from you…" said Kiba, wiping a trace of drool from his mouth.

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?!" Naruto scowled indignantly.

"I think what Kiba is trying to say, is that you have a tendency to exaggerate." Shikamaru sauntered over to peruse the content of the shelves. Chouji had recovered from his momentary stupor and resumed munching on his snacks, though now it was more a series of slow, thoughtful chews than his usual relentless gorging.

"I do not!" Naruto gesticulated wildly to prove his point. "I know a million people who would disagree." But his words fell onto deaf ears. His three friends appeared to have forgotten that Naruto was even in the room as they devoted their total attention to the vast, vast collection of pornographic DVD's his godfather had amassed.

Kiba sniffled in a rare display of emotion. "I didn't think this much porn existed, let alone be in the same room." He pulled one from the shelf to examine it before pushing it straight into Naruto's face, borderline hysterical. "This! I don't think this is even legal in this country! Naruto, do you even understand what you have here? Do you!"

"It's just porn." Said Shikamaru.

"Just… ju?" Kiba blinked at his friend, unable to comprehend that statement. "Just porn?!" He backed away from Shikamaru in suspicion. "Are you even a guy? C'mon Chouji, back me up. There is no such thing as 'just porn'."

"Mmm."

"See! Chouji knows it!"

Naruto laughed; glad that at least two of his friends were suitably impressed. "If you think this is a lot, wait until you see the library."

This room was only one of the many questionable rooms this mansion housed. But it was probably the most interesting for a group of hormonal teenage boys. The room itself had no windows. Instead it was designed to be a personal movie theatre. Several black leather seats faced the enormous screen. No doubt they probably had inbuilt vibrators as well. The walls were lined with every genre of porn a teen boy could hope to dream of. They were meticulously arranged, and there was even a ladder provided to access the ones on the higher shelves.

"Hey Naruto, do you mind if I borrow a few? I promise I'll bring em back." Kiba didn't even wait for an answer as he began to stuff armfuls into his backpack."

"Er..I suppose so" Naruto scratched his arm. He felt guilty for lending out Jiriya's prized porn collection, even though it was technically his now. He could almost feel his Godfather's disapproving spirit looking down on him. "But you gotta bring em' back. And if you mum catches you, don't tell her where you got them from." He had met Kiba's mother before, and definitely didn't want to get on the wrong side of that woman.

"Sure thing, and don't worry about my mum. I have a special place that not even she would dare infiltrate" Kiba cryptically remarked as his backpack threatened to burst. Shikamaru had to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Ok, I think you have enough. The porn isn't going anywhere."

"Yeah… yeah I guess you're right." Kiba reluctantly closed his backpack before casting a longing look at all the movies he would be unable to take home with him. His bag bulged from the jagged edges of the DVD cases.

"You sure are a lucky guy Naruto. Imagine having a place like this all to yourself." Said Chouji.

"I suppose so" Naruto rubbed the back of his head. Not every sixteen year old had the equivalent of the playboy mansion to call their own. But after spending just one night alone here, he was beginning to miss the smaller confines of his old apartment. Still, it was certainly fun to show people around and watch their reactions. Not even Naruto had discovered all the secrets of this place yet.

"C'mon, let me show you the master bedroom. You won't believe it!"

They couldn't believe it.

Even the usually indifferent Shikamaru looked impressed. The three boys scouted around the bed in total awe.

"This has got to be the eighth wonder of the world or something," Kiba breathed. "Do you know how many women would fit on this? Fifty, no, one hundred!"

"Its kind a pity…" Shikamaru commented stuffing his hands in his pockets. His three friends looked at him questioningly until Chouji finally asked;

"What's a pity?"

"Well," Shikamaru turned to look at his blond friend. "Naruto couldn't get a girl to save his life."

Kiba and Chouji erupted in laughter, but Naruto looked back at his friend with his face burning with humiliation. In typical Naruto style (and also to hide the fact he couldn't think of a witty comeback) he launched himself at Shikamaru.

The boy's eyes widened at the unexpected assault as Naruto's arms found their way around his waist and crash-tackled him to the mammoth bed. As their bodies hit the mattress, the surface gave way like jelly, and rippling waves spread to the very ends causing them to bob up and down for a few moments. Shikamaru groaned as he tried to pry himself away from Naruto. "Don't tell me this is a--"

"Waterbed!" Kiba screamed before dive bombing straight into the centre. His showy belly flop sent more swells spilling across the bed. Naruto and Shikamaru tried to sit upright but the task was difficult with a bed that rose and fell beneath them.

Then Chouji decided to join in with a running leap.

They were nearly thrown off the bed.

The four of them played around a bit, laughing as they tried to combine the force of their weight to send each other wobbling up and down. They all looked ridiculous. Eventually the activity became tiring and they settled and lay on their backs. Kiba was the first to point out that there was a huge mirror on the roof and they quietly stared at each other, as though looking at their reflections for the first time.

"That's kinda…" Kiba began.

"Kinky?" Naruto suggested.

"Well I was gonna say creepy, but yeah, that too."

They all snickered like typical teenage boys. "This is actually very comfortable." Chouji remarked and gave the bed another wobble. As they bobbed up and down Shikamaru stretched and gave a languid yawn.

"So you're really going to live here? Are you sure this is your kind of place? You could sell it and make a lot of money."

"No. I'm not going to sell it." Naruto was adamant about that. "If I sold it I'd… I'd lose a part of my family I guess. Anyway, I know it would've crushed that pervert if some snooty rich snobs moved in and turned his house into another one of those faceless mansions this street is filled with."

Naruto's friends cast each other uncomfortable glances. Naruto's family was a touchy subject. They knew he was an orphan, but next to nothing about why this was. Naruto had become very adept at dodging the issue when it was raised, or craftily steering the topic of conversation away from the subject. It was obviously something they couldn't force from him so they let it rest.

"I don't have to worry about money now." Naruto chuckled. "I never thought I would ever say that. He basically left me everything in his will. Although I can't access all of it until I'm eighteen, I'm pretty much set."

Kiba sighed in envy. "Who would've thought you could make so much money writing porn books."

"Erotic literature" Naruto corrected.

"Sure, sure. A very respectable profession."

They all had a small chuckle. There was a moment of quiet before Chouji asked: "so what are the neighbours like?"

"Ack!" Naruto rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in his arms. "Awful. I tried to say hello to a couple of them but they all give me filthy looks. I guess they didn't expect someone like me to be moving into their 'upright' neighbourhood. That lady with nine cats that lived next door to me was better than my new neighbour."

"So you actually spoke to your neighbours huh?" Shikamaru lifted the arm he had been resting over his eyes to look at Naruto. "I bet they were in for a surprise."

"You know," Naruto admitted, "I was more surprised. Did you know that there is a guy the same age as me who's also living alone in the house next door? I though we might've gotten along, but he was a total jerk." He buried his head in his arms again. "Made me wanna egg his perfect house." He smiled when he imagined the expression he would see on Sasuke's face when he walked out of his mansion to find it all plastered with yolk. "Sasuke" he muttered.

"Sasuke…" Shikamaru repeated, rolling the name around his tongue. "You're not talking about Sasuke Uchiha are you?" He sat upright to stare at Naruto.

"I dunno, probably. Who is Sasuke Uchiha?"

All of his friends were sitting up now. It annoyed Naruto that they all seemed to know something he didn't.

"Sasuke… he's that kid who goes to Konoha Private. Apparently he's the first in all his classes and prefect of the school. He comes from a very wealthy and influential family" piped Kiba, chewing on his thumb in thought.

"He won the last two junior nationals in tennis," added Chouji.

"And," Kiba's voice lowered to a whisper, causing everyone to crowd closer to hear him, "no one knows for sure, but some people say his entire family was taken out by the mafia. He's very secretive and doesn't talk to anyone about it…"

"Ok, how the hell do you guys know all this?" Grumbled Naruto.

"Haven't you ever listened to the girls in school?" Asked Kiba.

"That's all they ever talk about." Shikamaru said in a way that indicated it was a subject that bored him immeasurably.

It was unusual with a person with such a reputation to pass under Naruto's radar. He hated him already. After his own personal encounter with the guy he could tell that he was just another brat born with a silver spoon up his butt No dark or mysterious past was enough justification to treat people the way he treated Naruto. It was a bizarre twist of fate that he was now living next to the guy. Speaking of which…

"Hey" he snickered. "Follow me onto the balcony. You've got to see the view I have."

His friends dutifully followed him out onto the balcony that was attached the main bedroom. Although it had a decent overlooking view of the rest of the suburb, there was nothing else particularly special about it. They all scratched their heads and turned to Naruto.

"So what are we supposed to be looking at?"

"Here, I'll show you" With a sly wink Naruto pushed back several potted palm trees to reveal a long white telescope. He gave it a stroke as though it were a pet dog. "When I found it, it was pointing at the house across the street. But when I had a look I only saw a bunch of ladies."

"Oh!" This caughed Kiba's interest. They all gather around and took turns looking at various houses.

"You do realise" Shikamaru said after he had finished his careful inspection of the lens, "that this is an industrial grade telescope. You could see the rings of Saturn with this."

"Yeah I suppose you could if you liked that kind of stuff" Naruto gave the telescope a spin before stopping it so that it was directly trained at the house next door. A devilish grin spread across his face as he adjusted the focus. "But I can show you something much more interesting. I, my friends, am looking directly into the bedroom of Mr. Sasuke Uchiha."

The sounds of disbelief were music to his ears. When he peered through the telescope it was so crystal clear it was like his was standing in the room himself. He supposed that the last thing Sasuke would be expecting was a bunch of school kids spying on him with a telescope, so he rarely drew his blinds. He was surprised to find that Sasuke's bedroom wasn't as fancy as what he had seen from the foyer of his house.

"So," Chouji asked "have you ever seen him do anything?"

"Well…" They all looked at Naruto with baited breath. "No" he had to admit. They all sighed with disappointment. "But hang on! You have to have faith with this sort of thing. I bet he has a really dirty secret he's hiding from someone. Those types of guys always do."

"Whatever Naruto. I still think those ladies across the street are more interesting." Kiba swivelled it around and resumed his ogling.

Naruto pouted. What was the point of having an industrial grade telescope if you couldn't dig up dirt on your neighbours? Stupid boring Sasuke. He was determined to find a way to get him back.

Shikamaru was leaning against the railing, looking down into the yard below him. His face had a pensive expression. This piqued Naruto's curiosity so he joined his friend and asked "what're you looking at?"

"Look there" Shikamaru pointed. Naruto squinted to figure out what his friend was referring to. "You see those statues in Sasuke's yard? They aren't just for decoration. I'm sure they have surveillance cameras installed inside them. Almost all of these houses would a have a system set up like that. You won't find anyone more paranoid than a rich person."

"So?" Asked Naruto a little confused. "What does it matter if Sasuke has cameras in his yard?"

"If I'm right, the people who installed them did a sloppy job." He splayed his fingers out like an artist determining the proportions of his subject. "There's a huge blind spot near that gazebo, leading straight to the back door. You could easily sneak past and not wind up on any of the surveillance footage."

Naruto leaned further over the railing to try and see what his friend had just described. When he turned back with a wicked grin plastered across his face Shikamaru closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Why do feel like I've just put my foot in it?"

"Shikamaru!" Naruto squealed. "You're a genius! You've just given me the greatest idea..."

Shikamaru sighed. Naruto's ideas usually meant only one thing.

Trouble.