A Small Pie
A night out in London town was not a cheap one at all, especially if you were three brothers intent on drinking as much as they could.
England, Ireland and Scotland were on their way back home from the pub, all singing and laughing at the top of their lungs, staggering around as they got shouted at to "shut the hell up!" it being 3 a.m in the morning.
"Tch, sher feck it yer all jus' jealous of me lovely singin' voice!" Ireland shouted at those who were glaring at them, the other two bursting out laughing and dragging him down the street.
"Tha's right laddie, you tell 'em!" Scotland chuckled, stumbling about halfway down the road and landing rather uncomfortably on the concrete below him "Agh me feckin' arse!" He cursed, England bursting out laughing while pulling him up.
"Jesus scot, ya say I'm a bad drunk, you can' even stand!" England chuckled, letting Scotland throw he's arm around his shoulders. The three walked down around the corner and spotted a shop that was still open.
"Ya know what?" Ireland said, staring at the shop intently before continuing "I'd kill fer a feckin' pie right about now". England nodded in agreement and Scotland responded "Mmm, shite now I want one, le's see if they've got 'em".
With that the three staggered into the shop and shortly found some delicious looking pies on the counter. "Tha's the one!" Ireland beamed, pointing at a small steak and kidney pie that shined under the light. The three stared at it and agreed.
"Well 'ave three of those" England said to the man behind the counter, who had been watching them wearily, three drunkards at such an hour was rarely a good thing. "That'll be six pounds sirs" the cashier said politely, just making sure they had no reason to start something.
The all dug into their pockets and pulled out all of their money, putting it on the counter and frowning. "I though' I 'ad more then tha'" England said, sounding confused as he tried to think of where the money had all gone. "I had more then I thought!" Scotland chuckled, holding up one pound and chucking it back down on the counter happily.
"I'm afraid you only have enough for one pie gents" The shopkeeper said, Ireland smiling at him and patting him on the shoulder "Ah, not to worry lad, we'll take the one for ya", and with that they took a pie and left the shop.
"T'is a small pie lads, who gets it?" England frowned, looking at the pie that was definitely too small to share amongst each other. Scotland looked at it and said "Me a course! I want it most!" to which Ireland argued "Ya do not ya bastard! It was my idea, tha' pie is mine!".
They spent the whole walk home with this long argument. When at home and after a long while more of arguing Scotland announced "Alrigh'! It's late now, how abou' we all go to sleep an' who ever has the most interestin' dream gets the pie, 'right?".
Well no one could argue with that so they all went to their rooms and fell into deep, intoxicated sleeps.
The next morning they all awoke rather early, all yearning for that lovely pie in the kitchen.
They entered the kitchen together and England beamed "Hah, that pie is mine!".
Scotland jumped up and asked angrily "Oh yeah? What did ya dream of that was so damn interestin'?".
England sat at the table and beamed "Well, I dreamed that I was ruling over the while world, haha nothings more interesting then global domination! Therefor, I deserve the pie".
Scotland burst out laughing at this and said "So what? Ya already practically ruled the whole world before, tha's old feckin news not an interesting dream!". England glared at him and said in irritation "Pft, oh yeah, because your dream was much mote interesting was it?".
"Aiye it was laddie!" Scotland laughed, standing up on he's chair and exclaiming "In my dream I ruled over the whole entire universe, aliens and all! Yer rulin' the world is nothin' to it! So, that pie belongs to me!".
England and Scotland now started to argue as loud and angrily as they could, shouting about whose dream was better and why. Ireland, who had been oddly quiet until now, was sitting across for them both, watching for a while with a mischievous grin before he stood up and said casually "You know, I had the most interesting dream of us all, one guaranteed to get the pie".
To this the other two finally stopped arguing and looked over at him in surprise, obviously forgetting he was there. England straightened himself up a bit before asking "Is that so, care to share then?", Scotland continuing "Aiye, please tell us a more interesting tale then ruling the universe, I dare ya!".
Ireland chuckled, walking away from the table and for some reason standing nearer to the door, looking like he planned to leave quickly, perhaps he wasn't as confident in he's story as he was acting.
He leaned on the doorframe and said "Ah, I remember it well, it was a delicious dream, one of the best I've ever had". Well of course the other two were now very interested and so asked in unison "Go on, what was your dream?".
Ireland grinned devilishly "Well, I dreamed that I was hungry, so, I got up and I ate the pie". Before they could register what he'd just said he laughed loudly and left the kitchen.
"Tha' wasn't very interes-" they both began but then froze, looking at each other with wide eyes and then running over to the fridge, seeing the plate that previously held the pie now just had a few crumbs.
Ireland was just out the front door when he heard the roar from inside he was expecting "IRELAND! YOUR A DEAD MAN!".
With that he ran down the road, laughing maniacally as he's brothers ran out of the house and chased him down the road, shouting curses at him as Ireland called back to them, mockingly telling them how delicious and moist the pie was just to rile them up some more.
The Joke:
"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were hungry one night and had money only for a small pie. Since it was too small to divide they decided to go to sleep and The pie would go to The person who had The most interesting dream.
When they woke up in The morning. The Englishman said, 'I had a very interesting dream. I dreamed I was ruler over The whole world. You can't get more interesting than that, so I deserve The pie.'
'Hold it,' said The Scotsman. 'I dreamed I was ruler over The whole universe, so that pie belongs to me.'
'I had The most interesting dream of all,' said The Irishman. 'I dreamed I was hungry, so I got up and ate The pie.'"