Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, and my psychiatrist tells me despite what I may think sometimes, I'm not J.K. Rowling Rated M for sexual content & strong language! A.N.: I just want you all to know, I've been on vacation all week and I actually put down the glass of wine and came off the beach to post this lol I'm just kidding...the wine is still in my hand. I was delighted to see how many people added my stories to story alert, but while I was flattered, I would love it if you could tell me how you like it and such..in other words...Reviews Please? A.N.: The song is "Only One" by Yellowcard. It's Draco/Harry so obviously it's slash. If you don't like boy on boy action HIT THE BACK BUTTON. This is my first HP fanfiction so please be nice. All flames will be answered publicly. I am not a professional writer so please don't expect me to be. However constructive criticism is always welcomed. I'd like to thank my beta, the lovely shadeshadows Thanks!! Enjoy and Review!
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
"Dray, sweetie, come here." Pansy said soothingly sitting down on Draco's bed and holding her arms open for him.
"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!" Draco screamed at her through his tears.
"Hunny, calm down. We need to get you calmed down before the others come back from dinner. Come here."
"NO! You just don't get it! You didn't see him! You weren't there!" Draco said between broken sobs. "I did that to him Pans. I did that." He said in a whisper before lunging into her arms and crying even harder. Pansy just sat there with her best friend in her arms stroking his hair and whispering comforting words into his ear.
She had gotten worried when Draco hadn't come back for several hours after his rendezvous with Potter. Thinking that maybe Potter hadn't taken it well and had hexed him or something, she'd gone off looking for her best friend. As she was walking through the castle searching for him she had passed Granger carrying a bloodied sleeping Potter. Pansy cast her a sad knowing look before breaking into a jog; she had to find Draco and she had to find him NOW. She headed out of the castle and started searching the grounds. When she saw pale hair reflecting in the moonlight she sighed in relief.
Slowing down to a walk, she headed over to where the kneeling figure was. As she got closer she saw his body shaking and instantly knew that he'd gone through with his plan of breaking up with Potter. She sat down beside him on the bank of the lake and pulled him into her arms just like she had him now, just stroking his hair and holding him. There was nothing more that she could do for him. He had told her everything in a broken voice that she'd never heard come out of the very proud boy. After he had gotten through the whole story she had cried along with him. Cried for broken boy she'd past in the hallway, cried for their lost love, but most of all for the broken boy in her arms. At least Potter had had someone else break his heart, Draco had torn his in half all by himself, and for that she cried.
"Hunny, tell me what's wrong. What happened to get you so upset again?" She whispered into Draco's hair.
"I've killed him." Draco whispered back, his voice hoarse from crying.
"Nonsense darling, I just saw him two hours ago with Granger and the Weasley girl." Pansy said confused.
"No. He's dead."
Pansy was genuinely getting scared that Draco had done something drastic and after seeing what he'd done to Potter earlier that week she was starting to panic. "What do you mean?" She asked, scared of the response she was going to get.
Draco sat up and looked at her. "The light in his eyes...it's...it's just gone. His eyes are just dead." Draco whispered staring off into space. "I finally got up the courage to be able to look at him, and he's so pale. God he's so pale." A sob wracked his body before he continued. "He looked at me. He looked at me and it was horrible Pans...his eyes were this dark, dark green, almost black, and they looked so vacant; like he wasn't even there. I've killed the love of my life trying to protect him."
Pansy grabbed Draco back into her arms and held him tight, the tears streaming down her face as well now. "Hush! You hear me? Hush! You did no such thing. You know Harry, he always bounces back. He's the golden boy; he always bounces back from everything." She said desperately into his ear. The tone of voice that her best friend had just spoken to her in scared the life out of her and she was willing to say or do anything to make it go away. "Just give him time, love. Just give him time." She said as she slowly rocked Draco back and forth and rubbed soothing circles on his back.
"I ruined my life Pans. I've destroyed the best thing that I ever had and in the harshest way possible. I could have found an easier way, without hurting him so badly to make him see. I was just getting so upset that he couldn't see. And when he started crying like that..." Pansy cringed slightly at the hollow voice that was coming out of Draco. "I just wanted to make it all go away, I wanted to make those tears go away, but I just made things worse." He sat up again and leaned away from Pansy and curled into himself. "Just go away Pans...please just leave me be. Don't make me get up, I can't get up."
Pansy sighed as she wrestled with herself, her mind was screaming at her not to leave him, but he was asking her to leave. She decided that maybe it would be best to just let him be for a little while and try to calm him down later. She got up from the bed and shut his bed hangings and headed towards the door. She made sure to cast a silencing spell on his bed before she shut the door, just in case the other boys came back and heard anything. Draco just laid there staring into oblivion, "I can't do this," he whispered to his pillow.
Hermoine walked into the potions classroom to see that the seat next to Pansy where Draco usually sat was empty. She walked over to the seat and set her stuff down before sitting in it herself.
"So where's Draco?" She whispered to Pansy looking heartbroken.
Pansy turned to Hermoine with the same look in her eyes, "I couldn't get him out of his bed. He hasn't left his room in three days now." She looked behind her to where Harry usually sat. "Potter?" She asked quirking her eyebrow.
"Same. We've tried begging, bribing, threatening, everything. I just..." Hermoine sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I just don't know what to do. This is destroying him." Pansy cast her eyes down at the table in front of her. "He won't talk anymore. I can't get him to eat, or sleep, nothing. He just lays there in his bed all day crying."
"I would have thought they would have both run out of tears by now." Pansy said sadly. "I wish that I could say Draco was doing better but he's not. It's destroying both of them." The two girls shared a sad look before Professor Snape billowed into the classroom, effectively stopping their conversation for now.
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Draco had been lying in his bed staring at the wall for what seemed like years when he heard a small creak. Without even turning around or looking he just said, "Go away Pans, I'm not in the mood."
"You never were a morning person."
Draco's head snapped to the door and his eyes widened in fear at the sight before him. There stood Harry, looking just like he had the other day, just with larger dark circles under his eyes. "Wha..."
"Before you say anything just listen, please Dray, just listen for once." Harry said soft but pleadingly.
Draco couldn't find any words, not that he would have been able to say anything from the lump in his throat, which he was pretty sure was the decaying remains of his heart, so he simply nodded.
Harry took a deep shaky breath and closed his eyes for a minute. He opened them back up and Draco winced at the intensity of the eyes boring through him and straight to his soul. He was pretty sure that the Gryffindor could definitely see straight into his soul.
He started off shakingly "I.." Harry coughed and cleared his throat, "I need to tell you some things and I'd like for you to just sit there and listen before you respond, if you want to respond at all." Harry looked down at his shoes. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even think. Anytime I start to think, no matter what I'm thinking about, my mind always wanders back to you. I can barely function without you. I feel like someone has taken a knife and stabbed me through the heart and torn it out, let a herd of hippogriffs trample over it, and given it to a dog as a chew toy." Draco's eyes started watering but he quickly wiped the tears away, he could not let Harry see him cry, it would destroy everything and make the pain he'd gone through the last week meaningless.
"I don't know what to do anymore. It's like after you left me my body forgot how to live. There are times when I have to physically remind myself to breathe. You were my air Dray, you really were. Now that you're gone, my body just doesn't know how to cope. I fall asleep and all I see is you and me together. Us laughing and crying together, being silly, and serious, and intimate, and just being. Just the two of us, and it feels so damn right!" Harry said, his voice getting louder. The passion he heard in his voice was destroying Draco, slowly breaking down his resolve.
"And then I wake up...and smile and look to my side to wake my beautiful other half up and you're gone. You've just vanished and I panic, and then I realize that it was all only a dream and its like you left me all over again." Draco had to strain to hear Harry's words, his voice had gone so soft. He saw a tear roll down Harry's cheek and his insides flipped upside down and he bit back a sob.
Harry continued on, walking over to the window to look out at the forbidden forest, "Do you remember that picnic we had in that clearing we found Dray?" Harry smiled softly and continued on without waiting for an answer, "The sandwhiches that you'd made for us were so delicious, and we sat out in the sun. Me with that tree to my back, and you with your head in my lap as I fed you. And we just sat there eating, and talking, and enjoying each other's company. And then after about three hours it started to rain." Harry chuckled softly to himself. "You just stood there with your mouth open yelling at the clouds, telling them 'How dare they ruin your bloody picnic' except with a lot more colorful language. I just grabbed your hand and pulled you into me and kissed you, before poking you and telling you that you were it, and running away laughing. It was so much fun explaining the rules of tag to you. And we chased each other back and forth, all over that clearing for what seemed like hours until we both collapsed on our blanket laughing and exhausted. I rolled over onto my side and just looked at you. Your hair was completely soaked and sticking to your face in clumps, your cheeks were flushed from running, and you had water dripping off your nose, and all I could think about in that moment was that you were the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid my eyes on." Harry continued staring out the window, completely lost in his reminiscing, a small smile gracing his lips. "And I told you as much, and you gave me the most exquisitely breath taking smile before saying 'Of course I am'." Harry chuckled again. "You always were such a modest bastard. Do you remember what I said to you next?"
Draco gulped, trying to force the pitiful remains of his heart back into his chest and out of his throat. Harry turned around and looked at him and Draco couldn't breathe, the sparkle in Harry's eyes was there once again and all he could do was stare. After a minute Harry softly said, "That was a question directed towards you. The polite thing to do in this situation is to answer." All the while, keeping Draco's eyes locked with his. Draco closed his eyes and took a raspy breath before mumbling something. "I'm sorry I couldn't hear you." Harry said.
Draco's eyes shot open and he looked right back at Harry before saying in a whisper, "that you loved me."
Harry just continued to stare at him and Draco blinked suddenly panicking. When had Harry gotten so much closer to him? He was now standing only a foot away from Draco and he was way too close for Draco's sanity. Draco took a deep breath to steel himself, but that only made things worse. Harry's scent of cinnamon and strawberries assaulted his senses and it took everything he had not to break down crying in front of his now ex-boyfriend.
"That's right. And do you remember what you said to me after that?" Harry said coming even closer to Draco. He could smell the scent that he thought he would never smell again...the intoxicating mixture of vanilla and chocolate that was purely Draco. He watched as Draco shook for a second and looked at him tearfully before blinking and regaining his composure.
"That I loved you too." Draco said so softly Harry wouldn't have heard him if he'd been any further away.
"What else?" Harry asked. But Draco just stood there staring down at his shoes with his eyes closed looking like he had no intention of answering Harry's question. Harry gently but firmly put a hand under Draco's chin and lifted his face up, but his eyes were still closed. "Look at me." He demanded softly. Draco slowly obliged him, his eyes slightly glassy. "What else Draco?" Harry urged.
Draco bit the inside of his lip till he could taste the blood in his mouth before taking a deep breath, "That I would love you till the end of time, and..." Draco bit back yet another sob, "and that nothing would ever change that."
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
Harry's eyes lit ablaze, before he hissed, "That's right, you promised me that you would love me forever. FOREVER DRACO. And that nothing...NOTHING would ever change that. Last time I checked Draco, this isn't the end of forever and you told me that you don't love me anymore, so then that would mean that something changed that." Harry's eyes were burning intensely now as he got more heated and Draco couldn't look away from them. "So that means that one way or another you lied to me. You are killing me Draco. KILLING ME. You are my everything, I can't do this without you. I feel like just saying fuck it and just giving up completely. Like just giving in and letting the emotions swirling through me consume me and let myself just wither and die. Because I just can't live without you. And even if I could, I don't want to!" Harry screamed, before breathing deeply trying to calm himself back down. He started back up again, only this time much, much softer. "Because Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows. Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play. The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you. The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you. Don't you get it Draco?" Harry turned his head away for a moment to regain his composure. "The world kept turning when you walked out of that classroom but you shattered me to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm a shell of my former self and I just...I want you back. God so badly that it hurts. I need you more than I've ever needing anything in my life. Dray I'm begging you...please...God please...just take it back." Harry's voice had become raw without emotion and he couldn't talk anymore so he just stood there waiting for what was going to come next.
Tears streamed down Harry's face and Draco looked down and watched them hitting his floor, leaving little water spots on the carpet. He hoarsely managed to squeak out, "I can't."
"Why not! It's so simple Dray! All you have to do is tell me that you didn't mean it! Just tell me that you really do love me...please just tell me...PLEASE?" Harry's eyes implored Draco to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he was right and that this was just a horrid nightmare.
Draco couldn't take Harry's pleading voice anymore, so he shut him up. He slowly leaned forward capturing the smaller boy's lips with his own, crying as his heart screamed "HOME!!" to him. His mangled heart wanted nothing more then for Draco to confirm what Harry was saying, that it was all a mistake. Harry just felt so good in his arms...it felt so right. Like this is where the two of them belonged...entwined in each other's arms. And then Draco's head kicked back in and he started crying into the kiss. He slowly pulled back, wanting to draw out his last taste of the love of his life as long as he possibly could. He closed his eyes tightly to blink away the tears before wiping his tears, and then Harry opened his eyes slowly, blinking like an owl. Draco cursed at himself as he noticed that Harry's eyes had completely returned to their normal color before he drug up every ounce of courage he could and whispered against the other's lips, "I can't."
Harry recoiled quickly away from Draco, as if he'd slapped him, with a mixture of a confused and hurt look across his face. "W-Why...Why not?" Harry stammered out, the tears quickly filling his eyes again.
Draco just looked at him, feeling completely numb inside at this point before he bit the side of his cheek again and looked into Harry's eyes and stated, "Because I did mean it. I-I d-don't l-love you anymore."
Harry burst into tears, sobbing quietly. "Bastard," he muttered. He took a deep breath and turned towards the door and said shakily, "I just couldn't not try...I'll let you be now...you obviously don't want a Hufflepuff acting Gryffindor around here anyway." And he dropped something onto the bed before running out of Draco's room.
Draco walked over hesitantly over to the bed afraid of what he thought was lying there. The tears blurred his vision as he reached down onto his bed and picked up the promise ring he'd given to Harry on their one year anniversary. He held the ring to his chest with one hand and the other lightly touching his lips as he just stood there unable to do anything but cry. He looked at the inscription on the inside of the ring, "You are my only one" before falling down onto his bed and curling into a fetal position, the ring still clutched to his chest.
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one