We don't own Final Fantasy X, ya. Never will. Wish we did.
Surgeon Kramer General Warnings: Fanfic may be hazardous to asthmatics and may cause severe pains from laughing; may also cause insomnia to others.
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Night-time Blitzball... ya?
by the strange minds of Nghtbltz Wakka & Grenade Rikku
[Not really noteworthy: Nghtbltz Wakka is AKA Alba Aulbath and
Grenade Rikku is AKA Sweet Princess Rinoa]
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At some other docks (too many in Luca, ya?) (*Grenade Rikku whacks Nghtbltz Wakka*) Tidus and Wakka appeared to be discussing something as Kimahri arrived to speak to them.
"I dunno... it's just not working too well; it doesn't hype me up like it used to. We need to try something different," Tidus suggested.
"Wellll, I could move slightly to da right," Wakka told him.
Tidus threw up his hands and sighed heavily. "I dunno! I just don't feel the connection anymore!!"
Kimahri honestly didn't want to hear this, so he took no time in clearing his throat loudly with a slight growl. "Kimahri want talk."
"Not right now, ya?!" Wakka scowled at the other Guardian.
Tidus waved his hand at the former Blitzball player. "Wakka, don't get discouraged! It's not that I don't like it; it's just that it isn't fun anymore!"
"KIMAHRI NEED TALK! NOW!!" Kimahri roared, grabbing Tidus by the front of his collar.
"'Kay," Tidus squeaked.
Kimahri, satisfied, dropped the boy and glared at both of them. "Kimahri demand to know what goes on at Night-time Blitzball."
"Well, you see, it's--" Tidus began, but was interrupted abruptly by a rather excited Wakka.
"Kimahri, I'm so happy!" Wakka said with a broad grin. "'Ey, Tidus! We got a new companion! I didn't really think dat you Ronso were into dat sorta thing, ya? You can come join us; actions speak better dan words!"
Kimahri stared at him somewhat blankly. Overhearing was the Ronso blitzball team just behind them, glancing to each other.
"Making fun of Ronso?" one of them growled, crushing a blitzball in his hand.
Knowing very well that he could get his ass (as well as Wakka's) kicked in a few seconds, Tidus looked around for a scapegoat, then pointed. "It was Seymour's fault!!" he blamed it on the Guado, who was just walking by.
The Ronso team turned abruptly, scowling at Seymour. "Maester or no maester; you pay!" another roared angrily.
"Aw, shit," Seymour muttered, turning tail and running away. "The trouble I go through for the wonders of death...!! Anima, help me!!! WAHHH!"
"Coward!" The Ronso chased the rather-dead-Seymour.
Tidus grinned. "Seymour: 0. Me: 2. Oh yeahhh..." He jumped onto a crate and did a little dance. Okay, he boogied right down. All with pelvic thrusts.
To say the least, Kimahri was not pleased and shoved Tidus off into the water.
"Kimahri: 1. Tidus: 0," Kimahri said, grinning. Then he burst out into a full-out cackle.
Seeing Kimahri smile was one thing. Laughing was just plain scary. Wakka glanced back and forth, then dashed off, rather freaked out to see this. "Save me, Luluuuu!"
"Hey, what about me?!" Tidus sputtered. He found himself hit by a crate by Kimahri, then sunk down into the water. "Glug... glug..."
However, Kimahri realized he got carried away and never got to confirm the high suspicions of Night-time Blitzball. He sulked. "Kimahri sorry, Yuna."
For some reason unexplained, Auron returned briefly to Mt. Gagazet. He approached some of the remaining Ronso, looking at them quite darkly. Bringing up his hands, he held up a small tin box, staring at them seriously.
"For my... no, for their sake..." Auron bit his lip. "Please... build a statue... of them..."
A Ronso looked at Auron. "Person brave?"
"The very bravest."
"Have much honor?" another queried.
"More than myself."
"Strong fighter?" a different one inquired.
"Amazingly powerful."
The largest Ronso gave a strange grin and nodded. "We make statue. What person look like?"
Auron raised the tin box. "All needed to be known is in here..."
The Ronso took the box and opened it. "........." He nodded. "Ronso make statue."
See Wakka. See Wakka run. Run, Wakka. Run.
"LULUUUUUUUU!!!"
Hearing her name called caused Lulu to glance up before being tackled by Wakka.
"SAVE ME, LULUUUU!! It's horrible, ya?!" he begged.
Lulu gave him a very cold scowl, throwing him off. "I want nothing to do with you!!"
Wakka's eyes watered. "But... but... but... but..."
"Away with you!" Lulu screamed at him. She threw her hands into the air, her doll leaping up and raising its hands as well.
Wakka didn't like the looks of this.
"ULTIMA!!!" Lulu shrieked.
"YUNAAAA!!" Wakka cried out, running away as fast as possible.
Lulu blinked for a moment, then tried to cast magic again. "FIRAGA! ...FIRA! ... ... Fire?" She cursed. "Out of MP?!" She took out an Ether quickly and chugged it down before nabbing her doll and chasing after Wakka. "GET BACK HERE!"
Stalking around the Guado Blitzball team locker room (in Stealth Mode, we might add, ya?) (*Grenade Rikku blows up Nghtbltz Wakka*) was none other than Seymour, carrying a camera with him. He moved quietly to the shower area in the shadows, snapping some photos.
"Heh heh heh... the guys at the club are gonna like these," he chuckled evilly.
Too bad for Seymour, as he was heard by one of the Guado players, Zazi. He looked around, then pointed (well, that's not too hard to see) toward the maester. "Look!!"
"Shoot!" Seymour muttered. He looked around quickly. No exits. "Er... I'm not... here..." They weren't buying it, closing in on him. "Um... your shoes are untied."
"We're not wearing shoes," Zazi told him flatly.
Seymour looked down with a sly expression. "Oh, no you're not," he realized in a suave tone.
"GET HIM!!"
Desperate to save his photos, Seymour covered the camera with his body. He'd die again, but he'd always come back...
Come back to enjoy his treasure...
BWA HA HA HA!!!
"Ronso finished," one of the Ronso informed Auron.
Auron looked upon the statue, then scowled deeply. "You idiots! You dare ridicule them?!" he demanded.
The statues were, in fact, of corn... only they had horns. For you see, the tin box held some corn that Auron had kept since their fated day of death, including a picture of himself cradeling a bowl of corn ever so gently.
Auron lifted up the Ronso by his horn (okay, the Ronso was bigger than him, but imagine it, ya?) and looked at him in the eyes with so much fury, it wasn't even funny. (Hehehehe...) (*Grenade Rikku hits Nghtbltz Wakka on the head with a rock* Dork.....)
"You do it again," Auron hissed menacingly, "and you do it right!"
"Ronso is ashamed to what he has just done with his pants," the Ronso whimpered.
Auron dropped the Ronso and thrusted a picture into his paws/hands/claws/non-flippers, "This is what I want you to do. I shall return shortly, and it had better be properly made!"
Another Ronso saluted, "Yes sir!"
Others of his kin stared at him.
"...Bad Ronso," the Ronso muttered, slapping himself. "No cookie."
"Ronso work with amateurs," the lead Ronso groaned.
"Ronso need name!" another cried out suddenly. "No want be secondary character!!"
"...I'm... going to... go..." Auron said rather slowly, then dashed away quickly.
After running around Luca for the entire time of the previous scenes to escape the wrath of Lulu, Wakka was in need of nourishment. So, he had sat himself down and poured himself a bowl of Blitzball Crunch© (which now includes cherry, grape, cranberry, and lemon!).
Walking in, rubbing her red eyes, was Rikku. "Man, I need some food..." she sighed.
"You want some? It's very nourishing, ya?" Wakka offered a bowl.
Rikku's eyes widened. "WAHHH!" She blinked and rubbed an eye, now noting she was out of tears. "I need some eyedrops..."
"Why? Ya got Darkness?" Wakka asked, confused.
"NO!" Rikku snapped, taking out a grenade. (Tee-hee) (Don't I get ta laugh, ya?) (NO! Back to the story!!) "CREEP!" She chucked it at Wakka, who desperately used his bowl as a shield, so after the explosion, he was completely covered in cereal.
"My brunchfeast!" Wakka wailed.
Rikku found some eyedrops (Clear Eyes to be precise) and squirted them in. "Ah, that's better... ahem..." She ran away sobbing, "DADDY!!!"
Cid just haaaaappened to be in the area, storming up to Wakka, glaring, "What did you... snicker... you're covered in-- ahem... What did you do to my daughter?!"
"Nothin'! Really!" Wakka waved his arms desperately, looking around for a scapegoat, then pointed wildly. (Can ya guess who it is?) "It was dat no good Seymour!!"
Seymour looked at Wakka and Cid, then looked up at the sky, screaming, "NOOOOOOO!!! Being dead SUCKS!!!" He hurried to Wakka before he was going to be killed, handing him a camera. "Keep it! Protect it with your life!" Cid began to drag away the maester by the hair. "IT IS HOLY!!" He thrashed around. "ANI-MAAAA! MOMMYYYY!" He cursed, "Damn! Outta MP!!"
"Everyone's outta MP today, ya?" Wakka blinked. As he looked blankly at the camera in his hands, there was an explosion in the background as a fried body flew up to kiss the sky. "What's dis? A machina?" It was, in fact a digital camera.
Fumbling with it for a moment, his eyes widened at the pictures he saw, "Ohhh... AHHH!!!" He threw it behind him desperately. "MY EYES!!"
Lulu was coincidentally walking in the area, and the camera flew right into her dress. She flushed and ran off to take it out, then returned, infuriated, "DAMN YOU, WAKKA!!"
"Aw shit, ya?" Wakka muttered under his breath. "It's Seymour's! Really!!"
"Oh, so now you're dating Seymour!" Lulu growled. "Did you dump Tidus like you dumped me?!"
"Um... what?" Wakka, really confused, scratched his head.
"You mean you didn't..." Lulu was now also very confused. "What's going on here??"
"Sit down, and lemme explain, ya?" Wakka suggested.
Back to the Ronso scene...
"Ahhh... There's nothing that hits the spot like sake. BELCH!"
One of the Ronsos approached Auron, who had returned with a jug of none other than sake. "Guardian need breathmint, ya?" the Ronso suggested.
"You're not Wakka!!" Auron roared out, taking out his sword and hacking apart the completed statue of his dearest corn. "...Ohhhh..." He cried out, "NOOOOO!!"
He turned and hightailed it, crying in despair.
The same Ronso sweatdropped, "Ronso no think you Al Bhed girl, ya?" (He's a Jamaican Ronso, ya?!)
Auron ran and sobbed alllllll the way back to Luca...
Yes. He even ran across the water.
And stampeded all the fiends.
Back at Luca, Auron was still running and crying. In his way was Seymour, who's eyes widened in realization of what was about to happen: "Oh, sh--" His head was cut clean off his shoulders. Seymour's body pouted before grabbing for his head, but it was accidentally kicked away by Auron as the guardian continued to run away from whatever he was running from.
The Guado Glories had come by, then decided it was a brilliant idea to use Seymour's head as a blitzball.
"Grrr! Knock it off!" Seymour growled, biting at one of the hands, managing to bounce away. "Ahhh, the wonders of my magical hair..." He glared at his body. "C'mere!!"
The body approached and placed the head firmly back onto his shoulders.
"Ahem," Seymour muttered. "I'm on backwards!!"
Anyway...
"Ah, so that's what Night-time Blitzball is," Lulu finally understood, nodding. She suddenly tackled-hugged Wakka.
"Nice... to see you too, ya?" Wakka patted her on the back.
Yuna came by with Kimahri protectively by her side. Yuna looked very concerned and reluctant to approach Wakka, then cried out seeing the position he was in with Lulu, "Oh no! Please! Not here!!"
Kimahri covered Yuna's eyes for her, then realized, "Kimahri forced to watch?! NOOOO!!"
"It's not like that! Now come over here and sit down; there is much to be told and you should hear it," Lulu told them, forcing them to sit down.
"O-okay..." Yuna mumbled, looking hesitant.
"WAHHHHH!!" Rikku cried on the top of her lungs, Cid dragging her in the area.
"Now you get over here and listen to what these people have to say; I didn't raise my child to run away crying, unless it's from the freaking Guado!!!" Cid snapped at her, then shoved her toward the group. "I'll be right here if you need me."
Rikku sniffled, taking a seat as FAR away from Wakka as possible.
Auron stumbled in, holding his head. "Aaaagh... hangover..." He slumped down next to Rikku, then fell over, his head in her lap. "Heeeeaaaad... owwwww..."
Suprisingly, Cid didn't do anything.
"That's not fair!!" Seymour screamed in the background.
"GRENADE!!!" *boom*
"Cough..."
Dragging himself into the meeting area was finally Tidus, who looked to be quite a bloody pulp. "Kimahri beat me up," he sniffled.
"Awww," Yuna cast a healing spell on Tidus.
Tidus nearly grinned evilly. "Oh, wait... did I say Kimahri? I'm sorry. I meant Seymour. He beat me up for my lunch money!"
"What?!" Yuna looked over to glare at Seymour.
"You know what?! SCREW IT!" Seymour grabbed a knife from... somewhere... his hair! (Don't ask, ya?) He stabbed himself in the chest, then remembered that it didn't really work that way. "Crap." He tried to pull the dagger out, then pouted. "...Fine. It looks good on me anyway! ANYTHING LOOKS GOOD ON ME!"
"Yeah right! Look at that mop on your head you call hair!" Tidus pointed.
"How dare you--" Seymour began.
"QUIET!" Lulu yelled at them. "All of you, sit down and LISTEN!!"
In a nutshell, Night-time Blitzball was just blitzball played at night.
(Grenade Rikku: You perverts! What were you THINKING?! DID YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT... EWWWW!! *runs around* Daddyyyy!!) (Nghtbltz Wakka: Ahhh... night-time blitzball...)
"Ohhhh," the entire cast went.
"Darn," Seymour muttered.
Away at the (destroyed) statues of the corn, the tinbox was left to symbolized the "bravery" of them. However, the box began to shake, and spilling out of its sides suddenly...
Dun dun duuuuun...
Stand by for next week:
CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!!!
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In odder words, Night-time Blitzball gets a sequel that has nothin' ta do with blitzball anymore. ...Perhaps. MWAHAHAHA!!
*Grenade Rikku bops Nghtbltz Wakka*
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Nghtzbltz Wakka and Grenade Rikku
berry@adelphia.net / Rikku_Duck_Queen@hotmail.com