The next morning Lily decided to make a strict pact with herself not to think about the uncomfortable feeling she had felt the night before while she was talking with James. Sure, he may be different than she had once originally thought, but he was still the arrogant, smug prat that he always was. She wouldn't think of it; wouldn't talk about it; would pretend that the interlude had never taken place. Smiling to herself, she met May at the breakfast table. May was busy crunching on bacon and skimming the Daily Profit.
"Good Morning," said Lily tiredly.
"Word," replied May, taking a sip of her pumpkin juice. "So get this!" May said, not bothering to hide the irritation from her voice, "12 suspected Death Eaters thrown in Azkaban! Could we be on the fast track to Victory?"
The smile faded from Lily's face and she was beginning to have trouble not controlling the dropping of her jaw.
"I know, right! They catch twelve and instantly all danger has evaporated. Stupid Ministry," she grumbled, throwing the paper behind her and ignoring the surprised 'oof' when it collided with someone's head.
"Hey! Delfin! Got a problem?" Sirius Black growled, bending over to pick up the discarded paper.
"I do now," she said, dodging the flying paper, "very gentlemanly, Black."
"I'm not concerned about being a gentleman around you, Delfin."
"Even though I'm sort of kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner, I didn't mean to hit you with the newspaper; it's what I would like to an added bonus," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Sirius, honestly, lets not get into a fight before the end of breakfast," recommended Remus, pulling Sirius away from the table by the scruff of his neck.
"I'm not fighting Moony! I'm clearing the air for all of us! We're talking out our differences!" he protested.
"I don't know where you learned how to talk out your differences but throwing objects at another person most likely wasn't part of that particular lesson," sighed Remus.
"She started it Moony!" Sirius persisted. "Prongs! You saw, I was the innocent bystander here!"
James who was walking behind Sirius when he was hit with a flying newspaper couldn't comment on the situation, he could barely see from the moisture collecting in his eyes from laughing so hard. "Exquisite…work…Delfin."
"You're with the wench!" Sirius sounded outraged.
"Way to talk out our differences Black," May muttered, crunching into a piece of bacon.
This only caused James to laugh louder. "Sirius it's not like you were hit with an enchanted car, it was a Daily Prophet."
Sirius moved further down the Gryffindor table, shaking off Remus. "I'm fine, all's well." He sat down and reached across the table for a piece of bacon and bit in looking sulky.
James wandered around to the other side of the table; when he passed Lily, he brushed a hand through her hair causing her to turn and look at him.
He smiled warmly at her, no joking or ridicule in his face. The gesture made her stomach drop and she stared after him, effectively forgetting her earlier pact. Curses!
"What was that about?" May asked, staring accusingly at her face.
"What was what?" she asked, distractedly smearing jam onto her warm English muffin.
"That! That!" May whispered savagely gesturing to where The Marauders usually sat.
Lily glanced down at the boys whom were leaning towards each other speaking in hushed tones. Her insides knotted uncomfortably. "What, Sirius flipping out about the paper? May don't take him seriously; that's just Sirius." She said, trying to divert the attention onto Sirius.
May gave her the 'don't play stupid look.'
"You had this look on your face when James passed by you."
"A look?" Lily snorted.
"Yes this weird fish bowl look; care to explain?" she asked with raised eyebrows.
"There was no look, you're imagining things." She took a large hurried bite from her English muffin, before hastily shoving her backpack on her shoulder and standing.
"I'm not imagining anything!" May said, quickly stuffing the rest of her bacon in her mouth and bounding off to catch up with a fast moving Lily. "What happened since yesterday?"
Neither stayed long enough to notice James look up and smile at Lily's retreating back.
"Ms. Evans? May I speak with you in my office for a moment?" Professor Dumbledore was standing looking calm in the doorway to the Transfiguation room.
She thankfully noted that he didn't look unhappy; so it couldn't be that she was being called to his office to be reprimanded for something that she couldn't remember doing.
She began packing her notebook and book into her backpack before following Dumbledore out into the corridor to his office.
"Lemon drop," Dumbledore said to a gargoyle, whose face was frozen in an eerie grin, looking ready to pounce from the wall it was resting against.
Lily watched the gargoyle disappear as the wall began to rotate, exposing a spiraling stairwell directly behind it.
"Professor?" she asked quietly.
"All will be explained," he said cheerfully as he stepped onto the bottom step, and motioned for her to do the same. She did so, and was slightly surprised to feel the stairs begin to spiral up toward a door; presumably leading to Dumbledore's office.
Once they reached his office, he sat down at his desk chair, and gestured to a seat in front of his desk for her to sit down in. He poured two glasses of pumpkin juice from the iced jug on his desk and handed one to her.
"Thank you," she said, sipping her drink and feeling the tension that had knotted between her shoulder blades begin to loosen.
"Ms. Evans. I am to understand that you are due home this upcoming weekend for a very special event. I have been informed by your parents that your sister Petunia is to be married next Saturday and wishes nothing more than for you to be her maid of honor." He gave a small uncertain smile. "I of course agreed to excuse you from your classes and arrange for a ministry auror to escort you to the Hogwarts express for your ride home. He'll be waiting in the entrance way on Thursday afternoon after your first class."
Her face fell with the news.
"Why Ms. Evans, you do not look overtly animated?" he observed, "is something the matter?"
Lily forced a smile. "No nothing at all." Besides the fact that everything that had come out of Dumbledore's mouth had been a complete lie; and judging from the small uncertain smile on his face, he knew that. She would bet a million galleons that her sister would rather have her worst enemy as her maid of honor than her. If it were up to her alone, if her parents were not paying for Petunia's wedding, she wouldn't even be invited to it.
She picked up her backpack from where it rested at her feet, and swung it over her shoulder. "Well, I suppose I should get packing. Thank you Professor."
Dumbledore watched her sympathetically as she exited his office.
Thursday came much too soon for Lily's liking; already it was Wednesday, which meant she was due to leave the next morning. Groaning she buried her head further into her pillow. She had missed two days of classes already; she figured she could afford one more. When asked her excuse she would say she was mourning for the loss of a once beloved sister; now a horrific wizard hating muggle marrying someone who hates wizards more than Petunia herself did.
From her current position buried in the pillow, she almost missed to irate shriek emanating from below.
"POTTER! LET ME IN RIGHT NOW!" May shouted.
"DELFIN! I can't let ANYONE in the head dorm. Sirius's not allowed in here without my permission and you're not allowed without Lily's and I haven't heard her give hers!"
"In case you haven't noticed, Potter, my best friend has been locked in her bedroom for almost three days now! Something is obviously wrong here! You insensitive, pig-headed…armadillo!" she growled.
"WHY do I ALWAYS hear that from you two? Look, she hasn't asked for you, and when she does, I'll be sure to track you down!"
"SHE HASN'T EVEN TALKED IN THREE DAYS! SHE'S NOT GOING TO JUST COME WALTZING DOWN ASKING FOR SOMEONE; LET ALONE YOU! Merlin, Potter."
"WELL THAN MAYBE, SHE DOESN'T WANT OR NEED YOUR HELP!"
"OHHHHHHH NO YOU FUCKING WELL DIDN'T!" At this point, hearing the absolutely terrifying rage oozing from May's voice, Lily decided to intervene and save James from certain destruction. She quickly sat up, jumped off of her bed and bounded to the stair way landing just in time to see May forcibly shove James out of the doorway.
"Why do you have to be so DAMNED difficult!" she grumbled, turning toward the staircase. When she saw Lily, her rage full expression faded to gentle concern. If it weren't for the situation, Lily would have giggled at the bipolar mood swing.
"Lils!"
"Hey May. It's ok, James, I don't want you two to get into a fist fight over this," she said lightly.
Lily watched as James threw May a highly disgruntled look then glanced up at her; his expression softened as he nodded slowly before slinking off to sit on the couch and watch the fire.
Lily gestured for May to follow her upstairs to her room. When they entered her room, Lily closed the door, and sat down on her bed, rubbing her puffy eyes. May sat down on a box, still unpacked from moving in a few weeks ago. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she watched Lily for a few moments.
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding everyone for days, I just…"
"Lily, what happened? What's going on?"
"My parents…" she began to feel the prickling behind her eyes, "They want me to come home for Petunia's wedding. I'm to be Maid of Honor."
May's brow furrowed. "That's all?"
Lily glared at May. "That's all?"
"Well, Lily, you had me worried, I thought something happened to your parents or something. Why haven't you been in class?"
Lily prepared to tell her the excuse she had worked out in her mind earlier. "I'm mourning the loss of Petunia."
May burst into laughter. "Oh Lily, you're so overdramatic. When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning after Potions," she grumbled.
"When's the actual wedding?" May asked.
"Saturday."
"Don't you need to get fitted for your Maid of Honor dress? It's a bit short notice."
"My mother probably has all the bases covered. I can't believe she talked Petunia into actually letting me come, let alone soil her perfect day by being in the wedding," she grumbled sarcastically.
"Well, have fun, don't drink, and tell me all about the gory details when you get back," May said grinning impishly.
Lily cracked her first smile in the last two days before shooing May out of her room, finally feeling emotionally set to begin the packing process.
Lily dragged her trunk down the steps; cursing when it collided with her foot.
"Evans? Where you going?" James asked looking up from his work at her interjection. He eyed the trunk.
"I have to go home for a few days."
"Why?" he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. "It's the beginning of October. You just basically left."
"I have to go home for a family issue," she grumbled. "Not that it's any of your business," she added.
James rolled his eyes and turned back to his work.
Lily's pushed and pulled at her trunk, grunting with the effort of heaving it the rest of the way down the stairs. She glanced aggravated by James and his lack of help. After a several minutes of this, Lily couldn't stand looking and sounding like an ass any longer.
"James!"
"Hmm? What?" he asked, looking up briefly, before bending quickly to write out the end of the sentence he was on. After a moment he looked up again.
"Care to help me?" she asked, swiping a wayward strand of hair away from her face.
James snapped his homework closed and got up to help Lily. He lifted his wand and levitated it the rest of the way down the stairs.
Lily turned bright red with embarrassment.
"Forgot you were a witch?" he asked smugly.
"Shut up."
"You're not going to thank me?" he asked.
"Thanks," she snapped. She levitated her own trunk then left the room and James Potter behind for a weekend.
A few days later, Lily made her way back to the Head Dorm still thinking about the weekend she'd had and the ill tempered whale that she'd met. Vernon was everything she'd expected him to be; fat, rude, and close-minded. Not only did Petunia take delight in bossing her around for that one special weekend, but somehow this also gave Vernon permission to harass and annoy her as well. She yawned hugely; glancing back to make sure her trunk was still floating behind her. She turned the corner, and ran straight into Kyle McFee's chest, a Hufflepuff prefect in her year.
"Oh hey Kyle," came her muffled reply.
"Whoa!" he laughed, "Hey, Lily. How are you? You look exhausted," he said when she backed away from him.
Lily smiled. "Thanks I think. Are you doing rounds now?"
"Yea, my turn for night shift," he shrugged.
"How many kids you find snogging in broom closets?" she asked, smiling.
"3 couples," he replied, "not a very busy night."
"Apparently not."
"Hey, Lily, what are you doing this Saturday?"
"Isn't that Hogsmeade weekend?"
"It is," he said smiling.
"Well, than I'm probably going to Hogsmeade."
He nodded. "Would you like to go with me?"
She took a step back in surprise. "I must admit I didn't see that coming, but sure, I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you."
He grinned. "Great, well I'll let you get off to bed; and I'll finish up my rounds. See you Saturday."
Lily smiled and began walking again contemplating what had just happened. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts as she entered the Head Dorm. James was sitting in front of the fire in the only armchair in the room, reading a book. The light from the fire glinted off his glasses as he turned the page.
"Potter? What are you doing up?"
"Must you insist on calling me Potter? I do have a first name," he said quietly, not looking up.
"I'm sorry. James, what are you doing up?" she asked, pushing down the unwelcome wave of guilt.
James sighed and earmarked the book before placing it down in between him and the side of the chair. "I couldn't sleep, thought I'd trying reading; hasn't helped yet. How was your weekend?"
Lily waved it away. "Eh, it was fine, fun, family, and dancing."
"Somehow, I am unconvinced."
"I don't want to talk about it, or my sister, or my weekend. I just want to go to sleep." She rubbed her eyes tiredly.
"Lily, you can't just bottle it up. You'll burst," he said quietly.
"I'm not holding anything in," she whispered, feeling an unfamiliar lump form in her throat.
"If you keep telling yourself that; you'll never be ok with your sister."
"How would you know anything about my sister?" she asked savagely.
James rolled his eyes. "I told you once before; I know you. You don't think I've picked up on the fact that you hate going home every holiday? Don't you think I notice how ungodly happy you are the first day back at Hogwarts."
"That could have nothing to do with my sister."
"Then why did you hole yourself up for three days because you had to go home for your sister's wedding?"
"How did you know that?" Lily asked, feeling her insides twist.
James waved her discomfort away. "I'm the Head Boy. Dumbledore informed me where you went off to so I wouldn't be wondering why I was doing things alone."
Lily nodded, suddenly feeling sick. She'd never let something like that get to her, but James had a point. If she didn't own up to her feelings about the Petunia situation, than she would never be ok with it; she might never move on from it. And what happens after Hogwarts? She didn't want to go back home, but where else did she really have to live? She couldn't remain at Hogwarts, she was too young to be a professor and if she admitted to herself…she didn't even like the idea of teaching. So much hitting her at once, she was unaware of the tear that escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek.
She heard James sigh softly, "Lily, come here."
He said it so softly, almost with a caress to his voice, that Lily felt her legs moving before her brain had time to confirm their request. She stopped in front of him, and felt him reach for her hands. He examined them before slowly scooting over and edging her down next to him. He laid his arm around her shoulders, molding her to his side, and felt him rest his chin on top of her head. It was an invitation to curl up, relax, and forget. It was the nicest proposition James Potter had ever made to her.
"Lily!!!!" May shouted the next morning. "You're back!"
"That I am," Lily giggled at May's jubilant exclamation.
"How are you feeling? Has being in the same Dorm as Potter during this time of tragedy bothered you?"
"May! I'm fine! Everything is…its fine."
"Hey, Lily?" James was in front of them, holding out a piece of paper.
"What do you want, Potter?" spat May.
"Nothing that concerns you, Delfin," replied James, just as icy.
"What's up?" Lily asked James, trying to ignore their petty bickering.
"Dumbledore wants us to meet with the prefects tonight." He held up the paper. "There is a matter that needs to be discussed."
"A matter? That sounds serious?" she said concerned.
"Eh, it's probably nothing of too much importance. If it was ubber important he would have told me what it was about."
"Jamey!!"
Lily watched in amusement as James winced.
"Jamey? Why are you talking to them?" Lindsay Ryder had strolled up, her long blonde hair pinned up in the latest style.
"Lindsay," he said emotionlessly. "I don't see how that is any of your business."
She giggled and wrapped her hand around his upper arm. "Of course it's my business. I like you…you like me…"
"You think I like you? Oh my, I must remedy that quickly." He pried her fingers away from his arm and held her at arms length. "I don't like you. So now that that's settled, scoot!" He tilted his head toward the right for effect, smiling mockingly the entire time.
Her pout turned to anger. "You'll regret it James."
"I won't regret not liking you. In fact I think I'd have more regret if I did like you."
She huffed angrily and stomped away.
"That was sick," May said disgustingly.
James ignored her, and passed the paper that he was holding on to Lily. "I'll see you later on tonight." He walked away and joined Sirius and Remus at the Gryffindor table.
"Ok, out with it. Why are you and James oh so friendly now?" May asked.
"We were at the end of last year; nothing's really changed since then. And besides, we have to be now, don't we? We work together."
"Lily, he's in love with you! Has been for years! And you've never given him the time of day; until this year! He's milking your attention for all it's worth! He's trying to lure you in!"
Lily rolled her eyes, and headed to the Gryffindor table.
"You don't think I'm right?" she asked, following her.
"May—"
"You know I'm right."
"He's not going to lure me if I don't want to be lured. We're friends now, and I think he respects that."
"You want to be lured…I can see it…something's changing in you," she said smirking. "Oh this is going to be interesting."
Lily rolled her eyes again. "He has changed. Not too evidently, but enough for me to notice that he is about 16 times more mature than he was two years ago. I think it's a good time to grow a basis of friendship with James. It will be beneficial for the year ahead."
"You're starting to like him; maybe you did all along," observed May.
Lily snorted. "That's rich. Just because I think he's more mature doesn't mean I like him."
"You are!"
"I am not. And if you need proof, I have a date this Saturday!"
"WHAT? With who!?" May shrieked her James tangent forgotten. "You've been back a night and you already have a date for Saturday?"
"Yes, with Kyle McFee."
May whistled. "Hottie."
Lily smiled and scooped some eggs onto her plate. "Yea, I guess he is." She chanced a glance over at him at the Hufflepuff table. He caught her eye and smiled. "Anyway, I ran into him on my way back to Head Dorm last night," she continued, directed at May.
"And you get to cuddle up with Mr. Perfect prefect tonight at your little meeting of sorts."
"Oh yea," Lily sighed, shoveling egg into her mouth and swallowing. "I forgot."
Lily got to the charms classroom early where the meeting was going to be held. She set up plates full of cookies and filled large bowls with chips on a few of the desks and then filled a few plastic cups with soda.
As she was filling the last cup, James sauntered in, looking angry.
"Whoa, James, you look like someone killed your beloved pet in cold blood." Lily observed. "Why the foul mood?" She turned back to her project, arranging the cups of soda into Pepsi vs. Coke vs. Sprite.
He glared at her. "When does this thing start?" he snapped.
"WHOA!!! Don't take that tone with me James Potter; it annoys me," she said distractedly.
"I don't really care," he growled.
Lily pursed her lips and didn't say a word to him the rest of the time they set things up.
The first person to show up was Kyle.
"Oh joy!" James grumbled.
Lily shot a questioning glance to him.
"Lily," Kyle came over and sat down in the chair next to her. "What's this meeting all about?" he asked.
Lily glanced at James to check to see if she should tell Kyle, only to be greeted with a scowl. Lily glared back, before turning back to Kyle.
"Dumbledore has planned a Halloween Ball for students fourth year and up," she told him.
He grinned. "Well, that's interesting. Do you have a date?"
"Kyle, we just found out like…five minutes ago, and no one else in the school knows, so no, I do not have a date," she laughed.
"Would you like to go with me?"
James snorted rudely from across the room.
Lily turned to look at James, only to see his back turned to them as he stood by the chip bowl. She turned back to Kyle smiling.
"I'd love to."
James turned around quickly, clutching a hand full of what used to be chips; he was beat red with anger.
Unable to stand James's behavior anymore, Lily snapped, "James! What is you're problem?"
Kyle looked up at him, confused.
"Nothing, Evans," he growled glaring at her. He threw the chip remains in the trash can, and plopped down into a chair with his arms folded across his chest, and remained like that for most of the meeting.
Lily just couldn't understand why James was being so crabby tonight. He had been irritable and grouchy ever since the beginning of the meeting, especially with her.
By the time it was time for them to clean up the paper plates and plastic cups that littered the room, Lily didn't want to be in the same room as him.
"James, will you help me a little bit?" she asked irritably.
"Sure thing Your Highness." He bowed lowly to her feet, looking up at her savagely.
"James! That's it! Why are you so mean tonight! I thought we came to an understanding!"
James snorted, looking murderous. He angrily shoved a handful of dirtied paper plates and plastic cups into a garbage bag.
"Look, I'm sorry for whatever it is that has thrown you over the edge. Can't we get passed it?" she asked, stuffing more garbage into her own bag.
He turned back to her, red with rage. "You know, I really shouldn't care because…well because…but did you have to say yes to go to that freaking Halloween ball with Kyle McFee?" He shouted, throwing his arm out in rage toward the closed door, as if the door itself were Kyle. "YOU know he's the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain! I'm the Gryffindor captain! You're fraternizing with the enemy!" he growled, furiously tying the garbage bag closed.
She stood up to her full height. "You've never seemed to have a problem with him before! Your argument doesn't make sense, James!"
"I didn't have a problem with him before because he wasn't trying to date…" he waved his arms around his head, trying to get his point across.
"Trying to date…?"
His breath exploded in an angry burst. He banished the garbage bag before storming out of the room, slamming the door in his wake.
She was trembling with rage as she finished tidying up the room by herself. How DARE he! How dare he! He had no right!
She finished up, banished the garbage and made her way back to the Head Dorm.
When she got there, James was standing, facing out the window, his fists clenched at his sides.
She couldn't stop herself.
"What the hell was that back there?" she shrieked. He turned around; his eyes were dark and dangerous. "You stormed out of there, angry as a hornet, leaving me all by myself to clean everything up without a logical explanation!" James strode across the room to her; he didn't say a word, so she continued. "You can't expect me to…" the rest was cut off as his mouth came crashing down to hers. She stumbled back, bumping into the wall behind her. Smashed between his hard unrelenting body and the wall, she was powerless to stop the onslaught. She felt a powerful surge of something foreign spring to life inside her as his tongue jutted out and found hers. She ran her hands possessively up his spine, feeling the muscles tight along his back. His hands plunged into her hair, pulling her head closer, giving her the uneasy notion that he wished to crawl inside her. She couldn't remember ever feeling so hot and helpless; so driven and out of control over a simple kiss. There was fire, passion, fear, and something deeper; something darker; something she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to face. Suddenly, there was an insistent buzzing in her head as the passionate kiss melted into long, tender, savory kisses. Her stomach dropped pleasantly as she ran her fingers lightly down his arms. The fog began to clear and she was suddenly very aware of her aching heart. Panicking, she wrenched her head away from his, and pushed him forcibly away, her eyes were wide with horror. "Don't ever kiss me again."
James stepped back, looking dazed, his lips swollen; fear, acknowledgement, and understanding settled on his expression. "You kissed me back?" he whispered, touching his fingers to his mouth.
"A minor glitch," she said shakily.
"Lily, you can't tell me you didn't feel anything! I felt everything you felt! You were practically water in my arms! Why do you always insist on fighting with me on this!" he cried angrily.
"I didn't feel anything," she denied, turning and going up the stairs.
"You're lying and you know it!" he shouted after her.
The fact that what he was saying was completely true scared the shit out of her. She blocked out his voice by slamming the door to her bedroom and crawling into bed, fully clothed and emotionally drained. She wouldn't analyze the mind blowing, heart wrenching kiss. James couldn't mean anything to her. They wouldn't make sense together; they were better apart.