A/N: 'Her Boy' was originally going to be a one shot. Then i got the idea for this chapter whilst writing another fic. Not sure whether i'll write any more. I've kept the names of Bobby's father and brother the same as i did in 'Her Boy' for continuity purposes. It's set ten years after the events of 'Her Boy'. The characters of the Goren family belong to Dick Wolf et al, Maria Pastorelli again is my own creation.
His Fear.
It was times like these that Maria Pastorelli wished that her apartment block came equipped with an elevator. Her knees ached intolerably with each step up the never-ending stairway. It also didn't help that she lived on the top floor. Sweat trickled down her back, her blouse sticking uncomfortably to it. She looked forward to getting into her apartment and setting those cursed packages down and resting up for a few moments.
Already she could hear it. She realised that probably everyone in the entire building could but chose to ignore it. Bill Goren was nothing but a bully with an over inflated sense of self-importance. Her heart twinged in sympathy for those two boys of theirs. Of the two of them, little Robert was the more sensitive, the quieter. Billy was quickly turning into Bill Goren mark two though Robert showed none of this. He was more like his mother, in her more lucid times God help her.
"Mrs Pastorelli, let me help you with those" she lifted her head when she saw Robert standing in front of her. He was tall for ten years of age. She tried to ignore the state of his clothing, that his jeans were too short in length and that the t-shirt that accompanied it had seen better days too. He held himself with almost quiet pride. Instead she smiled at him.
"Robert, you're an angel, thank you" she replied instead and let him take the two heavy brown sacks that she'd hauled from the store on the corner. He carried them with ease. Together they walked to her apartment in companionable silence. Young Robert wasn't much of a talker, and Maria had to wonder at that. Frances had told her before that he was a very bright little boy, was able to read before he started school and academically very sharp. She had high hopes for her youngest child. Presently they arrived at her front door and Robert stood, still holding her purchases as she took her key out of her purse and unlocked her door. She turned and looked at him, looked into his sad brown eyes.
"How about sitting with me for a spell Robert? I could use the company" she watched him turn his head, look towards the staircase indecisively.
"That's if you'd like to of course? I have some lemonade, some cookies freshly baked this morning." She tempted and watched him turn his head and look at her again.
"Thank you Mrs Pastorelli, that would be nice" he replied. He was never failing in his politeness, which made such a change from the youth of today.
"Come along then young man" she told him and stood aside as he went into her apartment.
She watched him place the parcels on the kitchen table and then turn to look at her. He'd lost weight, she realised with a shock. It was as though he could read her mind as he turned sharply away to stare out of the tiny window. She sighed quietly. His mother slipped in and out of lucidity these days. When she was like that, a lot of things got neglected and sadly her boys seemed to be one of them.
"Are you hungry Robert?" she asked him. She saw the infinite straightening of his spine, the way his chin tilted slightly. Of course he was hungry, he was a growing boy after all. She went towards him and placed a hand on one narrow shoulder and felt the muscle tense. He'd hadn't exactly flinched from her touch but obviously a touch of any sort was to him, something hardly welcomed.
"I'll make you a deal. You put away my groceries and I'll make you some lunch. How does that sound?" he glanced at her again. Then he nodded.
"That sounds fair" he replied. She smiled at him.
"Then we have a deal," she told him.
She watched with half an eye as he carefully put away her groceries, carrying bottles and breakables with special care. It was heartbreaking to see how careful, how cautious he was. Kids of his age broke things; it was almost genetic, especially in boys. It broke her heart all over again to see this young man walking around her kitchen, almost afraid of his own shadow. The influence of his parents without a doubt. The Goren temper was legendary in some circles and hadn't eased with time it would seem, judging just how loud she'd heard Bill yelling when she'd walked past their door. His wife was desperately sick and he either didn't want to, or just refused to see it. She needed to go into hospital and get well for her boys, but who would take care of them in her absence? Bill surely wouldn't, he wouldn't know how to and she herself didn't like the idea of those two boys being at the mercy of their father without their mother as some kind of buffer zone. Young Robert was especially close to his mother, something that often irked and annoyed his father. Robert couldn't help but be the sensible soul that he was but he loved his mother without question.
She made him thick cut sandwiches, with potato chips and a tall glass of lemonade. She left him alone to eat, figuring he didn't need anyone to hover over him.
The next time she went into her kitchen, she saw him sitting by the window and he was staring out. There was a distant expression on his face and she wondered what he could be thinking about. She also noticed that the plate and glass that he had used were rinsed out and placed neatly on the drainer. He turned his head and looked at her over one shoulder.
"All done?" she asked him even though she knew that he was. He nodded slowly and then turned to look back out of the window. There was nothing really to see out there, just the back alleys.
"Why don't you come on through to the living room, watch television or read a book? Christina will be dropping by and no doubt she'll be bringing Anthony with her" Anthony was her grandson, two years old and full of the what life should bring a child, not this still, haunted boy in front of her.
She watched as he perused her book collection as she sat in her easy chair and read the front page of her newspaper. She saw him select something, open it and read the front page. It obviously interested him because he was still reading it when he wandered to the sofa and sat down with it.
Time passed companionably by and Maria almost forgot about him sitting there, lost in the tale of the book he'd chosen until a loud slam made them both jump. She looked at Robert, to see him closing the book, his brown eyes wide, his skin already too pale, whiten. Seconds later they both heard the sound of Frances Goren screaming. None of it made any sense and she saw the boy tense up and begin to get to his feet.
"I…I had better go. My mom will be wondering where I am," he placed the book carefully on the chair beside him and look at her.
"Thank you for lunch Mrs Pastorelli" he told her and she stood up and followed him to the door. He opened the door and would've bolted out if she hadn't taken hold of his arm.
"You're always welcome here Robert, you know that don't you?" his expression was grave and he nodded quickly. She released her hold on him and watched him hurry away, down the stairs and out of sight.
Robert managed to get into the apartment this time. He closed the door quietly behind him and listened. His heart had almost flown out of his chest when he had heard the door slam. His dad had finished yelling at his mom and was probably on his way to get rip roaring drunk and probably gamble away the few dollars he had in his pocket and when that was gone he'd come back here all pissed off and the fighting and screaming would begin again. It was a vicious circle and it never ever stopped. His mother chose that moment to appear from out of the kitchen and automatically he tensed. He recognised the mean look in her eyes.
"Where have you been?" she demanded, stalking over to him. Robert resisted the urge to back away from her though his knees trembled very slightly. She stood right in front of him and stared at him through narrowed eyes.
"I…I've been helping Mrs Pastorelli," he stammered out.
"And no doubt she's been feeding you too huh? Don't I do enough for you? She wants you for herself, now her family is all grown up she thinks she can have mine now well that's not going to happen!" she snapped. Robert slowly swallowed.
"I was being helpful mom, you always taught me to help others and I was," he tried to explain.
"She always takes advantage of your good nature but I won't let her get away with it. She's not getting my boys, no way. I'll sort her out good and proper" her eyes seemed to glitter the more agitated she became. Robert sighed.
"I'm sorry mom. I won't do it again," he told her
"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" she yelled and the back of her hand caught his face, rocking him on his heels. He tasted blood inside of his mouth and his cheek smarted and no doubt would sport a red mark there soon but he didn't cry, didn't show a reaction. He didn't dare to; it would only make things worse.
Maria sighed when she heard Bill Goren yelling his wife's name a few hours later. She heard him hammer on the door and scream at her to let him inside. She went out onto the landing in time to see him shoulder barge the door open. Immediately she could smell something, silent and insidious, it oozed out of the Goren apartment and Maria's eyes widened in alarm when she recognised it. It was gas. She hurried as quickly as her legs would allow her in time to see Bill run out of the apartment with Robert in his arms. His head lolled back, jiggling uselessly with every step his father took. She only caught a glimpse of his face but it was bleached white of colour, sooty shadows beneath both eyes, his lips tinged blue. Her heart leaped in her breast as she struggled down the stairs and after them both as other people came out of their apartments to wonder at what the fuss was about.
She caught up to Bill as he burst through the front door of the apartment building out into the street. He fell to his knees, his son still cradled child-like in his arms.
"Breathe Bobby…damn it!" he cursed. He lifted his head and looked at the old woman.
"Help me!" he beseeched and slowly she got down onto her knees beside him, ever aware of the curious crowd that had gathered around to watch and to speculate. In the distance, sirens could already be heard.
"Give him to me" she told him and he moved out of the way to allow her access to him. At the same time thankfully Robert began to show some signs of coming to. Maria watched his eyes roll beneath his eyelids and then spring open and he took in a huge lungful of air and then began to cough.
An ambulance took both he and his mother to the nearby hospital. Maria stood on the kerb and watched it pull away.
He came home the following day and he was a pale shadow, so fragile looking. There was no sign of Frances, the rumour was that Bill had finally listened to the doctors and had her committed for psychiatric treatment. Another month passed and the Goren family moved out all together. She stood by the window and looked down at the reduced family. Robert stood on the sidewalk and looked upwards and at that moment their eyes connected and held.
Bobby stared at the grave, still freshly dug and carefully he laid the flowers down by the marker. He missed her more than he could ever have imagined. Even remembering the mood swings, the paranoia and the all-encompassing fear, he missed his mother. He straightened up and exhaled quietly. Now came the hardest part, living his life.