Title: Weirdos United
Author: Asaria
Co-Author and Editor: Roxeen
Disclaimer: Dudes aren't mine, they belong to their respective owners, but we do own Sini, Yuun, and Faye!
Pairing: Leon/Squall x Cloud, side AkuRoku, funny OOC
Summary: Love hurts... and the twins, Leon and Squall, learn this the hard way when they meet Cloud's three right hand men... or shall we say WOMEN?
Authors' Notes: Yes, you read right. Leon and Squall are two different people in this story and they happen to be twins. Yes, we are cuckoo bananas. Complaints? Join the club. Enjoy the story!
-:D O U B L E . T R O U B L E:-
After making idle talk with a couple of employees and convincing the mechanic that he was merely inspecting the motorcycles as Faye had ordered, for no one in the right mind defies the brunette, he stealthily sneaked into the Strife garage building. He began to admire the mechanical marvels lined up orderly before him, each and every motorcycle carefully parked in their marked locations. There was just something so wrong about them being used to just deliver packages.
He plopped onto one of the older models, never even daring to commit the sin of breaking one of those newer ones. Revving up the engine, he carefully placed his sunglasses at the top of his nose and started up the bike.
"I hope they won't be too mad if I'm late..." he said to himself before kicking off and riding out of the garage. Cloud grinned as he turned his head to look back at the disappearing Strife Delivery Service building.
Huge dust trails closely followed the roaring vehicle, tires screeching against the hot road. The blond stopped at a red light and pulled out the directions he had printed out earlier that day. "Right at Ruby St. and left at Emerald Ave... Got it." He nodded and then continued his way to his final destination.
When he spotted the parking lot, his eyes scanned for a free spot. He knew this would happen. The blond fought the urge to park in a handicapped space and swerved perfectly into a single empty parking space, dust clouds slowly clearing with tire tracks found in it's wake.
Swiftly, he jumped off the motorcycle and began sprinting towards the parking lot's building. Footsteps hitting hard against the gravel, the blond took off his sunglasses and blinked a few times to clear his vision. He looked at the large letters on the building, "Hollow Bastion University, this is it." And Yuun said he wouldn't possibly ever be able to follow directions correctly... Proves her wrong.
He mentally gave himself a pat on the back when an electronic bell began to chime from within the building. He looked down from the sign to his watch. "Great, first day and I'm going to be late!" The blond hammered up the flight of steps and quickly threw the entrance door open.
Cloud ran down the large foyer hall, stopping every now and then to admire the displays, allowing a couple of ooo's and ah's to escape his lips. Shaking his head, blond spikes bouncing side to side, he murmured, "Stay focused, Cloud! You don't have time for this. You're late, remember?" and he took off again. Cloud came at a crossing and he looked around in all directions. He couldn't remember which direction to go and in response to this realization he tilted his head slightly in frustration.
His expression of irritation soon softened into a pout. The blond crossed his arms across his chest, "Which way was was my first class again...?" He looked to his watch again as if it would give him an answer. "If this keeps up, I'm going to have to find my second class soon," he tapped his foot in thought, the sound of his boots against the floor echoing down the long hallways.
Cloud came to the decision of retracing his footsteps. Did he happen to pass by an office or something? He couldn't possibly risk the chance of embarrassing himself by stepping into any classroom and asking for directions. The blond was so busy with the troubling situation before him, he didn't even notice the two young men walking towards him from the opposite hallway. But then again, they didn't notice Cloud either.
"I told you it was the North Hallway..." one man grumbled, a scowl plastered on his face. He rolled his eyes as his voice took on a mocking quality, "It's South. I know it is. Don't blame me if you go North and become late on the first day." He then continued to speak normally, "Please... Tell me again why I even bother going to class with you?"
"Actually, I was correct to begin with. It really isn't my fault that this stupid college decided to name their hallways North, East, South, and West, when the real direction is completely opposite." the other snapped back, his eyes narrowed in annoyance.
The first man quickly reviewed the directions a teacher had written for him and without looking at his source of irritation responded, "Don't try to not take responsibility for this mess you got us in." He let out a small chuckle, "You better be expecting to pay for both our lunches because of this."
"Hah! The only person I ever treat to anything is me... and myself."
As their bickering started to raise in volume, Cloud snapped out of his dazed train of thought. His head immediately snapped up to attention, eyes quickly catching sight of the two people. A smile appeared. Both of them appeared to be identical to the other, possibly twins? He unconsciously picked out the differences between them. One had shoulder length hair while the other had a more cropped haircut, plus their jackets sported different sleeve lengths... Wait, jackets?
"How could they wear those clothes in the summer?" Cloud wondered to himself. He shook his head again. Okay, so maybe Faye was right. The blond did have some form of ADD. Knowing that now was probably not the best time to be questioning the fashion sense of two complete strangers, Cloud quietly walked up to the arguing brothers.
"Okay, for example, remember the time when we were invited to Rinoa's party? You also gave me the wrong directions then. Admit it, you have no sense of direction whatsoever."
Cloud winced. Maybe asking these guys wouldn't help him out after all. They seemed to be as lost as he was. Maybe twice as lost. But nonetheless, there was the chance they could lead each other in the right direction. The blond attempted to get their attention, "Um, excuse--"
"Me? I specifically told you to turn left and you went right."
"Hello? I'm sorry to bother you but..." he tried louder.
"No, I asked left and you answered right. The fault is yours."
"I'm lost, can you two plea-" the blond attempted again.
"I meant right as in correct, not the direction. It's really a shame that you can't comprehend something as simple as that."
Cloud scowled, if this didn't get their attention... Nothing would. He took a deep breath, channeled all his energy, and yelled, "EXCUSE ME?!"
Mission accomplished.
The short haired man had his mouth open, prepared to release another retort at his twin, but he froze at the blond's sudden interruption. Both men turned their attention to the shorter man before them and quickly gave him a look over. How did such a small person deliver such a loud yell?
Their expressions quickly sobered as they glanced at each other. It seemed as if they were communicating with one another without actually speaking. Why didn't they do that earlier when they were arguing?
Cloud sported a look of confusion as the two brunets suddenly huddled.
The twins were apparently discussing something in hushed tones, facing the wall with their back to Cloud. The blond began to feel rather uncomfortable. Did he do something? Or worse, did they recognize just who he was? He just really hoped that the weirdoes Yuun had warned him about were just some way to keep him from leaving without someone accompanying him. He'd hate to have to call for help, proving he couldn't take care of himself as Faye had predicted...
Speaking of Faye...
"I can't believe it. He got away, right under our very noses!" Yuun slammed her fists onto the desk. Sometimes the desk wondered why he put up with such horrible abuse. "What kind of bodyguard am I?!"
Faye looked up from the pile of papers she was attempting to organize and gave her friend a small sympathetic smile, "Don't be so hard on yourself. We'll find him."
"Found something!" Sini shouted excitedly. She quickly approached the others with a calendar in her hands. The blonde shoved the calendar into Faye's arms and smirked, "Am I amazing or am i amazing?"
Adjusting the object in question to be better observed, the brunette fingered the cover and then flipped it back and forth, a look of confusion on her features, "The calendar I gave Cloud for his birthday?"
Sini formally introduced her palm to her face. "Look inside," she urged. Yuun took the calendar from Faye and flipped to the day's date. She quickly scanned the contents and let out a small sound of satisfaction, "Guess he used your calendar after all, Faye."
"I know... I'm as surprised as you are." the designer crossed her arms. "He never uses my gifts..." she muttered under her breath. But of course, Sini's presents always involved frills, the over usage of the color pink, and cute fashion accessories. So who could really blame the guy?
The brunette adjusted herself behind Yuun to see what was written in the calendar. She felt a small smile tug at her lips. "That's our Cloudster."
Yuun tossed the calendar casually onto the desk and shook her head, "It's like he wants us to find him."
Sini walked back into the room having already completely changed her outfit, adjusted her green skirt. "So we going?" she asked with a crazy smirk planted onto her face.
"Planning to blend in?" Yuun raised an eyebrow.
"Oh please... Uniforms are for work..." the blonde scoffed. She headed towards the door and paused for a moment to look over her shoulder, "You coming?"
The assistant walked in front of the desk and leaned against it, "FaYuSi(1) in position..."
He looked at the clock on the wall above where the twins were positioned and was determining whether to tap one of them on the shoulder or run the heck for it. He decided against his better judgment and took a step forward, reaching out to tap the long haired one.
Out of nowhere, the brothers nodded in sync and turned around. The blond jumped at the sudden action. Their stormy grey eyes burned into Cloud's own deep blue ones.
Speak, Cloud, speak! "Ah! Um... Can you two help me find my classroom?" he asked timidly. "Sheesh, Cloud, couldn't you possibly be more intimidated?" The blond couldn't exactly figure out what was going on in their heads and he didn't like that. He didn't like that one bit...
The long haired one smirked, "Lost, huh?" He took a step towards Cloud and it took almost all of the blond's wits to not step back. He looked at the man to his left, only to suddenly find the other one on his right with a hand on his shoulder. It pretty much took the remainder of Cloud's might not to step away from the touch. Looks like someone just got themselves into a rather sticky situation.
"Don't worry..." the man trailed off, looking to the blond with a questioning look. A semi-menacing sly grin stayed completely in tact on his handsome face.
"Eh?... Oh! Um, Cloud," the Strife heir squeaked out.
"Don't worry, Cloud..." he repeated, "We'll help you find your way to class in no time. My name is Squall and that fa—..."
Squall appeared to have grown out his hair and swiftly changed his fur collared jacket as he was quickly replaced by the other man in the blink of an eye. "The name's Leon," he replied smoothly, extending his right hand to shake the blond's hand, acting as if he never even knocked over his twin.
Thoroughly pissed, Squall stood up, silently thinking he would get back at Leon for that. He took his place behind Cloud as he suddenly caught a slight whiff of cinnamon and couldn't help but breathe in more of the blond's wonderful scent. Squall tightened his grip on the shorter man, grin turning to smirk, "Well, then, Cloud" he replied, loving the way the boy's name rolled off his tongue, "Let's not waste anymore time lingering here and we'll try and handle this problem."
Before said blond could protest, he was being navigated towards what appeared to be an empty classroom in the East Hallway. "Um... wha? But I..." Cloud found himself stammering. He hadn't even told the brunet what class he was searching for. How could he possibly know the way to go? He was trapped between being rude and following along with whatever the twins' plans to assist were. As he continued to contemplate his pros and cons, he felt his back fall against the door of the empty classroom. A million thoughts ran though the poor blond's head, these people didn't seem to have the intentions of escorting him to his classroom.
Cloud felt a sense of uneasiness begin to overwhelm him as suddenly he turned his head towards a rather familiar sound.
"Cloooooooouuuuuuuuddddddd!!"
A shrill shriek ripped through the air, effectively deafening every poor little baby squirrel, rabbit, bird, chipmunk, and elephant within 100 miles of the school.
Cloud instantly felt dread crawl up his spine as he recognized that voice. That voice could belong to only one person, a person he knew too well...
Leon and Squall turned their heads around to see who dared to call their precious blond's name when suddenly a huge explosion, followed by small sounds of glass hitting concrete, came from the entrance. They watched as Cloud found the opportunity to escape and began running towards the racket. Without a second thought Squall and Leon found themselves following him.
They all skidded to a stop as they saw the dust and debris begin to settle. The main hall's large window that occupied the majority of the wall above the entrance was now broken and in shambles. A figure came through the opening in the window that surely was caused by the explosion. Upon closer inspection, said figure was a young Asian woman armed with a small weapon. She picked off a piece of rubble from her shoulder and looked intent on finding something.
Her calm demeanor was quickly exchanged by what could only be described as a maniac on bunnified drugs. She was shifting from side to side, flinging her weapon recklessly, "Cloud?! Where are you?!"
Cloud shut his eyes in attempt to suddenly become invisible, but thankfully for him, Yuun's grand commotion caused a stir in the school and every single student and faculty member was now gathered to satisfy their curiosity. Blending in would be a horribly easy thing to do now.
Another young women, completely unarmed as it seemed, calmly walked inside from the remains of the entrance door. Her brown eyes gave away how worried and possibly scared she was, "Oh, please do be careful with that, Yuun."
Yuun looked at the brunette in utter disappointment, "What took you so long? And where's Sini?"
Ignoring the first question, she responded with an off-handed wave, "She'll be here, I'm sure. She's probably fixing some large and exaggerated entrance. You know how she is."
The expression of the weapon wielding girl scrunched up at that. She actually planned her entrance as well, but Faye stubbornly suggested to simply use the front door. Can you say boring? Her rescue mission methods were way superior.
The twins looked at the destruction before them in complete shock. Jaws hung low, eyes wide as saucers, not even bothering to flinch when a chunk of the wall crashed down dangerously close to them. Cloud was beyond used to this, and being the only one surprising unfazed, he shoved the gaping twins into the closest room and hoped they'd stay there for their own good.
He leaned against the door he had just placed Squall and Leon in and sighed, either with relief or annoyance. He brought a hand up to his face and agonized what he was about to deal with. The blond stood up, brushed dust from his black buttoned shirt and mentally prepared himself. He knew he was the only living being besides his father with the uncanny ability to putting a stop to his assistant's and bodyguard's antics. Wait, that's only two people... Uh oh.
Yuun ran up to a security guard that seemed to have been recently enjoying his diet of powdered donuts and coffee and grabbed the front of his shirt roughly, "I demand to know if you have seen anyone who looks like this adorable lump of cuteness!" she yelled, shaking the man back and forth like some sort of rag doll, a drawing of an extremely chibified Cloud in her other hand.
Of course, said cop didn't... Correction, couldn't respond. His eyes widened as he began to grasp reality and caught sight of the gun at her side , "Um, miss? Weapons aren't allowed on school property... I'm afraid I'll have to," he gulped, "Escort you...out?"
Yuun protectively brought her Pookie to her chest and screamed, "You monster! How dare you attempt to separate me from my baby!"
Faye quickly came over to rescue the guard from the clutches of Yuun, "Calm down, Yuun!" She placed herself between the guard and her mentally unstable friend. "I'm really sorry... Have you by any chance seen a young man a little taller than me with really spiky hair?"
The crowd separated to reveal three men who fit the very loose description Faye had given, their eyes pleading to be spared whatever horrible fate Yuun could possibly bestow upon them.
"Spikier...and blond." Faye smiled nervously.
Cloud heaved a sigh and decided it was time to make his presence known, when suddenly the large and throughly ill-treated front doors burst open and frankly fell to the floor with a thud. With a gust of air hitting his face, the blond took no time to squeeze his eyes shut once again.
Faye groaned, bringing two fingers up to rub her temples, "This is going to surely cost me my salary..." she murmured. Before anyone could question the meaning of the assistant's words, an annoying high pitched laughing rang in the hallways. Following it was... Surprise, surprise. If you guessed, Sini... You are absolutely correct.
"What in the..." Yuun deadpanned.
Though Sini was known for her insanity at the company, she always seemed to be able to outdo herself every single time. Said tailor flew in Tarzan style, eyes clamped shut, mouth wide open with the sounds of a maniacal laughter that could make a grown men cry, knitting needles flying in every possible direction, nearly impaling innocents. And to tie the knot, she was swinging on a thick chord of yarn. But of course that is only the beginning of the problem... She didn't appear that she would be stopping any time soon without dire consequences.
The blonde girl was beginning to realize that the rush of air against her face was lasting a little bit longer than she anticipated and decided to open her eyes just in time to see...
"CLOUD!" Sini shouted and full blown out body slammed right into the unfortunate Strife heir.
Faye and Yuun's jaws simultaneously dropped and they quickly rushed over to them. Sini sat up and looked around confused. She blinked a couple times and shook her head from the slight distress. After her vision had cleared up a bit, she noticed her two friends running over to her, smiling, she waved at them yelling, "Hey guys! I'm alright, don't worry about me! I landed on something soft!"
"Sini!" Faye snapped.
The blond quirked an eyebrow at Faye's sharp tone, "Well... Thanks a lot for your concern."
Yuun let out a frustrated shout, "Get off Cloud!"
Sini looked confused for a minute until she heard a fairly weak groan of pain coming beneath her. Looking down, she realized she had been sitting atop the one spiky haired chocobo individual they had been searching for.
"Ah! I'm sorry!" she cried and quickly scurried off him. Yuun bent down and brought her hand to his neck, "Pulse normal, breathing regular, two arms, two legs... Healthily alive."
Faye rolled her eyes playfully, "Well of course, it takes a lot more than that to kill my tough Cloud" she kneeled next to him and ruffled the bed of soft blond hair. "You okay, Cloudster? Sini's weight didn't crush you too badly, did it?"
Sini pouted, "That's so rude! I don't weigh... that much."
"Nah, you only eat... a lot." Yuun tsk'ed.
Faye helped Cloud up to his feet and carefully steadied him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Her voice barely was above a whisper, knowing that the half-conscious blond probably wouldn't be able to hear her anyways, "Cloud, no more sneaking off to colleges anymore. I know you want to make friends and go to school like normal kids but..." she sighed, "Your future's already planned and it's my job to make sure you're successful in it."
A man wearing a business suit split the crowd in half. From the expression he was wearing on his face, you could guess he wasn't exactly happy with the destruction of his school and the disruption of his classes.
The small brunette, burdened by the weight of her slightly taller friend, attempted to bow with no avail. She carefully reached into her pocket and pulled out a check. "This should cover the damages."
The man looked from Faye to the check and seeing that it was a hefty sum, he carefully slipped it into his front chest pocket and patted it for good measure. He gave the people a stern look, signaling there was nothing else to be seen there and walked away without a word.
Yuun and Sini smiled at their cute Strife heir and decided it was time to head back.
Inside the classroom and behind a bullet proof glass window, Leon and Squall watched as the trio left with their dearly beloved. Having finally recovered, the twins glared at the three girls that had destroyed a college's main hall just to rescue the boy they had had their eyes fixed upon.
"In a normal situation, getting our prey from girls is no big deal..." Leon mumbled.
Squall nodded in agreement, "But obviously, it seems we're not dealing with normal here. That blonde and Asian seem pretty dangerous, it may be difficult to get close to Cloud with them around.
"Hmm..." Leon's gaze focused upon the brunette carrying Cloud, "That one seems to have more of an intimate relationship with Cloud and doesn't seem like she has anything special about her..."
"Ah..." Squall smirked, "Weakest link."
Leon's face had the same expression copied onto his features when he knew his twin realized what he was getting at.
"Do you guys normally go around planning the demise of girls like this? That's pretty weird." a voice cut in unexpectedly.
They both turned to see a woman with light brown hair curled upwards in the strangest fashion, "Selphie?" they replied in unison.
"The one and only!" she giggled, "At your service, boys. So what's the sitch? Any juicy details of the Strife heir? Did you guys talk to him?" Her grin only grew wider as she asked more questions.
"Wait…Strife? As in Cloud Strife? How do you know his last name? Leon questioned with an eyebrow raised suspiciously.
"Pfft, what have you been living under a rock? That was Cloud Strife, heir to Strife Delivery Service." Getting no conformation that anything was clicking in the boys' heads, she continued. "Mysterious son of the senior Strife? Handsome bachelor entitled to millions of dollars once his father retires? He has his own freakin' web site with a blog!"
"..."
"Fine, if you won't give me a story. I'll have to get it myself." She ran and picked up a small notepad and ran out the door.
They glanced at each other and quickly rose to their feet and ran after the proclaimed queen of gossip.
Faye had set Cloud, with the help of her friends of course, on the bench outside as they waited for Sini to bring the limo around. Yuun had taken the liberty to drive the motorcycle Cloud had "borrowed" back to the company garage. She lightly touched Cloud's cheek and spoke softly to avoid startling him, "Cloudster? Can you hear me?"
Cloud's eyes slowly opened to reveal a dazed look, his eyelids fluttered as he put the blurry image of his assistant into focus, "Faye?"
"Oh my goodness! I was so worried about you! How could you leave me like that?
Cloud attempted to find the words he was searching for. Seemed Faye was more worried than angry. "Well..." he paused, "You can kinda be a bit demanding, Faye."
The brunette let out a sigh. "But Cloudster, you know this type of thing takes time and commitment..."
Cloud flinched, "It's the commitment I'm afraid of."
"You promised me your commitment 24/7! How will we do it otherwise?"
Ugh... Now he felt that stupid guilt. It wasn't her fault. She was only doing as she was told. If anyone was responsible, it was that father of his... He managed a smile, "Fine, fine, I'll do it. Only because you're my..."
The limousine pulled into view and promptly honked, cutting Cloud off.
Maybe it was that Cloud was still woozy, but did he just hear a curse come from that bush?
The tinted window of the limousine lowered and revealed Sini looking a bit impatient. "Come on, Cloudette. Time to get a move on!"
The blond felt his face heat up, "I told you not to call me that!"
A small beep was heard coming from Faye's direction. How she figured out which device was beeping was a mystery to the blond. But whatever it was, he was sure it meant that he wouldn't be able to head home and sleep the rest of the day.
"Oh no! We'll be late for the wedding if we don't hurry! They're all waiting!" Faye grabbed Cloud's wrist and promptly ran towards the limo with Cloud in tow.
"Slow down, Faye. It's not like they'll start without us!"
Once the vehicle was out of the range of the school, Selphie popped up from behind the bush writing furiously. "This is a definite scoop! Faye Strife, eh?" she squealed and started chewing on her eraser. She stuck her pencil up in the air in victory, "I'll call it... "Strife Heir's Heart Goes out to Commoner" or maybe "Strife gets Hitched!" She paused, "What do you guys think?"
Leon's face was twisted into a scowl, "Wedding?"
Squall's expression mirrored Leon's, "Cloud and Faye? She's his fiancee?!"
"We've got a wedding to crash!"
A/N: Hope you liked it! :D Oh and by the way, someone mentioned they didn't know what SDS stood for. It's Strife's Delivery Service. We'd both love to hear from you. We want to make sure that everything is to your enjoyment. One thing we're worried about is our OCs. Right now they have a pretty big role but they'll eventually become minor roles in the story, so don't worries. Please review with your opinions and ideas!
(1) Taken from the idea of YuRiPa in Final Fantasy X-2