Disclaimer: The legendary Artemis Fowl has managed to escape numerous attempts of capture by countless individuals all over the world. What makes you think I can own him?
Chapter 2
At least, that's what it felt like to Artemis.
A bucket filled to the rim with snow had fallen on top of his head the moment he had opened the door.
"Got you!" Two annoyingly similar voices cried out before dissolving into uncontrollable giggles.
For a moment, Artemis simply stood there, snow dripping off of him and seeping into his suit. He took a deep breath and composed himself before sighing and proceeding to brush the snow off him.
How could I not have anticipated that, he thought, shaking his head to clear the snow.
All the twins had done ever since his return was prank him. The most annoying part was that they nearly always succeeded. No matter how much time Artemis spent attempting to foresee their next move, it was all useless.
But it isn't my fault, Artemis thought, observing the bucket that had given him the unwanted shower, as his brothers rolled on the floor still laughing. Their plans are so juvenile that I can't possibly be able to lower my mental capacity to their level.
Over analyzing. That was the curse of all genii. However…
"How did you manage to sneak a bucket full of snow into the house when Mother has Butler guarding the front door?" he asked, suppressing the urge to give into his desire to force feed the bucket to the twins.
"Mother does not want you two to leave the house in case you catch a chill."
Four-year-old Myles rolled his brown eyes at the idiotic question asked by his older brother, the supposed genius.
"We snuck out a window."
"Duh!" his twin, Beckett chimed in.
"Weirdo." Myles said in what he obviously thought was a whisper. It was one by the way.
"Really mature." Artemis replied, walking past the twins and down the stairs.
"Freako!" was the reply, followed by "Recko!"
Leaving his younger siblings to continue on with their abuse of the English language, Artemis headed towards the kitchen, pleased with himself. He had not lost his temper. Artemis had learned fairly quickly that losing his temper with the twins did absolutely no good other than earning him disapproving looks from his parents that struck his confounded conscious.
The easiest way to counter any attack by the Terror Two (as Artemis had dubbed them, only after Butler insisted that he not call them the 'Demonic Duo') was to ask them a question about their pranking ability that (in the eyes of the twins) was really demeaning. The Terror Two would get annoyed and Artemis could leave, his temper and conscience in tact, though pride a little impaired.
"Yes, Mother?" Artemis asked, finding Angeline Fowl in the kitchen cooking something that smelled rather repulsive.
"Hmm? What is it, dear?" she asked distractedly, flipping rather frantically through the pages of a stained cookbook.
Artemis sighed. Tricked again. He should have expected that the Terror Two had only said that Mother was calling in order to get him out of the room.
"Never mind."
He turned to leave, but Angeline looked up from her searching.
"Oh!" she exclaimed upon seeing her eldest son. "You're soaking wet, Arty!"
It was Artemis's misfortune that he had the unquenchable desire to sneeze at that exact moment.
"I told you not to go outside! Now you've caught a cold!"
Angeline grabbed a paper towel and started drying her son's raven hair, forgetting completely about the food on the stove. The now slowly burning food.
"But I—" Artemis tried to explain.
"Hush! Be quiet and let me get you all nice and dry before you land yourself in bed with a fever and miss our family dinner!"
And so, Artemis had to endure his mother's fussing for over half an hour before she realized that the food was burning.
The Terror Two had better prank themselves into hiding.
Artemis Fowl was out for revenge and he would not show any mercy (unless his irritating conscience absolutely demanded it of course).