A/N: Thanks to AnonymousNinjaGirl for the idea!
Dare 1: Sollux: Be Eridan's Personal Servant for the Day
"I have to WHAT?"
"He has to WHAT?"
"That's what the little paper says. I can't change the paper."
"What paper?"
"This paper." Dave held up the small slip of parchment, which had Sollux's duty attached to it.
"Where the fuck did you get that?" Eridan asked.
"Um, duh, the ones who are reading this. Right now."
"Who?"
"You don't know? There are people watching our every move. Right here. Right now. They watch us every second they can, yet they can do nothing to help us." Dave suddenly sounded very mysterious.
"Wait, so they saw-?"
"No, Eridan, they did not see you in a thong dancing on the table trying to hit on Feferi."
"Oh thank G- YOU JUST TOLD THEM YOU ASSHOLE!"
"Oops."
"Can we get back on topic here? I am NOT being Eridan's servant just so I can eat some human icecream! It's not worth it."
"Sollux, Sollux, Sollux," Dave wrapped an arm around the troll's shoulders, "Do you not know the wonders of the Klondike Bar, forged by the ancient Klondike himself? His snowy blizzards lasted for years, destroying all in its path, only for all of its cold power to he wrapped and spread throughout the world in this one. Tiny. Treat."
Sollux raised an eyebrow, "Can't you just eat it then?"
"No! This is the gift of a god!"
"You said he was an ancient."
"Same thing, Mr. 3D. You can't just go around dishonoring the cold and chocolate goodness!"
"And if I do dishonor it?"
"You will be cursed. And die a horrible, painful death."
"Yolo, right?" Eridan simply looked amused from all this. Now that he thought about it, having Sollux do whatever he told him to wasn't such a bad idea.
"Yolo? Fuck yolo. I have literally lived four and a half times, Eridan."
"Meh."
"So are you in it, or not? Come on, Sollux, you know you want to. No one can deny Klondike's power."
Sollux let out a long sigh. He couldn't believe he was going through with this. "Fine." He grumbled.
Eridan looked a little too happy about this. "Now, come and bow to me, slave! And when I talk to you, you always respond to me and always end with 'my lord'. Is that understood?"
Sollux's eye twitched. This was going to be horrible. Walking over to Eridan, he gave a half-hearted bow, grumbling, "Yes, my lord."
"Sorry, say that again? I can't hear you."
"I said YES, my lord." Sollux snapped. Already he wanted to give up.
"Again please? My hearing is absolutely dreadful today."
"I SAID FUCKING YES MY LORD!"
"How rude, Sol, you yelled at me. For punishment, you have to kiss my feet!"
"No. Nope. Fucking no. Not doing this. I give up. Have a nice day." Sollux turned, beginning to walk away.
"Sollux! You can't! As soon as you agreed, Klondike's eyes were upon you! You'll be cursed!" Dave shoved him back over to Eridan.
Sollux glared. Eridan smirked.
"My kismesis senses are tingling..." Nepeta said, taking out her drawing pad.
"I am NOT in ANY quadrant with THIS PIECE OF-"
"Sol, you shouldn't speak in that manner about your master."
"GAAAH!"
"Come on, stop stalling, you know what I ordered you to do."
Grumbling many bad words, Sollux slowly made his way onto the ground, looking at Eridan's stupid ugly shoes covering his stupid ugly feet.
"Well?"
"Shut the fuck up."
Leaning down, Sollux pressed his lips for not even half a second to Eridan's shoe before jumping back up, spitting and scratching at his lips like someone had put poison on them.
"EQUIUS! GET ME A TOWEL!"
"I need those."
"I DON'T CARE!"
-A few horrible hours of serving Eridan later-
"Sol?"
"What the fuck now?"
"..."
"... My lord."
"Heh. Sol, I order you to feed me."
"... Oh my god, Eridan."
"It's an order!"
"UUUGH. Feed you what?"
"A Klondike Bar."
"I won't have it until I'm done with you."
"That's the thing. You're going to steal one for me."
"Eridan you must be joking."
"No, I'm serious! Go steal a Klondike Bar for me!"
"I'm going to kill you when this is over."
Grumbling once again, Sollux quickly left. How the hell was he supposed to steal the Klondike Bar from Dave?
After some thinking, he managed to make a battle plan. He'd tackle him, grab the stupid icecream, and run like hell.
He soon found the Strider human, holding the Klondike Bar in his hand, talking with a few others. Bracing himself for the attack, he took off his glasses, setting them on the ground as to not break them if something went wrong.
And with that, he launched himself at Dave, shouting a proud battle cry, "FOR LADY GAGA!"
And tackled him to the floor.
There was a stream of curses as Sollux and Dave wrestled on the ground, before Sollux held the Klondike Bar victoriously above him, sprinting away.
By the time he got back to Eridan, he was panting hard, wondering how the fuck this Klondike Bar was still cold.
"Holy shit, Sol, you actually got it." Eridan looked pretty shocked.
Sollux was about to say something when he suddenly got trolled by Karkat.
carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling twinArmageddons (TA)
CG: DUDE.
CG: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STEAL THE FUCKING KLONDIKE BAR.
CG: YOUR TIME LITERALLY JUST RAN UP. YOUR TORTURE IS OVER.
TA: oh my go2h fuck ye2.
"Well? Give it here." Eridan said, extending his hand.
Sollux smirked. Oh, he had such a good idea. This was much better than eating the Klondike Bar.
"Um... Sol? Why are you grinnin' like that?"
At that moment, Sollux tackled him, the Klondike Bar now unwrapped with bits of frost on it from the freezing temperature it was still miraculously at, Sollux shoving it down Eridan's pants.
"COOOOOOOLD!"