Thank you everyone for the reviews. It is a hard fanfiction to write wish they had a conversation about how she felt. There will be a Jack chapter after this too and maybe a Helen too.

Sorry it has taken so wrong to update hope you enjoy it for the time being.

….

Arriving back at my place I walk inside, putting my stuff down, I walk up to my room picking up my diary who would of thought Rachel Goldstein kept a diary, I burnt the journal I kept with John and then started writing again, opening to where I wrote a while ago admittedly I hadn't written much lately was too busy most nights with work or Jack or both. Picking up a pen, I write easier to write it down than talk to people or admit the truth seeing it down of paper was still easier than telling Jack, hearing the door ring, I quickly close the diary putting it back where it belongs. Hurrying down the stairs opening it there is Jack there holding the bottle of wine out, looking at him standing there, I pull him inside mumbling "I can't help myself" kissing him roughly before walking to the kitchen, watching as he puts the bottle down, all I want to do is have sex with him but I have to be strong and talk to him or do I it is so tempting just to drag him up to my room.

Sitting on the chair next to him, I feel his eyes upon me, I am sure he is wondering what I am going to say to him looking at Jack damn he looked so cute, talking about work was safer than talking about us, but it isn't long before Jack said "weren't we going to talk" leaning on the lounge my elbows resting on the edge "I thought we were talking" I knew what he meant I said we would talk about us seeing Jack staring at me I nod "Yeah about us" seeing Jack's face I know he wants me even though I am awful to him "I like the sound of us … Rach did you mean what you said this morning" looking down and not at him I can't say it, I need to but why is it so hard "what was that?" seeing Jack moving closer to me his voice low and soft "never doing it again?" I shrug why is it so hard to just say it "I dunno, what do you think" I want to say it I really do but I can't even after everything that has happened between Jack and me, he still wants me "Rach you know how I feel, I want you" I know he does and I really don't deserve him "yeah I know … I want to ….." then saying it quickly "I want to see where things go with us" I can't even look at him now I have said it "You mean have a relationship Rachel" looking up at Jack the hopeful look on his "Yeah I do" resting my elbows on the edge of the couch my face slightly tilted, I see a look on his face "You do realise a relationship is more than just rooting" looking at his face I am ready to hit him over the head why did he have to make it so hard even treating him like shit he always came back for more "really is that why you're not in one" seeing Jack coming closer towards me shaking his head whispering "its all those fish in the sea, so many fish, so little time" shaking my head with him what have I gotten into as I hear him whisper "you ready for bed yet?", I nod "we haven't finished our drinks" as Jack leans closer towards me as I put the glass down our lips meet watching him in a haze his voice soft "I can think of other places we can drink other than here" shaking my head at him "my sheets could have wine spilt Jack" seeing his eyes look at me hunger in them "what am I going to do with you Rach, by the time I finish with you, the wine spilt will be the last thing on your mind and you sheets will need changing" picking up our glasses taking them up to my bedroom the conversation was less painful than I imagined or thought but there was still one thing I hadn't told him why were those 4 words so hard "I love you jack".

Rolling over in bed later on he is amazing in bed, I see Jack stroking my head his voice a whisper "are you sure about this Rach?" turning to look at him seeing how much he does like me in his eyes, wondering if my eyes are saying the same thing I do love Jack, but I just can't tell him, one step at a time nodding at him I am sure, this is what I want, I want Jack in my life "I think your stuck with me Jack" hearing his reply "there are all those fish in the sea" shaking my head feeling his gaze upon me my voice barely a whisper "what am I going to do with you" all I could feel then was his lips upon me as he whispers "I can think of many things".

…..

Waking up in the morning I go to grab the clock, shit I forgot to set my alarm whispering to Jack "oh shit we're going to be late" then rolling onto my side all I can do is mmmmmmmm as I see Jack looking at me moving towards him as our arms go around each other again.

Racing into work I knew I would be late, but it was worth it, opening the door I see Helen standing at the desk "You're late" raising my eyes slightly at her "traffic" hearing the door open not long after I hear Jack's voice "traffic" not even looking at Tayler on the desk I glance at Helen her eyes raised questioning me I smile at her about to go upstairs when I hear Helen call out "the taxi driver is on the move now, Gavin and Tommy are following him" nodding at Helen I hear Jack say "Let us know what they find out" and as I am about to follow Jack I hear Helen's voice again "Rach" turning around to look at her moving closer "I take it last night went well, just be careful" nodding I wish she would stop saying that I am more than aware of my past with guys especially ones I work with but I am sure this is different "Stop worrying, I know last time didn't end well, but this time its different" seeing Helen look at me, was she wondering why or the fact that cops and I really don't mix "why because you're in love with him" turning around I didn't answer her, I couldn't because it was the truth I was in love with him, I just couldn't tell him.

Walking out of the Water Police base for the evening the events of what we found disturbing as a mother seeing the faces of those young kids in the container the adults too, just left to die suffocate the images stuck in my mind. Walking into the pub seeing the team there, one quick drink before heading home, waiting for Jack here instead of home, looking up it isn't long before Jack arrives at the bar, feeling his hand on my back as a look up at him, I want to keep it a secret for a little while longer before the whole world knows.

(Sitting at the table Tommy, Taylor and Gavin watching as Rachel walks in, seeing Jack put his hand on her back Gavin turns to them "why does she want Christie when she can have me" laughing at him as Tommy replies "she has taste" watching as Rachel looks up at Jack there is something between them, they are sure of it"

…..

Walking inside the apartment closing the door turning to face Jack I could really get use to this. With my feet curled up on the lounge snuggled into Jack watching TV before I know it I hear myself saying "maybe you should just move in" I see him looking up at me surprise in his eyes I can't believe it myself I just said that when I hear Jack's voice Did I just hear you right" then shaking my head "just forget it" seeing a smile on his face "no way Rach you want me to move in with you" not able to look at Jack I just made an idiot of myself "It's fine it was a stupid idea" feeling his hand on my face pulling it towards him "it is a great idea as long as you are sure Rach, what about David" nodding at him "I'm sure, David will be fine, he is only here every 2nd weekend thanks to his dickhead of a father" a smile on my face "I could just kick you out every 2nd weekend" seeing him shake his head "nah your stuck with me now" watching him get up "what are you doing?" seeing a cheeky look on Jack's face "I'm going home to pack now" standing up grabbing him pulling him towards me "not so fast, that can wait this can't" wrapping my arms around him pulling him close to me, as the kissing intensifies I feel Jack's hands unbuttoning my shirt moving around as he fumbles with my bra our clothes fall to the floor we fall back onto the couch as his hands move around my body.

…..

The day is spent interviewing Axe Grevell the pickup is tonight Monday, everything needs to go to plan such a huge operation this passport scam. Is there more than 15 people dead we do need to work it properly from our end for something that was meant to be so minor has turned into something major, federal police had to be notified too. Dave Mcall he couldn't even get a numberplate of the car for us what did I say to him "are you new at this or something" he turns around and calls me a smart arse just great what are we going to do now the jet ski picked up the passports from the drop off we did and then we lost him. Now we had to come up with another plan.

Sitting at my desk I can't sit still, walking out to the balcony I look down there is Mick deep in conversation with Suzy again, shaking my head what is it with guys. Walking back inside I look up as Jack walks in memories of the previous night come back to me it that is a sign of things to come him moving in I can't wait watching as he looks at me as he leans down to me touching my chin "I can't wait for tonight, I'm going to cook you something special to mark our living together, it is going to be a special night" a smile on my face as he walks out I didn't even see Mick walk in "Oh Mick, when will you learn" seeing him smile at me "Rachel, you and Jack hey more one night stands, have you stopped kidding yourself yet" seeing the smirk on Mick's face as he walks over to my desk "I see the way you look at him" looking up at him trying to put some warning into my voice "Mick" all he does is laugh "I better go" I nod at him "yeah you better" as he walks out I hear him call out "Can you cover for me, I'm going to see Suzy" shaking my head at him will he learn, how does he know more than I do am I that transparent am I the only one that doesn't know or want to admit it.

Walking into the lunch room I see Helen there, walking up to her sitting down opposite her "Helen….. I think I did something stupid" seeing Helen looking at me probably wonder what it was or was it I told you so you and relationships "I asked Jack to move in with me" seeing Helen trying to control the surprise and the smile on her face "Now you're not too sure or you don't want him to" looking at Helen what was I saying shaking my head "no…. I do" seeing Helen raise her eyebrows at me "I want him too ….. I love him" there I said it to Helen why can't I just say it to Jack seeing Helen look at me "have you told Jack that?" looking around how can I say to her that it is hard and I can't instead I bite my lip "I have to go".

Helen now wants Mick on duty so I try to call him, damn him his phone is turned off, doesn't he realise he is jeopardizing his career with Suzy his mobile just went dead, oh Mick not even going to think was going on here . Helen is now trying as I walk out, Helen calls out "Keep your mobiles on" I turn around to face her "don't' nag" was I walk away I would love to toss it away it is what caught Jack and I out.

As Jack walks Axel out along the water Tommy asks him "Jack what do you have here" smiling as Jack replies "I can't tell you mate if I told you I'd have to kill you" seeing Tommy looking at him "Oh I won't keep you we're just going for a drink" as I run to catch up to Jack "oh have one for me won't ya" as Gavin turns around "I'm sure your getting yours later Rachel" as Tommy and Taylor laugh at hi and I hear "ohhh" as they all walk off laughing. I turn around trying to look stern no smile "Gavin" as I point my finger "come here" as the others laugh at him a huge smile on their faces as he puts his head down walking back to me "sorry I was just joking you know" I grab his chin and squeeze it "your cute but that will not protect you" as I gently slap his cheek "I'll be waiting for you" a huge smile then develops on his face "you promise" as he walks back Tommy looks a huge grin on his face as I go to walk away "you two have your own mobile phones on you" turning back round to face Tommy pointing at him calling out to him "you're not even cute" as they laugh loudly and high five each other I am never going to live that down. As I walk towards Jack who points at them "you behave yourself" as we then quickly talk to Axel. Going to the pub sounds so much better even if I would have to put with all of that. They still haven't been able to get hold of Mick so only the two of us.

We wait in the dark for the phone call, then finally the phone rings we have to try to listen to see what we can get from them. Helen says "Rachel be careful" did she know something we didn't know, doesn't help that Axel is now saying things he didn't previously about the phone I was not starting to get slightly nervous we were meant to have a nice dinner. I say to Jack "what if he gets the call and he tips them off" Jack was the one calming me down . As we travel though the city following him, I am starting to get nervous where is he taking us Jack is trying to be the calm one. There goes our dinner tonight I have a feeling we won't get home until late will I be able to work with Jack and live with him we spend enough time together now yeah he has annoying habits but despite it all I want to be with him. Waiting as Axel pulls over how long does it take to make a phone call, as Jack gets out of the car he takes off I call out "Jack jack he's moving" as we quickly turn around, I hear Jack on the phone to Helen as we pull up at white Bay power station. Once we arrive and out of the car my nerves have gone slightly the bastard has vanished. The power station is huge though as we quietly look around .

We have looked around and lost Axel, where on earth did he go, coming back to Jack again smiling at him "come on lets go and get a drink" as I put my gun away "yeah" Axel is nowhere to be found as he talks "I'm calling in the boys they are going to be real happy " as I cover my eyes I am tired and move them down my face and want to get out of there "don't maybe the dogs will pick them up outside" as he gives a small laugh his eyes looking at me as I look back at him "yeah" as he says "they'll be more happy about that" "Yeah maybe Axel isn't as dumb as he looks" watching as Jack walk down the stairs continually talking as I follow him as I near the stairs about to go down I hear a noise behind me.

I go to withdraw my gun as I hear the noise and see the person, surprise on my face at who it is they walk over to me, as I feel them stab me before I can even pull my gun out, the pain over bearing I hear the gun shots ringing out as Jack is shooting at them, I grab my stomach moaning/crying I hear Jack's voice "Rach Rach oh Rach you alright" then I feel his arms around me, "its ok its ok its ok cmon cmon" and hear him on the phone "Helen, its Christey" I feel Jack's arms around me as he carries me out, every move he makes I am in pain and cry out, I don't want to die I can't, I have Jack and David, the pain of where he stabbed me the shock of seeing who it was I never would of guessed it was him, feeling Jack hurrying out carrying me, his arms around me, Jack just says "Just hang on Rach, just hang on alright, you hang on now, Rach, you hang on, okay? You with me? Come on, come on, come on girl... Hang in there. It's not too bad. You're okay" all I can feel is the pain then I feel him lowering me to the ground putting me on the ground his arms still around me "you're alright. I'm sorry" with the pain becoming worse I need Jack to do something for me as I clutch him trying to sit up "Do me a ... David, David ... Tell him ..." he has to then I hear his voice "No, no, you'll tell him" I need Jack to do this for me "Please? ..." as I hear Jack's voice again "You'll tell him, Rach" I can feel the pain easing my voice nearly crying I need David to know "Please? ..." as Jack says "You will ..." I know he doesn't want to think about it, but I know I am dying and I want/need David to know begging with him pleading by now tears in my voice "Please, please, Jack, please, Jack ..." I hear Jack speak again "Alright, I'll tell him, I will, I'll tell him, alright?" with the relief that he will tell David I start to fall back my tongue over my lips I can feel myself losing consciousness my grasp on Jack goes but he still holds me with both hands "Rachel, Rach, Rachel ... Rach, I love you Rach! Can you hear me? I love you, I love you, I love you so much ..." I start to gulp I am struggling even more to breathe now, I can feel my head going backwards and yes I can hear him and want to tell him that I love him too, but the words don't come out and I do love Jack and a lot but I see Frank in front of me and I say "Frank? Is that ... Frank ...?" " I stare at Jack but can't focus I see David waving good bye to me the other day my son, I feel the life slipping away from me as I see David waving to me. I hear Jack saying "come one just hold on for me, ok" I want to say it "I love you Jack because I do, I love him so much" I want to hold on for him I do but I can't as the strength leaves me the pain is over bearing I gulp dying in Jack's arms.

…..

Goldie's theme then plays (this song usually sets me off, as I associate it with The Day at the office where she dies) as she is lying in jack's arms as he is holding her against his body pleading with her to be ok and come back.