Kat and Mother already said goodbye to me. They tried to be strong for me, they really did, but I could tell that neither really were. Mother wasn't even trying not to cry, but she didn't sob or anything as she held me to here for what is probably the last time. Tears just rolled down her cheeks and I could feel them go into my hair as I wiped my own tears on her. Kat wasn't crying but I know she really wanted to. She held me and focused on telling me what I could do, my apothecary skills could help me in the arena because I could fix myself. I didn't say the obvious that I don't know how to hunt for food, let alone kill anyone or anything. She knows this as well as I do so I don't promise her that I'll win. It hurts, but I don't see how. The only advantage I can see is that there aren't any kids older than me since we're all thirteen, but that doesn't mean they aren't bigger than me.
The only thing I make them promise to me is that they will be there for each other. Kat has really been the one who was like a mother to me since Dad died in that horrible mining accident but once Mother came back she was my mother again. But not Kat's. Not really. I don't think Kat every truly forgave her. But if this is my last wish for them then I want it to happen. I don't want me being gone to make that worse, I want them to grow together. They both promise me but even that seems halfhearted in the crushing place and time we're in. Oh well, I tried.
Once they have to leave with almost panicked, desperate faces and the door is shut in their faces, my next visitors are not really that surprising at all; the Hawthornes. Well…the Hawthornes minus Gale. I'm sure he wanted to say goodbye to me but it's far more important for him to be with Kat right now. I know he will miss me so he needs to be with her. They all hug me and once the guard comes to get them all but Rory turn towards the door with frowns. I'm confused until he surprises me by quickly kissing my cheek, my cheeks blushing at the contact.
I barely have time to understand what just happened as Rory runs out the door before Gale walks in, looking back to his brother first with a confused expression before it softens when it turns to me. I instantly run to him and hug him for dear life, Gale being like the big brother I never had for all these years since Kat met him. He doesn't say anything, just hugs me back. After a minute I know we probably don't have much more time so getting a little out of the embrace I motion for him to lean down so I can whisper in his ear. It's important and I need to know he'll do what I want before I go away.
Once I whisper into his ear he freezes, probably because he didn't realize I knew or this is what I want. I wait for him to look at me before I say anything else.
"Promise?" I ask in a normal tone. He has to, it's probably the only thing I've ever asked of him. I know it would happen anyway but I need to know for sure if I'm not coming back. He hesitates though I don't know why but sighs and nods.
"Promise." Gale assures me just as the peacekeepers come to get him. I half panic because I'm pretty sure Gale is my last visitor but I guess that's alright. I'm going into the Hunger Games and there isn't anyone that can save me.
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Numb. I'm so numb and she's only been gone for a week. My little Prim, in the Capitol as a tribute for the Hunger Games. The Quarter Quell. The one stupid Games I couldn't save her. I couldn't do anything but cry and try to keep myself together.
I know she made mother and I promise to try to get along. I'm trying, I really am but…it's so hard. Mother's not really doing a great job either, but at least she hasn't become that almost dead state like she was when my father died. Yet. It also doesn't help that possibly the one person in the entire district that doesn't look at me with that awful pity is in those horrid dark mines six days a week, unable to be with me as I struggle to keep myself together. It certainly helps to hunt after school like always, but though I've done it alone most of the time for almost a year I can feel the crushing loneliness tenfold in this past week.
The Tribute Parade was it's own kind of awful because with all the tributes being only thirteen made watching it a struggle. Twenty three of these poor barely teenagers, most of them frightened out of their wits (understandable so) will be dead. It was also probably the first time in a long while there weren't any volunteers, even from the Career districts. Maybe even the Careers are scared too though they hide it better than most. Prim and the Seam boy with her make a statement just like last year with this new stylist District 12 has in a suit that makes her look like coal burning. She smiles sweetly and the Capitol goes crazy, awing and blowing kisses.
I hate them all, but at least it might get her sponsors. They call her the Angel on Fire, my sweet little Prim taking away most of the attention from really any of the tributes aside from the Careers who despite being young, are still Careers. Even though she only got a four in training, the highest score was an eight so it's really not as bad as it seems. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
The interview tonight with Ceaser was hard to watch just because she's so little and doesn't belong there, but she had the audience almost sad for her. In a white dress that when she twirled turned into flames and a golden headpiece on her head almost like a halo, I could tell that her stylist was taking the Angel on Fire thing seriously. But I didn't care. It could only help her.
With the Games beginning tomorrow, I know I won't be able to sleep. In fact, I don't even try. Once mother is lying in her bed facing the opposite direction as me I quietly slip out and go on the porch of our shack of a Seam home, knowing it isn't wise to go into the woods at night whether the fence is on or not. To my surprise, I'm not alone.
"Hey Catnip." He greets me in a low tone, not even bothering to turn around from where he's sitting on the steps. Slowly shutting the door behind me, I make my way over towards the steps and silently sit next to him, not even bothering to return the greeting.
I don't think he expected one anyway as he doesn't seem offended and doesn't speak anyway, just keeps looking up towards the sky where the stars are visible in this rare clear night sky in our district; normally the clouds and pollution from our mines block most of them but not tonight. With a sigh I look down to my lap, and in moments his arm slips around my shoulders in a comforting way. Dropping my guard and desperate for comfort, I bury my face into his shoulder as my arm wraps around his waist. We sit like that for a long time, not bothering to speak. There aren't any words to say anyway so what's the point?
Only when the sun begins to rise do I finally stand up, knowing that no matter how much I need him to stay he has to go to the mines. He's already sacrificed a night of much needed sleep for me, I don't want to take anything more from him even if I greedily want and need it. Knowing he has to leave as well, he gently kisses my temple before giving me one last quick supportive squeeze before walking groggily towards the mines, where he will have to work on no sleep and most likely worry for Prim until the mandatory viewing of the beginning of the Games.
Sighing again as I watch him walk away until I can't see him anymore, I get up but stop when someone catches my eye. Peeta Mellark, with a package in his hands. It's enough to freeze me where I am as I watch him slowly come up my steps, trying to hand me the package.
"Here." he finally breaks the silence with, trying to make me take what must be bread from him. Again. But I can't do it; I don't want his pity and I already owe him so much from the first time. Without speaking I shake my head, meeting his blue eyes that watch me before I squeeze mine shut and turn around, going into my house and shutting the door.
I don't need gifts or pity. I don't want to owe him more because of his pity. All I want is for my little sister to come home alive and none of that is going to help me in the least.
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It's the sixth day of the third Quarter Quell, and Prim is still miraculously alive. I say miraculously because not only did I honestly believe even if I didn't want to (and I think Prim did too), I thought she was a bloodbath for sure. The arena seems to be made for District 4, all the plates being surrounded by water. I thought she was a goner from the moment I saw it. Because while Katniss can swim and she in turn taught me, neither of us ever bothered to teach our younger siblings. Not only because we haven't really taken them in the woods with us much before, but because we thought they wouldn't ever need to know. Not in District 12.
But being Prim, she found a way around it, a way to live. She's possibly the sweetest, most well liked person in the entire district, so it shouldn't have surprised me that she could easily make allies. Including District 4, who while the girl swam easily towards the Cornucopia, the boy instantly turned towards the plates that held his real allies, Prim and the two from District 8. The District 4 boy pulled Prim to safety on the jungle opposite the Cornucopia before turning back to aid his other two allies from District 8. The girl from eight died unfortunately from a spear thanks to one of the real Careers, but the rest of their alliance made it out fine, with weapons courtesy of the District 4 girl.
The District 4 boy, Marshall, got injured on the second day from some horrible Gamemaker twist but Prim fixed him up with what little supplies they had and he lived. To my surprise and Katniss's, Prim and Marshall flirted with each other, clearly in what could only be called puppy love. It's especially odd for a Hunger Games for there to be a love story, but by the number of sponsor gifts their alliance has been showered with I'm sure it sucks in tons of sponsors. It wasn't until Prim blushed when two days ago Marshall kissed Prim's cheek that Rory couldn't bear to watch anymore. Poor kid, he can't catch a break. I think the only person it wasn't obvious to that Rory liked Prim was Prim. Not that I can't relate to something very similar, but at least she's not in the Games.
On the fourth day when it was down to eight tributes, their alliance of four, three Careers, and the boy from District 5, the reporters came to District 12. Katniss was definitely not enthused about doing an interview but she did well despite that. You know, once she actually opened up and talked about her true almost motherly love for her little sister. Mrs. Everdeen was forced out of bed by Katniss to do an interview, having only watched on their television screen at home since the Games began and barely moving from the house. I know it frustrates Katniss to no end, but I can't find it in myself to chaste her. I would be angry too.
Now it's the sixth day, and Prim just got injured. She tried to stay out of the fight with the Careers but Marshall got hurt and she panicked, picking up a weapon she didn't really know how to use and trying to fight. The District 1 boy grinned almost wickedly as he slashed through her stomach, drawing blood. Katniss went white at the sight and shrieked in horror.
So did Marshall. Once he finished off the District 1 girl, he immediately stopped fighting and came to Prim's side, holding her hand. Prim gave him a small smile before stroking his cheek, trying to comfort him.
"Damn it Prim, you're going to be fine." Marshall almost cries, but Prim just gives him a sad smile.
"I'm not." Prim whispers quietly, and Katniss wimpers. "Go before they come back." She orders, but Marshall refuses. She sighs and shoves him as hard as she can to go, but it's hardly anything. "Please. Win for me. Tell my sister and mother I'm sorry and I love them when you get to 12 on the Victory tour."
"Prim…" Marshall cries, but he's shoved aside roughly as the District 2 boy pushes him over, knocking him out.
Terrified now and gasping for Marshall, Prim looks up to the boy with a wicked, almost evil face.
"So Angel on Fire huh?" he taunts her, poking her already bleeding torso as she gasps at the pain. "I wanted you from the beginning. No one from poor little District 12 should have stolen all the sponsors and attention."
"I didn't mean to." Prim gasps, "Please, we can…work together. You're hurt, I can fix you." She looks up to him with her desperate, pleading eyes.
"Sorry, I don't work that way." The District 2 boy spits, and before she can even react a spear goes through her heart and Katniss screams in agony, collapsing to the ground in the middle of the square.
Before the cannon even sounds, I glance up to find the mayor looking at me, nodding with a sad sigh. Gently picking up the agonized Katniss on the ground and holding her bridal style as she clings onto me, her arms around my neck as she buries her face into my chest, without a word I slip out of the crowd and half run with her to the fence, to our woods. I had only stopped short of begging the mayor to turn off the fence for when this happened, because we all knew it would. I knew Katniss would want to be away from everyone and the woods were the best place to be. The mayor understood completely and had no problem with it though it was illegal just like almost everything else we do that he condemns.
Besides my desire to give Katniss what she needed when this horrible and utterly predictable moment came, I had a promise to keep. I promised Prim I would take care of her sister no matter what and I'm not about to disrespect her last wish no matter what.