A/N: Again, sorry for the poor quality of the previous chapter. I tried to explain that the game had basically hacked into people's AmuSpheres to make them more like NerveGear; it's still a bit of a stretch though. My point is, somehow or another, we have another death game.

By the way, did anyone get the reference I made with the "Okonomiyaki Ucchan's" ad on the TV? :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I also don't own Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, which inspired parts of this chapter.

Chapter 2: Noob

"Heart monitor's online."

"Good," said the doctor. "Suzuki-kun, Kirigaya-kun, we're just about ready to begin."

Mr. Suzuki moved a bit closer to the bed in which Kazuto lay. "You remember what I told you?"

"Yes," Kazuto lied. He had zoned out during Mr. Suzuki's brief explanation of the game. Despite knowing how important it was to pay attention, he couldn't help but think of his friends trapped inside the game. It was weird. Before SAO, Kazuto hadn't been a bit uneasy. It wasn't until Kayaba's announcement that he had begun to feel the unbearable weight on his shoulders. If he had known what he was getting into as he counted down to 1:00 PM on that fateful first day, he likely would have vomited several times. But now – when he was fully aware of his responsibility and the many consequences that would result from failure – he felt relatively calm. Deeply worried, of course, but physically, at least, he was very much stable.

"Now, Kirigaya-kun, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes." This time he wasn't lying.

"Then good luck. My colleagues and I will continue to try to find another way to end this."

Kazuto nodded, then put on the AmuSphere. As the doctor and nurse made one final check of the various systems monitoring his life signs, the boy closed his eyes, trying to think of everything and everyone he cared about at once.

For a long moment, Kirigaya Kazuto lay in that bed, as if sleeping. But then…

"Link Start!"

The familiar tunnel of colors reminded him of a very bizarre American sci-fi movie he had once watched.

Such was Kirito's line of thought, more or less, in the first few seconds of what might just be his last time using FullDive technology.

Once the five senses had been confirmed, his view faded to black. A column of light appeared in the distance. After waiting several seconds, Kirito realized that he had materialized and was probably supposed to walk towards the light. His footsteps echoed endlessly in the blackness. As he stepped into the light, Kirito was beginning to get confused – wasn't this a shooting game?

Or maybe, he thought, it's a tr-

"BOO!" shouted many voices behind him.

Kirito shot into the air in surprise, now beginning to doubt his sanity. As he turned, he was surprised to see that where there had been nothing but blackness before, there was now a large building on a grassy turf beneath a blue sky. Before him stood at least a dozen young men and women of various races with combat boots, camouflage pants, sleeveless shirts, and mischievous grins. They proceeded to fall over one another in mirth. Before Kirito could ask them just why they had apparently pranked him, someone behind him called out, "Alright, that's enough."

Kirito turned back to see a man in camouflage uniform. He must have been an officer, because immediately the other soldiers stopped laughing. The officer himself, though, allowed a trace of a smirk on his face. "So you're the new kid, right?"

Kirito suddenly felt as though he ought to stand straighter. "Yes." When the officer raised an eyebrow, he hastily added, "Sir."

"Right, ugly," said the officer. "First things first. What's your name, maggot?"

A window popped up offering a keyboard. Kirito typed in his gaming name and hit "OK".

"Ki-ri-to," pronounced the officer, narrowing his eyes. "Is that right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright then, sharkbait. Welcome to the Call of Honor Online tutorial. I'm gonna teach you the bare essentials of this game so that you don't end up fighting the same way you look." More laughter behind him. Kirito looked down at himself and was surprised to see the same black clothes he had worn to the hospital. The AmuSphere had scanned and copied his appearance, just like the NerveGear had. Just how did this maniac manage to do that? he wondered. The officer snapped him out of his thoughts by pointing to his right. "Walk to that table and pick up the gun."

Kirito did so. The gun on the table looked light some sort of assault rifle. As he picked it up, Kirito saw the name "G36c" in the lower left corner of his vision. Also displayed were what he knew to represent the number of bullets currently in the gun and the number of extra bullets he had magically started carrying. He remembered that much from Mr. Suzuki's lecture. Kirito tried to familiarize himself with the feel of holding the gun. It was heavier than he had imagined.

"Now," continued the officer, "sprint over to the firing range. Go!"

Caught off guard, Kirito almost stumbled as he began to sprint, but managed to catch himself without embarrassing himself too much. At least, he hoped. Then again, who did he have to embarrass? These soldiers were most likely NPCs.

Once at the range, Kirito followed the officer's instructions to kneel and look down the sights of the gun at the targets. This particular G36c was equipped with what seemed like a laser pointer to assist aiming. When told to fire at the targets, Kirito pulled the trigger once. The gun seemed to jump up and back a little as it fired, again surprising him. Cautiously, he fired a few more single shots, before holding down the trigger and firing at full automatic. The recoil with each shot gradually pushed the direction of the shots away from the target he had been aiming at. Soon the gun was empty; Kirito's arms developed minds of their own and moved quickly and expertly to reload the gun. He was not terribly surprised to see that few of the targets had been hit. Cue more laughter from the NPC soldiers.

From there, the officer had Kirito try firing from the hip, or firing without aiming down the sights. Then, he gave Kirito an M1911 pistol and a couple of M67 frag grenades. Like reloading, the process of switching from the rifle to the handgun, as well as pulling out a grenade, seemed to be automated. It was an odd feeling. One moment, Kirito had control of his arms; then he didn't; and then he did again, all in the space of less than a second.

Kirito took the lack of laughter coming from behind him as a sign that he was getting the hang of things. The officer had him knife some fruit before taking back the G36c and adding a grenade launcher. This was probably Kirito's favorite part of the tutorial. The thoop sound of the launcher being fired was very satisfying.

"All right, maggot, you're done," said the officer at long last. "You'll now be transported to HQ. Good luck!"

The troops in the back applauded Kirito, calling out things like "Go get 'em squirt!" and "You show those NazBols who's boss!" Before he could ask what a "NazBol" was, Kirito felt the floor underneath him give way. His stomach leapt into his throat as he dropped into nothingness. The cheers and teasings of the NPC troops faded away. Once again he was surrounded by blackness. But then a disembodied voice broke the silence.

"Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. Ernest Hemingway."

And with that, Kirito's feet suddenly hit land.

The first thing he noticed was the beautiful surroundings. In front of him lay a grass field, beyond which was a thick forest. Above him, the clouds drifted on the blue sky. He could hear birds chirping, but he could also hear the chop-chop of a helicopter somewhere behind him. Turning around, Kirito flinched as he noticed several people in various uniforms frozen in mid-pace. All of them stared at him like he had just dropped from the sky. (A/N: eheheh.. heh…)

The girl nearest him spoke first. "You… you just joined the game?"

"Yes."

"… You joined the game."

"Y-yes, well, I uh-"

"WHY DID YOU JOIN THE GAME?!" The girl's blonde hair almost looked like it was standing on end like a cat's, and her brown eyes radiated the expression "What the hell?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what y-"

"How did you not hear the news?" she asked incredulously.

Now Kirito realized what she was talking about. "Oh. I did."

The girl paused. "I see… SO WHY DID YOU JOIN THE GAME?!"

"Long story," he and Liz responded.

…

Wait, what?

Kirito spun around to see Lisbeth standing behind him. She grinned a bit sheepishly. "Hi, Kirito-kun."

A/N: Guess the movie referenced in the first line!