Mr. Schu parked in the school parking lot, with his clunker car. Just like every other day.
"Mr. Schuester!" Jessica called.
"Yeah?" he asked, while she ran up to him.
"I went to the library. And I got some sheet music, and I wanted to run some songs by you that feature me heavily on lead vocal."
"Thanks, Jess. But, I already got one picked out." He responded. Jessica almost dropped her bag, when Alfred came over.
"Let me help you with that." He said, taking the bag.
"Thanks, Al. You're so chivalrous." She smiled.
"Thanks!" He replied. "That's a good thing, right"
"Morning guys~!" Mr. Schu called to Matthew, Amanda, and Lydia.
"Hey, Mr. Schu! We're just learning some runs." Said Amanda happily.
"Oh, yeah?" The teacher asked.
"Yeah, it goes. OH~!" Sang Amanda.
"OH~!" The other three repeated. Amanda laughed joyfully.
"Pretty fly, but you might want to work on it." Amanda joked.
"Oh, why thank you." Said Mr. Schu, walking the other direction. "Hey! Don't be late for rehearsals this afternoon!"
"Okay~!" Lydia called back. She was actually in a good mood today.
"Alright!" Mr. Schu called back. "Morning Arthur!" He said cheerfully to the English boy at the dumpster with the football team. Arthur gave him a 'seriously?' look.
"Buenos Nachos, Mr. Schu." Gilbert said.
"Hey!" Mr. Schu laughed. "Let's go, titans!"
"Come on!" Said Gilbert, when the teacher was gone. He began to pick up the English student.
"Wait!" Arthur yelled. He threw his book bag at one of the large guys. "One day you will all work for me." He declared. The football players ignored him, and proceeded to throw him in the dumpster.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Oh!" yelled Mr. Schu, bumping into Miss. Pillsbury.
"Oh, sorry Will!" she said, surprised. "Gosh, hi."
"Hey, Emma." He said happily, upon seeing his friend. "Uh, I wanted to thank you so much for the advice you gave me the other day. I mean, teaching here and coaching glee club. It's where I belong."
"Oh, well it's no problem." She replied. "You know, I give consul and give guidance. Cause I'm a guidance consular."
"Yeah, you are." Mr. Schu laughed.
"So- Oh look! We match periwinkle!" Miss. Pillsbury pointed out their shirts.
"Yeah." Said Mr Schu, noticing his shirt.
"Get a room!" Scoffed Isabelle, at the top of the stairs.
"Ms. Sylvester wants to see you in her office, Mr. Schu." Said Francoise, walking past the two teachers. "She doesn't like to be kept waiting!"
"You got it!" Mr. Schu called back to her. Mr. Schuester laughed nervously, turning back to Miss. Pillsbury.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Hey, Sue! You wanted to see me?" Mr. Schu asked, walking into the coach's office.
"Hey, buddy! Come on in!" The coach got off her treadmill. "I just blasted my hammies."
"Oh." Mr. Schu shut the door.
"Iron Tablet?" Coach Sue asked.
"Uh..." replied a confused Mr. Schu.
"Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating." Coach threw him a medicine bottle.
"I don't menstruate." The teacher replied.
"Yeah? Neither do I. So I had a little chat with Principal Figgins, and he said if your group doesn't place at Regionals, he's cutting the program." She clicked her tongue. "Ouch."
"You know, you don't have to worry about glee club. We're gonna be fine."
"Really?" Coach Sue glared at the teacher. "Cause I was at the local library, where I read Cheer-leading Today a loud, to blind geriatrics. And, I came across this little page turner." Coach pulled 'Show Choir Rules' out of her desk. "And, it turns out you need twelve kids to qualify for regionals. Last time I looked you only had five and a half. Here, cripple in the wheel chair." Sue said, addressing the teacher's confused face. "I also took the liberty of highlighting some special ed classes for you. Maybe you could find some recruits, because I'm not sure there's anybody else who's gonna want to swim over to your island of misfit toys." Coach handed Mr. Schu the book and a paper, then proceeded to lift some weights.
"Are you threatening me, Sue?"
"Threatening you? Oh, no, no, no. Presenting you with an opportunity, to compromise yourself? You betcha." The Coach put her weights down, and walked over to the office. "Let's break it down. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spot light. Face it, you want to be me!" Mr. Schuester laughed at her.
"So here's the deal: you do with your depressing little group of kids, what I did with my wealthy elderly mother. Euthanize it. It's time. And, I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios. You can fetch me Gatorade, launder my soiled delicates, it'll be very rewarding work for you."
"You know what, Sue? I politely decline your offer. Glee club is here to stay. I believe in my kids. I know you're used to being the cock of the walk around here..."
"Offensive" Sue muttered.
" But it looks like your Cheerios are gonna have some competition. We're going to Regionals. You have my word on that." Mr. Schuester tossed Sue the iron tablets back, and opened the door. "Have a good day."
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Jessica was at her locker, listening to the conversation taking place between Alfred Jones and Francoise Bonnefoy.
"We are in line to be the most popular kids in school, for the next couple of years." Francoise whisper shouted.
"Yeah, I know.:" Alfred replied.
"Prom King and Queen! Homecoming court royalty! I'm not giving up those shiny crowns, just so you can 'Express yourself!"
"Look, you're making a big deal outta this. Too big!" Alfred stated.
"Okay, let's compromise." Francoise said sweetly. "If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast." This definitely caught Alfred's attention.
"Under the shirt?"
"Over the bra." Alfred seemed a bit upset.
"No, no. I can't. I wanna do glee. I- I'm really happy when I'm preforming." Alfred shoved some books into his locker.
"People think you're gay now, Al. And you know what that makes me? Your big gay beard!" She shouted.
"Look, I-I-I gotta go to class." Alfred shut his locker, and walked away. Jessica looked at Alfred as he walked away.
"Eavesdrop much?" she shouted. Francoise walked closer to her, as Jessica shut her locker.
"Time for some girl talk, man hands." Francoise snapped. "You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never have him."
"I understand why you'd be threatened. Alfred and I do dance together, and sing duets. But, I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man away. I have plenty of suitors of my own." She perked up as she said the last part. "Everyday glee's status is going up, and yours is going down." Jessica began to walk away. "Deal with it." She turned around, only to get a face full of slushi. And, if that was bad enough another slushi followed.
"Holla!" Somebody called behind her.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Ah, freak out~!" Everyone sang, stepping into a circle.
"Le freak, c'est chic!"
"Energy guys!" Mr. Schu called.
"Freak out!" They sang again, forming into a line.
"It's disco!" Mr. Schu yelled over the singing.
"Le freak, c'est chic!" They all span out out the line.
"Ah, freak out!"
"Good with the hands! John Travolta hands! Alright?"
"Le freak, c'est chic! Have you heard about the new dance craze." They all formed into a line.
"Big fun!" Amanda kicked in front of Lydia. Big mistake.
"Whoa, whoa! Hell to the no!" Lydia screeched. Amanda had pissed her off earlier that day, and now was gonna get it. "First of all!" She turned to Amanda. "You try to bust my face again, and I will cut you!" She turned to Mr. Schu. "And also, this song is terrible!"
"I thought you liked this song?" Jessica butted in.
"Not when a bunch of tone death people are singing it!"
"Okay, no, no. It's not the song. You guys need to get into it!" Mr. Schu stated.
"No, it's the song!" Arthur clarified. "It's really gay." Everyone chuckled at his comment, no one ever thought that would come out of his mouth.
"We need Modern music, Mr. Schu." Matthew explained. Mr. Schu jumped a bit, forgetting Matthew was there.
"I'm sorry guys. We don't have time to discuss this." Mr. Schuester headed over to the piano. "We're doing this song, this Friday, at the pep assembly."
"In F-Front of the whole school?" Lydia asked, getting sudden stage fright.
"Exactly!"
"They're gonna throw fruit at us!" Arthur declared.
"And, I just had a facial!" Amanda squealed.
"I'll press charges if that happens." Lydia said.
"Guys, I can't express to you how important this assembly is. We need recruits. There are six of you. We need twelve to qualify for Regionals. We have no choice or, the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took nationals back in '93 with freak out. It's a crowd pleaser. Trust me. From the top!"
"I'm dead." Scoffed Alfred, as they all went back to their places.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"You need to call me before you dress yourself." Amanda told Jessica.
"Whatever, whatever." Jessica snapped back.
"You look like a technicolor zebra." Amanda said.
"You're a hater." Jessica stated.
"And, I look like I'm a partier."
"You're a hater, that's what you are. You're trying to copy me."
"It looks like I planned my outfit."
"All right, guys!" Mr. Schu said, walking into the choir room. "How about a little Kanye?" All the students cheered.
"For the assembly?" Lydia asked.
"No, we won't be ready in time." Mr. Schu began to pass out all the sheet music. "We're still doing disco. But, we can fold this into our repertoire. And, it'll be awesome at Regionals! Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're gonna succeed we need to communicate! You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened."
"Mr. Schu, we'd really like to not do disco at that assembly." Matthew stated.
"Al, you're gonna take the solo."
"What? N-No I can't do the solo, Mr. Schu!" Al chocked out. "I'm still learning- learning... how to walk and sing at the same time."
"No problem." Mr. Schu took his jacket off. "I'll walk you through it."
"Ooh!" Everyone called like second graders.
"Amanda, you know this?"
"Oh, I got this!" Amanda laughed. "She take my money!" Amanda sang. "When I'm in need. Yeah, she's a trifling friend indeed. Oh, she's gold digger. Way over town! That digs on me."
"She give me money!" All the students sang.
"Now, I ain't saying she a gold digger." Mr. Schu sang.
"When I'm in need!"
"But, she ain't messing with no broke, broke."
"She give me money, when I'm in need."
"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger. But, she ain't messing with no broke."
"If you ain't no crook holler we want pre-nup!"
"We want pre-nup!" All the students hollered.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Miss. Pillsbury handed Amanda, 'So you like throwing up' pamphlet.
"Amanda, bulimia is a serious disease." Miss. Pillsbury got herself some hand sanitizer.
"I don't have bulimia." Amanda said, putting the pamphlet down. "I tried it and failed, and won't ever attempt it again."
"Okay."
"It grossed me out."
"Okay, but I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out."
"I want to be thinner." The student stated flatly. "And prettier like that Isabelle girl."
"Mmm-hmm, and um, why is that"
"Have you ever liked somebody so much, you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?" Miss. Pillsbury recalled every day when she left work.
"No." She lied. "Uh, but a boy crush huh? I know about that, I mean not now. It takes me back in the day. Like, a long time ago I knew about that. You know what? You need to remember, Amanda. To protect your heart. I don't care who he is. If he doesn't like you for the way you are, or if he's... You know he's married with a baby on the way, that's not worth the heart ache." Miss. Pillsbury began to stare at Mr. Schuester. "You don't wanna compromise yourself for that. Um..." She cleared her throat. "Have you just tried telling him how you feel?" Amanda hung her head.
"He doesn't even notice me."
"I see. Um, okay, well, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. Alright, so find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way and maybe you'll end up doing something you never expected." Amanda smiled and nodded her head.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Jessica and Alfred sat in the principal's office, along with Mr. Schuester and Coach Sue.
"Would you like to tell Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester what I caught you two doing?"
"It just sort of happened." Alfred said.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting." Jessica told Principal Figgins.
"You watch you tongue, young lady!" The Coach yelled.
"Gay parents encourage rebellion, there's studies on this." Coach stated, referring to Jessica's two dads.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me what happened Jessica." Mr. Schuester butt in.
"Alfred was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally- challenged friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self esteem, and made a creative preemptive strike."
"Yeah, pretty much what she said." Al said.
(Flashback)
"You know one of the amazing things about the preforming arts is that you can parlay into so many different fields. Like Justin Timberlake. He's a sing, but he also has a clothing line. You know, he makes things like shirts and belts."
"Who is Justin Timberlake?" Alfred asked, while cutting out pictures. The two sat in the art room, making flyers for glee club. They cut out pictures, glued them on to a piece of paper and went to the copier. They made a couple of copies and were about to leave. When, Coach Sue walked in...
(End of flashback)
"That Copy machine is for Cheerios use only!" Coach Sue yelled. "Paid for by alumni donations. I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd done to the program, gad you broken it."
"Hold on a second, Sue." Mr. Schu interrupted.
"I resent being told to hold on to anything, William. I will not be treated like a second class citizen, because of my gender." Everyone exchanged confused looks. "That is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies, and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students. It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled."
"How many copies did you guys make?" Mr. Schuester asked.
"17." Coach Sue, said with disgust.
"Okay, and how much does a photocopy cost?"
"Four and a half cents." Principal Figgins answered.
"How about they just pay for the copies?"
"I like this compromise." Principal Figgins said. "Children, pay Ms. Sylvester. And, we'll let you off with a warning."
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Jessica and Alfred walked out of the school, glad they were able to get out of that. It was after school hours, and they were both waiting for people to pick them up.
"Uh, do you wanna practice for the assembly tomorrow after school?" Jessica asked.
"I can't. I got a Celibacy club meeting."
"Ame- Alfred you git! Get over here!" Arthur called.
"Sorry got to go." Alfred ran over and got in the car, leaving Jessica outside the school alone.
"What did you do?" Arthur asked, pulling out of the parking lot.
"Used the cheerios copy machine." Arthur chuckled.
"That Coach is a piece of work. Just don't do it again."
"You can't tell me what to do! I'm 246 years old! Oh, and stop almost calling me America."
"What am I supposed to do? I'm not used to having to call you by your human name all the time." Arthur turned on to the interstate, and if he were paying more attention he would noticed Lydia in the car beside him.
"Not say my name?"
"Seriously, America? Wow. That's the best you could come up with. Just do what I say."
"Hey! I may look sixteen, but I'm not! I usually look nineteen!" England rolled his eyes.
"Yes, and I usually look twenty three. But, we wouldn't quite fit in if we looked that, so you can thank my magic for fitting in. And, you know you don't have to be such an arse in school."
"Okay, first of all it's ass. And, that's just how high school works. The populars, the nobodies, then you. You know, I still don't get why we have to go to high school."
"Our bosses wanted us to have a basic knowledge of things. And, since your schools are the easiest to pass, here we are!"
"Whatever." Stated America. "Hey can we hang out with Canada, France, Spain, Poland, and Prussia after this? Wait, why did Prussia come? He doesn't even have a boss."
"He didn't want to be left alone by the rest of the bad touch trio. And, no not all of us are going to get together it's a school night!" America rolled his eyes.
"Fine."
"So, what was going on between you and that girl?"
"Nothing."
"Sure."
"Dude, she's a human! Like no."
"Wow, and France is that much better."
"Totally!"
"Ridiculous."
Lydia's eyes widened as she heard the conversation. England turned to an exit, and Lydia sat there soaking in what she had just heard.
Lydia did the only she could think of when she got home, she called Jessica.
"Hello?" Jessica asked.
"Hey, it's me." Lydia answered.
"What do you want?"
"Do you think it's kind of weird all those foreign exchange students moved here in the same year?"
"I thought that's what they were supposed to do, since they transferred from the same school. Hetalia High or something. It's in Japan, remember?"
"Yeah, but have you noticed how Arthur keeps almost calling Alfred America?"
"Uh. How do you know?"
"Or, how Arthur will break down crying when the revolutionary war is brought up?"
"Well, he IS English."
"I don't think all the English do that."
"Whatever. Hey, will you go to the celibacy club with me tomorrow?"
"Why do you want to go there?" Lydia asked, not satisfied with how Jessica didn't know what she meant.
"Uh. They have a shortage of girls?"
"Are you asking me or telling me that?"
"Telling you?"
"NO!"
"Well, fine! See ya tomorrow."
"Now wait Jessica!" Too late, she had already hung up the phone. Lydia decided to keep this a secret for awhile, until she got more info. Her friends were obviously too stupid to notice, so matters fell into her hands.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Francoise banged on the table.
"The Celibacy club is now in session. Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club, we are welcoming three new members this week. Jessica Whatshername." The girl sat on the other side of the room than all the other girls.
"Where are all the boys?" Jessica asked.
"Down the hall. First half hour we separate. Then we come together to share our faith."
All the cheerleaders in the club. (A.K.A everyone else.) Got up. Isabelle spun around in her uniform.
"God bless the perv that invented these." She said.
"Remember the power motto, girls!" Francoise squealed.
"It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing." All the girls spoke.
"Let's pair up for the immaculate affection." Francoise said, blowing up the last balloon. "Now remember, if the balloon pops the noise makes the angels cry." She proceeded to step up to Alfred and put the balloon between their crotches. Jessica's partner stepped up to her.
"You enchant me." He said. She felt like she was going to throw up. Meanwhile, Gilbert started grinding on the balloon between him and Isabelle.
"POP!" went a balloon.
"AL!" Francoise screamed.
"It must have hit my zipper!" Alfred defended.
"You know what? This is a joke!" Jessica said, backing away from her creepy partner.
"Did you know most studies has demonstrated celibacy doesn't work in high schools?Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for." Jessica explained.
"Don't you dare mention the 'C' word!" Francoise yelled. Jessica looked to Alfred.
"You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do!" The she stormed out.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"I officially call this meeting of the glee club in session!" Jessica spoke proudly.
"But Mr. Schuester isn't her." Matthew said.
"Mr. Schuester isn't coming." Jessica continued. "I paid a freshman to ask him for help with irregular verbs." Amanda groaned.
"I'm so bored!" She complained.
"Let her talk." Arthur said.
"I have another idea for the assembly. They're not gonna kill us, because we're gonna give them what they want."
"Blood?" Lydia asked, hopefully.
"Better, sex." Jessica said.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Silence, Children." Principal Figgins said, through the microphone. "First an announcement, the toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem, but let me warn you. There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of last time. We have a great treat for you guys today. Mr. Schuester."
"Yay glee! Glee kids hooray!" Miss. Pillsbury called in the silent gym.
"Hi. Uh, when I went to school here, Glee club ruled this place. And we're on our way back. But, we need some recruits to join the party. Now, I could tell you all about how great Glee is but I think I'm gonna let some friends of mine show you instead." The curtains to the stage rolled back, and Mr. Schu took a seat.
"Get up on this!" All the girls sang out.
"Get up on this! Ooh! Baby, baby. Ooh! Baby, baby!" The girls repeated.
"Push it!" The guys sang.
"Hey!" They all then did some dance moves I do not care to describe, just watch glee episode two. They song continued, with some questionable lyrics and dancing.
"Push it!" They all finished. The gym was silent.
"YES!" Screamed a boy, and the gym roared with applause. The students jumped up, and whistled.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Jessica stood outside the principal's office, waiting for Mr. Schu to come out. Coach Sue walked by her.
"You cut my budget! I will not stand for this! Glee club will fall!" She screamed.
"Mr. Schuester I'm sorry." She said to the teacher.
"Do you understand what you did today? You lied to me. And you ruined our chances. No parent in their right mind is gonna let their kid join glee now. Oh, and, uh, here's a list of the songs we're aloud to sing." Jessica took the list.
"What's a Luftballoon?" she asked.
"Look, I know how much you care about Glee club. And I understand why you did what you did. But I don't like the way you did it." The teacher walked away.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee club?" Coach Sue asked.
"I'm sorry, Coach Sylvester, but something is going on in there. Please don't kick us off the cheerios." Francoise said.
"Cease fire on the waterworks, I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna see it. You know, when I first layed eyes on you, I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester."
"Actually she way older than you." Isabelle whispered.
"Though you don't have my bone structure." Coach added. "But it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are. You two are going to be my spies, I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within."
"And, I'm gonna get my boyfriend back." Francoise said happily.
"I don't care so much about that." Coach muttered.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"You're giving Francoise Bonnefoy the solo?" Jessica asked Mr. Schu. "That's my solo."
"You made this happen, Jessica. You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. Francoise's audition was on Figgin's approved list, and frankly she did a heck of a job singing it."
"You're punishing me." Jessica argued.
"Contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you. Or, I've realized, about me. Look, I screwed up too. I'm as responsible for what you did at that assembly as you are. I should never have pushed disco so hard. When we did it back in 93 the disco revival was in it's heyday. It was cool, and we had fun doing it. We're on our way to success. Just try to let others be in the spotlight." Mr. Schu grabbed his bag.
"Can I use the auditorium later to practice?" Jessica asked. "Our neighbors are filing a law suit."
"Sure." Mr. Schuester walked out. Jessica looked down, that was her solo. But, maybe she could be charitable enough to give it up.
Hetalia glee club.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
My friend told me to put a footnote, so hello.
Uh, I don't really know what to say...
Reviews are appreciated...
I don't really know what pairings to put in, so suggest one?
Okay, bye...