I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to the sun shining down on my face. I was still laying on the floor in the living room. I sat up but that wasn't a good plan since my stomach decided to roll, making me run for the bathroom.

I puked again most likely from morning sickness but I wasn't sure to be honest. I was still upset about last night. I sat there my back to the tub, my breath smelling horrible, my heartbroken, and a tiny bean protected in my womb.

I rested my hand on my belly, a light caress. I was already protective of it and beyond afraid of the future. But I pushed that fear down, never one to show my weakness and somehow pulled myself together. I showered, dressed in work attire, and then called out of work once again. I had things to do and needed time to fully get my composure back.

I decided not to stay in the house either but unfortunately I had to take Spike with me since Jesse left him. So I packed up a couple suitcases, put spike in his cat carrier, packed his food, and litter box (we use disposable ones), and left my childhood and current house that served as the place where I met Jesse. I didn't have my rat anymore, him having passed away in February.

A sob escaped me but luckily nobody was out to see me there, everyone at work or still sleeping. With a deep breath I stopped myself from having another crying fest and pulled out of the driveway, leaving what used to be a happy home behind.

I arrived at my apartment; now thankful I had kept it. I dragged everything out of the car and into what was my home for now. I let Spike out immediately and set his food down in the kitchen, his litter box in the bathroom before unpacking everything else.

I wondered if I should take Spike to Jake's and hand him over knowing Jake would make sure Jesse knew I had brought him without breaking his needing space proclamation. Man, was this going to be awkward. Jesse and I needed to talk about when he needed to not be home so that when my stepbrother and best friend Gina invited me over I could go without encountering him.

I decided I would just give an excuse every time though and put it out of my mind. As I was finishing my unpacking my phone rang. It was Jake. I didn't want to answer but I did.

"Hello." I greeted sullenly, knowing Jake was going to ask about Jesse moving back in.

"Suze, what's going on? Why is Jesse moving back in? Not that I don't mind having him here but he should be at home with you." Jake didn't even say hello back. Jake was an interesting stepbrother, one I used to call Sleepy during when we were teenagers on the account that he was always sleeping. I always thought he had a drug problem to which my mother refused completely. But she really couldn't dispute that now, none of us really knowing if he was doing drugs or not, since he owns his own legit marijuana growing business complete with security and a boatload of guns in his home. He was exceedingly successful and his house showed it.

"Did Jesse tell you anything?" I asked.

"No."

Sighing, I lightly explained about our fight and him wanting a break out of the blue, not telling him about the blonde bimbo I caught him with. That was for Jesse to tell. I don't even know what Jake's response would be.

"Well that sucks, Suze. I hope you guys work it out. I thought you two were the kind of love that was forever." He said.

"Me too." I agreed sadly. "Well, I have to get back to work. I will talk to you some other time." I lied and hung up. I wasn't at work of course. I was going into hiding or that's what it felt like. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, especially Jake, Gina, CeeCee, David, or my mother. Who I wanted to talk to had passed away a year and a half ago, Father Dominic. He had passed away peacefully in his sleep and leaving me on my own. Before he had crossed over he came to me that night and said goodbye. Jesse had been at work and had missed it. I had never told him about it, it being too personal.

Susannah, I am so proud of the woman you have become. You are like my own daughter and I am glad to have been able to help you." Father Dom had said after I had woken up enough to be coherent. I had tears in my, I remembered. "Know that there will be some more tough times ahead. But don't fear too much for it will all turn out in the end."

And with that he had faded out until he was completely gone from my life.

"Oh, Father Dom, what do I do now?" I wondered aloud, the misery clear in my ears. I needed to get out.

I picked up my purse and keys and left the apartment. I was on the road a few moments later with the music, heavy rock blasting, as I drove to who knew where. I didn't care so long as I was not there. I found myself at the beach several hours later. It was a more private one, the one in which CeeCee, Adam, and I had often gone when we wanted to watch the sunset. I did so now, placing a beach blanket on the sandy beach, the one I always kept in my car for such spontaneous visiting. I looked out and watched the beauty before me. Waves light matching the cool breeze, water sparkling, and the sun big and orange slowly going down. Though it was a beautiful setting, one I often enjoyed I felt indifferent to it at the moment since my emotions were all over the place. I was sad, angry, hurt, and even part of me was excited. I was excited for the life growing within me but it was diminished by not having Jesse share in my joy.

I needed to tell him but if he wanted space how was I going to do so? A break he said. How long would that last? And when he was done with said break, would I even want him back? I loved him something fierce, I could still feel that deep within me, that absolute certainty about him being the only man for me. But how would I be able to trust him now? He had betrayed me and treated me like the men of this age often did to women.

I sat there thinking about all of this for a while, finally deciding on telling him of the pregnancy but still going to give him his space. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clicked his name in my contacts, calling him. It rang once, twice, and two more times before his answering machine picked up.

"This is Dr. De Silvia, I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and I will call you back." His message said before giving me the beep to speak.

"Hey Jesse, It's Suze. I know you need space and this break. A break that probably is going to be a divorce but not what I'm wanting to say. Anyways, before I give it to you we need to meet up. I have something to tell you, something I had planned to tell you last night—" BEEEP. The machine cut me off and I was so nervous I didn't call back instead texting him.

To: Jesse

From: Suze

We need to meet up.

I need to tell you something.

Suze

After typing the message I realize I'm shaking and I'm not sure if it's because it is now night and chilly or because of the anxiety and despair at seeing him again to tell him. All that hurt will come up, I won't be able to help it. I am a hormonal mess right now and all of this hitting me at once is affecting my stress levels.

I rise from my beach blanket, collect it, and head back to my car. Again I am back to driving, this time to a restaurant. The smells are mouthwatering and I grimace at myself for not having eaten on day. Some mother I am, I thought, can't even take care of myself on day one of actually knowing there's a being growing inside me. Depressed but still starving, I pulled into the parking lot. It's busy, it being a Friday night. I go in to the establishment and up to the bar to place my order, wanting it to go. The man nods and walks away saying it would be ready in about fifteen to twenty minutes.

Sighing, I sit upon the barstool and wait. I look around the room, observing the crowd. Couples enjoying a date together, families their with kids celebrating a birthday or anniversary.

"Would you like a drink, pretty lady?" The bar tender asks scaring me a moment. I turn to him and see him smiling. He likes what he sees of me. I, with my long brown highlighted with blonde hair and good figure. I am quite attractive, good-sized breasts, a grip able bottom, and a pleasing face.

"Just a water thanks. I'm don't drink." I said.

"Recovering alcoholic?" He asked.

"No. Just don't care to anymore." He nodded his head, noticing how I wasn't really interested in flirting with him. He brought me my water, which I sipped as I continued looking around the room.

The waiter brought my food out several minutes later. Grabbing it, I made my way to the door and to my horror bumped right into Jesse and his whore. Our gaze met each other's and I gulped a moment as my heart clenched in pain at seeing, not only him, but her as well.

Taking a deep breath, I looked down, squaring my shoulders; a move Jesse recognized from my many times of ghost fighting. Except normally I keep my eyes on the ghost.

When I was ready, I looked back up at him. "Check your messages if you haven't already, call me. Have a good evening." I said and then pushed past him slightly since he didn't move. Hey, I was being polite but he was also blocking the doorway. I may have not even spared blonde bimbo a glance but that was more for her safety than from me being slightly rude. If I had looked at her, I am pretty sure I would pommel her quite a bit and that wasn't good for me. Or Jesse.

I walked out and headed to my car, not even looking back. I was barely holding it together. I wanted to cry, rage, crumble to the ground, slap him, and kill her. Me being a passionate woman already was hard enough but add in the extra hormones from being pregnant and I was all over the place.

"Susannah." I heard his silky lightly deep voice call from behind. I took a deep breath, trying to reign in my emotions, and then turned toward him after placing my food in my car. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Not here Jesse. Not with her here. It has to be us alone. It can be in a public setting but just us." I told him as I lowered myself into my car.

"That's not gonna happen right now, Suze. I told you I need my space. Please respect that." Jesse said, his eyes trying to figure out from my expression and body language.

I was sealed up tight, pushing everything behind a cold mask the moment he spoke the 'it's not happening' part. A calm washed over me in fact as a decision that I hadn't wanted to make settled into me crystal clear. "Fine," I said with finality. "But since you didn't meet, don't get mad at me in the future. Know that I tried to tell you and from this point on you have no say, especially if we divorce."

With that I slammed my car door shut and getting a small sliver of grim satisfaction at the confusion and shock on his face for the cold way I just treated him. I hadn't been that cold since our first year of me moving to Carmel, California. I switched my car on and backed out slowly, this time fully aware that I needed to protect myself and in do so protect my baby. I gave him one last glare since he maneuvered himself on the side of my vehicle again, attempting to open the door to demand I tell him what I was talking about, but I glared at him. A glare that had him stopping instantly. Another look he recognized, this one being that I would come out and show him the side of me I only reserved for violent ghosts who attacked me.

I drove off then and made my way home. I wasn't really hungry anymore but still brought the food in and ate it knowing I had a little bean that needed nutrients so it could grow into a healthy fetus.

With a start, I remembered I never cleaned up dinner at the house last night, which meant my sonogram and test were still on the table. Once again, I grabbed my keys and purse making my way to my car. Driving up the mountain I made my way to the house. It took about forty minutes driving safely but still fast since there was no traffic.

Once in the house I cleaned up the wasted, and now horrible smelling dinner from the night before. I picked up the plates, rewashed them, and loaded them into the dishwasher. Once that was taken care of I took out the kitchen trash before coming back inside. I stared at the test and the sonogram, wondering what to do with them. Decided eventually on keeping the picture but made my way to our bedroom and threw the test on the bed, or tried to. It slid off on his side, hitting the ground. I didn't care and just left it there.

Sighing, I looked around our room remembering how it used to be decorated when I first came to live here. Not me at all. My mother had gone for an all princess styled theme. The only things I had liked was my bed, the loveseat with ocean window view, and my private bathroom. Now it was decorated to match both of our personalities and it showed. There were pictures of us all over from our honeymoon and wedding. I looked at them sadly and cried a little for the love that was now lost.

I hated myself for crying and being sad like this but I couldn't seem to help it. I was also angry that I couldn't just reign it in and keep it buried like I used to. I used to be able to channel it into anger and though I still could, it had to be in the moment when confronting Jesse like I had earlier. But with my new hormones I just couldn't.

After I got my tears back under control I left our room and made my way downstairs. I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hand and grabbed my purse preparing to leave to go to my apartment.

"Hello Susannah." My blood drained from my body and fear encased me as a voice deep and husky, with an accent from a long time ago said from the living room. I turned and to my utter horror stood Felix Diego and his bitch wife, Maria De Silvia. These were the very same people who had, in fact, murdered Jesse one hundred and sixty years ago or so. Ten years ago these two had nearly murdered me when my stepfather and my stepbrother Andy and Brad had been working in the backyard to put in a hot tub. This had brought them out of their graves and peaceful afterlife and wreaked havoc in Jesse's life and mine. We had found Jesse's remains, which they hadn't wanted, not wanting to be remembered as the backstabbing murderers they were.

At the time I had been working at a hotel for the summer watching one of the rich couples youngest son who happened to be a Mediator like myself. This got Maria to get Jesse exercised and caused me to go and save him, exercising myself to do it. Hey, I was in love with him and couldn't bare to lose him. He hadn't wanted to crossover any more than I did. This is also how I met Paul Slater, the older brother to the kid I had been watching all summer. Paul is and always has been a guy who tried to do anything to get what he wanted, including me. He lost though.

But he wasn't why I was afraid right now; no I was afraid because of these two standing in my living room in ghost form. I know for a fact I had exercised them from the same ritual Father Dom had performed on me so I could go get Jesse back. So how they got back was not a good thing.

"How?" I squeaked.

"Oh we made a deal with some people and they gave us a way out. Now tell me where Hector is so that we may kill you both quickly." Felix's eyes gleamed with malicious intent. He was only too happy to kill us. Only problem was Jesse wasn't here.

"He doesn't live here anymore. We broke up." I kind of lied in a strangely calm voice. It was a huge accomplishment since I was beyond frightened for my life. "I don't know where he is. Haven't seen him in a two months." I was trying to buy myself time. I had to get to Jakes and talk to Jesse now.

"I highly doubt that. You two were so in love with each other you couldn't even see it." Maria laughed, her voice husky but also slightly high pitched. "Not going to ask you again, whore! Where is he?"

I, not wanting to stay there another minute, ran for the front door with, thankfully, my keys and purse already in hand. But suddenly the home phone cord roped around my neck and choked off my air supply, dragging me across the room. I dropped my keys and purse, my fingers going instinctively to the cord to try to give myself air to stay alive. I knocked over the lamp on the side table as I was dragged backwards until I was flipped onto the ground. The cord was still choking off my air supply but now a pair of ghostly hands encasing my ankles was also dragging me.

I looked behind me and saw I was being dragged towards the backyard. I knew what that meant. They were going to kill me and bury me in the same grave we found Jesse's skeleton and nobody would know. I choked trying to screech and let one of my hands leave my throat, my fingers clawing at the wooden floor nails scraping across it until they were ripped off my fingers, making me bleed all over it as I still tried to break free of the supernatural hold that was upon me.

They laughed cruelly behind me, clearly enjoying my pain and suffering, and whatever high they got from murdering people. They were the complete psycho killers we all fear about. CeeCee had actually uncovered other murders of theirs over the years after they had killed Jesse. Anyone who got in the cruel couple's way was snuffed out of existence. This is what I feared now since nobody was here to help me and I was defenseless with my feet still tied up to where I couldn't kick out at them. Not to mention I was still fighting for air supply. A bit hard to kick at someone dragging me when I was also suffocating from the cord wrapped around my throat.

Oh, don't get me wrong… I still wiggled and scraped at the floor trying to get away or get some sort of leverage to defend myself but there was none. There was two of them and only one of me. I was beginning to lose consciousness and my will to fight. I had hoped Jesse would have felt something through our Mediator bond but if he did he ignored it. All I could think of was how my mother would cry and wonder what happened. How I would never meet my unborn child, how I would probably come back as a ghost. I wondered if Jesse would even look for me. I, of course doubted it, since he cheated on me and basically left me. I would forever love him but I wouldn't haunt him when I came back, and I know I would, come back as a ghost, I mean. My reason for being here would be because of never even getting to enjoy being pregnant and experiencing motherhood, or the joy of seeing him or her with my family. Of seeing him or her running into Jesse's arms. Of him rubbing my belly to feel it kicking. Of any of that.

Then I realized he wouldn't even do that anyhow since we weren't even together now. With that all my hope of staying alive left and I accepted my fate. Perhaps I was meant to bring back Jesse and take his place as my price.

In the next moment I was free, bewildered because suddenly my father was they're hitting them. His rage was evident as he smashed Felix's face several times before the two Diego's disappeared.

"Dad?" I said, my voice hoarse and raw from being choked.

"Go. You need to get out of here before they return. You need help with sending them back where they belong. Find Jesse, he will help you. You know he will. Don't doubt his love for you. He may be a little lost at the moment in what he wants but give him time." My dad said pulling me to my feet. "Now run. I can hold them off for a little while so you can get to safety but don't dally too long."

I didn't need to hear him telling me twice. I rushed to the front door picking up the purse and keys I had dropped and rushing to my car. I was still bleeding and my right fingers hurt badly. I knew I had some splinters wedged into what was left of my nail beds. Only a couple survived, how I didn't know but I knew I needed a doctor. Knowing immediately where to go I drove recklessly to Jake's. I pushed my button for the gate and it opened immediately. I didn't even slow down as I drove through. I screeched to a stop and was out of the car a moment later with Jake already opening the front door with a gun, thinking it was someone trying to steal from him. Upon seeing me he pointed the gun away and then slowly made his way to me. I looked at him in such relief for a moment before my vision wavered and I began to fall. I heard him curse and him rushing towards me but blacked out before I knew if he caught me.

"I don't know, Jesse. She drove in to the compound like the devil was hunting her. Her throat is severely bruised, like someone was choking her with a cord, her nails on her right hand are all but gone with massive bleeding and wicked splinters in them. She collapsed, dude." I awoke and heard Jake's voice speaking frantically to, I assume was my husband. I didn't hear Jesse though, which meant he was talking to him on the phone. I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light of the dining room. I was laying on top the massive table with a pillow under my head. My head was pounding, along with my fingers from the splinters.

I did an internal check, assessing where I was hurt. This was something I did often since a lot of NCDP's took it upon themselves to fight me, drown me, choke me, or drop buildings on me. Neither of those are fun let me tell you. I wasn't hurt anywhere else other than my throat, my ankles, my fingertips, and my head. I don't even remember hitting my head during my struggle with Felix and Maria but I must have when I was thrown to the ground when the decided to drag me by my ankles. I most likely had a concussion, which meant a long night for me.

"You'll be here soon. Good. Oh, I think she's awake." Jake said, relief obvious in his tone. "See you when you get here. Bye."

I rose slowly not wanting to hurt myself. I looked down at my fingers and grimaced. They were still bleeding and already turning a deep purple. The sight of them made me queasy and since I was, in fact, pregnant the smell also reached me and next thing I know I was leaning over the side of the table and hurling my dinner onto the floor. I felt a pair of hands pull my hair back and rub my back soothingly.

Once I finished, I rose and gave Jake, who was the one holding my hair back, an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about your floor." I said roughly.

"Don't worry about it. You should lay back down on the table, Suze. Until Jesse gets here and can look at you." He said trying to coax me back onto the table.

"I'd rather be in a bed, Jake. This table is not comfortable. Besides, all he has to do is take out the splinters and bandage my fingers." I said.

"And determine if you have a concussion." He said.

"No point. I know I have one. Now will you please help me to somewhere more comfortable?" I ordered. Knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere, Jake sighed and then helped me to stand and kept his arm around me since I was dizzy from the concussion. He guided me to my room for when I stayed over with Gina for our girl nights that included Gina, CeeCee, and I.

"What happened?" He asked once I was safely in the room and laying down in the much more comfortable bed.

"I don't really remember. I was hit in the back of the head. Next thing I know there is a cord around my neck choking me. Hands held my feet to where I couldn't kick out and they dragged my across the floor. I clawed the floor trying to get away. That's all I remember." I lied. I knew what happened and though I told some of the truth I kept the other part out. He didn't know about ghosts. Only David, Gina, CeeCee, and Jesse knew.

"Jake!" I heard Jesse call out. His voice sounded worried.

"In here." He called back. I shut down at this point. I didn't really want to see Jesse but knew it was inevitable. He may want space from me but he was still a doctor and genuinely did want to help anyone who was injured or sick.

A moment later he entered my room and I glanced at him but kept my eyes from meeting his. I didn't need to see his beautiful chocolate brown eyes that always seemed to pull me in further. I didn't want to cry on top of everything else. Jake didn't know what Jesse had done to me, how I had caught him. How heartbroken I was over it and him leaving me.

So I just glanced and then turned my head away to look at the wallpaper on the opposite side of the room. Jake filled him in on where my injuries were and soon enough I felt his warm and firm hands on my hair pushing the strands out of the way so he could look at my neck.

"Susannah, does it hurt to talk?" Jesse asked as he felt my neck. I grimaced in pain, the bruising already in affect. I nodded my head, not bothering to speak. Yes, of course it hurt. Your ex-fiancé and her maniacal husband that seemed intent on making sure I'm dead and you along with me weren't choking you to death.

But I didn't say that. I thought it but didn't say it. Truth is if he had been in tune with me, he would have felt a disturbance with his ghostly powers he gained from when he came back to life. I had a feeling he ignored it thinking I was just trying to get him to talk to me.

Next he uncovered the blanket and gasped at how bad my fingers were. They were way worse than my feet were when I had to walk home from Paul's once in high school and had already had blisters from new shoes. Add in hot cement and well my feet had been a ghastly sight but my fingers were way worse. I bet they looked like I had the plague. The smell of the blood wafted up to me again and my stomach churned.

"Jake, I need a bucket." I croaked out as nausea began to overtake me. Fuck! Not again! Wrong time to be having morning sickness. I didn't want Jesse to know yet. Not like this.

Jake rushed around the room and emptied a vase full of flowers and water onto the floor. Better water than puke that might stain another rug. He thrusted it under my chin just as I keeled over, unable to hold it back anymore. I spewed into the vice with Jesse pulling my hair back, momentarily leaving my fingers alone. I hurled four times, upchucking what was left of my dinner and emptying my stomach of anything else. Once done I collapsed back into the bed, eyes closed to keep the room from spinning.

I knew part of it was from morning sickness but it was also from my concussion. My throwing up signified just how hard I hit my head and that I would need round the clock care for the next few days to make sure I didn't choke on my vomit or not wake up. Only problem was I didn't have a few days if the two murderous ghosts had anything to say. Which meant calling in CeeCee's Aunt Pru to have this house blessed secretly along with my apartment. Then there was the school, the house, and the hospital. Maybe my whole family from David to my mother and Andy. All of this was going through my mind as I recovered from throwing up.

I felt a hand on my cheek and I jumped slightly sort of forgetting anyone was there. I opened my eyes alarmed but then calmed as I realized it was Jesse touching me. My betrayed heart clenched and pounded at the same time. Once from pain and the other because well it always sped up when he caressed my face. He attempted to pull it to get me to look at him but I pulled away. I still couldn't look at him, even more so now as tears gathered in my eyes. He didn't need to see that and so I pulled my head away to again look at the wall opposite side of him.

Sighing, he once again gently picked up my hand and examined the extent of my injury. "I'm going to have to pull out the splinters. I don't think the pain meds will take affect quickly enough before I pull them so I have to do it without." He said.

Great.

Jesse prepared the bedside table with the tweezers he needed. I don't know how many since I was too busy preparing myself for the inevitable pain I was about to endure. I refused to scream or cry and braced myself.

I felt him with the tweezers a second later I bit down on my lip, resisting the urge to cry out. I succeeded by mumbled out my pain unable to stop that. It would've been scream but held my lips shut.

"Let it out Susannah. It's okay to scream." Jesse tried to coax out of me. I shook my head vehemently and glared slightly in his direction.

The splinters took about and hour and a half since he had to do both hands. At some point I passed out from the pain.

All I know was now I was being awoken back up. "Susannah." I heard his chocolate smooth voice call to me. "Susannah, wake up. You have to wake up."

I opened my eyes and grumbled. "I'm awake."

He was sitting beside the bed. I still didn't meet his eyes keeping them on his hospital doctor coat, which he hadn't had time to change out of. MY hands were now properly bandaged, no splinters or blood in sight other than what had seeped through and remained on the bed. These sheets were ruined. Gina was going to kill me.

"You don't have to watch over me Jesse. I have Jake or can call CeeCee or David." I said.

"But they aren't doctors, Suze. I will be here until you are free of your concussion. You are restricted to only clear foods, nothing with substance until I know you will keep it down." Jesse informed her, making me look up into his face for the first time since he entered the room. The blood drained from my face as dread filled me. I wouldn't stop throwing up.

Fuck! How was I going to get out of this one?

"Susannah?" Jesse brought me back to the present. "Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?"

"No."

"Then why are you suddenly so pale?" He asked with his eyebrow raised. I quivered at seeing it, missing it. It was a look I loved because there was a slight scar above his eyebrow that was more noticeable when he raised it. It always turned my stomach to jelly and made my knees weak. Even now when my heart lurched inside me.

"Because if you hadn't guessed, I have a concussion along with my nails ripped to shreds." I snapped. "I've had a rather trying two days and will have who knows how many more in the next several weeks. I'm tired and so very heartbroken thanks to you, you cheating bastard! I will follow your care instructions, Dr. De Silvia but please just leave me alone! You've already given me enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. Not to mention it's your fault I ended up like this!"

"How is this my fault?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Had you not have been selfish and cheated on me. Had you talked to me about this instead of making worry over it and catching you, you would've been in tune to me as you say you are. You would've felt my fear, my fight for life! I nearly died! I thought I could at least count on you for that but I was wrong! I have completely lost every bit of faith and trust in you! You and your blonde bimbo ruined everything! Now leave me alone! Get out!" I screamed. Jake came running in with a sledgehammer looking for whomever was attacking me, not really hearing our conversation since it looked like he had been asleep. Had I not been in pain, afraid for my life and the life I hoped was still growing inside me, I would've found this rather comical. But I didn't and I also caught when Jesse had flinched as I spewed out the fact I didn't trust him. "Jake. I think I should have my actual doctor called and have her come stay with me the remainder of this damned concussion. Jesse wants his space to fuck whomever then he will get it. I'm done. I've had enough. You stay to your side of the compound and I will stay on mine until I can go home."

"I can go stay at the house." Jesse offered. As he said that memories of everything I just went through flashed through my mind and I began shaking. My chest heaved with the panic that accompanied the fear.

Subconsciously my bandaged hands made their way up to my throat and I clawed at my throat as I felt that cord choking me again. Normally I wasn't scared of violent ghosts but these two wouldn't stop and I didn't feel safe. I had never felt more alone than in that moment.

"Susannah… Susannah…" He called but I didn't hear. I was too much into my traumatic memories. "Susannah… Querida… Querida. Come back to me, Querida."

His hands on my arms and then on my cheek are what pulled me out of them. Not to mention hearing his Spanish endearment he used to like to call me. I blinked and look up into his worried eyes and part of me wanted to burst out crying and have him enclose me in his arms in comfort, to feel safe as he always used to make me feel, but now I didn't know how to feel. I loved him so much but I didn't trust him anymore. I wasn't lying when I said that.

"Querida. Susannah, are you alright?" He asked sincerely. I pulled myself back and out of his arms.

"I'm fine. I've just had a very eventful day." I said, closing myself off from him. His face frowned and I saw hurt in his eyes. I was building my walls back up, protecting myself from him. The walls I essentially had in place when we first met, the ones that kept boundaries. The kind that said I had only me to look out for me and that I wasn't counting on him anymore. My life and that of my unborn child had been in jeopardy. I had been counting on him feeling my fear, my pain as he always did but he had shut that off to ignore me in favor of his new model fresh blonde coworker.

"You should stay here Jesse. I don't want you in my house having her there." I said, part of it true. I didn't want him there because then I would think about him tainting our marriage bed with that woman. It would be something that would always bother me. But that wasn't the main reason to keep him away from the house. I didn't want him to get killed by them. I may not trust him or particularly like him at the moment but I still loved him deeply. I wanted to protect him. Which meant figuring out a way to get rid of Diego's myself like I used to do before moving here.

With a stubborn and determined look on my face I continued. "I will give you the space you want, Jesse. Thank you for the medical care you provided tonight, but I am firing you as my doctor. I already have one and would prefer her since she knows my history more so than you at the current moment." I told him.

"But Susannah… I still care about you. You know you can come to me about anything. I will be there for you if you need me despite my need for distance in our relationship." He tried to tell me but I wasn't listening. He had already not been there when I needed him.

"No Dr. De Silvia, I can't count on that. The only person I can count on in this world especially with who I am and my role in it is me. I have known it all along and have learned my lesson in the hardest way." I said and turned my head away, not looking at him, dismissing him.

I don't know how long he stood there or why but he eventually left with barely a sound. I could only here the sound of his doctor coat as it swished against his scrubs. As soon as he was out of earshot my walls crumbled and I broke down into a sobbing mess, one that had Jake rushing to the bed and pulling me into his arms. I held on for dear life as all the fear, pain, trauma, hurt, heartbreak, and whatever else I was feeling came out. My hormones were all over the place and I couldn't reign them in.

I don't know how long I cried but eventually I stopped and just felt numb. Once I was calm enough I pulled away.

"I am going to tell you something that you can't tell Jesse. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't meet me half way. If you caught the gist of our argument then you know he cheated on me, I caught him, and this is the result. But before I found out about his cheating I found out I'm pregnant. I had it all planned with telling him but never got the chance." I explained. My brother's eyes widened at this overload of information. "I need my doctor here to check to see if I lost m-my child from all this. I don't want Jesse to know right now. I don't want him to know unless I am unable to make medical decisions because I am unconscious or in a coma."

"But Suze, he's the father. He has a right to know." Jake stressed to me.

"I know but I can't involve him right now. I don't want him to return to me out of necessity. I am giving him his space, which will most likely end in our divorce since I don't know if I'll ever trust him again." I told him. "Right now I need to take care of myself and put him out of my mind so that I can protect my child if he or she is still growing inside me. Once he has had his space I will tell him and we will figure it out."

Jake didn't quite agree with me but he also saw what I was trying to do. I was doing the best I could under the circumstances and that I was focusing on myself as a future mother protecting the life growing within me so that should Jesse decide to give me the time of day there would be a child to talk about instead of a miscarriage brought about the stress he unknowingly caused me. He would never forgive himself about that, knowing Jesse as I did.

"Alright. I will keep it to myself unless I fear your life is in peril and you need him." Jake agreed.

"Agreed." Little did he know that my life was already in peril.