Lys: Mel, what are you doing?

Mel: *skipping through a field of flowers* I am expressing my love for the world!

Lys:…why?

Mel: I got two reviews! And no flames!! And an alert!!!

Lys: You actually got reviews? For this lame crack-fic?

*shrinks under Mel's killer glare*

Um … good job? b^^;

Mel: *smiles at Lys* *faces audience* I hope you all remember that I don't own -Man in any way, shape, or form. Now, onto Chapter 1!

"Ah, what a beautiful day!" said a certain red-headed bookman-to-be as he walked down one of the Black Order's many halls. It was a well known fact that Lavi was a morning person, usually waking up at 5 just to read in the library (despite his complaints every time Bookman forced him to study or write reports, Lavi was a chronic bookworm). Now it was 7, and all of the finders who were awake this early made sure to walk in the opposite direction the exorcist was headed. It wasn't because they were trying to avoid Lavi himself; it was just that the mischievous grin on Lavi's face seemed to scream "take cover".

Sure enough, the teen turned left and started walking towards the Order's brand new, state-of-the-art training rooms. He stopped just outside the room as he waited for his "prey" to stop swinging his sword at invisible targets. When the coast was clear, Lavi pounced.

"Yuuuuuuu-chaaaaaaan, gooooood moooorrrrrniiiinnnnggggg!" he screamed as he grabbed a very unprepared samurai around the waist. The red-head stayed there for a surprisingly long amount of time, apparently unaware of the murderous aura growing around him until…

"BAKA USAGI! YOU. WILL. DIE!!!" And so, their daily game of "Catch the Rabbit" began.

"I must not laugh. I must not laugh. But why the hell do they always have to be so damn funny?!" He covered his mouth with his hands, trying not to make any sounds that would compromise his position. After all, if he was caught, it would be off with his head.

This was one of the unspoken rules of "Catch the Rabbit". Lavi ran; Kanda followed and tried to chop Lavi up into bite-sized pieces. The game ended when one of 3 scenarios was reached: 1) Kanda actually caught Lavi and caused serious bodily harm, 2) one of the two exorcists was immediately called away to Komui's office for a mission assignment, or 3) Kanda became "distracted" and stopped chasing Lavi.

The red head had managed to fulfill the requirements for scenario 3 by making a small detour. Hiding in one of the Order's many secret passageways, he watched as Kanda continued running full speed down the hallway…

…straight into a very drowsy Allen.

"Oi, moyashi, move!"

"My name's not moyashi, Bakanda! It's Allen!"

Now that he was safely out of harm's way, Lavi didn't know what he thought was funnier: Allen's bad luck at having been tackled by Kanda so early in the morning, the glares the two exorcists were giving each other, or the sound of an empty coffee tray colliding with their heads and a green-haired girl berating them for fighting in the halls.

After 5 minutes of mental holding his breath, the junior bookman thought he was going to die from hypoxia. Luckily for him, Lenalee decided to escort the boys to the cafeteria, and Lavi was free to release all of his pent-up laughter. None of the finders even batted an eyelash at the sight of the rabbit rolling on the floor while clutching his stomach, and a few scientists took out stopwatches to see how long he could keep it up without taking a breath.

Finally, the bookman decided he was going to expire from starvation if he didn't head down to the cafeteria. As he headed off in the direction his friends had gone earlier, the scientists looked down at their stopwatches.

8 minutes even. A new record.

Breakfast was much calmer (or, if you asked Lavi, more boring) than what had preceded it. Allen and Kanda had silently agreed to sit at opposite ends of the dining table to avoid fighting with each other and earning a kick from a pair of very painful boots. Allen's giant, 15 foot-tall mountain of food served to further separate the two exorcists.

Lenalee and Lavi were busy talking over their pancakes about how few missions they'd gotten over the past couple of weeks (all of the exorcists were in the main building, even Cross) when a bright light suddenly flashed above their heads. The light was quickly followed by screaming and a loud thud as something crashed into the teenagers' table, the force of the impact threatening to topple a certain exorcist's edible mountain.

The "something" let out a low groan and a barely audible "Get off me" as it moved to reveal a dazed Road Camelot and an uncommonly disheveled Tyki Mikk.

Silence pervaded the cafeteria until…

"ALLEN!" A now hyper Road somehow managed to untangle herself from her uncle and glomp the mortified exorcist so fast that she made Michael Phelps look like a turtle.

"Argh, Road, let go!" Allen shouted as he tried to peel the girl off, but to no avail; she was stuck to him like gum on the bottom of your shoe.

Until he decided to use Crown Clown.

Road rubbed the back of her head, which had been slammed into a wall thanks to a certain innocence. Pouting, she whined, "Awwwwww, Allen's so mean!"

Deciding to ignore the Noah's stupid comment and the moyashi's poorly hidden blush, Kanda spat, "What the hell do you want, Noah?"

By now, all of the exorcists had entered the cafeteria with their innocences fully invoked, and the finders had backed away from the table to avoid getting caught in the cross-fire.

"Well," Tyki calmly stated, having gotten up from the table and made his way over to where his niece was still sitting on the floor, "we don't really want anything at the moment. If this little 'visit' to your 'humble abode' was planned, no one told us."

"Yeah," Road interrupted, "one moment I was playing with Lero, the next I'm laid out like a stuffed hog on that table!"

"Right, and we're supposed to believe that?" Lavi retorted.

"Believe what you will; what we say is the truth," Tyki breezed.

"Enough of this crap!" Kanda yelled as he got into a fighting stance. "Get ready to have your *beep* handed to you, Noah!"

"Wait, why was there a beep when Kanda tried to say *beep*?" Allen asked, confused. "And why was I beeped?!" Temporarily distracted from the two Noahs standing in their midst, everyone in the Order looked around the room wondering where that sound was coming from.

Instead of finding the source, they were greeted with a "Now now, Allen, little boys shouldn't curse. This fic is rated K+, so you'd best behave yourselves."

"What the *beep*?!?!" Kanda shouted, swinging Mugen around as he tried to determine the voice's location.

"Kanda, what a dirty mouth you have," the decidedly female voice teased. The comment seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time, which just pissed Kanda off even more.

"Where the *beep* are you? Show yourself you *beeping beep*! And stop that *beeping* beeping!!!"

The fuming exorcist got a short giggle as a response to his…colorful use of the English language. "Well if you must know, I'm up here." Everyone was slightly startled as the voice now seemed to be coming from a single place instead of emanating from the entire ceiling. Turning their heads towards the noise, they were greeted with the sight of a strange brunette girl sitting like a queen on a throne. The mood was ruined, however, by the fact that her "throne" was Allen's mostly-untouched mountain of food.

"Wonder if Allen's still planning on eating that," Lavi pondered. "Er, wait, now's not the time to be thinking about that…"

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, the junior bookman looked up at the girl (who he judged to be about 15) and said in his most polite voice, "Why hello there! If I may ask, who you are, and why are you here?" He figured everyone else in the Order was still too startled to ask what needed to be asked, so he might as well do it.

The girl's face brightened at the pleasant tone in Lavi's voice. Smiling, she answered just as politely, "My name is MoonlitMelody (Mel for short), and I've come here to make you all my personal play-things for the next week. Won't that be fun?"

Mel's small smile didn't waver as silence once again took hold of the Order.

It also didn't waver as Kanda decided to break that silence. "What the *beep* are you talking about?!" he shouted, his ever-present scowl deepening when he realized she had been the one beeping out all of his "colorful language" with a handy little gizmo. The girl didn't answer his question; she just started laughing at the (what she considered) hilarious look on his face.

"Oh for the love of…Stop that, you idiot!" Suddenly, Mel let out a little yelp as she grabbed the back of her head; it was as if somebody had smacked her there.

"That huuurt, Lys!~" Mel whined.

Ignoring the girl, a new voice addressed the crowd below. "Exorcists, Noahs, Finders, and assorted Dark Order staff, please excuse this idiot girl's behavior." At this, Mel let out a small "hey", which was also ignored. "I'll be more than happy to explain the situation to you all if you'll give me your full attention for 5 minutes."

"Hold up, who are you?" This time, Lenalee decided to ask the obvious question.

"Pardon me, where are my manners?" The movement of wings caught everyone's eye as what appeared to be a white and pink puffball fluttered up from behind Mel's head.

Upon closer inspection, the puffball appeared to be a golem, but instead of the usual black and white, this golem was a cotton candy pink. A tuft of white fuzz adorned its head, and black bat wings were replaced by translucent pink butterfly wings. It had a tail just like Timcanpy's, and a huge set of violet eyes completed the look.

The adorable golem continued to hover over the girl's head as the voice from before continued: "My name is Lys. It's a pleasure to meet you all, and I apologize for any trouble we've caused you."

It took all of half a second for everyone in the room, Mel included, to realize that the woman's voice was coming from the big-eyed creampuff.

And it took another half a second for the cafeteria to erupt into laughter.

Lys stared on in horror as the entire room laughed at her. And I mean the entire room. Even Miranda, Maire, Krory, and Kanda were holding their sides to keep from collapsing like Lavi and Allen had. And Maire couldn't even see what Lys looked like; why the hell was he laughing?!

Sensing the growing rage above her head, Mel stopped laughing and tried to calm the crowd below her. Too bad they were laughing too hard to hear her pleas.

But they weren't too loud to drown out Lys.

"SILENCE, YOU MORTAL FOOLS!" Lys shouted in her "big" voice. "I am the right hand servant of God himself! If you do not stop your infernal racket this instant, I will have you all dragged down to the seventh level of hell by your pinkie toes! Do I make myself clear?!"

She took terrified eyes and the cowering in corners as a yes.

"Now then," she began in a more normal tone, "we have come to your world as a kind of reward for Mel. You see, she has been chosen to wield the Gilded Pen, a tool that allows her to control everything around her for seven days. As a huge fan of this … establishment, she has chosen to spend her week here. Are there any questions?" Lys finished with a smile (or the equivalent of a smile since she still had no mouth).

"Yes, I have a couple," Tyki said while stepping towards the front of the crowd. As a Noah, the sudden outburst from the pink golem hadn't scared him into cowering in a corner, but even he had to admit the woman was scary when she wanted to be.

"Were you the one who dropped me and Road on that table earlier?"

"Actually, that was Mel," Lys said pointing at the girl who was still sitting on the pile of lukewarm food. Mel only chuckled and rubbed the back of her head in response.

"Should have seen that coming," Tyki mumbled to himself. "Does that mean we're all stuck here for a week to entertain you?"

"Aw, Tyki, it won't be that bad," Mel whined. "I won't force you to do anything that would endanger your physical wellbeing," she finished with a dazzling smile.

"So you're going to torture us mentally?"

"That's right."

Even Tyki shivered as the teen's evil laughter filled the room. This next week promised to be hell on earth for all involved parties (except Mel).

Lys: What the hell?! Why am I a flying pink creampuff?!?!

Mel: That's what you get for calling my fic lame! XP

Lys: *fumes*

Mel: Anyway, special thanks to Candyone11 and Zack1996 for their words of encouragement. I don't feel this chapter was as good as the prologue, but nobody's perfect, right? ^^;

Updates should come within a week of the last post, so stay tuned. As always, I live to read your reviews, so don't be stingy; just press the button right below this sentence and leave a couple of words. Anonymous reviewers are welcome as well.

Now I'm off to my lair to figure out how to torture the Order! *runs to bedroom and locks door*