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She walked very slowly. Carefully placing each segment of her toes as she went. Feeling the ship beneath her feet. Cold. But warm. Not as cold as outside. Not as cold as the parquet flooring at home. Not as cold as the white tiles at the place. Warm from the engine. Dirty. Grime built up over years, grime that made it a ship, not a yacht or a liner, but a ship. A proper ship. One that did work.
She trailed her hand along the railing as she went, an affectionate caress for the mother of her reborn soul. The cargo bay was packed full of crates. Work. Guts for scavengers to steal. Wooden crates, but not. Not wooden. Splinters? No, cracks? No…?
She kept walking, letting the feel of the ship under her feet sooth her. The suits locked in their locker, locked. Locked inside. She stared at them for a moment her face reflecting back in the helmet, she was inside them, but not. She wasn't there, she was here. But was she really anywhere? Were they?
Turning a slow circle she headed back inside the passenger dorms, tip toeing past Inara's door. Pause. Her own room, empty, but still her room. She was there but not there. She continued up the stairs, steep, sturdy, serviceable. Like that submarine they'd visited one summer, a relic from a long lost past. The stars. To see the stars. She'd wanted to go to the planetarium, Simon had wanted to see the museum. In the end they'd gone to the museum. Old nonsense, just like the stars. Old.
She looked up, the stars. They were there. Her eyes went wide.
Mal, as was his habit late at night, entered the galley. If anyone asked he was just going to get a midnight snack, not avoiding-he stopped. River was there, her head craned far back gazing up through the windows of the galley, looking at the stars.
"Bit late for stargazin' ain't it?"
River looked at him with that thousand yard stare, as though she were focusing very hard, yet not at all. When she spoke her voice sounded bored, as though she were explaining the basics of 2 plus 2 equals 4, "it's always late, light traveling billions of lightyears."
Mal tried not to sigh, or roll his eyes. River was a fine pilot, and though he wasn't too bad himself,sittin' in the cockpit at all hours with too much time to think on too many things, well, it was just better to have River in flyin' shape.
"Yer brother know you ain'tsleepin?" He asked. She turned to face him, her eyes focusing as she began speaking softly, "Soul stealers. Lots of little souls." As she spoke her voice became stronger, "Boxes. Bells 'round their necks." Now tears fell from her eyes. "Cattle. Chattel. No sky. No remembering." Then she began to yell, "Getting very very crowded. Tian-ling-ling, di-ling-ling!"
Before he realized she was done with her tirade she began sinking to the floor. Feeling that strange itchy feeling he always felt when River knew more than she should he yelled for Simon.
Watching her trace nonsensical patterns into the grimy floor he waited for Simon. He sincerely hoped what she said meant nothin', but it never did, it never had, likely never would. One word in particular was makin' his neck hairs stand on end. Boxes. She couldn't possibly mean-
"What happened?" Simon demanded, sinking to the ground in a rush next to his sister, not even sparing a glance for Mal. "She started spoutin' nonsense, then just lay down." He answered.
Instantly River sat up and insisted, "Not nonsense." Only to have her eyes unfocus and her words begin stringin' oddly on, "sensible, sensitive, sensitize, sensation..."
"Right…not nonsense." Mal muttered. Simon spared a moment to glare at him for his comment before beginning his symptomatic diagnosis, "River? River, what happened?" He asked. Her eyes gazing wildly around the room she began to speak, "Crowded. Dark. No light. We're not alone."
Simon looked up at him, disturbed by the last comment. Knowin' what the boy was rememberin', and feelin' more than a little disturbed his ownself he started toward the cockpit and said, "Jus' roll 'er over, make sure there ain'tnuthin' there."
As Mal's footsteps faded, Simon kneeled next to River. "Mei-mei, can you stand? We need to run some tests-" She interrupted him wildly, "No. No needles! Needless, endless, faceless..." Simon wanted to sigh at her response. He knew she wanted to wean herself off of medication, but if tonight was any indication, it was likely better to keep her at stable, albeit low, level of meds.
Helping her to her feet, he felt her shudder, then she turned to him, her eyes suddenly focused and calm, and spoke, "there are people in boxes." He nodded, shushing and soothing her as they made their way down to the infirmary. As they walked past the stacks of boxes in the cargo bay he couldn't help but give them a second glance.
"What kind of people River?" He asked as they wound their way through."Not people, chattel." She responded forcefully.
"In the boxes?" He asked, but she didn't answer, gazing at one of the boxes she murmured almost as if to herself, "Quiet. So quiet. Silence."
Thinking that since the boxes were obviously bothering her, he tried to guide her to the infirmary but she resisted, her low murmur becoming a nearly hysterical wail. "Packaged for delivery. They say don't shoot the messenger but they do, and I don't want to, I don't want to-don't make me Simon, don't make me!"
Holding her close and stroking her hair he spoke to her, "Shh, shhh, it's okay River, it's okay. I won't. I won't make you. Okay?" And gently he led her away from the boxes into the infirmary. She refused to sit in the chair, and was making a face as he opened the cabinet to get her medicine. Simon held the vial in his hand, ready to prepare the syringe when Mal entered.
"She goin' wooly again?" He asked, and Simon didn't miss the note of annoyance. Pausing for a moment he stared at the vial, it was nearly full. It had been weeks since River had been incomprehensible, and in fact, from what he could glean from Mal and Inara's conversations in those weeks, it wasn't because she wasn't medicated, it was because they didn't understand her. Resisting his natural impulse to cure River he placed the vial back on the shelf and turned to Mal.
"What's in those boxes? " He shrugged, "Ain't my business to know."
Simon nodded, it was easier to not know what they were smuggling, if they knew they were smuggling drops would it really make their job any easier? Did they ever really want to know what they were a part of in order to survive on the raggedy edge? Although, "they do look like the right size to be statis boxes," he thought out loud.
Mal interrupted his thoughts, clearly annoyed "You an expert on all things illegal now?" Simon ignored him, looking at River, he continued "Remember the box I brought River to Serenity in? Maybe those are-"
"I remember that box, had all kinds of fancy whatsits all over it-you see those boxes in the cargo bay? They're jus' boxes, regular wood boxes-" Mal interrupted. A scream pierced through their building argument, turning wildly Simon realized River must have snuck out while he and Mal were having their little disagreement. He turned and ran toward the cargo bay, looking for her, Mal at his heels grumbling,"would you shut her up!"
River was on her knees, screaming wildly, as she clawed at one of the boxes with her bare hands. Simon reached her and firmly pulled her back. Her assault had splintered the wood, and her hands were a bloody mess. Loaded with splinters and missing a few nails, she had obviously felt so driven to get inside the box she didn't care if she injured herself in the process. As he started to, once again, lead her to the infirmary he heard a loud thunk behind him.
Mal had jimmied off the side River had attacked, and once it fell it revealed a statis box. He and Simon stared at it for a moment, then at River.
"Huh." Said Mal.
Zoe hadn't been this tired since the summer campaign on Three Hills. Apparently a fetus the size of a mung bean was more exhausting than weeks of running guerilla strikes on Alliance forces and then beating a hasty retreat back to the hills and caves, only to do it all again the next day after a long march to get the jump on the enemy. At least she was clean. There might be only one shower on Serenity, but it was a helluva lot better than the grit that had gotten everywhere. She was surprised the Alliance hadn't smelled them coming.
There was an upside to the constant fatigue, once her head hit the pillow she was guaranteed to fall asleep, which was a blessed relief from the worry, the nausea, and the grief. She had spent the past weeks, no nearly months now, in a dream like fugue. The days strung together so she could hardly tell the difference between them, and since Mal had mostly relieved her of duty she wafted slowly around the ship much like River used to. Thinkin' on it was no use, the hormones her body had strung her brain out on interfered with any useful conclusion making, she usually just ended up a sobbing mess, unable to stop crying, and unable to recall why she'd started in the first place.
So, if she hadna been woken up by the nightmare, the new one, the one that had replaced her old wartime nightmares with a special new horror all its own, she probably wouldn't have come runnin' down the catwalks a step behind Jayne. River was sitting off to the side rocking herself back and forth, her hands covered in blood. Zoe's eyes roamed the cargo bay, looking for the imminent threat that had so clearly wounded the poor girl, only to fall on Mal and Simon staring at a box. Mal was focused, concerned, but there was no need for violence.
Kaylee's voice came up concernedly behind her "River? You okay sweetie?" She gently maneuvered herself around Zoe and hurried to the girl, wrapping her arms around her and joining her rocking, slowing it down to a comforting pace. River relaxed into, and seemed to come back to herself. Inara stood frozen in the doorway to the passenger dorms. Her face hardly moved, it was like looking in the mirror, all their horrors plain for the other to see in the frozen muscles of their faces. Zoe turned hastily away, and moved closer to Mal to inspect whatever it was that had captured his attention so completely.
"There a reason crazy scared us all outta bed?" Jayne's voice rolled out beside her. Man was right, he'd never make a diplomat, but there was a reason the merc had lived so long, he was keen when it came to self , of course, took immediate umbruge to the rough man's tone, "You remembered grenades, but not pants?"
Zoe, finally turned to look at the big man properly. Simon was right. Jayne had grabbed Vera, an assortment of knives, two pistols, and several grenades. And that was just what she could see. Jayne glared at Simon and retorted, "Least I brought somethin' what's yer excuse fer not havin' a shirt?"
Zoe tried not to laugh. She wasn't sure if it was relief that there wasn't anything actually attacking anybody, or somethin' else. Mal however, didn't seem inclined to acknowledge anything, at least outside of the box he was staring at. Maneuvering to stand just behind his right shoulder she looked at the box as well. She caught just a glimpse of it, and began to ask him what was going on when Mal rounded, nearly blundering into her, and abruptly ordered everyone back to bed rather bluntly, "Everyone back to yer bunks."
The crew stared at him for a moment before they immediately began questioning the order.
"Don't' you think we should-" Simon asked.
"What about River?" from Kaylee
"What's goin' on? I was havin' a good dream." Jayne, of course.
"Mal?" Inara's voice was tremulous, and Mal looked at her, compassion in his gaze, but he plowed on regardless, "You all gone deaf? River had a spell, ain't no need fer us all to be losin' sleep over it."
Simon immediately began to argue, "But she might be right about-" but Mal quickly interrupted him, "Don' matter if she's right or not." The doctor looked at Mal half in shock, half in disbelief. Mal continued, his voice echoing menacingly around the cargo bay somewhat, "Don't see what so all fired interistin' about a crazy girl havin' a crazy spell. See to yer sister. The rest of ya-I don' wanna be seein' you 'til mornin'.Dohn ma?"
Jayne shrugged his shoulders and headed back to bed, while Kaylee, talking softly to River, led her to the passenger dorms, Simon glared once more at Mal and followed them. Zoe, noticing Inara creeping gracefully closer to Mal busied herself looking at the very interesting box. She did her best not to overhear their conversation as she studied the wood that had clearly been ripped off by River's bloodied hands. Girl probably had a dozen splinters.
"Mal? Is everything alright?" Inara asked, her voice sounded wobbly, so different from the cultured, confident tones she used to employ with considerable skill. Mal replied more to the walls than to her, "When is it ever?" A heavy silence fell over the pair of them, and Zoe continued her study of the box. It was odd, a second more high tech box was encased within the wooden one. It was all quite strange, in fact it looked something like the box Simon had brought River inside when he first came to Serenity.
Mal's voice broke through her thoughts. "Go on now, get some rest, can' have yawearin' yerself out." His voice was strangely intimate, it was the sort of tone Wash had used with her when they were alone. He'd obviously forgotten they weren't. Feeling awkward she withdrew, using every bit of her stealth training.
"Goes for you too Zoe." He called out after her retreating back, she turned to see him looking smug. Man always wore that face when he caught her 'walkin' soft', but there was something else as well, along with the usual careworn look he seemed extra burdened. As weary as those days in Serenity Valley, and so despite her heavy misgivings about the cargo boxes she merely nodded and continued to her bunk leaving Mal alone in the cargo bay staring at the box.
Chinese Translations
Tian-ling-ling, di-ling-ling : abracadabra, abrakazam
Mei-mei : little sister
Dohn ma : understand