: Chapter 1:
Too heavenly here
Charlie was watching as a bunch of angels began panicking desperately looking for their halos they sure took those seriously, they were floating rings over their head what was so important about them. Charlie watched as they searched on the floor for probably the tenth time, perhaps heaven did bring out insanity after all the official definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, holy crap heaven was insanity they all did the same thing everyday yet acted like it was different. Charlie smirked in amusement as the dogs frantically searched on the ground some even stuck their head in their shirt, why would it be there?
"It's not here i can't find it anywhere!" A large dog said.
"Mine's gone too, i looked everywhere!" A more slender one said.
Charlie's smirk grew bigger well time for the next part he wondered if they would fall for this?
"You're halo's gone just disappeared like that" Charlie said sounding confused with a hint of worry.
"What do you mean is something wrong?" The large dog asked.
"No, no it couldn't be I mean it's an urban legend, but you are showing the symptons" Charlie said concerned.
"What symptons, what's going on Charlie!?" The slender dog asked.
"Our your wings still there you know your uniform wings?" Charlie asked his voice had a hint of dread.
The dogs looked at him confused of course they were still there where else would they be they then looked at each other and both noticed their uniform wings were gone.
"They're gone, just like our halo!" They both screamed.
"Oh no, i didn't think this was real we must take action immediately" Charlie said his voice dead serious.
"What's happening to us!?" They asked him.
"The anti holy infection" Charlie said seriously though it took every ounce of self control he had not to burst out laughing.
The angels looked at Charlie in confusion they had never heard of that before what was it it certainly didn't sound good, if your wings and halo vanished what was the next stage of it, still it seemed odd and all they could both do was stare at Charlie in confusion.
"It's an ancient disease that came into existence back during the war, it's when the last traces of negative energy left from you know who, and his followers infects an angel it slowly strips them of their heavenly aura of their angel grace, first the halo, the wings then more and more until the angel is corrupted and falls from heaven." Charlie explained.
"How do we stop it!?" The dogs said in a blind panic.
"You are in the early stages so it's not strong yet you can release the negative energy before it taints you" Charlie said still trying hard not to burst out laughing.
"How" The dogs asked in desperation.
"You have to be bad, you cause a bunch of chaos and trouble and do mean things if you do this the negative energy will seap out and you will return to normal" Charlie answered.
The dogs nodded and then without even considering how ridiculous it sounded, they took off running jumping on wheels and knocking a bunch of angels off ledges rubbing their butts on walls, just all around odd stuff. Many angels were confused by what their fellow angels were doing, soon they began stealing bones and running off with them while knocking other dogs into their heavenly swimming pools. While other angels tried to talk with them. He wondered if the others would believe it how far could he take this, why not might as well find out. Charlie walked up to the dazed dogs and grabbed their halos while sneaking up and grabbing other ones, this could turn out even better than he thought.
The two dogs were now smashing down heavenly walls when a group of angels finally grabbed them.
"What are you doing?" She asked them.
"We don't have a choice we have to fight it" The large dog said.
"Fight what?" The girl angel asked.
"The anti holy infection it's corrupting us stripped our wings and halo, it's spreading anyone could have it!" The slender dog shouted.
"That's absurd!" A smaller dog said.
"Then where's your halo" the large dog asked terrified.
The dogs then noticed the smaller dogs halo was gone in fact so were many others, this thing was spreading fast.
"It's gone, many are gone the infection is spreading like wild fire we must purge it by being bad and all who are not infected must flee, flee!" The slender dog yelled.
All chaos broke loose, the angels went into full on panic mode screaming and running around in what seemed to be circles, others dived off of ledges while others retreated into the water some stuffed their heads into their shirts. Other's began reciting ridiculous prayers that weren't even a real language. Dogs began smashing things some angels got into full on fist fights punching each other in the face and apologizing each time. Bigger and larger angels were tackling the haloless dogs to the ground and dragging them away from the others. Before checking for their halos eventually they were grabbing so many dogs, the guards went into panic mode declaring the infection a full on pandemic. Angels were screaming and running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Walls were being broken people were being pushed off ledges while others were from the looks of it attempting to urinate on something, brawls were everywhere while other angels ran around in circles guards were screaming and running as well, the only thing missing was everything being in flames and it would match a pandemic. Charlie was rolling on the ground with laughter normally this would be awful but they couldn't actually hurt each other and everything being broken could be rebuilt instantly, so instead it was hilarious, this was the by far the best thing Charlie had ever done.
Annabelle was going through her book looking over the expected arrivals of the day when she heard dogs howling in desperation there were screams everywhere and prayers, though she didn't recognize them, in fact they were in simplest terms gibberish. Annabelle went outside her work area only to find complete chaos. Angels were punching each other, other's were diving from ledges, others were living under water, some were beating their heads against the walls, while others were smashing walls, then there were others running around stealing the infinite bones, those who weren't doing something strange were just running in what seemed to be circles. What the heck was going on, what on Earth were they doing they were panicked that's for sure but what in homes name were they freaking out over? Annabelle used her power to pull them all away.
"What is going on, are we under attack or something!?" Annabelle demanded.
"We are under attack the anti holy infection has spread it's infected most of heaven!" A guard said.
The what, what were they talking about Annabelle had never heard of it and considering Annabelle's information comes from well the big guy it was highly likely it didn't exist.
"The what, the anti holy, anti holy infection" Annabelle said trying to grasp it.
"Yes it starts with the disappearance of your halo then wings and eventually you fall from heaven" The large dog said.
No, that's not how falling worked nor did sin, it sounded absurd who on Earth told them this, oh who was she kidding she knew.
"Who told you this?" Annabelle asked her voice sounded like it she already knew.
"Charlie" A dog said.
"Charlie and you believed him!" Annabelle said in disbelief.
Many angels began trying to protest Annabelle merely snapped her kind of fingers and all halo and wings returned.
"Now clean up this mess if you work together it will only take a minute at most" Annabelle said she then turned to Charlie.
"Cloud now?" She said.
Before Charlie could respond a horn was heard blaring it was time it was gabriels horn the new arrivals were here. Charlie bolted past Annabelle and made his way to the holy gates. Other angels all gathered around the gates chanting and singing in joy, jeez did anything ever stop them from being so saintly it was creepy, seconds ago they were tearing heaven apart which was way more than Charlie expected them to do. They all arrived at the gates which opened gracefully as this happened Carface hid a smirk it was almost time and there it was the horn, soon very soon. Charlie arrived at the gate he had heard rumors that today was the day he was showing up it had been a long time and he was looking forward to seeing him.
A smaller dog watched as dogs came floating in.
"Check, check, moving on" He said rather emotionless not exactly the kind of voice to introduce you to heaven.
A dog came floating in on a pillow which the smaller dog caught and took.
"Sorry sir" He said taking the pillow from him, his voice was more lively here it then went back to sounding like a robot.
"Check, check, moving on" He said while looking through the list and turning to the gates no one else was coming, that was that.
"That's it, that's all dogs today" He said in a voice that would make a rock documentary sound like an opera.
Charlie was disappointed well kind of he was hoping to see him but he also was glad he was well still alive, still wouldn't hurt to check.
"Are you certain i was expecting someone today" Charlie asked.
"I'm not seeing any other new arrivals maybe lower" The dog said it almost put Charlie to sleep.
All of a sudden heaven opened up and a small dog wearing a green shirt and a red hat came flying through it and soaring through the air screaming rather loudly as he was thrown across the sky. The boring dog was still looking through the list examining each and every part carefully like every piece was a grain of sand. Charlie was about to fall asleep this time when he heard someone screaming across the sky. He turned and saw him flying right towards him he recognized him instantly his voice was recognizable too. Charlie smiled and caught him which pushed him back a little.
"Itchy" Charlie said happy.
"Oh yeah there he is" The boring dog said he never even raised his head from the list during that time, yeah Charlie was focusing on something else right now.
Itchy took in his surroundings it was rather pretty very bright with plenty of clouds though he couldn't see much at the time, he then turned and saw a dog staring at him german shepard wait a minute it was him, Charlie how was he seeing him now.
"Charlie is that you" Itchy said in shock.
"No, i'm Killer" Charlie said sarcastically.
Itchy got up to hug charlie in joy, but before he could he felt like he was going to vomit he then spit up what appeared to be a chicken bone, which Charlie caught before looking at it.
"Always told you chicken wings were bad for you" Charlie said with a smirk.
"Charlie it is you, i can't believe it!" Itchy said in joy hunging Charlie.
Charlie looked at the chicken wing again and then down at itchy, "Not exactly dignified i'd definitely say i got you beat in that category both times" Charlie said before throwing the bone down a pit.
"Hey wait a minute ain't you you know dead" Itchy asked.
"Oh yeah, took a trip to the pound" Charlie answered.
Itchy watched in shock as an angel uniform appeared around him as well as a pair of wings and a halo, even more so itchy didn't feel the need to scratch himself this was already feeling incredible.
"Welcome to paradise" Charlie said though it didn't sound too sincere.
Charlie began walking away while itchy followed him taking in the whole place. There were pools, bones, meat so much meat, so much wide space to run, dogs singing, others were chasing a bouncy ball that once they caught threw itself again, other dogs were doing more personal things which Itchy could not see nor could Charlie personal heavens were viewed only by those who they belonged to.
"This is great, I mean i can't even keep track of all this, there seems to be no limit to the fun to be had" Itchy said in awe.
"Swimming pools, fetch courses, mountains of bones, the sanctuary of meat, the heavenly shot, among many other things." Charlie said though he didn't sound interested, that was crazy how could Charlie sound so uncaring while saying all that, the sanctuary of meat Itchy was visiting that place soon.
"Of course you can fly to any point at any time, give it a shot" Charlie told him.
Itchy began flapping his wings and allowed him to hover off the ground and began soaring it barely took any effort at all and he mastered it immediately.
"Wow this is incredible i can move like a thing of light, and if i hit something i don't even feel it" Itcy said in excitement.
"No pain no bad feelings" Charlie said, though that didn't entirely make sense Charlie had plenty of bad feelings namely boredom.
"For the first time i don't need to scratch, this is this is something else" Itchy said.
"Believe me it gets old fast" Charlie told him.
"You can't be serious" Itchy said in disbelief.
Charlie wasn't surprised by Itchy's response but he just didn't feel it none of this mattered to him it was all too easy, he didn't want an easy win he wanted a struggle, a game of chance, something to make him feel alive, even if he were dead. He didn't want perfection.
"This place is supposed to have it all but it's just, i don't know it's just too, heavenly" Charlie said it took him a bit to think of a proper word.
"It's too calm, nice, quiet peaceful, just too happy and joyful, it's always sunny and clear" Charlie said which he had to admit sounded weird when he heard it but he believed it.
Itchy on the other hand was dumbfounded by what Charlie was saying how could those possibly be a bad thing, Itchy had enough of a struggle he was ready for some peace.
Charlie looked around at heaven feeling a strong sense of disdain for it he felt almost trapped, it wasn't how he lived it didn't fit who he was.
"It's too blissful here, i can barely stand it, pure and so paradise like, I don't know" Charlie said his words were confusing him, this was heaven why on Earth wasn't he happy, he tried to create his own heaven his personal one it worked for a bit but eventually it got old, heaven wasn't enough, life was what he needed.
"I feel like my brain is rotting melting into a pile of jello" Charlie stated his voice showing disdain, well maybe Charlie wasn't sure what his problem was, but he had an idea.
"What could possibly be missing Charlie?" Itchy asked in disbelief.
Charlie thought about it remembering the good old days his break out from prison, drinking himself into a stupor building his profit and his casino, hanging around with the pups he relatively enjoyed that. He also remembered running after Carface tried to gun him down now that was exciting. No excitement no surprises, just a boring routine.
"I need some action, taking the rules and playing fast and loose with them, playing the game and taking the risk, rolling the dice and relying on chance to decide the outcome. Maybe a little tail to boot" Charlie said not even bothering to hide his desire, many angels immediately moved away from Charlie some even raced to Annabelle, sinful thoughts.
"I need to feel alive, i need the one thing this joint doesn't have, a little sin" Charlie said giving a bit of a grin when he said the last part.
Itchy couldn't believe Charlie this was insane who would want anything from the real world when you have all this, Charlie needed to get his head on straight.
"I'm a hussler and I don't have a proper scam, what a waste, cut down in my prime, surrounded by a bunch of boy and girl scouts" Charlie said with a hint of disappointment yet also excitement in the possiblity of actually pulling something off.
Charlie felt his talons come out and felt that frustration of his returning, it was too much, it was too blissful, happy, perfect, paradise like, it was just too heavenly.
"It's too heavenly here, all of it it's not what i want or where i truly belong it's driving me up the wall, I'm going out of my head up here, it's dead, no deader than dead, You'll see it soon enough, believe me it's way too heavenly here" Charlie stated his voice became almost frustrated which seemed to scare some angels that kind of tone wasn't common he was creating a negative environment.
Forget them what did he care what they thought, still he needed to get out of here he was running out of pranks to pull mainly because the nature of heaven allowed him to immediately pull them off no way that infection scheme would've worked in the real world. His brain was wasted here. He couldn't take it much longer this place was so dull and boring he felt like he was turning into a zombie. Everytime the gate opened it was tempting to just jump down the hole and fall to Earth maybe he would next time.
Itchy looked at Charlie dumbfounded that was a counteraction if he ever heard one it was ridiculous, was Charlie insane? It didn't make any sense to Itchy at all.
"Charlie you gotta see a doctor or something" Itchy told him.
Charlie ignored him and instead stared at the gates with a sense of longing and an overwhelming need to tear them open and pull himself through. This place was dead no the real action was down below he had to get down there and start living again.