Meanwhile, Remus was looking for Lily in the common room.
"We're in trouble… We are so screwed…" he was muttering to himself nervously.
He spotted a girl from his year and poked her shoulder.
"Err, hey, could you please tell Lily Evans to join me in the common room? I can't get up the girls' dormitories' stairs."
The girl nodded, smiling at him brightly at him until she was out of view. Remus threw himself on the couch, rubbing his temple.
"What's wrong with all those birds?" He groaned.
"What's going on, Rem?" Lily chuckled as she walked down the stairs. "Trying to deal with your sexual crisis?" She bit her lip seductively and burst out laughing, falling on the couch beside him.
"It's not funny, Lils. James is going to tell Sirius about his ridiculus theory. We are so dead."
"Great, awesome…" Lily muttered sarcastically. "He's such an idiot. How the hell are we going to get out of this one?"
"Very good question." He paused. "I have no clue."
"Well we'll have to try and knock some sense into them some way." She shrugged.
"How about we cast the full body-bind curse the moment they show their faces?"
"Or maybe just a hit with a book and we run…"
"Disarm them then throw tomatoes at them?" Remus suggested. "The possibilities are endless."
"Let's just stay here as if nothing's going on but stay by the door, so that if we need to we can run."
"Good idea." Remus approved. "Or we can hide, but they'll probably make more theories about us snogging or worse…" He cringed.
"No hiding." Lily shook her head.
"And absolutely no snogging." Remus shook his head too.
"So what's the plan again?" Lily asked nervously, glancing every two seconds at the portrait hole.
"There is no plan. Do you have your wand?" Remus asked.
"It's in my back." She looked over to the armchair before walking over and lifting it out.
"I wonder how angry they are. Their combined fury is terrifying."
"We'll be fine." She swallowed. "It can't be that bad."
Remus wasn't so sure about that. He glanced at the portrait whole, and his eyes remained stuck on it. He started when it suddenly opened, and he dived on a book as Lily jumped on the armchair, pretending to be performing spells.
"So I was like let's go to the Astronomy tower but the blondie just pressed me to the wall and was like 'I can't wait any longer, I want your body right here in the middle of the corridor' and stuff…" Sirius bragged as he and James entered the common room, both smirking.
Remus peered at them from behind his book. The way they were behaving was absolutely not like he and Lily had expected. He felt relieved for a split second, but suddenly a burning feeling made him clench his finger around the binding of his book as he listened closely to Sirius.
"Lucky dog." James snickered. "But I don't think she was as good as my brunette twins."
"Keep telling yourself that. You know what they say, after all: blondes are more fun." He winked at James.
"I'm still mad you stole my back haired one from Team Potter, though. She was a hell of a great kisser."
Remus and Lily stared at them in shock. Not so long ago, James had been extremely mad. Was that really the reason why he had stormed out of the common room growling at anyone who had the misfortune of crossing his path?
"Apologies, mate…" Sirius shrugged as he dropped himself on the couch, completely ignoring Remus. "She couldn't resist." He smirked.
"You mean you couldn't resist. Not that I blame you, Pads." James winked at him as he sat on the armchair near the couch.
"Okay, let's just agree on the fact that we both couldn't resist." Sirius said as he waited for the slightest reaction from Remus, for no reason in particular. Well, no reason in particular that he knew.
Remus felt the cringe in his stomach increase as he listened, and he realized that they hadn't even greeted him. Unable to sit there and hear any more of this rubbish, he went up to the boy's dormitories and started cleaning the mess James had made when he was angry earlier in the afternoon, and lied down on his bed.
James laughed as he watched Lily out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, do you know who I heard has a thing for you?"
Lily scowled and took out the Weekly Witch Magazine from her bag, turning the pages loudly without bothering to read as she listened to every words they pronounced.
"They all have a thing for me, mate." Sirius said, leaning back smugly on the couch, satisfied by Remus' reaction so far.
James rolled his eyes.
"No but this girl isn't part of your fan club."
"Who?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, very pleased with himself.
"You know Evans' friend, Marlene McKinnon?" James purposefully used Lily's name to see if it would get her attention.
Lily's head snapped round as she heard her last name. She gave a swift cold glare at James.
"That's not true." She mumbled as she looked back down at the Magazine.
"What was that, Evans?" James grinned, careful to avoid her eyes.
"It's obviously not true." Lily said sharply as she examined the paper.
"Oh is that so, Evans?" He asked, watching her.
"I think I would know, since she's my best friend and all…" She snapped.
Sirius coughed awkwardly, as he glanced from James to Lily. After a short moment he made a bucket of popcorn appear with his wand and leaned back on the couch, watching them both.
"Well you should get to know your best friend better." James retorted, smirking.
"I know who she likes. And it's none of your business to be discussing her love life."
"I've never seen her snogging a boy, thought." Sirius said with a mouthful of popcorn.
"She must be so deeply in love with you that's she's practicing abstinence until you propose." James snickered, and Sirius fist-bumped him. "And actually I was discussing my best friend's love life and you were just listening in!" He retorted to Lily.
"You… You said my name! I think I have all the right to butt in if you said my name." She said with dignity.
"Alright, Evans." James scoffed. "So that's why you got so worked up is it? You have a secret thing going on with McKinnon?"
"Well clearly you two have a secret thing going on." She said, nodding at Sirius.
"We do." He smirked. "Oh and you're holding the Magazine upside down."
"Fail!" Sirius cracked up laughing.
Lily glanced down at the Magazine, her cheeks flushed. She glared up at James and jumped on her feet then throwed the Magazine at Sirius. The latter froze.
"WHOA!" He shouted and he kicked it flying across the room as though it was on fire. "Phew, close one…" He breathed.
"Yeah, imagine if you had caught it, you would have turned into a smart ass and the Team Black would have been mine." James sighed dramatically. "Shame that."
"You're such a prat, Potter!" Lily shouted at him.
"Whoa calm down your tits, Evans!" James said, slightly scared. "The bloody hell did I do this time?"
"You… you- you keep talking about girls as though they were broomsticks!"
"Well they're not so different from them… they both break our balls."
James laughed so loudly he fell of the armchair crying.
"UGH!" Lily shouted, storming out of the common room, leaving the boys choking with laughter.
"Hey Evans!" Jams laughed as he sat up, his head pounding. "Evans! …Lily?" He called, the laughter dying on his lips.
"Bloody Hell!" Sirius snorted, wiping the corners of his eyes. "I'll write that one on the walls of Hogwarts before the end of the year, mark my words!"
James started at the portrait hole, no longer finding this funny. He sighed and stood up.
"What do you think about that, Prongs?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I'm going after her." James merely said as he headed towards the portrait hole.
Sirius watched him leave, confused. When the portrait hole closed behind him, Sirius shrugged and stood up himself, heading towards the dorms.