The Basketball Diaries
I'd always liked gritty independent films. The Basketball Diaries was based on a true story and even though half the stuff in the movie never happened, it took you by storm.
I'd watch the film at night when my brothers were asleep and bite my nails.
The film made me nervous. I didn't know why I'd watch it over and over again. Was it the performances? What was it? Was it the pain he suffered? I suffered Jim Carroll's pain whenever I watched the movie.
The movie was about a teenager my age with a serious heroin addiction. He didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to pace himself.
One day, Miley wanted to watch the movie with me. She wanted to see what I liked so much about the movie. We sat down on my couch in the middle of my night and watched the Basketball Diaries.
There were times when Miley was shocked. Her jaw would drop when Jim injected drugs and she'd bite her lip when Jim was in pain. When we finished the movie, Miley didn't have anything to say.
Miley was speechless and left staring at the cover of the DVD. The film was extreme and it showed on her face. I was left speechless when I first saw the movie. The movie left tears in my eyes. Its power never escaped me. It grabbed me again and again whenever I saw it. Nothing changed.
"It was good." She says bluntly. Miley looks at me. "No…that's an understatement. That movie was amazing. That was Leonardo DiCaprio at his BEST." She shrugs, shaking her head.
"I don't know what to say." She continues. "I mean…I liked the movie, but…that's it." She tells me. I nod several times, accepting the answer.
Miley cups my cheeks with her hands. "Don't become him. He has suffered and he has truly paid the price of his actions. I guess…I guess this is what addiction is all about." She wraps her arms around my neck. "I love you, Nick."
Miley kisses me. I feel a need in her. She doesn't want to let me go, because she's afraid I'll run. I'll be free like Jim. I'll make his mistakes, reenact his actions. But no…I just want to be pure. That's what Jim says. I just want to be pure.
"I love you too." I murmur to Miley. Who knows? Maybe she feels the same way about the movie like I do. We can't explain it, but that doesn't mean we can tear our eyes off the screen.