== Forbidden Fantasies ==

By Ayngel

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own any of the characters or concepts, nor do I make any money from any story written about Transformers. Please do not sue me.

This refers back to G1 series 1 "More than Meets the Eye Part 2" - those who know that episode will remember Mirage's heroics on the bridge at Sherman Dam where he took over from Cliffjumper and took out Skywarp and Thundercracker single handed - CJ: "for one who doesn't like to fight, Mirage, you're not bad ..." And "Roll For It" where Chip Chase has the antimatter formula stolen from his nerdish but brilliant head in an unsuccessful attempt by Megatron to blow up the Earth and take the energy to return to Cybertron.

Here come my philosophies about bonds not necessarily being monogamous or for life - later articulated by Starscream.

Warnings: **Slash** Only alluded to here. Later on in this story, it gets quite explicit. Mostly of the romantic variety. But maybe a little more than that here and there!

Chapter 2: Defiance

Author Designation: Thundercracker.

Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command

He was my bondmate when we came to Earth. At least, I thought he still was.

Oh, I don't know. I guess we hadn't been getting along for a while by then and I just hadn't really thought about it. Or hadn't wanted to think about it.

Thing is - Warp got worse affected by what happened on Cybertron than I did. I mean - I never thought the war should have happened in the first place, and I only really joined the 'Cons cos he was one and I couldn't think what else to do. I could've told you all along what I reckoned the end result would be...

But Warp – he did believe in it, and he gave it his spark – much more than I ever did. And that was why, really he was always a favourite of Megatron's, cos I reckon he knew that about Warp and respected him for it – whereas with me ...

... by the time we got to Earth, everyone knew how I felt.

Warp though – he'd given it his all and he was just really jacked off and frustrated that things had turned out the way they had. Cos he always had these visions, see, of living in some real flash place and getting platinum panels and sipping Vintage Premium Grade. Yeah, really! I mean – I couldn't have given a pit about that stuff. But he did. And he really thought all through the war that if we could only just pull off this or that then this haven of luxurious reward was just around the corner.

So when we found ourselves on Earth – outnumbered, underenergised, fighting just to stay in the ring let alone get all that other stuff then Warp – I guess he started dreaming about other ways he could get it.

Yeah, I think that's what happened. That's what I tell myself, anyway ...

Author Designation: Skywarp

Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command

Before the war, I used to fly around the Towers and it was real nice. I could understand why the Alphas were jacked off about it getting totaled.

Of course, I didn't know Mirage in those days. I didn't even know he existed. The only one who ever had anything to do with the Alpha Caste was Starscream - not a lowly pitfighter like me.

Later on, after we wasted the Alpha Districts and the war started, I heard of Mirage. There wasn't a Seeker on Cybertron who hadn't heard of Mirage. That was because Mirage used to go to our camps and pick us off under cover of his invisibility device, leaving no trace and no mark save for his own special one. Mirage was not an Autobot in those days. He waged his own war against Decepticons personally for selling him out, and against the Seekers especially for destroying the Towers, and everyone was pit scared of him. I guess I was scared too - but that was way outweighed by what else I came to think; which was that he was - well - beautiful. Amazing. Something else. And the more deadly he became, the more incredible and sexy I found him.

I don't know when I first started to dream up ways to somehow get close to Mirage. It was too long ago. I can't remember - and I could never think of one anyway. Then he disappeared some time before we came to Earth and I thought he was dead, and I thought - with some disappointment - that that was that.

The day we attacked Sherman Dam and I realized it was Mirage who was coming at us on that bridge, I got the shock of my life. Then the next thing I remember I was lying in a heap and dimly aware that my bondmate was next to me, and I was hurting like all Kell everywhere, and Screamer was standing over us and yelling "get up you useless piles of scrap metal ..." and I remember groaning and turning over and just wishing I could die right there and then.

Starscream. Screamer. That was what I called him during the phases he was an afthole and made my life a misery. As opposed to the other phases. the ones when we got it on - unbeknown to TC - and he filled my life with lust and wild overloads. Then I called him Starz - and not Screamer. I thought Starz was beautiful too - mainly because of the overloads. Correction - I was crazy about Starz. As well as Mirage. But with Starz, it was not just a dream, it was happening. And I always hoped there might be more than just overloads, and if there had been I would have left TC and maybe not thought of Mirage so much either. But there never was.

When we came to Earth, I kind of hoped there would be the overloads at least. TC and I weren't getting on too well, and it had been a while. But I was out of luck. Starscream had decided to be an afthole. He was most definitely Screamer.

After the dam incident, later, back at the base, after Megatron had finished with Prime and whilst TC and I were trying to get ourselves fixed up, Screamer came sidling over. "Skywarp, a word please ..." he said. He took me a short distance away from TC, close to where the Reflector triplets were banging around building the space cruiser, and I didn't have a good feeling about it. Then, sure enough, he had a real go. He said: "What in Kell happened out there?"

Wasn't it obvious? I said: "We got our afts kicked, didn't we?"

His optics narrowed and his wings twitched, as they always did when he was jacked off. "Indeed!" he snapped. "Two of you. Seekers - the pride of the Elite Air Command – against one Autobot. Oh, and that useless little red piece of pit who can't even shoot straight – I believe he was in the equation too. I'll ask you again, Skywarp. What happened?"

I felt like he was right in my face, and it was fraggin' annoying. I moved back and away from him. "In case you didn't notice, that was Mirage!"

"Oh, I noticed!" he snapped. Then he pointed a finger at me: "I also noticed it was completely beyond your capabilities to take him out when you had the chance!"

I was furious and I faced right up to him. "Yeah, right!" I yelled. "You know what he's like! He uses all them – techniques. That pressure point stuff and fancy moves and swingin' around an' all that. He's an Alpha. They do that stuff ...." I didn't add that I still had aches and pains all over, or that I was still trying to get over the shock of it being him. I turned away. I didn't want to look at Screamer.

"Skywarp..." he said, in that infuriating voice which although he uses it to try and calm you down is more likely to make you want to smash his face in. "There's no need to raise your voice. Look at me when I am talking to you!" I looked at him, feeling, at that moment, a great desire to grab him by the throat. His optics narrowed. "I am very well aware that they do that stuff! You forget – I grew up in the Towers. I had that stuff going on around me for part of my life. But I also know that your training included dealing with that stuff and that it should have been well within your capabilities to do something about it today ..."

"Well it wasn't, was it?" I yelled at him and straight away knew I shouldn't have because with lightning speed he cracked me one across the face and I fell over. I sat there on the ground and for a moment the universe turned and the side of my face stung. And then I was aware of the banging from the spacecruiser stopping and the triplets looking over. And I saw red. "Thanks!" I yelled at him from the ground. "Thanks heaps you fraggin' piece of slag!"

I glared up at him. But a softer look came over his face then, as it tended to when he'd vented his fury and got one over you. Megatron used to take it out on him, see. So he would go and take it out on everyone else, then be all right again. "My apologies, Skywarp," he said, and now his voice was gentle. "I went a bit far. Now, come on, up you get!" He held out a hand, and I knew I was in for one of his lectures. I also knew that it would be a condescending pile of pit. I folded my arms and stayed where I was.

Over at the cruiser, I saw the triplets titter between themselves and then go back to their work. Screamer took his hand away and sighed. And then he started to pace, slowly. I glared at his pacing form, still livid. My cheek hurt now, along with everything else. "Skywarp ...," he said and he stopped and faced me, his voice all soft and wheedling . "... I truly hope that you are not going to start this nonsense again ..."

I looked at the ground. "Start what nonsense," I muttered. Even though I had a pretty good idea what he was on about.

He had stopped and was looking at me with his head on one side. I looked at the ground, not really seeing it but not wanting to look at him. "I hope, for instance...," he was saying, pacing again, "... that the reason you didn't deal with things today was not because of – the identity of your assailant."

I stared at the ground, feeling his optics upon me. I said: "I dunno what you even mean!"

He came over, put a finger under my chin and pulled my face so as I had to look at him. Then he gave me one of those famous red stares. "Oh, I think that you do ..." he said, " ... and I can see I am going to have to repeat what I said back on Cybertron..."

Then when I said nothing he started pacing again. "Look ..., " he went on, " ... I have no objection in principle to – dalliances with – Autobots. Primus knows, I've been partial to the odd fling myself over the vorns ...," he smiled to himself, "it can be – useful. A good source of information, not to mention a source of – great pleasure ..."

Now that really jacked me off because I never went screwing around with the 'Bots the way some 'Cons did. Like, I could have had either of those twins everyone raved about any time I wanted but I didn't. Well, only once, but that didn't count. I got up and I said: "Well I haven't actually! And I don't see what this has got to do with me!"

He stopped pacing and turned to me. "Oh I think you do, Skywarp!" he said quietly. Then he came over and grabbed hold of my arm. "Look at me!" he said again, and I knew better than to not do so. His red optics pierced me."Now you listen to me and listen good this time. Cos I've said it before and I'll say it again Skywarp! Not him...."

I shook him off, really pissed off at how he grabbed hold of me like that. "Don't touch me!" I said.

He grabbed me again: "No, Skywarp, I'm serious. Not Mirage. You understand?" His fingers dug into my arm.

"Let go of me!"

I was glaring at him. There must have been some expression in my optics, or something. He sighed, and let go. Then he was pacing again. I folded my arms and glared at the floor.

"Look Skywarp - he's different," Screamer was saying. "He might look like he's one of them now, but he isn't. He still fights his own cause ..." he went on, " ... and he operates in a different way from them. You don't see him blundering around like a behemoth in a crystal shop firing blindly at everything that moves, do you?" When I said nothing, he went on "... Mirage works by stealth; he picks his enemies off; and he hates us Seekers more than you can imagine, Skywarp – because we destroyed what he had...."

I said: "You think I don't know all this?"

He ignored me and kept talking: "... he is still out for revenge. Very dangerous he is to us, Skywarp. Much more so than any of the rest ..."

I looked across at him. "Oh?" I said, "make up ya mind, Screamer! You just gave me a blasting for not taking the guy out. Now you reckon he'd supermech an' it would've been impossible anyway?"

"That is not what I am saying!" he was angry again now. The wings were twitching. "What I am saying is that you and Thundercracker together could have eliminated the problem when you had the chance. Were it not for your ... fixation."

It was that obvious, then. I thought I'd hidden it better than this, but obviously not. But then I was furious again. He couldn't know about my feelings for Mirage and anyway – it was none of his business and what was more it wasn't the point.

I yelled at him: "that's pitiful Starscream! This is just an excuse to have a go at me ain't it? Well if it was TC as well and he's the one that woulda had no trouble doin' it then how come he's still over there and I'm the one putting up with this scrap?"

"Because he is not the one with the problem!"

I hated him at that moment. Partly because he had hit me and partly because of his Primus awful vocaliser but mostly because he was right. In the background the clanging went on from the space cruiser assembly. I thought well what the Kell. Soon we're gonna be outta this place and I probably ain't never gonna see Mirage again anyway. And that made me all sad in my spark.

The kindly voice was back. "Look, Skywarp," he said, "I know how it is, I think. I'm just trying to protect you ... you go after him and what happened today will happen again. He may even kill you! He is a formidable assassin."

I didn't want to hear any more. I said: "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

Skywarp ..." he began, but I didn't let him say anything more.

"Good!" I said, "because while you're wasting my time with this scrap I've got repairs need doing and work that has to get done!" and I turned around and stormed off.

"From now on you will leave well alone and leave the dealing of him to me and that is an order!" I heard him yell after me.

"Like I had a fraggin' choice today!" I yelled back, and I kept going.

I felt like I was raging inside and I couldn't go back to TC straight away. All he'd do was whinge about his injuries anyway. Instead, I sat down and got control of myself. Then I went back to TC. And by the time I got there I felt better. For the little lecture had served only to reinforce how amazing I thought Mirage was – and now I was more determined than ever that one way or another here on Earth I was going to have him.

Then of course, said object of attraction appears on space cruiser as we are leaving Earth – on our way to a bright new future on Cybertron - and shoots out controls, causing space cruiser to spin out of control. Meanwhile said object of attraction gets up, despite being shot at and wounded by Screamer and jumps out of space cruiser and whilst space cruiser carrying bunch of hysterical Decepticons crashes into the Pacific Ocean.

It jacked me off. I mean – it did prove Screamer's point, sort of. But as we plunged back to Earth and to what I was quite certain was our deaths – and would have been if we had not landed in the ocean – I really wondered at the way he had done it. And I thought that if I was gonna die then I'd rather have died as a result of him doing something like that than getting shot up by one of those twins or some other stupid fraggin' thing happening with one of those others.

Afterwards, Megatron reckoned he was dead. Said he had intended to die - that it had been a planned suicide attack. He reckoned Mirage was the only one out of the Autobots capable of carrying out the ultimate revenge like that, and he wouldn't have cared about dying cos he didn't want to live any more anyway. He thought it was funny that Mirage had gone and died but that we were still alive and he and Soundwave laughed about it. But I didn't think it was funny.

Not at all. I felt real sad. And then I felt he must have got like that because of the Towers, and I never wanted to make him end it like that. Then I cried, cos I couldn't stand the thought that he was gone. I didn't let the others see that, of course, because it was very unconworthy. But I couldn't help it. It felt like there was a hole in my spark because I never even got to say I was sorry.

I could not face TC. or anyone. I spent a lot of time out in the ocean just watching fish and lobsters and crabs and all those other undersea Earth things when we weren't busy building the base.

Megatron thought it was weird me being out there, but he didn't care, and Soundwave didn't seem bothered either, even though he must've been able to read something. TC couldn't figure it out and I knew he wanted to talk about it but I couldn't talk to him.

Screamer knew exactly what the problem was. You never know with Screamer. He can be such an afthole, but real understanding sometimes. He came out and put his arms around me and held me, and didn't even try and frag me. He told me he didn't think Mirage was dead. He said he knew Mirage only too well and Mirage had too strong a sense of self preservation to commit suicide and was too clever to have not survived otherwise.

But when I was alone I still cried, because I thought he was only saying that to make me feel all right and so I'd keep functional and keep helping with the base.

But yet I hoped – yeah, I really hoped that he was right.

By the time I sent the transmission, I knew, of course, that Mirage was alive. But, that night, I was jacked off with just about everything.

I mean, it had been another one Kell of a day. It started with Screamer raving on about how he was our leader now after the fiasco with Megatron getting carted away in the space bridge by accident the day before.

It was ridiculous – there was never any doubt that Megatron would show up on Cybertron and that he would just reverse the bridge polarity and come back to Earth. Quite frankly, I thought Screamer should tone it down a bit cos I didn't think the way he was carrying on that Megatron was gonna be too happy about it and Soundwave was just sort of watching everything that happened and I knew he'd be preparing a full report.

So I said so. And he snapped my head off and said if this was how it was gonna be he'd bring Ramjet out to replace me; and I said: "Don't be so friggin' ridiculous! Well, if this is how it's gonna be with you in charge then I'm outta this outfit anyway ..."

And then he said: "Fine! As soon as the spacebridge is operational again I'll be making the necessary arrangements..." and that was when TC just looked at us in utter exasperation and said: "Look - knock it off you two, will yas?" and we glared at each other but we didn't say any more.

Like I said, he can be a real afthole. Most of the time on Earth he was.

Then he and TC and Soundwave were just going off somewhere and I didn't know where they were going but I was pissed that it didn't include me.

"We're going to replace some parts," Screamer said. He had that awful smug look that always comes on to his face when he thinks he's got a shot at being leader.

I said: "Great! What about me? Why don't I get to do that?"

He still had the look. He said: "Please, Skywarp! Look at you!. You're in the best shape of any of us. You don't need replacement parts. You can stay here and guard the base."

Of course, I knew what that meant. Watching Rumble and Frenzy and that stupid bird and having to put up with the cat giving me evils.

I said: "Well what about if the Autobots show up? What ya gonna do then Screamer? You'll need all three of us if that happens..."

Then he got all angry again. He yelled: "Are you suggesting I can't handle myself against Optimus Prime?" and I was going to tell him exactly what I thought, but TC hissed "leave it! Don't antagonise him Warp ..."

So I let it drop.

It was a complete frag up, of course. They got done over by Prime and then there was some stupid story about Prowl shooting them with one of our alt form types, but Megatron had shown up by then anyway so things were back to normal. Well, as normal as they ever are in the 'Cons. We were going to capture some human who had some anti matter formula and Megatron was raving on about taking over the universe. That's fairly normal.

By the time we got to the lab, Screamer was in a foul mood on account of Megatron being alive after all and he wasn't talking to me - which I couldn't have given a frag about because after a whole morning stuck with those cassettes, I didn't trust myself to have a decent conversation with him anyway. Then we were in the lab, and there were these humans, and Megatron was getting the formula out of this kid on wheels' head and going on stuff and then – well, after that I have to admit I wasn't paying that much attention because suddenly therewas Mirage. He just appeared and was firing straight at Starscream and he got him as well and then he was out of there so fast you hardly could have known what happened.

Then I could think of nothing else but him and him being alive, and my spark felt as though it might burst in my chest, and I spent the whole of the rest of the day looking for him but I didn't see him again, and I didn't know whether that was because he wasn't there, or was there but not there, if you know what I mean. But Screamer just had a look of absolute fury on his face and I knew I'd be in for it later; then after that I guess the rest of the day didn't go too well for me cos I ended up getting done over by that Twin and then later on I got that thing bored into my leg by the kid on wheels and ended up shooting at Megatron – which didn't go down too well.

Once again, Screamer called me away for a "little talk".

"Well, Skywarp? What happened this time?" We were in one of the upper chambers of the base, near the entrance. His vocalizer echoed off the curved metal walls. He had a dangerous look about him.

I said: "What d'ya mean?"

He said; "You – in that situation today. I had to rescue you from Sideswipe. Have you any idea what that sort of pitiful display does to the reputation of the Decepticons?"

I was tired by then. It had been a long day and I didn't need this. I wanted to just go and lie down on my own and think about Mirage. I said: "Have you ever tried to fly with that cogsucker hanging off ya? He clings on. And he digs his fingers into places you wouldn't even imagine and he doesn't let go. Then he starts rocking from side to side so you can't even see straight let alone fly straight and you end up doing rolls and stuff you don't wanna do and then he steers you right in the direction of some cliff or something so you're slagged ...."

Screamer cut me off. "Thundercracker doesn't appear to have a problem dealing with Sunstreaker who is bigger, heavier, and a better performer!"

I couldn't believe it. I said: "Well the Kell with Thundercracker ...!" and my own voice reverberated around the chamber, loudly.

He still had that look. He said: "We talked about this sort of thing before, Skywarp ..."

I knew exactly what he meant; but I said: "Oh for cryin' out loud, Screamer! Surely you're not gonna accuse me of havin' the hots for Sideswipe now?" and I leaned against the wall and folded by arms and wished he'd vapourise.

He looked furious now. The wings were twitching away. He said: "You know perfectly well I don't think that! And stand up straight when I'm talking to you!" His optics were blazing and I moved away from the wall. He narrowed them. "What I do think, Skywarp, is that you were so busy looking at the ground in case you could spot – a certain other mechanism who turned out not to be as dead as Megatron thought he was today - that you failed to assess the situation in the air!"

Now that wasn't true. Well, maybe a bit. No, hardly at all really. Well how in Kell would he know? I said "Mirage was nowhere around when that happened!" and immediately regretted it.

He smiled. A not nice smile: "Ah, but you checked that out didn't you Skywarp? After you just stood there gawping whilst he fired on me in the lab ... Then ..." he went on, "we had a further display of utter incompetence when I asked you to get the anti matter gun!"

Primus this was painful. I said: "Well I got it didn't I?"

"After I'd asked you three times. After I was getting pulverised by Optimus Prime!"

This was just infuriating. It was neither here nor there anyway. The whole thing had gone to Kell when the antimatter had overheated and Megatron had hurled it away off the planet. I said. "I didn't hear you. When Prime's all revved up like that – you know – his engine makes a racket."

I knew then that I'd gone too far. "Do you take me for a complete fool?" he screeched, and I winced because I fully expected him to hit me, but he didn't. Instead, he went on: "... and then, not being content with a lamentable performance up until then and behaving like a lovesick femmelette you just stand there and gawk again whilst a human – a mere human – a human that's got something wrong with it and needs to be on wheels – sticks a device in your leg which takes over your mind and you don't even notice ..."

I said: "I did notice. I told him not to mess with me ..."

"Oh Skywarp please!" he turned away. His intakes were actually heaving and he took a few moments to get himself together and then he turned back. "You made a complete spectacle of yourself and a fool of the Decepticons and you nearly got us killed. The only thing that saved you from Megatron was me doing some fast talking and Megatron having this inexplicable idea that you're the greatest thing that's happened to the 'Cons since the battle of Tyger Pax!"

I wanted to mutter: "yeah well it's not my fault if he thinks you're the biggest loser since the fall of the Sentinel Spire" but I couldn't be bothered with prolonging this any further. In fact, now I just wanted to leave.

He hadn't finished, however. There was a silence. And then a different look came over him - one I had not seen since we had been on Earth - and he leaned close to me and I could feel the air from his intakes. "Skywarp," he said, softly. "I know in the past that you and I have been - close ..." I felt my circuits shudder a little. Why was he bringing this up here, now? He'd made the position perfectly clear - besides which, it had nothing to do with the rest. He said "I know you hoped that what happened before would happen again...."

I hadn't even thought of it! Well. Not really. I yelled "that ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'!"

He went on. "We are in a professional relationship here. I can't .... "

I couldn't believe it. I said "in case it escaped your processor, I haven't asked you to!"

"Skywarp, you shouldn't allow your disappointment over this to give rise to ... the sort of things which are going through your processor in relation to ...."

Now he'd gone too far. I shoved him away, real angry. "I don't have to listen to this!" I snarled. "I'm outta here ..."

As I made my way down the outer staircases, not even bothering to wait for the lift, he was yelling: "don't think your little love object is going to do for you what I've done in the past! Don't think anything you have done has impressed him at all! He'll be sitting in that base right now with all those others – with those twins – laughing his guts out about you, Skywarp! So whatever else you might as well forget it because of all the mechs in this outfit, I don't believe he would even look at you .."

It went right to my spark, that did. I could hear the words echoing long after I was out of audial range. And by the time I got to quarters tears were coming out of my optics. TC wasn't in our quarters and I threw myself down on the berth and cried, partly because Screamer was such an afthole and partly because I just could not bear to think of Mirage laughing about me with Sunstreaker and Sideswipe

But yet I knew – somehow, I don't know how – that Mirage just wasn't like that. But I had to test it out ...

And it was then that I got the idea of sending that Transmission cos I thought well what the Kell and, besides, it was a way of telling Screamer to stick it right up his aft ....

So I sent it.

thanks for reading. **A***